To Have and To Hold
by Shahula
Summary: One night of passion leads to big changes for Bella as she faces the consequences. But will she fess up to their actions or keep the forbidden romance going? Is he hers to have and to hold or will he be another's before its all over? Rated M,AH,BxE
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer- All characters and original plots belong to their rightful owners. I'm only playing in the sandbox, I don't own it. _

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><p><strong>To Have and To Hold<strong>

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Prologue-(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

The soft brush of fingertips across my stomach brings me out of sleep. I am groggy but still aware of the trail of fire left by those long, pale fingers as they travel the span of my hips. I can't contain the low moan of pleasure that slips passed my lips as the hand follows a path to my promised land.

His body is snug and warm as it presses firmly behind me while he lets his fingers wander and explore the valley of my legs, bringing my soft moans of pleasure louder into the otherwise still silence of the room.

I can't control my body's reactions to him. I crave more of his touch, more of the tingling feel of his skin on my own. I can feel the hardness of his dick against my backside and can't help but move my body into his, wanting him to feel as good as he is making me feel.

My mind doesn't stray from the feeling of his arm circling around me, his lips caressing my shoulder as he pulls my leg back over his and shifts closer to where we both want him to be. I'm not thinking about family, work, or friends. Though I should be thinking of at least one friend and how this act will affect her.

But when he slides into me, thick, long, hot and filling me so completely, I can think of nothing other than this man. The feeling of him behind me, hands roaming over my breasts and tugging at my nipples, massaging the sting of pain away that leads to more pleasure. The push and pull of his hips as he moves behind me, moving us closer and closer to ecstasy.

"You feel so good," he moans, low and deep in my ear before his tongue is darting out and licking a trail up my neck. I respond by groaning my agreement and meeting his thrusts.

"Yes, please, more.." I'm begging, completely uncensored. Uncontrolled and wanting more. _Please, I need more._

"Ughh.. .whatever you want," he agrees and moves us so we are now facing one another, his eyes heavy with lust and burning with desire as he stares deeply into my own. I run my hands up his back and into his hair, tugging on the messy, damp locks. He moans and drives himself faster into me, deeper with the new angle and it is what I need.

"Just like that… don't stop. Don't stop, don't stop," I cry out, my nails dragging along his back to pull him closer.

I'm right on the brink of crashing into perfect oblivion with this man. I look back into his eyes, beautiful and inviting. His mouth is red and plump from our frantic kisses and it hangs slightly open as he moves with me, his breath warm on my face. His sweat drips slowly down his temple and I reach up to sweep the wetness away, slipping it into my mouth before I can think better of it.

"Fuck, yes!" he growls, "God, that's hot. Uhhh.. fuck…" he moans and speeds up his thrusts, forcing his body roughly against mine.

It's just what I need and I'm pushed over, falling and writhing as he pushes further and faster into me, his own orgasm following close behind.

As we lay together, bodies still flush with one another, I'm still not thinking clearly. I know I can't be thinking clearly. If I was I wouldn't be able to stay here in his embrace, running my hands over his back and into his hair while he pants hot, short breaths on my neck.

If I was in my right mind, I would be worried. I would be panicking over our actions. Instead, I'm content, humming my pleasure as I feel him press a delicate kiss to the juncture of my neck and shoulder before nuzzling his nose into my hair. He shifts his weight off of me but keeps me in his arms and I snuggling closer to his chest.

My thoughts aren't consumed with the worries and anxiety I know I'll feel in the morning, when the light of day breaks this spell. All I can think, all I can feel, is how right this is.

This man is perfect. He is everything I've ever wanted. Every dream of a man I've ever had. And just for tonight, just for this one moment, I'm going to let it all go and live the life I know I should have. The life I would have, if I wasn't me.

So I gently kiss his chest, feel his now steadily beating heart beneath my lips and close my eyes. He presses a kiss into my hair and hugs me tenderly before relaxing once more to sleep.

I close my eyes to do the same, knowing everything will be different in the morning no matter what I dream tonight.

Because the truth is, he isn't mine. He belongs to someone else.

He is my best friend's fiancée.

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><p><strong>AN: So yes. There is that. Thoughts?**

**More information about this story (and its inspiration) in the first chapter, which is shortly to follow.**


	2. Chapter 1

Alright, here we go. Let me first say, this story is completely and utterly inspired by a preview I saw recently for the film _Something Borrowed_. I have not read the book and as of right now, not seen the movie. I can't say what will happen in either of those but if there are similarities, well... I told you here first where the idea came from.

I'm not trying to do a crossover or retelling of that story merely using the Twilight cast. This is just what popped into my head after seeing the two and a half minute clip. If that isn't your style, thanks for stopping by. If you think you'd like to see what I can do with it, welcome and fill up a martini.

My plan as of right now is to have short chapters thereby allowing me to have quicker updates. But let's be real, it's me and real life has a way of getting in the way. I'll do my best to update as fast and often as I can. I am not abandoning my other stories and will continue to work on them as well.

But now, onto what we've got here. I hope you like it…

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 1-(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

**_~April 23__rd__, 3 Weeks Prior~  
><em>**

As a child you have big dreams and ideas of what you'll do when you're older, become an adult. Things like being married, having children of your own. A successful career, big house and fancy car are all part of those dreams. You think, _'By the time I'm thirty'_ (which for anyone under the age of twenty five is extremely old) '_I'm going to be somebody big. Do something important. I'm going to have it all.'_

No one dreams of working long hours, day and night in an often thankless career. No one dreams of eating take-out so much they no longer remember what the inside of an oven looks like or how to use an appliance that isn't a microwave. You don't dream about being stuck inside the world's smallest apartment with what has to be the world's highest rent.

Coming home to cold, empty sheets and plants that need more water aren't apart of your dreams. You don't plan to be so in debt from medical school that you have to count pennies and decide which is more important, clean scrubs or bottled water.

Your dreams aren't about helping to plan someone else's wedding, every minute details from linens to wedding favors to who should sit where and who can't be next to so-and-so because they hate each other after a bad one night stand, when your own wedding is so far from becoming a reality calling it a dream wouldn't even be fair.

They definitely aren't about hearing how, at the ripe age of twenty-nine soon-to-be-thirty, terminally single with no prospects, if you would just quite being so picky the right man would fall into your life and whisk you away, along with all your problems. And if you don't get your act together, no man is going to want you when you are past your prime. No one wants a woman who's only concern is her job, even if it is a noble profession.

_Don't you want to get married? Have a family? Someone to come home to each night after you're done with work? _

As if these aren't already desires of my heart? As if they haven't been something I've wanted since I was a little girl, spying from the living room watching her parents dance to the radio, hoping I would one day get to have that? Because it is, has been something I've wanted for myself since I first understood what love and relationships were all about.

But this is my life. I'm closing the gap to thirty in a matter of weeks, still single and without a blip on the dating radar. I'm more involved with my work at the hospital, my patients, and colleagues than anyone else in my life. With one exception.

Rosalie Hale.

There is no one and nothing in the world who could keep Rosalie from being the most important aspect of anyone's life if she wants it to be so. I'm happy to oblige her in this belief too. She is my best friend. She has been since she first arrived in the rain soaked town of Forks, Washington at the tender age of nine and moved into the house next door to mine.

It took little time for Rosalie and I to become best friends, although the why has always had me perplexed. Even as children, Rose and I have been complete opposites. Everything about us is different, from appearance to personality. Rose is perfect tan skin with hazel eyes, long blonde hair, leggy and trim but with curves in places everyone wishes for whereas I am small, thin with a few modest curves, dark hair and eyes and pale skin despite my best efforts to change it.

Where Rosalie is outgoing, unreserved with her feelings and emotions, life of the party and social butterfly, I am simple, uncomplicated. Straight-laced and straight forward, the consummate good girl. I don't like to cause a scene and drama may as well be Rosalie's middle name. I'm determined and reasonable and Rose is flippant and fluid, always moving from one activity to the next.

It would be easy to think our relationship was incompatible, like oil and water. But the truth is we each bring something to the friendship the other needs, balance. We help even out the worst of each other, push one another to be better. We just need a little shake and then we mesh together to create something wonderful, a lifelong friendship. Or at least I like to think so.

So when Rose came to me for help to plan her wedding, despite my busy schedule and severe lack of any knowledge of such things, I agreed whole-heartedly.

She is my best friend and I would do anything for her.

This is why I find myself currently at a dress shop directly after coming off a twenty four hour shift at the hospital, which included having to perform an eight hour bone reconstruction surgery on a sixteen year old boy who shattered his femur in skating boarding accident. I'm exhausted beyond belief from having to be on my feet and the top of my game all night and day. My hair is falling from the sloppy ponytail I'd quickly thrown it into after the world's shortest shower in the locker room before I pulled on my spare pair of scrubs to meet her. They're the ugly ones with little kittens playing with yarn on them. Rose gave them to me as a gag gift when I started my residency and I only use them as a last resort when I've run out of everything else and need to do laundry.

Something else to put on my mental to-do list after we leave this little slice of hell, dressed in fabrics of white, lace, and ribbon. Okay, so I'm a bit cranky and in serious need of sleep. But Rose was almost in hysterics when she left me a voicemail, begging and pleading for me to come to one last dress shop to help her find her gown.

I'd foolishly thought she had picked one out two weeks ago but apparently Vera discovered a hidden treasure gown-maker in Chelsea, though how anything in Chelsea is a 'hidden treasure' is unclear to me. But I sucked it up and grabbed a cab to the shop to help. Being the maid of honor really sucked when all you actually wanted was a quick snack and a long uninterrupted, emergency (of the hospital or best friend variety) free nap.

I slouch in the chair in the waiting area while Rose is in the back trying on yet another gown. We've been here for over two hours and she is in her sixth gown, attempting to find 'the one.' I have no idea what was wrong with the first dress, which was actually close to number five hundred _billion_ she had tried on, that was picked two weeks previously. The dresses we are seeing today look just like every other one she has tried, which I think is the problem.

Rosalie looks amazing in all of them.

Of course she does, she is stunning. Model-rival perfect looks, body shape, and attitude. Of course all the dresses are going to look fantastic on her therefore making it hard to decide which one is the best.

"Okay, ladies, what do we think of this one?" the attendant asks with a flourish of her hand as she ushers Rose into the room.

Rosalie walks up to the small platform and faces the mirror to get a better look at herself, her back facing Vera and me. I'm tired and cranky but even I can appreciate the beauty of this dress on Rose. It's breathtaking. Its corset top with form fitting, cinched waist and long ruffling, flared bottom shows off every curve of perfection Rose has. There is small detailed bedding of flowers and lace over the ribbons of criss-crossing fabric and I almost feel a tear because she looks so stunning. But that could be the lack of sleep in my eyes, too. It's a toss-up at this point.

"Oh my God! Rosie! This is it, this is it!" Vera cries beside be as she sits up in her chair and stares with her mouth wide open.

"Rose… oh wow. That is…" I can't even find the words to describe how she looks.

"It is pretty amazing, right?" Rose says with a smile, turning to side to look at the back of the dress.

"Just gorgeous, Rosie. You will be the most beautiful bride ever," Vera says in awe.

Vera is Rosalie's other close friend and an additional bride's maid to me. She is desperate to be Rosalie's favorite friend, despite my lifelong holding of that title. Her constant pandering and insistent sucking up to Rose has helped but nothing will ever come between Rose and me. We're sisters from different misters and have been since we were nine years old.

I subtlety roll my eyes at Vera and her sycophant ways but the attendant catches me and we share a small knowing smile. Vera has said this about every dress Rose has tried on today, each exclamation with the same enthusiasm as the previous one. Clearly any dress will be gorgeous as long as Rose is wearing it in Vera's eyes.

"It is beautiful, Rose. What do you think?" I ask, focusing once more on the soon-to-be bride.

I look at Rose's face and despite the beautiful image in the mirror that any woman in America would give their left tit to have reflecting back at them, she seems unsatisfied. Her brow is crinkled just slightly and her eyes seem pinched.

"Rose, is something wrong?" Vera asks, noting the look of dissatisfaction immediately. Rose shakes her head before dropping her chin, her long blonde locks shaking gently behind her.

Vera jumps up and goes to comfort her, her hands beginning to stroke Rose's shoulders. "Rosie, what? What's wrong?"

I go to stand in front of Rose and take her hand in mine, rubbing it with my thumb to offer my own comfort. "Rosalie? You look beautiful, sweetie. What's wrong?"

Rose sniffles a little, her face turned down so I can't read her eyes. I know I was annoyed at being dragged over here but Rose seems genuinely upset and that is more important to me than anything else right now.

"I can't," she finally utters. I'm not sure what she means and squeeze her hand more firmly to get her to open up more.

"What can't you do? We'll fix it," I softly murmur. My mind is in a million places of what could be wrong, what she can't do. _The big wedding? Getting married? Does she want something or someone else_, I briefly wonder.

"I don't know what to do, I like them both! I can't pick!" Rose cries, her head failing back and her eyes on the ceiling.

I'm a little shocked at her outburst but not really. Of course she is talking about both dresses. Why wouldn't she be, she looks fantastic in each and wouldn't want to choose one to be the best.

"Oh Rosie, don't cry," Vera croons and I can't believe it, but Rose is actually crying a little. This is ridiculous. She looks incredible in both and is upset by that fact? Ugh. I'm a little disgusted with her overly dramatic behavior over picking a dress but its Rosalie so I shrug it off and think of something to say to make her happy.

"You should pick the one you like best," Vera says while running her fingers through Rose's hair.

I nodded but Rose doesn't seem to find this helpful. "They are both beautiful. I like them both the same. I don't know," she whines.

"Well, which one do you think Edward would like?" I question after a minute. It seems reasonable to me that the dress she should pick would be the one her groom will prefer if she can't decide between two she likes equally.

Rose scoffs before throwing me a little glare. "Bella, you know it won't matter to Eddie what I pick. He'll only care about getting the thing off not what it looks like on me," she huffs. "You know he doesn't care about the wedding details." Rose turns to Vera and continues to lament her wedding gown woes since I'm clearly not responding the way she wants me to.

I feel chastised for my innocent remark and it hurts since I was only trying to help. I honestly think a big factor in choosing between dresses would be which dress her fiancée would like more but clearly she disagrees.

And I think she is wrong about Edward, I know he cares about the wedding. He may not show it in the same manner that Rosalie does but that is because he is quieter, more thoughtful in his emotions and reactions to things.

I've known Edward for five years now and if I've learned anything about him, it is that other's feelings and opinions are important to him. Which is why he is careful to think through his own actions and words before doing anything so he won't hurt them.

I'm sure this is true for the wedding details Rose seems to believe he is hesitant to care about. In all honesty, I'd be willing to bet Rose steamrolls Edward with her wants and demands, not listening or caring to what he thinks or says.

It should be atrocious the way Rose treats people, but it's just her. She doesn't mean to belittle or demean those around her; it just comes out that way. I've always known this about her and can't hold it against her now.

"Maybe you could get both," I hear Vera say, pulling me back into the moment.

Rosalie's eyes light up and a large smile lights across her face. This is what she wants to hear.

"Do you think?" she asks, seemingly with modesty. "It wouldn't be too extravagant?"

"Oh, no. Rose. You looked beautiful in the other dress but this one is so gorgeous too. You have to get both," Vera is insistent. Rose's eyes are twinkling, happy and I smile despite myself. Nothing is prettier than a happy Rose.

"Oh yes, Ms. Hale, that's a wonderful idea," the attendant chimes in, seeing dollar signs in her eyes I'm sure, "Many stylish brides are doing that these days. Two gowns, one for the ceremony and one for the reception," she adds.

I can see Rose thinking it over, picturing in her mind how lavish and posh having two dresses would be. She would be like a real New York socialite, so far removed from the small Washington girl she grew up being. She turns to me after a moment, her eyes cautious but still excited.

"What do you think, Bellsie?" she asks softly. Rose knows I'm not one for the overly-elaborate and extravagant just for the sake it and am usually the first to shoot down those who are. And if it were my own wedding I know that even this one dress, beautiful as it is, would be too much for me.

However this isn't my wedding and therefore my thoughts on the subject don't actually matter. What Rose wants does and I know from the excitement in her eyes that this is something she wants.

"I think it's a great idea," I say, feeling only a small shiver of doubt at the words. While I know Rose will be happy with two dresses to add to the opulence of her big day, in the back of my mind I think of Edward.

Sweet, calm, easy-going Edward. The wedding he and Rose are having seems so much larger and excessive than what he would prefer. Or at least what I know he prefers, as I've witnessed in our own friendship over the past several years. I'm tempted to mention my hesitance over what Edward will think but refrain from saying anything.

It's not my wedding day or my fiancée. I'm merely the maid of honor and best friend of the bride. If her future husband has issues about the wedding day, it isn't my place to speak them for him.

"Oh this is going to be the best wedding ever!" Rose says excitedly as she and Vera discuss a few more details about the two gowns. I smile at the two and push away the small bubble of irritation I feel with them and their dramatic behavior.

Add to the fact that I'm alone and lonely, nearly thirty, and still extremely tired from my work shift, I know I should keep my mouth shut about any doubts. It would probably be just out of fatigue anyway and I don't want to say anything that will upset the happy mood Rose is currently in.

That's what best friends are for. We put up with the little things that might annoy us because when it counts, we are there to be each other's rock.

And I know that one day when it's my turn to be the bride, Rose will be there to help me just as I'm doing for her now.


	3. Chapter 2

Thank you all so much for the review/alert/favorite love you guys are showing this story! I'm glad you are liking it enough to give it a try.

I wasn't planning on updating today but once I realized what day it isand how perfectly it fit with what I'd written here, I couldn't pass it up. You'll know what I mean later and if not, well read my A/N at the end. :)

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 2-(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

The next few days pass without incident, meaning Rose isn't having a major crisis. I'm thankful for this because despite being my best friend the girl can be damn tiring.

I love her, I truly do. She is so much fun and brings so much life and color into my world but there are times when I just need a little Rose relief. Much as I dislike Vera King and her fawning ways, I'm grateful for her during times like this. She can give me the break I need to rest and recharge my batteries.

I would never admit to Rose how draining I can find her to be because honestly, I'm sure she feels the same way about me from time to time. It's only natural to grow tired of one another after twenty years of friendship. If there weren't times I couldn't stand her and her perfection, I'd be a little scared for myself. Luckily I know she isn't perfect and merely just Rose, my loud and boisterous friend who needs to be in the spotlight. It works out well since I prefer the role of the wall flower, the girl to busy with books to be bothered to fall in love.

This is how it comes across anyway, to those who don't know me and even some who claim to. I do have a desire to find the right man, fall in love, and start a family. I just know that it isn't the only thing to accomplish in my life in order to be a success, unlike some women (and mothers) seem to believe.

Speaking of mothers, I'm sitting on the couch and flipping through mindless TV shows when mine calls.

"Hello?" I answer cautiously. Talking with my mother can sometimes be as challenging as trying to put a cast on a squirming, crying six year old.

"Hey baby! It's your mom, Renee," she responds.

_Of course it's you, Mom. Who else would I expect under my contacts listed as 'Mom'?_

"Yeah, hi Mom. How's it going?" I ask.

"It's good, baby. I'm good. Just thought I'd give my sweet girl a call. How are you? Working much?"

"Yeah, I've been pretty busy at the hospital. I just finished a thirty-six on, thirty-six off rotation. I'm just at home resting now," I say as I walk into my kitchen and pull a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Oh, so you've got some time off now?" she questions and I'm immediately wary. She seems to be planning something and that is never a good thing.

"I do…."

"Well that's nice," she hums. "Any plans for your time off?"

"No, not really." This isn't sounding good. Renee is up to something, she is being way to cool and causal to not have a plan for this call.

"Oh, well. That sounds rather dull, Bella. Don't you want to go out? I mean, you live in New York City," she questions.

I sigh, put out by the now obvious reason for her call, my dating life. Or lack of one more specifically. I decide to try and head her off before she can get too worked up though.

"Well, uh..." I scramble a little, trying to think of something that might work. "I'm, uh suppose to go out with Rose sometime soon," I hedge, hoping it will work.

"Rosalie is going out? Why? She is still engaged, isn't she?" Renee asks snidely.

"Mom, you know she is. What's your problem?" I'm offended for Rose and surprised by my mother's words. She loves Rose, thinks of her as another daughter even. She is a huge supporter of Rose's upcoming marriage. Hell, she cried like it was _me_ getting married when she heard the news.

"What? I don't have a problem. I just don't see why Rosalie would need to go out if she already has a fiancée, Edmund or something, isn't it? She will take away all the attention from you," she explains.

I huff in annoyance. Of course, this is still about my love life.

"Ugh, mother. Rose will probably bring _Edward_ with us so there is no need to get upset about her 'taking the attention away from me.' Not like it matters anyway," I mumble the end. Even with a giant ring on her finger and Edward beside her, the room's attention will still be on Rose.

"Bella Marie, with an attitude like that it's no wonder you can't find a man to marry you," she scolds.

I sigh, completely defeated and resigned to the conversation. I have just walked into the trap of talking about my love life to my mother. _Shoot me now_.

God love her, but Renee Swan can't understand how at the age of almost thirty (as she loves to bring up every time I talk with her) how when she was my age, she and my father had been happily married for almost seven years. How if I don't get myself out of scrubs and my nose out of books, I'll miss every available guy.

Renee begins to go off on a tangent about my lack of interest in men and how I should be more aware of what great catches are right under my nose.

"I just don't understand it. Have you even seen the men you work with, Bella? They are doctors. _Doctors_, Bella," Renee bemoans.

As if I didn't know. I mean, I'm a doctor too. It's not like I thought I worked with a group of chimpanzees, though some do often act as if they are primates. And why should their status as a doctor impress me when I do the same job? Apparently, to Renee, it makes a huge difference.

But I can deal with her and her overbearing but trying to be nurturing ways. She just wants me to find a love like she and my father shared and give her some grandchildren before she can't enjoy them (her words). I can't help rolling my eyes every time she brings this line of defense out. The woman is barely pushing fifty-three, she has lots of time left to enjoy life.

In reality she is lonely and I can understand that emotion completely. After my father Charlie passed away six years ago, she has been all on her own in Forks since I left for New York to attend medical school. I told her I would stay in Washington to be close, thus giving up on my plans to live in the Big Apple but she wouldn't hear of it, pressing me to go out and live my dream. It was a difficult choice but one I'm glad I made today.

As much as I love my mother and know how much losing my dad has hurt her, I needed the chance to get out and be my own person. Growing up the daughter of the police chief and best friend of the most popular girl in school has a way of wearing on you. I wouldn't have traded my dad or Rose for anything though. The experiences I had with them have helped shape me into the woman I am now. Just as much as losing Charlie and leaving Rose behind for a few years did, too.

I let Renee finish up her lecture about dating and putting myself out there more before we discuss a few banal things and then hang up with me promising to call after I've gone out later this week.

I can't keep my mind from repeating some of the thoughts I'd had while half-listening to Renee and her hopes for me. She wants the best things in life for me and that includes being happy and in love, just like Rose. She has always pushed me to be more like her and now that Rosalie is getting married in September, the drive to get me to the same place in life is that much greater for her.

It makes me miss the days of childhood when life wasn't such a competition and Rose wasn't used as a measuring stick for my success, she was merely my best friend.

When I first met Rosalie Hale, I was sitting on my front porch swing watching a light rain fall on a Saturday afternoon in July. It was typical day in Forks and I was in my regular spot with a book lying in my lap and glass of lemonade on the rail beside me. I remember being restless that day though, not able to focus on the words or pages before me. It just seemed like something more was coming that day, something big in my little world.

When Rose and her family pulled up into the old Whitman's drive next door, I thought maybe this was the change I was feeling in the air. The sky suddenly stopped raining and the sun peaked out from the clouds. And when Rose popped out of the black Suburban and bounded out in a swirling dress of white, I knew it. Rose was going to bring big changes to my world.

She has proven that thought to be true almost every day since. It started out simply by playing together in our backyards and riding bikes down the street. We were the only girls on our block under the age of sixteen and over five, so our bond of friendship emerged quickly. We would spend countless hours together playing in the pretty pink playhouse in Rose's yard. She would be the beautiful sister coming home after a long day of having her picture taken by the beach while I, the older sister, would stay home to make sure she had a nice meal ready for when she came home.

We loved to spend our small allowances at the movie theater on a Sunday afternoon when the tickets cost three dollars and Rose would always bat her hazel eyes and long lashes at the counter man to give us a free pop and candy bar to split. We'd slip into the back row of seats and giggle over how clever and mature we were to be watching the movies by ourselves when our parents thought we were at the playground.

That summer was full of laughing together, enjoying my inflatable pool when the weather got to hot and humid, painting our fingernails in bright colors and sharing secrets that no one else knew. By the time school started, I was fully committed to being Rosalie Hale's best friend until the day I died.

We were in the same fourth grade classroom with Mrs. Brenner as our teacher. This is where I got to shine the most, I was always an excellent student. Rose was a good student but did struggle some. I loved being able to help her with her homework, finally feeling like I was a contributing partner in our friendship. Rose was the fun one and I was the smart one, labels we could both live with.

As time went on we both continued in those roles and labels it seemed. Rose turned even more beautiful, puberty seeming to skip over her and gifting her with the looks and grace of a grown woman. The boys fell more and more in love with Rose every year, they could have cared less her grades weren't high or that she dated more than one of them at a time, which she often did.

I remember a conversation of how Stephen Thompson, the hottest boy my fifteen year old eyes had ever seen, was upset because he had heard she was kissing Timothy Marks when she was suppose to be Stephen's girlfriend.

_I was sitting on the bed, watching Rosalie primp in the mirror, fluffing her blonde locks and reapplying eyeliner. We were talking about her getting caught making-out behind the bleachers and the confrontation that followed with Stephen._

"_So he just walked right up to me and demanded to know what was going on," Rose laughed. "If I was really kissing Timmy or if it was lie, in front of the whole school, like I owed him an explanation. As if he has some right to demand anything of me!" _

"_He is your boyfriend, Rose," I admonished softly, picking at the pills on my green sweater. I couldn't believe how unaffected she seemed by everything._

"_Oh please, boyfriend-smoyfriend. He's just a guy I let kiss me more than anyone else. I never claimed to be dating him," she explained as she rose from her vanity mirror and turned to face me. "He put that label on us himself."_

"_But I thought you liked him… you said he was mega-hot," I attempted to understand. _

"_Yeah, but so is Brad Pitt. Doesn't mean he's my boyfriend… Although, him I wouldn't mind claiming- in more ways than one," she teased, wiggling her delicate eyebrows suggestively as she jumped on top of me. _

"_Oh my god, Rose!" I shouted, laughing at her ludicrous response. We both laughed for a few minutes on the bed together before quieting down. I looked over at her, her face bright and smile wide. _

"_I think he really liked you though. He seemed really upset after you left," I said, remembering the broken look on Stephen's handsome face as Rosalie speed out of the school parking lot. Rose hesitated for only a few moments before shrugging her shoulders._

"_He just doesn't get it, Bellsie. I'm too young to be tied down to one boy!" she cried, laughing at the silliness of it all and tossing a pillow at me, effectively ending the conversation._

I was much more sympathetic to Stephen, having never understood how Rose could go from kissing one boy to the next so quickly without any regard to how it made them feel. I'd only been interested in one boy myself by that point, the shy and somewhat odd new student from Texas, Jasper Whitlock. I was pretty sure if I ever got the chance to kiss Jasper, I would never want to kiss anyone else again. The way I looked at him was how I had seen Stephen look at Rose, so I knew just how he felt.

Of course that was just Rose. She was like lightening, streaking across a sky and lighting it up with her brilliance before disappearing quickly, on to her next big thing. It was something she'd always done, even when we were still just learning about each other. It use to make me dizzy how quickly her temperament could change, how fast she could go from happy to angry or sad to petulant and defiant. When she wanted something, she wanted it then. And when Rose was over it, well so was everyone else.

I always feared that Rose would grow tired of me at some point but it seemed I didn't have to fear that. No matter how annoyed she might be at my lack in social skills or ability to dish any dirty details of a sex life with her in high school, she was my champion and defender to all others. She promised we would be friends forever and I had never seen her go back on a promise, so I could believe her. I still do.

I pull myself from my memories and back into the present. I pick up my phone and hit my speed dial number one and listen to it ring briefly before a familiar voice picks up.

"Hey girly! What's shakin'?"

"Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi."

"Wha? Who? What's going on, Bella?" she asks with a flicker of worry in her jovial voice, laughing at my unusual getting.

"I need a drink. A strong one," I reply. "Renee just called and if I don't get thoroughly trashed before the end of the night, I'm going to need to bleach my brain to rid it of her demands for me to procreate. I need alcohol and lots of it so I don't have sex! Help me. Please. You're my only hope, Obi Wan."

I can hear a fuller, rich laugh in the background over Rose's sniggers.

"Rose, do you have me on speaker?" I ask timidly. I recognize that deep laugh.

"Yeah, I had no idea what you were talking about, I figured the boy could help," she answers with a laugh.

"Hey Bella," Edward says from the background.

_Oh God, help me. He heard my pathetic pleas for booze and no sex. Kill me, please._

"Hi Edward," I mumble out in embarrassment.

"Calling on The Force to keep you from heading your mother's words, huh?" he teases.

"Yep, looks like it," I mutter. I can feel the blush filling my cheeks.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Rose questions loudly.

"Star Wars, Rose," I reply after a beat.

"What?"

I shake my head at her lack of knowledge of one of the greatest film franchises of all time. _Really, how does she not know this_?

"It's a movie Rosie," Edward explains and I can hear the exasperation in his voice. Star Wars is one of his all-time favorite films. I know they have spent at least one weekend watching the first trilogy. I remember Rose bitching about it.

"Is that the movies with the little green guy?" Rose asks Edward and I can't hold back my own laugh at her ignorance.

"Yeah, that's the one," Edward says flatly.

"Oh…okay. Well, whatever. Those were really old and had lame effects," she says to him, ignoring the fact that I'm even on the phone. I hear Edward huff indignantly before some shuffling and he gives me brief goodbye.

"Gah, no need to get pissy!" she exclaims before focusing back on me, "He is so cranky after work. I was just saying the movie wasn't that great," Rose complains to me.

"Rose, I think those movies mean a lot to him," I say softly. I remember Edward telling me once how special those films were to him and his father growing up. I can understand his frustration with her for not knowing.

"Oh, shit. Yeah, I guess I'd forgotten about that," she says with remorse. "But still, he could have just said that instead of getting all huffy about it."

I don't have a response to that and decided to get back to the reason for my call.

"So do you think we can go out? For a few drinks?"

"Of course, girl. You know I'm there for you, anytime."

I smile and feel so grateful to have her for a friend. She really is willing to do anything for me if I ask.

"When were you thinking of going out?" Rose asks me.

"Um, I really don't care. Tonight? I've got tomorrow until six before I report back to the hospital so I'll have time to recover," I joke.

"That sounds fabulous! Let me call Vera and see if she can swing it too," Rose says excitedly. I could do without Vera but then think, why not invite more people to help me drown my single sorrows? The more the merrier.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll call Alice and see if she is available too," I add, wanting to include all of my friends if I'm going out.

"Oh, okay. If you want." I sigh a little, Rose and Alice aren't the closest of friends and rarely see eye to eye but I love the girl and want to spend some time with her too.

"Rose," I chide.

"Fine, fine. It's your pity party, invite who you want. But girls only! No boyfriends allowed."

"That's okay with me since I want to avoid men anyway. So tonight, say ten o'clock?"

"Sounds good, Bellsie. I'll text you later with a place to meet," she says and I can tell she is already planning what outfit to wear.

"Um, sure but nowhere to crazy. I'm not up for a rave, just drinks."

"Of course, doll. I've got you covered. Gotta go get ready now, bye!" She hangs up before I can reply.

I'm not sure what I've just gotten myself into but I can't help but smile anyway. Rose is always able to bring me out of my funks.

I'm glad she is willing to do it again tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So what did you think? I'd love to hear from you. I have the next chapter underway as well so hopefully... next week? But no promises. **

**I'm attempting to make some photo albums/collections for characters and other interesting things for this story. Check my profile to find links for those. **

**And that's it for now. May the Fourth be with you (get it now?- No, review and ask me what it means if you don't.)**


	4. Chapter 3

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 3 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

The rest of my day passes quickly and before I realize it, I need to get ready to go out. Rose hasn't texted me yet but despite my small protests earlier, I know Rosalie, we will most likely be going somewhere trendy.

Really, I would be fine with just heading out to a pub and drinking a few beers while baseball or soccer plays on the TV over the bar but Rose would die before being caught in a place like that on a Saturday night.

Her social climbing skills would never allow for such simplicity, although when we lived in Seattle going to a college bar never seemed to be an issue. Once she moved out to New York and got her job at KMR Communications, a fashion and beauty public relations firm, she changed from the sweet Rose of Washington to Rosalie Hale, New York socialite wannabe. Dating Edward Cullen, one of the elite members of New York society, didn't help either.

Although Edward has never flaunted his wealth and social status, it seems to be one of Rose's favorite things about him. There are many wonderful qualities about Edward to choose from but she seems to favor this attribute most.

I shake my head to clear the direction my thoughts are traveling; it's really not any of my business what Rose likes most about Edward. They are happily in love and have been for the past three years, so something more than his money and blue-blood background must be working in his favor to keep Rose interested.

I slip out of my shower and begin to dress for the night. I'm not a major fashionista like Rosalie or Vera but I like to think I do alright. I am a far cry from the mousy, glasses wearing nerd of my younger years that is for sure. I chuckle at the image of myself in my head from a few years back.

I never thought about my appearance and how I looked to the outside world. I was too focused on getting through first undergrad at Seattle University and then med school here in New York. It didn't take long for me to realize that in a place like New York City jeans and t-shirt with thick black framed glasses wasn't the way to be taken seriously, even as a student. It didn't help that most of my time was spent in scrubs at the hospital but until I found a way to balance my hectic life, clothes and dating just weren't important. Luckily, I've found some time for both now that I'm no longer a resident.

I pull from my closet a top that fits nicely but rarely wear. It's why it's stuffed in the back where I keep all of my going out clothes since it's something I don't often indulge in. I grab a pair of black khaki shorts to pair with the jade green top, throw on some gold jewelry with jeweled accents and lightly dust some powder on my nose, eye shadow and berry-pink gloss on my lips.

While I'm putting the finishing touches on my makeup, Rose texts me to let me know where to meet her. It doesn't surprise me at all that she wants to meet at Amanecer, a hip up and coming club that will likely be packed tonight. I've heard they have great martinis though so I'll deal with it. With a quick run of my fingers through my hair I decided to leave it straight and call myself done. I only need to slip on my shoes so I grab the black peep toe heels I know Rose will yell at me for if I don't wear and head out of my apartment to hail a cab.

The ride to the club is quick and I find myself waiting in line to be let in, the bouncer at the front is taking forever to check his list. _Like it even matters, everyone knows the hottest women get in before anyone else._

I'm not enjoying having to wait alone but Rose is notorious for being late. She likes to make an entrance wherever she goes. I text Rose to let her know I've arrived and find out where she is. After getting no response for a few minutes, I call to check and see if Alice is here yet.

"I'll be there in thirty seconds," she answers the phone without even a greeting.

I laugh. It's so Alice, cutting right to the point on everything. I blame her profession.

"No problem, I'm just standing in line, waiting."

"Where is Rosalie?" Alice questions with a hint of irritation.

"I don't know, she hasn't texted me back yet," I explain while taking a few steps forward, my eyes continuing to search for anyone I know. It's a bit nerve racking to be standing alone outside a New York City club, even if I've lived here for five years without ever having a problem. It's still a dangerous city and though I'm surrounded by people, I still keep my guard up.

"God, that's just like her. She demands we meet at a set time and can't even be counted on to be there," Alice remarks.

"Alice, you know it's not like that. She gets distracted easily."

"Yeah by shiny objects and reflective surfaces. Not to mention men with large dicks."

"Alice!"

"What? You know it's true," she continues to argue.

"No its not!" I pause, thinking in reality she does kind of get lost around shiny things. "Well, at least not the men part. She is in a fully committed relationship with Edward. She's engaged for God's sake," I defend.

"Whatever you say, Bella," Alice says and I hear her voice behind me. I turn and close my phone now that she has arrived.

We embrace in a warm hug and I take a step back to admire the woman in front of me. She is petite, standing at only five feet tall but with womanly curves. She has short pixie-like hair, her dark locks styled a little spiky tonight. Her makeup is dark and enchanting as it draws attention to her dark eyes, almost obsidian in color. With her round apple cheeks dusted in pink blush and her lips painted a lovely red, wearing a deep purple scoop neck dress that accentuates her body, I don't know how she is still single. Men should be lining up to be with her left and right if her looks are any indication.

Then she opens her mouth.

"This is bullshit, why are we waiting way back here? I'm thirsty and there are drinks calling my name in this pile of bricks. Let's go," she gripes and links her arm with mine as she pulls us to the bouncer with his velvet red rope and clipboard.

"Hey Muscles, we need to get in here," she speaks with authority as I stand slightly behind her.

The bouncer chuckles, an amused smirk on his face as he pushes the dark shades he is wearing up and looks over Alice's tiny form. He lets his eyes roam over both of us in what I can only describe as a sleazy and disgusting manner before he settles on Alice's face once more.

"Sorry sweet cheeks, I wish there was something I could do for you but you'll have to wait. I got strict orders about who can be let in now that we're almost full up," he claims in his Bronx accent.

"And what exactly are the requirements for being allowed in?" Alice counters smoothly.

The bouncer blinks in surprise before giving us a condescending smile. "Name on the list, otherwise you have to wait for space to open up like the rest of yas."

Alice pauses as if accepting but I know she is merely thinking of her next argument. While we have been talking two leggy blondes with obviously fake breasts and short, tight skirts have walked up, giggling and blinking their eyelashes to garner entrance as well. The muscle head turns to the two simpering blondes and without hesitation allows them to enter, licking his lips suggestively as they teeter in.

"Oh hell no," I hear Alice say lowly. I can't help but agree though I remain silent. Alice is much better at this sort of thing than I ever hope to be. She lives for these types of things whereas I like to avoid confrontations if at all possible.

"Did you just let Fake Tits and Slut Butt in?" Alice's voice is level and calm but I can see the tautness of the skin around her eyes betraying her anger.

"Excuze me?" the guy responds, turning his massive frame back to Alice and crossing his arms. It's meant to be intimidating and for anyone else it probably would be but nothing impress Alice Masen.

"Oh you heard me," Alice says as she squares her shoulders and stands as tall as she can. The guy is still smiling smugly, thinking nothing of the woman in front of him.

_Silly man does not know what he is getting himself into apparently_.

"What exactly qualified those two bimbos access to this establishment but not us?" she questions fiercely, waving her hand in my direction. I wish I had something to hide behind because this is getting ugly. The line of would-be club goers is listening with rapt attention to the exchange.

"Because you already stated a person's name has to be on the list to gain entrance right now and you clearly didn't check to see if they were on it. Unless of course their chests were engraved with an invitation," she clips out.

"I don't know what you're talkin' bout," the guy says, finally a slight flicker of wariness in his voice.

"Oh no? Should we ask someone else to verify our conversation from two minutes ago?" she demands, spinning sharply and pulling me closer.

"Bella did you not hear this Neanderthal say that everyone had to be on the list?" she questions.

I'm not comfortable with this turn of events and stutter out some answer but it's enough for Alice. She releases my arm quickly before launching her attack on the people in line. "How about all of you, did you hear him say you had to be on the list?" she demands and a few brave (or possibly fearing for their lives) people nod their head in agreement.

"Alright then," she turns back to face the now clearly nervous man. "What were their names?"

"Huh?"

"Their names, moron. If you let them in their names should be embedded in that thick skull you're using as a sunglass holder. I want to know who they were and then I want you to show me their names on your clipboard."

The guy struggles for a few seconds to respond before realizing he is twice the size of Alice and should be in charge. "Listen lady, I don't have time to sit heres and explain how these things work," he rudely remarks.

_Mistake number two_.

"Oh, that is it!" Alice yells and I'm shocked to see him actually look afraid of her. "Do you have any idea-"Alice seethes as she steps towards the large man, anger snapping in her eyes.

I'm just about to grab Alice and hold her back when another voice breaks into the heated situation.

"Oh my God, guys! What are you doing out here?"

"Rose, when did you get here?" I ask, hoping she will be able to defuse the tense situation but confused by her unexpected appearance.

"Oh, awhile ago. I thought I told you to come right in?" she says, looking between everyone.

"Well this asshole wouldn't let us," Alice snarks.

"Why not?"

"Apparently you have to have to be all bra and no brain," Alice quips hotly, glaring between Rose and the bouncer.

Rose smiles sweetly and shakes her head at Alice, dismissing her words as she turns to face the bouncer. "Felix?" she purrs.

"Ms. Hale?" he looks longingly at Rosalie, clearly forgetting everyone else.

"Is there a reason you aren't letting my friends in?" Rose softly asks, pouting her lips a bit.

"They didn't say they was with you," he responds.

"Well they are. Can you be a dear and let them through?"

"Of course," he says and moves to unclip the rope. "Sorry to keep you from your friends," he simpers at her, slightly chastised.

Rose giggles and tosses her long blonde hair over her shoulder before waving him off. "Not a problem, Felix. Just don't let it happen again," she teases.

I'm completely floored by the entire exchange and can't seem to get my feet to move. Did that really just happen? How does she do that?

"Bella come on," Rose yells over the music now blasting through the open door before she reaches for my arm and drags me in. I reach out and grab onto Alice.

"Alice," I call, pulling her along with me.

"You're lucky Rosalie came when she did _Felix_," Alice shouts as I'm dragging her in. "It's not even light outside you fucking idiot!" she screams as the door is closing, taking one last verbal shot at him.

I shake my head and can't help the nervous laughter that pours out of me. I'm so glad that whole thing is over and in even more need of a drink then when the night began. We manage to follow Rose, using her blood red dress as a beacon while she snakes around the people and toward a table that is miraculously empty.

"Okay, Vera couldn't come so it's just us tonight. Now, let's get this party started! I'm going to get drinks, you ladies wait here," Rose shouts over the noise and moves toward the bar without waiting for our orders. It doesn't faze me because as long as it has alcohol in it, I'm good to go. I can get something I like better later.

"Can you believe that douche?" Alice grumbles loudly, hoisting herself into a tall chair perched around the table.

"Um, Alice. He was just doing his job," I attempt to argue.

"Fuck that. He was an ass. Only thinking with his dick and letting in the skanks before everyone who waited in line."

"You do realize we were attempting to line jump, right? " I remind her.

"Oh, well… shit. At least we look good without giving the milk away for free," she says flippantly, knowing I'm right. I laugh loudly at her and shake my head in amusement as she joins in with her own giggles. This is why I love Alice. She is so righteous and just, even when she is wrong.

"We didn't need Rosalie's help, though" she says after our laughter has abated. "I could have gotten is in."

"Sure Ali. Either that or jail," I laugh again at the shocked expression on her face. Her mouth is popped open and her dark eyes wide.

"I resent that comment," she huffs mockingly.

"Or resemble it," I tease and she mock scowls before shifting the conversation to our work lives.

We proceed to catch up while we wait for our drinks. Alice is an attorney and damn good at it. She loves to argue cases and can manipulate people in the scariest of ways, even though her intents aren't harmful. I'm glad she is one of the good guys and not in criminal defense. That would be scary, indeed.

Alice has had a challenging life and I'm truly surprised at how wonderful she turned out. Well, her mouth does tend to be a problem but overall she is a sweet and well adjusted person.

Her parents were killed when she very young. Alice was dropped into the Illinois foster care system and endured a lot of unsavory things, as unfortunately happens too often before she turned ten and was adopted by Anthony and Elizabeth Masen.

The Masen's moved to New York where Elizabeth was originally from when Alice was twelve in order to provide a fresh start for the family, as Chicago held many difficult memories for Alice. The move proved to be exactly what was needed and Alice soon flourished thanks to her family's love.

"Where the hell is Rose with those drinks?" Alice asks after a break in our conversation.

I glance around realizing it has been a while since Rosalie left to get them. Alice and I have been chatting for at least thirty minutes since we came in.

"It is pretty crowded in here, maybe the bartender is busy."

"Bella, it's not that busy. She's probably flirting with someone," Alice remarks shortly.

"I highly doubt that. She's got Edward." Alice scoffs but I continue before she can say anything. "I don't know, maybe she had to use the restroom?"

"And what, fell in?"

I give Alice a look and she shrugs as though her response is innocent. "Alice, come on. Be nice."

Alice rolls her eyes and purses her lips but complies. "So how is my lovely cousin?" she asks, changing the topic once again.

I shrug, still scanning the crowd for signs of Rose bringing our drinks. The whole reason I came out was to relax and have drinks with my best friends, one of whom seems to have gone MIA.

"I don't know, good I guess. You'd probably know better than me," I reply distractedly.

"What do you mean? You haven't seen him at work lately?" Alice questions. I stop and regard her carefully. Something in her tone seems off but I can't pinpoint it.

"I don't know, not really. It's not like because Edward and I are both doctors we see each other all the time," I respond and focus in on the people near the restroom, thinking maybe Rosalie is in line over there. "We're in different departments, anyway. It's not like we work on the same cases unless one of his kids has a bone issue."

Alice hums and pauses a few moments before speaking again. "Still, I thought you guys would talk since you're at the same hospital. You use to be such good friends."

I stop looking for Rose and focus back on Alice and her line of questions. "We're still friends, Ali but work is hectic and not really the place to catch up on idle chit-chat, you know?" Alice bobs her head in agreement but lets her intense gaze linger. It makes me feel uncomfortable, like she is looking for something and finding me lacking.

I shake my head and turn back toward the bar. "Besides, he and Rose are busy planning the wedding anyway. I'm sure he is more focused on that then what I do, if he thinks about me at all. And he can always ask Rose if he really wants to know about me." I laugh, attempting to shrug off the fact that my first New York friend no longer speaks to me like he once did.

"You know that's not true, Bella." Alice begins. "Edward still cares a lot about you. You were one of his closest friends," she firmly but gently states. "He would make time to talk to you. If that's what you wanted."

I close my eyes at her words as an unfamiliar feeling slips down my spine. Edward and I used to be close, especially during the first few years of med school where we met. But he and I drifted apart as his relationship with Rosalie grew…

But I don't want to go down that road tonight. It's in the past and I need to leave it there. I do miss the closeness we once shared but it's for the best that I keep my distance. I don't need to relive the school girl crush I had for him when he is merely months away from marrying my best friend.

"Alice, we…I can't… it's just… with Rose…," I don't know how to respond, confused by the emotions churning inside me. Alice reaches across the table, puts her hand on mine and squeezes.

"I get it Bell, but just because he is with her," she pauses, her eyes flashing with something I can't discern before gathering herself again, "It doesn't mean you can't still be friends with Edward. He misses you, I know it."

I smile weakly at her because if any would know, it would be Alice. She and Edward are oddly close for cousins but I have a feeling it has to do with Alice's rough childhood background. Edward was the one to finally crack her shell as a child and they developed a strong bond. Their parents often joke they share their own special way of communicating, not even needing to speak to understand one another.

"I miss him too," I say and resolve to try and talk to him more. We share a lot in common, including work as well as Rosalie.

_Who is still missing. Where the hell is she?_

"Alice, I'm getting worried. Do you think something happened to Rose?" I ask, looking around more urgently and pushing our previous conversation to the back of my mind.

"I'm sure she is fine," Alice says, her soft tone reverting back to its harder state.

"I don't know, she's been gone a long time," I can't help but worry. She is my best friend and if something has happened to her, I'll never forgive myself.

"I'll go find her," Alice says with a sigh, slipping from her chair to stand.

"Wait, you can stay. I'll go," I began to offer but Alice cuts me off.

"No, let me. I'm smaller and can slip through the crowd quicker," Alice says before doing just that, leaving me waiting by myself.

I sit at the table alone for a few more minutes, seeing neither Rosalie nor Alice. The feelings of panic are starting to creep in. Rosalie has been gone for at least an hour and I haven't heard from her. I send her a text to see where she is and if everything is okay but don't get a response.

I'm starting to get paranoid something has happened when I see something completely unexpected, causing my frantic mind to come to a screeching halt.

Across the dance floor is a man with dark hair, his handsome face towards me. His hands are roaming all over the body of a blonde haired woman with killer curves and a deep, blood red dress whose back is to me.

I'm shocked at the display. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of it.

_That can't be who I think it is. Right?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh yeah, I just stopped there. I don't know… I had to do something to get you to come back. Haha! **

_**Who is across the bar? Does Alice know something she isn't saying? Did something happen between Bella and Edward in med school?**_

**Let me know what you think. **


	5. Chapter 4

Hey! I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank all of you for reading, reviewing, alerting, favoriting and just generally being awesome. I'm really enjoying this little story and glad you are as well.

Also, I wanted to let you know I have seen the movie this story was inspired from and although there are similarities between the film and what I'd already planned, I don't think it's a complete redo of the movie starring the Twilight cast. I'll let you be the judge.

And with that, here we go…

* * *

><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 4-(¯`·.·´¯)-«<br>**

The man and woman move provocatively with one another as I continue to stare in their direction. The distance isn't far but the club is crowded and I can't get a good look at either of them.

As I'm squinting and leaning over the table to try and get a clearer view of the couple, desperate to see if who I think it could be is in fact who it is, my phones buzzes in my pocket by I ignore it. Once the sea of bodies moves slightly to the right, I can finally see the man and woman clearly. My mouth drops open and a gasp escapes.

_It is who I thought! Oh my God! How is this even possible!_

My mind is scrambling to put pieces together as I continue to gape at the couple. Within moments of my fish impression, mouth hanging open waiting for the hook and eyes popped wide, a startlingly pair of hazel eyes locks with mine and freezes me in place.

I'm shocked.

This can't be real.

Hazel eyes hold mine and I can't look away. I register the couple disengaging, hands untangling and smoothing clothes into place.

"What the fuck? Is that who I think it is?" I hear from beside me, shock and disgust clear in her voice. It's enough to break me from my trance and jump starts my thoughts again.

"Rosalie! Oh my God, where have you been?" I shout at her, completely forgetting about the man across the club and focusing on Rose and her disappearing act once again.

"I was at the bar getting our drinks but then got to talking to this guy who works at William Morris, he was trying to see if I wanted to sign up with them," Rose explained with a dismissive wave of her hand and an eye roll.

"Rose, do you even know how worried I was about you?" I ask, turning to face her fully.

"Ugh, Bella. Come on, I was just over there. It's not a big deal," she retorts.

"It is a big deal, I didn't know where you were, if something had happened to you. Alice even went to look for you."

"Yeah," Rose scoffs, "She found me and yelled at me for trying to leave without you."

What the hell is she talking about now? I thought she was at the bar?

"What?"

Rose appears slightly uncomfortable for a moment before she exhales and explains further. "I had just stepped outside for a few minutes with Emmett," she says and pauses when I raise an eyebrow in confusion. "Emmett is the guy from William Morris. It's really loud in here and we thought we'd be able to talk easier outside. Anyway, Alice found me, bitched about the drinks- although _I swore_ I sent a waitress over, and then she told me you were freaking out so…." She trails off, her eyes shifting around the room.

"Well where is Alice now?" I ask.

Rose narrows her eyes slightly before answering. "She said she'd take care of the drinks since I was too busy," she says sharply.

Something seems off about this story but I don't get a chance to question it further.

"This can't be who I think it is," a low, smoky voice speaks near my ear.

I shudder at the sound, unexplained warmth brushing over my shoulder from where he stands behind me. I turn in my chair and am once again met with hazel eyes framed by long, dark lashes and a warm smile. My own smile breaks over my face as I realize it is exactly who I thought it would be.

"Oh my God, Jasper Whitlock! What the hell are you doing here?" I shout, excited to see an old friend from high school. I throw my arms around him and pull him into a tight hug.

"Bella Swan, it's good to be seen," he remarks after pulling back from my embrace but only just enough to look at me. His sharp eyes, shifting from light brown to hazel green, take everything in as I do the same.

Talk about a sight for sore eyes…

Jasper Whitlock is still one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen, much as he was as a sixteen year old boy. Of course time has been very kind to him, only enhancing the handsome features he was gifted with. A strong jaw, full pink lips, dark brown hair that made his captivating eyes all the more so were still his prominent features yet now they are refined, elegant with age and life.

What I wouldn't have given to have been more than just a lab partner in Chemistry to him. I thought he hung the moon back then with his slow drawl and kind words. He was always easy to speak with and never made me feel used or unwanted, as so many of Forks' residents tended to do. No, he always made me believe that he wanted to get to know me for me and not to be closer to Rosalie.

"It's so good to see you, Bella. It's been too long, I've missed your pretty face," Jasper says, running his hands along my arms in a comforting motion, breaking me from my little trip down memory lane. A blush I rarely ever display anymore begins to blossom on my cheeks.

"You too, Jasper," I whisper out, unsure of the sweet words and tender look he is giving me.

"Would you two like to get a room?" Rose's voice cut across the air and disrupts the moment, whatever it is.

Jasper turns and his smile dips slightly before he can fix it. "Well it seems not much has changed I see. Still demanding all of everyone's attention, Rosalie?" he questions scornfully.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Jazz," Rose huffs while folding her arms across her chest. "I never enjoyed being the center of attention." I can't help rolling my eyes at that statement.

_Yeah, and pigs are currently taking flight as we speak_.

"That's not the way I remember high school," Jasper replies while settling himself in the seat next to mine. I smile at him but really wish he would quite antagonizing Rose. It isn't going to make for a pleasant evening if the two continue to bicker like they always did.

"Please, like you remember anything from high school accurately. Weren't you one of the regular burnouts behind the gym after sophomore year?"

"Didn't seem to affect my grades too much, considering I still finished higher than you did. And that was without copying my best friend's homework."

Rose scoffs. "Whatever, at least I had friends in school."

"If you call blind followers to afraid to stand up to you friends, than yeah. You got me beat there," Jasper says harshly, something hot flashing in his eyes as he stares at her.

"Okay, enough! Let's not do this, alright? Can we not just be happy to catch up with a fellow Forks survivor?" I interrupt, attempting to stop this from getting any worse.

Both sets of hazel eyes turn sheepishly to me and I stare at the both of them, warning them with my eyes that I am not going to tolerate this part of our friendship picking up again. High school and all its drama is over, I want to leave it there.

_Drama free is the place I like to be!_

I'm not going to ask Rosalie or Jasper to become best friends but I do expect them to be civil at the very least. Rose knew how important Jasper was to me at one point in my life and how much it would mean to get to know him again. (And if more was to happen there, then all the better.)

As for Jasper, well… he is just Jasper. He seems to still have that laissez-faire attitude toward life, something I'd always admired about him.

I look at Rose, pleading with my eyes to let it be. She studies me for a few moments before sighing and shaking her head, a small smile tugging at her lips before she slides into her own chair. She purses her lips and gives a tight smile to Jasper.

Before another word is spoken, a waitress steps up beside us and deposits drinks on the table, martini glasses full of bright pink liquor goodness. _Finally_. I thank her and immediately grab one for myself, Rose taking the other. Jasper takes a pull from the beer he brought with him and raises it slightly in mock toast to us before drinking himself.

"So, Jazz, what brings you to the Big Apple?" Rose questions moments later. I smile at her in thanks, glad she is at least going to try to be nice even if her tone belies the pleasantness of her words.

"It's Jasper, Rose." I give him a look, which causes him to smirk before he turns his attention back to Rosalie. "And I'm in New York for business. Just moved here, actually."

"Really? That's wonderful Jasper!" I cry, excited he will be in my city for longer than the weekend. "How are you liking it so far?"

"It's great. A big change from Dallas, where I was working before, but nothing I don't think I can handle."

"What line of work are you in?" Rose asks.

"I'm a talent and entertainment agent. I just started at William Morris three weeks ago," Jasper grins, pride clearly evident in his voice and demeanor.

"That's amazing! You always did see the best in people," I compliment, truly happy for my old friend. "Isn't that great Rose?"

Rose shifts in her seat uncomfortably beside me and I give her a questioning look. She simply shrugs and shakes her head before taking a sip of her drink while scanning the crowd around us, mumbling her agreement.

"It's nothing I ever saw myself doing but once I moved down to Texas for college, I just sort of fell into it. I ended up being with one of the largest agencies there all through my undergrad years and stayed on for a few years after until I signed on to represent Tanya Divhosky."

I am only slightly startled to learn who he is in contact with since his business is representing stars, models, and athletes. But Tanya Divhosky is the biggest new star to hit the scene in years. She is an exotic beauty and from what I've read, a truly lovely person. And I now know someone who not only knows her, but works for her. _Wow_.

"When New York offers started coming in more often, Tanya approached me about moving. Even though my agency didn't have an office here, I figured the opportunity was too good to pass up. And with Tanya as my talent, I could get on anywhere. Which I did. Thankfully," he chuckles, pretending to wipe sweat from his brow.

I join in with him but Rose merely hums beside me. I take another glance at her, still unclear on what her problem is before focusing back on Jasper.

"Anyway, now I'm here with a few work buddies, getting inducted into New York City nightlife."

"Oh, is that what you and the leggy blonde from before were doing?" I tease, showing him my trademark eyebrow raise for added effect.

Jasper ducks his head slightly and I swear the tips of his ears turn pink. "Yeah, well…" his voice trails off and I laugh at his embarrassment.

"I didn't think blondes were your thing," Rose suddenly jumps into the conversation, her statement disrupting the jovial atmosphere.

Jasper stares at her for a beat, his face clear of the laughter from a moment ago. "Why would you think that?" he questions.

Rose pauses, her eyes boring into his. "It's something I remembered hearing in high school."

I swivel my head between the two, completely missing what is being said, or rather not being said. I know they are talking about something more than the surface of their words contains but have no idea what it actually is.

Jasper makes a humming noise but doesn't say anything further. I am just about to ask them what is going on when Jasper asks me about what I'm doing in New York.

My questions will wait, I'm sure I can get Rose to tell me when we are on our own later anyway. So I tell Jasper about working at Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital which leads into a conversation about our college years. Rose is still distracted but does add in her own stories when we discuss our undergraduate years. She and I both enjoyed our time at Seattle University but I secretly loved my time during med school even more.

It was the first time I wasn't in anyone else's shadow.

We continue to chat and drink, the waitress now coming by more often to ply us with her liquid goodness. The alcohol is working through my system and I'm feeling fun and flirty, not my usual disposition. Luckily, my new-old friend doesn't seem to mind, as he is doing some flirting as well. I'm curious about Jasper and his current job so I ask him to tell me more about William Morris.

"It's a really great company from what I can tell so far. Resources and contacts in every imaginable form. And I like the guys I'm working with so far. Speaking of which, I wonder what kind of trouble they're getting into. Excuse me a moment," he says as he steps away to pull out his phone.

Seeing this reminds me of my own missed message from before, which I ignored. "Oh crap, I totally forgot about this," I mumble to myself as I slide the phone from my pocket. There are four texts from Alice chastising me for not responding to her earlier ones. I quickly read through them all and then send her a response, apologizing for not doing so sooner. She responds almost immediately saying she has gone home already and didn't want me to worry. I thank her and then turn to Rosalie to let her know the situation.

"Well, that was Alice. She went home, has an early day at court tomorrow. She wanted to make sure you'd found your way back from outside and to make sure the waitress brought us our drinks."

Rose nods and reaches for her glass, pulling the last of the dregs from it. "I think I'm just about done for the night, too. You ready to go, Bellsie?"

I choke a little on my drink, surprised at the sudden urgency in Rosalie's tone. We have barely had three drinks, the night is still young and I really want to catch up more with Jasper.

"You want to go now?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's been a long day and I'm tired. We've got lots to do tomorrow to get ready for September and besides, you know the boy won't go to sleep without me there," she smirks as Jasper comes back and stands beside me.

I nod but am still disappointed by our abrupt need to depart. I turn to Jasper who has a confused look on his face.

"You've got a kid, Rose?" he asks.

"What? God, no! Kids are messy and dirty and just… sticky. Not my thing," she says with thinly veiled disgust. "Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I just thought you did when you said 'the boy wouldn't go to sleep without you.'"

"Pfff. _The boy_ is my fiancée, Edward. It's not a child," she says definitely, flashing her large diamond clad hand for effect.

My mind reels, completely unprepared for her reaction to that question. I had no idea she felt that way about children. She never talks much about them but I just assumed she was nervous or scared but later in life when she was ready, she'd want them.

"Although, Eddie can act like one sometimes." Rose chuckles and looks at me for conformation. I am still too wide-eyed at her previous comments about kids to give her the reassurance she desires.

"Speaking of fiancées and all that they imply, we should be going Bella. We've got lots of wedding planning stuff to do tomorrow," Rose chirps and jumps down from her chair.

I am still stunned but turn to Jasper. "I'm sorry, it looks like we're going now. It was great to see you though," I say, smiling at him once more.

"I understand. I should probably find Emmett anyway. And it was great seeing you too, Bella. Hey, let's try and meet up for a coffee or something. Catch up some more," he says warmly. "I mean, if your boyfriend wouldn't mind, that is," he adds.

I laugh nervously, a small fluttering in my belly. "N-no, no boyfriend for this girl," I manage to stammer out.

"None yet," Jasper winks and then reaches for his phone. We quickly exchange numbers while Rose goes to the bar to make sure her tab is closed before returning and tugging me towards the exit.

"It was nice seeing you, Jasper," I say with a wave.

"Bye Bella, I'll call you later in the week for coffee," he smiles and watches as I follow Rosalie outside.

We stand on the corner for a few minutes while we wait for a car to arrive. The night has gotten a little cooler but I can barely feel it from the rush of warmth I received from talking to Jasper.

"Really, Bella? Jasper Whitlock? You can't be serious," Rose admonishes when we slid into the back seat of the yellow cab and start our journey home.

"What do you mean, he's nice," I respond while turning my phone over and over in my hands, anxious for a phone call that probably won't come for days- if at all.

"God, Bella. You are so awful at picking men," Rose tsks. "First Jake, then Mike and now Jasper. Really…" she trails off, shaking her head.

"First, don't talk about my ex-boyfriends. You know how I feel about that," I scold, a tremor of anger and hurt coursing through my voice. "Bringing them up is low and you know it. Besides, Jasper is different."

"Oh, yeah. So different from the lying, cheating men of your past," she chides. "Do you not remember what he was doing when you first saw him tonight?"

A leggy blonde and entangled arms wrapped around Jasper's form flash across my mind, her fingers twisting into the locks of his dark hair as his lips skimmed her neck. I shudder involuntarily at the image.

"Exactly. He was all wrapped around that tramp and don't think for a second he won't be going back for her now that we're gone. I saved you from that asshole, plain and simple. Hell, he is probably doing at lot more with Tanya Divhosky than just representing her, if her looks are anything to go by."

"You don't know that," I try to defend, though my voice is weak.

"Please. All men are dicks who only want one thing, some are just better at hiding it. You need to remember that," she cautions. "You fall way too easily for these guys, Bella. I don't know what it is that makes you look for the broken, wounded, or bad boys but you need to stop. It's only going to lead to you being seriously hurt. Again," Rose states harshly.

I feel my lip quiver and tears pricking my eyes, upset by her words and tone. I know she is just looking out for me but it hurts to hear her say these things.

Even though it is painful to hear, I know she must be right. After all, I am still single and she isn't. I'm clearly running out of time to find a decent man, since for some reason woman start to lose value after their twenties while men do not. It's something I've learned in every magazine and almost every conversation from my mother. And Rose is right, my previous choices of men haven't been good. They are either out for one thing, to mixed up in their own minds, uninterested or I'm not good enough for them.

I can't stop a few tears slipping down my cheeks while I stare out at the streets passing by the window as I feel the heaviness of this revelation settle on my chest.

"Oh Bellsie, don't be sad. You know I love you and I just want the best for you. I'm only trying to protect you," she says softly as she pulls me into a hug. Her hand strokes my hair as I lean into her embrace, seeking comfort and solace from my best friend.

"It's going to be okay, we'll find someone for you. And hey, if we don't find someone you're always welcome to live with me and Eddie. You can be our crazy lady in the attic," she jokes.

I laugh but only to appease her. Even though she meant it in jest, I could see myself in that role if I'm not careful.

The worst part is not being able to decide if I go crazy from living in an attic or living under the same roof as Rosalie and Edward.

A perfect couple, perfectly in love.

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><p><strong>AN: So what did you think? Questions about something that happened? I'd love to hear from you, good or bad. **

**Expect the next chapter sometime next week! **


	6. Chapter 5

**Before we start, I just want to thank you all for your kind words about this story! I wish I could respond but fanfic is still fail as far as review replies go but do know I'm reading and loving all of your thoughts! **

**I do work without a beta so please forgive my mistakes, I try and catch as many of them as I can. But if you know anyone who is willing to help in that department, I'd be glad for the help.**

**I know some of you are wondering when Edward will be making more of an apperance, it will be very soon. For now I hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 5-(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

The following morning came quicker than I had hoped, considering it had taken me all night to fall asleep. I don't know why I was so upset by the words Rose said the previous night, she was only trying to be helpful. I am use to her harsh deliveries and unthinking manners. She has always been that person who could say what they wanted, no matter how crass or bold, and get away with it. People loved that about Rosalie, it was a quality many admired.

I admired it, too. Most days.

As I lie in bed, early morning light shining in through the windows, I can't shake the hurt feelings from the night before. I should be stronger than this, should be able to keep my mind from repeating the painful words Rose spoke last night but they just keep reverberating in my mind.

"_You are so awful at picking men…."_

_"….. You fall way too easily for these guys, Bella. I don't know what it is that makes you look for the broken, wounded, or bad boys but you need to stop. It's only going to lead to you being seriously hurt. Again."_

"…_If we don't find someone, you're always welcome to live with me and Eddie. You can be our crazy lady in the attic."_

Her voice almost seems deafening in the quiet of my room, echoing so loudly in my thoughts she may as well be standing in the space with me, shouting her words for everyone in my apartment building to hear.

A deep sigh escapes as I roll over and force my mind to think of something else. My eyes fall to the small bookshelf in the corner. It is cluttered (neatly, sort of) with various books, pictures, CDs and an old stereo. I wish I had time to crack open a book, falling into the life of my old friends and get lost in their world, easily slipping away from the troubles of my own. Or if I had more time before I had to meet with Rosalie I could do one of my favorite things ever to decompress from stress, take a bath.

Oh if only I could put on some music, turn the volume up and slip into my favorite part of the apartment, the tub. It was one of the major selling points for me when I was looking, next to affordable rent. Not that the rent is affordable but it isn't all that bad, considering I'm merely blocks from work. And hey, it's New York City, you take what you can get.

The idea of soaking my body in the tub for an extended time today, relaxing in a warm bath with soft music playing to ease all my tension and worries sounds damn near euphoric to my tired brain. I want to do this.

I _need_ to do this.

For myself. My sanity.

But I'm Rose's maid of honor and she depends on me to help her decide what will be best for the wedding. She has been dreaming of getting married since we were nine years old and I was always a part of it. I can clearly remember playing dress up together, using a white sheet for a veil and train, slipping in our mother's borrowed high heels as we practiced walking down the aisle.

"_You'll be my maid of honor when I get married and I'll be yours, okay?"_

"_Okay," I agree._

"_And we'll do everything together, no one else. Just us."_

"_Just us," I giggled. Rose laughed as well, wrapping me in her arms for a hug._

"_And we'll always be together, right Bellsie?"_

"_Of course, Rose. You're my best friend."_

"_Forever."_

I waffle for a while longer as I slip out from under my white linens and go through my morning routine, using the restroom (with a longing glance at the porcelain tub), brushing my teeth (while still staring at the tub) and then heading to grab a bowl of cereal (remembering how inviting the tub looked). I really want to rest today, especially when I consider how tiring wedding planning with Rosalie can be. And I do have to work later tonight, getting a little extra rest in beforehand would be beneficial to everyone.

I look at the clock and note that it's extremely early still, barely eight AM. I'm already in knots about the day, anxiety and tension building in my chest.

As much as I'd like to shirk my responsibilities for the day and stay in, I know that won't happen. I'm not that kind of person, I always do what is expected of me. It's not always the most fun but it has brought me fairly far in life.

Resolved to be the best friend and maid of honor Rosalie deserves, I retrieve my phone from where I dropped my purse the night before. I quickly punch in Rose's speed dial and wait for her to answer.

"Uhhh.. what?" Rose's gruff voice answers. She barely sounds awake.

I sigh, so typical of Rosalie. She never was a morning person.

"Rose, its Bella. Are you still sleeping?" I ask.

"No, no. I'm up. I'm not happy about it but I'm up," she grumbles further and I can hear her shuffling around in her bed. I knew she was still in bed.

"Don't worry, I can get ready quickly. We've got a lot to do today," Rose says, sounding more lively as she starts to talk about her wedding. "I thought we could go look at a few more venues."

I shake my head, unclear why we would need to do that. Edward's family has already offered to have the wedding on their family estate in Connecticut but for some reason Rose is adamant they have it here in the city. This is a real problem considering her save the date cards for the ceremony need to go out… like last week.

"After we've looked at some of those, we need to check out a few flower shops Vera told me about some in Soho, we need to go to the dress shop in Chelsea and check on my second gown, oh and we can even look for a few dresses for you and Vera. And we can go to a few bakeries and do some cake testing although you may not want to try them all, I want you to fit into your bride's maid dress," she laughs loudly.

I'm shocked by her last comment. Even as a joke, that was really rude to say. In combination with everything that happened last night, _which she hasn't even mentioned or apologized for_, I reach my limit.

My mouth opens and speaks before I can think better of it. "Actually, Rose I don't think that will be a problem. I'm not going to be able to make it today, so no need to worry about me fitting into a dress," I cut across her continued rambling.

"What?" she questions. "Why? I need you there, Bella."

"I know but I just don't feel like stuffing myself into a dress today," I reply hotly.

"Bella, you know I was just joking about the dress thing, right? You're beautiful and really thin. Don't be like this," she says and I can hear the pout in her tone but don't let it break me.

"No, that's not it. I just don't feel like walking all over New York for a venue and flowers that you'll change your mind about in two weeks anyway," I snap.

"Shit, Bella. I'm sorry I'm trying to include you in my wedding. I thought as maid of honor, and my _best_ _friend_, you might care to help," Rose states just as sharply.

Damnit, she is right. She's just trying to get my opinion on the most important day of her life and I'm being selfish. But even so, it's not enough to sway me. I take a deep breath before I say something I might really regret.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I do care, I'm..." I pause and exhale lowly before going on, "I don't feel well and am taking it out on you, I guess."

"Well what's wrong? Are you hung over from last night?"

"No, not really." I sigh, calling up the oldest excuse in the book. "I'm just feeling crampy and cranky, it's that time of the month."

"Ahh! I get it," Rose comments, easily accepting my lie. "Well, can I do anything to make you feel better? I could cancel my plans and just hang with you today."

"No, don't do that, you've got things you need to do. I think I'll be fine. I just want to take it easy today," I answer, nervously pulling on a throw pillow on my couch.

"Bella, are you sure? I know how much of a bitch Mother Nature can be," Rose laughs. I chuckle too because Rose really is a bear when it's that time of the month. It's usually best to just steer clear.

"Nah, go and get some wedding stuff done. I'm sure you'll be fine," I say.

"I guess I could take Vera but it won't be the same. She doesn't get me like you do," Rose says softly and I smile, glad to know she feels that way.

"It'll be fine, Rose. You can call me if you find anything you need help with," I offer, feeling a little guilt creeping in. Not enough to join her but still, it's there.

"Okay, well if you're sure you can't go…"

"I'm sure. Have fun," I say and Rose responds with her farewell before we hang up.

Another brief wave of guilt washes over me for bailing on doing wedding stuff with Rose as I sit on my couch after our phone call. Then I realize that what I told her was true, I don't feel well and I am tired. I'm not really PMSing but I do need a Rosalie Hale time out.

Even best friends need a break from each other on occasion. And between the way she's been acting recently, the stress from work, and the generally crappy place I've found my thoughts going lately, this little break from reality is much deserved.

With that I decide to let any remaining issues of fibbing to Rose go and make the most of the few hours of peace I will have. I have a lot of things I could get done today with my sudden free time. Groceries to buy, laundry to wash and fold, cleaning the apartment and even catching up on some medical journal reading I've been meaning to do. It would be the most sensible thing to do with my free time.

But fuck it. I want to waste the day away doing absolutely nothing but the things I want to do. Not what I should do or what would be the most responsible thing to do. I've already blown off a big responsibility today, why not go for broke and say to hell with them all?

So that's what I do, immediately deciding to go back to sleep for a few more hours. There is no need to be up at half past eight in the morning if I can get a few more hours of sleep in. I quickly slip back under the white sheets and comforter and fumble around to get comfortable once again. Within minutes of finding the just right spot I'm out again.

When I wake up, it's almost ten thirty and I smile in contentment. I haven't felt this rested in forever and the feeling is glorious. Nothing can top this feeling right now, warm and sleep rumbled and happy.

Then I feel a huge pressure in my bladder and realize I can't stay in this little haven any longer if I don't want to repeat my toddler years. I jump up and rush to my bathroom, quickly doing my business before washing my hands. As I stand at the sink, a thought from earlier comes back to me and I smile widely when I realize I can do exactly what I wanted to this morning.

I step over to the white porcelain tub and turn on the faucet, testing the water until it's at the right temperature before putting the stopper in. I go over to the small cabinet under the sink and pull out some lavender scented bath oil, adding it to the water.

I strip out of my clothes and pull on my favorite blue satin robe. I love this robe, it's so soft and feminine even if it is a little on the short side (barely covering my ass). But it was a gift from Rosalie so something a little sex kittenish is to be expected. I smile as I think about why she gave it to me two years ago when I was preparing to finish up my residency years. I was completely frazzled and stressed out so Rose bought me this robe and forced me into a joint day of pampering at a spa, all expenses paid. I was hesitant at first but by the end of the day, I was so grateful for her heavy hand. She had been right and I was thankful for her taking care of me when I needed it most.

Before getting in the bath I need one more thing to complete the mood so I walk into my room and over to the bookshelf. I quickly flip through my music collection before finding the CD I want and placing it in the stereo. Within moments the soulful, smooth voice of Melody Gardot is playing from the speakers and filling my little home with its beauty. I go back into the bathroom, slip out of my robe and into the waiting water.

A sigh escapes as I rest my head against the back of the tub, closing my eyes and just sinking into the moment.

This is the perfect way to spendmy day.

I keep my mind blank, not letting any worrisome thoughts or guilty feelings creep into the serene place I've found. I just float, nothing but the smooth rhythm and jazz drifting into my happy place. I love this singer and the way her words capture my worries and soothe them away. I find myself singing softly along with her.

"_My soul is a weary and  
>Beaten down from all of my misery yay<br>Oh Lord, who will comfort me?  
>Day la d'en day now, la dah, day la d'en day ..."<em>

As I'm singing along to the music I can't help but wish there was a man in my life to be singing about. I would love for someone to comfort me. I get a brief flash of a familiar handsome face with a strong jaw line, full lips, and green eyes but quickly push it away. _Not okay and not ever going to happen_. I sigh and let the images drift away, sinking further into the water and closing my eyes once more.

I'm not paying attention to the time and have no idea how long I've been sitting in the bath, content with the music playing and the feel of the silk like water caressing my body. The serenity of the bath has done its job and I am completely relaxed.

Unfortunately, the peaceful bliss I'm experiencing is broken when as the current song stops and a new one begins, I hear a loud banging knock on my door.

"Shoot," I quietly lament, praying my elderly neighbor isn't coming over to complain about the volume. I don't think the music is up to loud but Mrs. Crumbumble has amazingly sharp hearing for an eighty year old woman.

_Heh, Crumbumble. What a perfectly British name that woman has. I giggle every time I think of it_. _Maybe I can ignore her_…

No luck, as the woman is nearly beating my door down from the sounds of it. _Jeez, she is strong_.

With a heavy sigh I reluctantly pull my body from the bathtub and grab a towel to hastily dry off. I slip my blue robe on, my hair still lying in wet ropes down my back. I'm hoping I can just shoo Mrs. Crumbumble away quickly and get back to my soak.

I walk across my apartment and unlatch the lock, ready to apologize to her if she is indeed upset about the noise. What I see standing on the other side completely takes my breath away.

Definitely not Mrs. Crumbumble.

Standing in the hall with a crooked smile is Edward Cullen.

He looks incredibly handsome, as is his usual appearance. His wild, messy brown-red locks are sticking up at all odds and ends, as though fingers have been busy playing in it all day. This is probably an accurate account since the man can't keep his fingers from his hair, pulling on the strands in nervousness or agitation.

I watch as one elegant hands slides up into his mane even now and focus my eyes on his handsome face which has taken on a peculiar look. I'm not sure what it is, somewhere between shock and wonder, a little flash of something else seeping through as I watch his gorgeous mouth part and his tongue peek out to wet his bottom lip.

_God, that tongue and those lips should be illegal to use. The man is already beyond attractive, is it really necessary for him to have more weapons in his possession? I mean, Jesus, the man's eyes are so impressively green and intense right now, I'm not sure I can handle the lip and tongue too_.

That's when I realize I'm just staring at him in my doorway, completely and unabashedly. I haven't even said a word to Edward and I here I am, openly ogling the man.

_Shit, Bella, get it together!_

"H-hey, Edward. What are you doing here?" I manage to stutter out, bracing myself against the door. Thank god I'm holding it, otherwise the look in his eyes would have brought me to my knees.

He pauses for a moment, his eyes traveling over me quickly before he speaks. "Bella, hey. I um, I just… uh.." he stops, clearing his throat.

I smile at him, his lack of words comical and helping to lighten the intense mood that has fallen over us for some reason. He is rarely at a loss for words so I can't help but tease him a little, knowing this will help to shift my thoughts in the more friend appropriate direction.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

"Uh, no. Shit. I just, …um Bella?" he asks, a flush beginning to cover his cheeks.

"Yeah?" I laugh, surprised by his disjointed behavior. _Is he embarrassed about something_?

"Do you want to maybe put some clothes on?" Edward asks, raising his eyebrows and giving me a pointed look.

_Oh fuck_.


	7. Chapter 6

**I know this chapter is a little late but I didn't know if you would get it because fanfic is being so squirrely. Hopefully this update notice did get to you (of course, if you're reading this then I suppose it did.) At any rate, this is the longest chapter thus far! Woohoo! Hope you enjoy it. **

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 6 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

_Oh fuck_.

I look down and sure enough, I'm standing in only my robe which is falling off my shoulders and falling apart into a deep 'V' since the tie is coming undone. I didn't get myself as dried off as I should have and parts of the robe seem to be clinging to parts of me (like my nipples and thighs.).

_I might as well be nude right now._

"Shit!" I screech and slam the door closed, Edward on the other side. I slam my back against the door and squeeze my eyes shut tight.

I feel the most intense blush of my life cover my body from head to toe. I'm so mortified and embarrassed right now I can't even think straight.

"That did not just happen. That did not just happen!" I chant the words lowly, hoping it will make them true.

A soft knock on the door breaks my new mantra.

"Bella?" his voice comes through the door, concerned and soft. "Is everything okay?"

Oh shit, that just happened. And now Edward is worried about me. _Not what I had in store for the day_. Shit.

I take deep breaths, trying to get my racing heart to slow down and bring the crimson flush of my skin under control.

"Bella. I'm sorry if I surprised you, I just… would you open the door, please?" Edward asks after a few more silent moments on my part.

"No, I'm too humiliated," I croak out.

I hear Edward laugh from the other side and although I'm mortified right now, I still can't help but smile a little at the sound. It's so light and carefree. Happy.

"Bella, don't be. I didn't see anything," his voice drops and I can't make out what he mumbles but he says louder, "I swear, there is no reason to be embarrassed. Just let me in," he pleads.

I can't take his pleading tone, it's too much. I take another deep breath and pause, steeling myself for what I'm about to do.

_I'm a grown woman, I can do this. Besides, all the important bits were still covered. Even less showing than in a bathing suit. Get it together, Bella. It's just Edward._

I pull my robe closed tightly as I turn to face the door and slowly open it a crack, peeking out into the hall.

"Hi," Edward says quietly, his green eyes alight with laughter and a small smile on his lips.

"Hi," I reply, my cheeks still burning.

"Everything okay in there?" he asks. I simply nod, unable to respond.

"Well, do you think I might be able to come in for a minute?"

I swallow but nod my head in agreement. Edward begins to step forward but I throw a hand up into the small space of the door, stopping him.

"Wait!" I shout, startling us both. "I, um.. just.. can you wait a few minutes? I uh, need to put.." I pause, once again reminded of my nakedness, "Let me change real quick. Wait here," I rush out before closing the door once more and dashing over to my closet.

I quickly pull on some underwear and a bra before grabbing my dark lounge pants and a gray tank top. I reach for a spare hair tie I have laying on my nightstand and wrap my hair up as I walk back over to the door. I take one more deep breath, satisfied my body is no longer imitating a tomato and open the door.

Edward is waiting patiently against the opposite wall, causally leaning as if he has all the time and no cares in the world. His dark jeans and fitted red v-neck shirt only enhance the image.

_Damn, he leans good._

_Not the time Bella_.

"Hey, come on in," I tell him, waving a hand to usher him in. Edward smirks at me but pushes off the wall and bends down to pick up a small purple bag from the floor beside him I had noticed before.

"Thanks," he says softly as he brushes past me to enter the apartment. I close the door after him and lead him over to the couch were we both sit.

The tension that stretches over us is heavy and awkward. I'm still embarrassed about my earlier display and have no idea what to do about it. I mean Edward just practically saw me naked.

Luckily Edward decides to break the silence we've fallen into and speaks. "So, uh.. sorry about just dropping in on you," he runs a hand through his hair, the messy locks becoming more tousled as he avoids making eye contact with me.

_Oh jeez, this is not getting any better._

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it," I answer nonchalantly, hoping it comes of that way at least.

"Well it's pretty clear you weren't expecting company, unless you always answer the door half-dressed," he smirks, his green eyes finally looking up to catch me blushing yet again.

"No, that's only for the special people," I reply, tucking my chin down to my chest for a moment to hide.

"Are you saying I'm special?"

"Uh no, I thought you were Mrs. Crumbumble, my elderly neighbor. She always comes over to complain about my music."

"So you need to be elderly to get the Full Monty answering service? I'll remember that," Edward laughs and shakes his head.

"Please stop talking about it. I'm so humiliated," I beg, hoping he drops the issue.

"Bella, I'm a doctor. It's nothing I haven't seen before," he says as he turns to me, a playful light in his verdant eyes.

"So what are you doing here?" I ask him, choosing to ignore his last remark. Edward rarely ever stops by my apartment and even less often without Rosalie so I'm curious what brings him by now.

He palms the back of his neck for a moment, rubbing nervously. "Yeah, well. Rose told me you were sick and wanted to give you some things to make you feel better." He picks the purple bag up and hands it to me, a sheepish look still on his face.

I smile and take the bag from his hands, my fingers brushing his for a moment. I feel a little tingle shoot through me at the contact but don't let myself linger over it. Instead I peer into the bag and move the tissue paper to get at the contents inside. My mouth pops open at what I find.

Inside the bag is filled with all sorts of items to help me feel better during that time of the month. I'm smiling as I rummage through the bag, finding all the little treats. Rosalie has given me a few bottles of Midol, a heat compress, aspirin, a box of tampons, a sleep mask, a small tranquility candle and a few style magazines. At the bottom I find probably the best thing in the bag, a package of mini-M&Ms, my most favorite type of candy. Ever.

"Oh my gosh, this is awesome!" I shout as I pull out the M&Ms. "I can't believe she did this," I'm so excited over finding these that I'm not even embarrassed about the rest of the items.

"Yeah, well she mentioned you were having some, uh.. _issues_ right now and thought this might help?" Edward asks more than states. I look at him and notice he is flushed and having trouble keeping eye contact with me, though he is wearing a smile.

"What?" I can't help but tease him. Turnabout is fair play, after all. "Are you one of those guys who can't handle female issues, Edward? And to think, _you're a doctor_."

He laughs, a throaty sound so enticing that if I was one of these M&Ms, it would melt me. Hell, it kind of already does.

"No," he says while shaking his head, "Nothing like that. I just, um… had to pick some of the things up and I hope I got the right stuff. If not, I could try…" he trails off.

I laugh at his shyness and give him a soft push on his arm. "Please, don't even worry about it. I'm not... um, actually in need of this stuff right now," I admit, feeling another light blush creep in at my admission.

Edward looks up and gives me a puzzled look so I explain further. "I...I just," I pause and exhale a breath, "I wanted to spend my day relaxing and doing what I wanted. Between work and all the help Rose needs, I've just been run down. So I kind of lied to Rose to get out of doing wedding stuff," I say softly, hoping he won't be disappointed in me. I look up in surprise when Edward laughs, full and rich beside me.

I smile at him and the amusement on his face. He continues to chuckle as he tells me, "I totally understand, Bella. I would do the same thing. Did actually, but just with my Dad."

"What do you mean?"

"I was supposed to go play golf with him today but cancelled earlier when Rose asked me to bring you this. I've been so swamped at the hospital and knew Rose would be out all day, so I figured I could sneak some down time in if I volunteered to bring you your 'medication.' Rose didn't care so I told my dad Rose wasn't feeling well and I needed to stay with her," he shrugs with a wry smile, leaning further back into my couch. I mimic his actions and pull my feet underneath my body on the cushions.

"Well then, looks like we've both got some free time to waste," I say seriously.

Edward nods his agreement but neither of us speaks, both content to let the peace linger instead. He slouches down a little in his seat and lets his head lean against the back of the couch, his eyes closing. I like that he is so comfortable in my apartment and can do something like that without hesitance. I recline as well with a soft sigh leaving my lips. Melody Gardot is still crooning in the background, her soulful voice filling the room.

"_I don't need anything more than I got  
>I'll make it simple when others may not<em>

Whenever you need some company  
>Some love of a different kind<br>Come to your lover, undercover  
>And let me ease your mind<p>

Whenever your heart beats heavy  
>And worry has got you down<br>Come to your lover, undercover…"

"This is a great singer," Edward remarks during a lull in the music. "Not the typical jazz music most people think of."

I nod my head in agreement with him. "She's one of my favorites for relaxing in the bath," I respond softly over the music.

"Is that what you were doing before?" Edward questions as he turns his head to gaze at me softly.

"Mm-hmm."

"Shit, Bella, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to go?" Edward asks, sitting up quickly. "I didn't mean to invite myself into your day." His brow is furrowed with worry as he looks at me.

"No, it's fine. Edward, don't worry about it." I reach over and touch him on his forearm, my skin tingling again where we touch. "I don't mind you being here," I add more softly.

"Are you sure?" he asks again, his expression serious.

I study Edward for a minute, struggling to decide what the right decision is. He seems to study me as well, both of our eyes intently watching the other. As the music comes to a stop and the room falls silent, I make another choice unlike my usual self.

"Yeah, stay. We can hang out and play hooky together," I state, resolved to enjoy a day with my one time closest New York friend.

Edward takes a few more moments before consenting, nodding his head as the corner of his mouth turns up a little. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm sure." I smile at him, feeling unusual warmth spread through my body at his acceptance.

I begin to lie back again when I hear a small (but actually really freaking loud) rumble and realize it's my stomach. I glance at Edward and see he is trying to contain his laughter and failing miserably.

"Shut up," I say with a huff. "I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning."

Edward doesn't hold back any further and lets laughter roll from his lips, shoulders shaking and eyes crinkling. I want to be angry with him but he looks so happy and carefree that I find it hard to not join in.

"Whatever, I'm going to make a sandwich." I stand and walk into my kitchen where I grab the necessary items from my fridge and make a quick sandwich.

I set the sandwich on a plate, add a few pretzels and get a water bottle out as well before walking back into the living room. Edward is still sitting on the couch but lines of worry or anxiousness no longer marred his brow. I smile, knowing he is enjoying the time off from real life as much as I am. He looks up when he feels me sit beside him on the couch.

"You didn't make me anything?" he asks, green eyes shining with mischief.

I scoff. "Like I'd do anything that nice for you," I quip back.

"But you're the hostess! And I'm hungry."

I shrug as I take a sip of my water and try not to laugh at his antics. I pop a pretzel into my mouth for added measure, grinning at the disbelieving look on Edward's face.

"Bella, come on. I'm starving over here."

"Mmm.. so good," I moan as I take a big bite out of my ham and cheese.

"Now that's just cruel," Edward huffs. I ignore him as best as I can (which isn't very much). He looks at me and I watch as his eyes begin to calculate something. Something no good, I'm sure.

"Bella," he speaks lowly, scooting closer to me on the couch until his knee is almost touching mine. "Bella, please." His voice is soft and buttery, melting. "Please, can I have something to eat?"

I shake my head but refuse to look at him. I keep my eyes focused forward with my back straight, knowing if I see his face it will all be over.

"You won't even give me a pretzel?" Edward continues to say softly. "Not even one, little pretzel?" I glance quickly at him from the corner of my eye and catch the pout on his full lips.

_Damn. He is using my kryptonite_.

I sigh and my stiff posture caves immediately as I hand the plate to Edward so he can have a pretzel.

"Yes!" he cheers and grabs some of my offering. "I knew you were the best," he chuckles before shoving them in his mouth. I turn to face him finally and he is so giddy that any retort I had about being manipulated is useless. He's just too damn happy with himself for me to burst his bubble.

"Do you want me to make you something?" I ask him finally after we have been sharing my lunch for a few more minutes.

Edward shakes his head. "No, I'm good. I just wanted a taste."

"You've eaten all of my pretzels! That's more than a taste," I argue.

He shrugs and smirks at me. "What can I say, I'm a growing boy."

"Ugh, boys are so dumb," I mumble but he hears me and laughs. I shake my head at him and his silliness. It's a rare side to see anymore. Not that I see much of him anyway.

I flash back to what Alice told me the other night at the club and wonder if it's true. Does Edward miss being friends with me?

If the past hour is any indication, I think he does. And truthfully I've missed him as well.

"So, what should we do today?" I ask after I've finished eating what's left of my lunch. Edward has moved over to my small entertainment center and is poking around the pictures and knick-knacks there. He lifts up a framed picture of a Rose and me from when we were thirteen. It's from Halloween and Rose is dressed like Eva Peron via Madonna, who was extremely popular (and sexy, of course) that year where as I was dressed as a ladybug. Antennas, red dress, black polka dots and all. The complete opposite of sexy.

It was another example of how different Rose and I were in our lives. She was gorgeous at thirteen whereas I barely looked old enough to be trick or treating alone.

"Oh God, please, don't look at that," I beg as I reach for the picture frame, trying to keep Edward from seeing more embarrassing moments of my life.

"What, why?" Edward asks as he pulls the photo out of my reach, stretching his arm over my head.

"Because I look like such a dork and Rose doesn't, as usual," I explain while attempting to reach for the picture with no luck. I step closer to Edward as I continue to grab the frame but he evades my advances.

"Don't be ridiculous, you both look great," he says without lowering his arm.

"Edward, give it back."

"No, I like it. I think I'll keep it if you insist on being so discouraging about it," he taunts.

"No, it's mine! I want it," I shout, nearly standing on top of him as I step further into his body space, reaching for my picture.

"Not a chance, not unless you admit it," he demands.

"Admit what?"

"That you look just as good as she does."

"Please, never gonna happen."

"Yes it will or no picture for you."

"Edward."

"You know, I think I know the perfect place for this picture too. In the children's wing of the hospital, it will give the girls positive role models to look up to instead of Miley Cyrus," he tells me, a devilish smile in place.

"What! No, you can't do that!" I shriek and start jumping to grab the picture. _How grown up of me._

"Sure I can, it will be great. Plus, I'll get to see your cute little ladybug face everyday this way," he taunts, stretching his arm higher as I lean on his chest and try to pull the frame closer by grabbing onto his bicep.

"Absolutely not! No one can see this, I don't care who it's good for," I defend.

"Then say it."

I purse my lips, refusing to cave. Edward is as stubborn as I am and only reiterates his terms. I don't know how much longer we can go back and forth like this but Edward seems adamant about it. I don't like it one bit and try for several more minutes to take the picture back with no success.

Finally I've had enough and give in.

"I look good too," I grumble out my admission.

"What was that? I didn't understand you," he says, holding his free hand up to cup his ear.

"I look as good as Rose," I say slightly louder, crossing my arms over my chest. I'm not happy to be admitting defeat.

"Say you look pretty," he demands.

I huff angrily. "Fine, I look pretty."

"Say you're the prettiest ladybug that ever walked the Earth," he pushes.

I gave him an incredulous look, this was not part of the terms. He merely raises an eyebrow. My eyes narrow.

"I'm not saying that. I said I look as good as Rose now give me my _damn_ _picture_," I thrust my hand out between us and glare at him.

Edward laughs and lowers the picture, placing it in my hand. I turn to put it back on the shelf but he stops me, holding my wrist before he whispers in my ear. "You're the prettiest ladybug I've ever seen and Rosalie had nothing on you in that picture."

I'm taken aback by his admission and close proximity. I can feel his warm breath on my neck and smell his cologne. It's warm and earthy, like pine or rain at midnight. It reminds me of home for a brief moment and I begin to lean a little closer to him, wanting to be closer to the heat and scent of this man. It feels like there is a spark building between us and I just need…want to touch it, and I think Edward feels it too. But before I can place my hand on his chest, Edward pulls away and shuffles backwards.

I look up and see his face is distressed, lines of agitation on his brow. He reaches up, running his hand through his messy hair before rubbing the back of his neck while his eyes dart around the room but never to me. I turn back to the wall and away from Edward as I feel nervous and awkward myself.

I sigh, the little moment we just had (is that what it was?) clearly making him uncomfortable. I don't like the feeling in the air and decide to push the weird tension from the situation the best way I know how.

Ignore it.

I reach forward and pluck a DVD from the shelf and slip it out of the case. I step over and put it in the player before switching on the TV and then moving back to face Edward.

"Want to watch a movie?" I ask him, attempting to tell him with my eyes that we can forget what just happened.

_Well, I'll forget it for now, but I might think of it later. Maybe. Probably. _

He seems to understand my nonverbal message and gives me a forced casual smile. I motion for him to sit and he resumes his place on the couch but I don't join him immediately, knowing I can't sit by him just yet.

"I think I want a soda, you want a soda?" I ask, taking a few steps toward the kitchen. He nods and I turn to leave.

In the kitchen I take a few deep breaths and force my mind to stop thinking about what just happened. It was nothing, simple teasing and playfulness between friends. The little comment at the end was harmless and surely not intended to be flirty so I need to let it go.

Resolved, I grab the sodas from the fridge and make my way to the couch, plopping down ungracefully as ever as I hand him his drink. _Well, if it was meant to be flirty before he is defiantly rethinking that course of action now._

The credits for the film have already started and I can't help the wistful smile on my face as I read them. I love this movie.

"So what are we watching?" Edward asks as I continue to stare at the screen. His voice seems to be normal but I think I can detect a slight nervous tremble in it. I'm still going by my earlier course of action and ignoring it as best I can.

"An Affair to Remember," I tell him.

"Is it any good, I've never seen it."

I turn my head sharply to look at him, shocked by his response. "What? Seriously? You don't know about Nickie Ferrante and Tracey McKay, the Empire State Building, pink champagne, and secret stairwell kisses?" I ask incredulously but he stares at me like _I'm _the crazy one. "You've never seen this?"

"Uh, no. Can't say I have." He squirms in his seat under my intense gaze.

"Well prepare yourself for brilliance, my friend," I retort proudly. "This move is one of the greatest stories of all time. Academy Award winning music, brilliant performances by Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr and a love that can't be held down by any limits…. It's simply perfection," I tell him with conviction.

Edward gives me a crooked grin in return, all the awkwardness and tension from before gone from his face. "Well okay then," he states and turns to watch the film as it opens to a view of a newscaster discussing Nickie Ferrante's upcoming marriage.

We watch the movie and I can't help but get lost in the world and words of the actors. I really do love this movie and the epic romance of it all. What I wouldn't give to find a love like that.

I glance periodically at Edward while we are watching and find him usually smiling at the screen. Hearing him laugh at the subtle flirtations of the characters sets flutters off in my stomach and I am so glad to be experiencing this with him. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be watching this with right now.

We are both moving and shifting on the couch as the movie plays and somehow end up resting against each other. My head has fallen onto Edward's shoulder at some point and his left arm is lying on the back of the couch above me. I am pressed up against his side and the warmth of his body feels wonderful next to mine.

The position we are in is incredibly comfortable and I don't want to move from it but know I should especially after how tense things got when we were this close before. I'm about to move back to my side of the couch when I feel Edward's thumb brushing along the top of my shoulder, slow and light strokes against my skin. I glance at his face quickly but he doesn't seem to realize he is doing it.

Conscious of his action or not, I'm not going anywhere as long as he is doing that. I settle back into the nook of his arm and continue watching as Tracey rushes off to meet her soul mate at the Empire State Building.

When the final scene has ended and the screen fades to black, I turn and give Edward an expectant look.

"Well?" I say when he does nothing but look down at me.

"It was good," he remarks indifferently.

"Good?" I ask, astonished by his lack of appreciation.

"Yeah, it was good."

"Are you kidding me?" I slap at his chest and push myself up and away from him. "Good? That's all you're going to say, it was good?"

He laughs, loud and rich and it sets the flutters off again but I ignore them too. "It was better than good Edward. Were you not watching the same movie as me?"

He merely smiles a soft, tender smile at me but says nothing further on the subject.

"Ugh, men. A movie has to have explosions and cussing and sex to be considered brilliant, right? Why can't you appreciate the beauty of a good romance?" I ask melodramatically (even I can admit it).

"What can I say, we prefer explosions and sex and shit. It makes us men," he shrugs.

"Worthless, you're all worthless," I grumble as I stand and pick up my now warm drink and leave for the kitchen to toss it in the trash.

Edward laughs and shakes his head as I pass. "We can appreciate a good romance, Bella, we just aren't allowed to admit it."

Being the mature one, I stick my tongue out at him as I pass. His laughter follows me into the next room.

I throw the can in the recycle bin (always do your part) and wash my hands to get a moment for myself. I'm not irritated at Edward, I know he is only teasing about the film but how we ended up watching it, pressed close together with his thumb rubbing my shoulder, has left me a little on edge.

Thoughts and feelings I should not be having are beginning to plague my mind and I know I can't let that happen.

I hear a phone ring and Edward answering it so I allow myself a few more minutes to get under control. Once I take a few more calming breaths, I go back to find Edward speaking quietly but fiercely into his phone.

"No, that's not the issue. We already decided….. I don't think… Yes, I know you've… But that's-….You did what?" He seems to be getting more worked up as the conversation goes on, frustration and anger building on his features.

I feel guilty hearing his side of the conversation and try to step back out of the room to allow him more privacy in my small apartment but he catches me and puts his hand up to stop me.

"Look, I'm not happy about this at all, but this isn't the time. We'll finish this later," he says firmly. "I've got to go…. Yeah, ok. Bye." Edward tosses his phone onto the cushion beside him and plunges his hands into his hair, gripping the strands tightly as he presses his eyes and lips firmly closed, his elbows on his knees.

"Is everything okay?" I timidly ask, stepping closer to him.

"Yeah," another large exhale but he still doesn't look up. "It's just Rosalie and wedding stuff," he explains. "She found a place here in the city she wants for the wedding."

"Well that's great, isn't it?" I'm confused by his reaction since this is what Rose has been waiting for to set a date.

"It would be except we already agreed to have it at my parent's place two weeks ago. We even told my mother and she was thrilled," he says sharply. "Now I'll have to tell her _we_ changed our minds and break her heart."

I feel terrible for the position Rose is putting him in but don't know of any way to help. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault. You know Rosalie, always has to get her way. You know that better than anyone," Edward sneers. I'm taken aback by the jab. It's hurtful, not only to my friendship with Rose but as a person as well. I drop my head and frown, baffled by this man and how different he is from the one I spent the afternoon laughing and joking with.

Edward sighs, stands up quickly to gather his things and moves toward the door. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm upset with her and taking it out on you. Please accept my apologies for my rude behavior which has probably ruined your day. I should go," he states sadly as he hovers by the door.

"It's okay, I get it. I'm sorry you're upset but it hasn't ruined my day. I really enjoyed spending time with you again. I'm not letting the end spoil the rest of it," I admit, hoping he can see I'm sincere.

Edward smiles at me, his head tilting to the side as he studies me. "You right. It's been a wonderful day and I'm glad we could hangout like we use to. I'm not going to let the last ten minutes ruin a beautiful thing like that."

I blush at his words but manage to give him a smile as well.

"Let's not wait so long to do this again, okay?"

"Okay," I agree.

"Bye Bella."

"Bye Edward."

He gives me another smile and slips out the door. I glance at the clock and notice the afternoon has passed by faster than I realized and I need to get ready to head into work. As I go about my routine, I recount the time Edward and I spent together and how good it felt to be friends with him again.

Somehow, even though he is gone, I can still feel his warmth in the air. For once, I don't feel so alone in my home.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

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><p><strong>AN: So there we go! I hope the wait was worth it. I certainly enjoyed seeing B&E get to spend some time together.**

**Now for something entirely special, I have a treat for anyone who reviews. I will give you a little teaser for the next chapter and let me tell you, big things are happening in the next chapter. *wink wink***

**So let me hear from you**!


	8. Chapter 7

**Okay, wow. Just wow. I'm blown away by the influx of new readers and amazing reviews/alets/favs you guys sent my way after the last chapter. A quick hello to Nic from The Lemonade Stand who recommended this little story in TLS Nursery. Thanks chicka, and welcome all the new readers who found their way from over there! If you haven't been to the site before, you should go ASAP. They've got some great things over there for readers and writers alike.**

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**This chapter was originally twice as long but it got to be too much so it's been split. The bad news: the big thing I wanted to happen in lucky number 7 isn't going to. The good news: it happens in number 8. The even better news- chapter 8 is already done.**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 7 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

The days following my afternoon with Edward move quickly, filled with work and responsibilities. I don't really have a chance to dwell on anything that happened which I've decided is a good thing since I'm unclear what, if anything, that would be.

I do know that I enjoyed my time with him, the laughing and teasing and even the slightly more serious words we exchanged immensely. Probably more than I should have. Which is again why I'm grateful that my schedule has been too full for me to spend extra time or energy worrying about that afternoon.

Before I know it, it's already mid-May. I haven't really gotten a chance to speak with Rosalie about her finding a wedding venue other than a brief phone call the day after Edward's visit when she told me her and Vera had finally found the place she wanted. Vera's connections allowed Rosalie to get into Gotham Hall and speak with the event coordinator there about hosting the wedding. I am a little hurt by the excitement and enthusiasm Rose is suddenly showing toward Vera but ultimately let it go because if I know anything, it's Rose's infatuation with people and places can wane quickly. I am sure her adoration for Vera at the moment will go in a similar fashion.

Although Edward and I haven't really interacted with each other much I have heard from another beautiful man, Jasper Whitlock. He waited three days before calling me (very _Swingers_ of him) and asked if it would be possible for us to meet up. While I still feel a bit of a flutter in my belly when I speak to him, something keeps tamping the emotion down. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I do my best to ignore it and try to give Jasper a chance. It has been a very long time since I've allowed myself to become involved with anyone and it seems like Jasper could be worth it. If only we can get our schedule's to coordinate. Sadly, even two weeks after we have been having phone and text conversations, nothing seems to be working in our favor for an actual meet-up. I hope the new month and my new work rotation schedule can help to change that.

As for today, I am on my way to a little corner bistro to have lunch with my favorite tiny tyrant Alice. She has been heavily steeped in 'lawyer world', working diligently on a challenging case since we last went out. Alice is fierce in all things and work is no exception so it doesn't offend me in the slightest when she drops off the face of the earth to concentrate on her case.

I knew this about her behavior from the beginning of our friendship and can't fault her for it now. I just wait for the storm to blow over and know we will resume our daily life and friendship after it is finished.

Luckily that time seems to be now since she called me the previous night and left a message demanding my presence at the Upper Crust for lunch the following day. I sent her a text as soon as my shift finished letting her know I would be there, which is why I'm in a taxi now.

The taxi pulls up to the corner in front of the bistro and I slip the driver a twenty to cover the fare and a tip before exiting and walking into the cool air conditioned shop. The heat of summer isn't officially here yet but it's creeping in.

My eyes travel over the various patrons of the shop before landing on the little dynamo herself, sitting in a back booth with her eyes focused on the small black phone in her hands. I approach her slowly, taking in her semi casual business attire of a knee length pencil skirt, fitted white button up with a red scarf tied around her neck. She is so effortless pretty that it makes me doubt my own choice of attire which consists of dark denim jeans with a blue and green bohemian top and gold sandals. I had to put a little work into my outfit and I still don't think I measure up to her.

Alice has never been one to be overly conscious of fashion trends, preferring to go with whatever works best for the given situation at the time. What is amazingly effortless for her takes other mortals (such as myself) a huge amount of time and effort. She disagrees with me on this point, telling me often I am just as beautiful and trendy as she is but I disagree. I'm just an ordinary woman, moderate looks and respectable fashion sense. I'd like to think I could be more put together if I had more time but the reality is I love a good pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. If I didn't have friends like Alice and Rosalie who always look spectacular, I'm sure I'd live in that type of clothes all the time.

Deciding our outfits don't deserve more wasted energy on my part, I slip into the booth facing my friend and wait to speak since Alice is holding up a finger to ask for a minute. Again, very Alice.

While she is finishing up her texting or emailing or world domination (I can never really be sure which), I'm able to place an order with our waiter who arrives seconds after I've sat down.

"I'd like the chicken salad with balsamic dressing, please. And a water to drink," I tell him with a smile. I don't need to look at the menu, we've been here before on a few occasions and I love their salad. It's so refreshing and filling (at least as much as salad can be).

Alice finishes up on her phone and smiles at me before giving the waiter her order as well.

"I'll have the avocado wrap with turkey, tomatoes on the side, extra cheese. I'll need an extra serving of those baked chips you've got back there and an iced tea to drink. Hurry with that, if you can," she rapidly fires at the young man. He seems a little taken aback by her swift words. "Thanks cutie," she adds with a smile to soften the blow. It works apparently as the boy's ears turn ever so pink and he nods quickly before turning tail to run.

I can't help but laugh at her actions, she is so straight forward and unapologetic.

_I wish I could be that way_.

"So, Miss Masen, what has been happening in the world of Alice?" I question once my laughter has tapered off.

"Oh you know, kicking ass and taking names," she smirks as she leans back in her seat.

"In that order, I'm sure."

"You know it, sweet cheeks," she chuckles as the waiter quickly approaches and deposits our drinks before leaving again. Alice follows him with her eyes, a mischievous glint in the dark depths.

"You would slaughter that little lamb, Ali. Don't even go there," I warn, knowing what her thoughts are.

"I don't know Bella, you know how much I enjoy veal," she remarks while still following the young waiter as he walks around the restaurant. I gave her a disapproving look and she relents. "Fine, you spoil all my fun," she pouts.

We both stare at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter, knowing she could be on the prowl within minutes anyway, little lamb or not.

"But really, how are things at work?" I ask her.

We discuss her job, or at least as much as she can. She tells me all about the various hours she has spent in the last few weeks gathering depositions, evidence and the like to bring the jerk of an ex-husband of her current client to justice in the messy divorce they are currently in. Alice doesn't usually handle divorce cases but apparently Alice's client is also an old college friend and Alice would do anything for a friend. I know if I ever found myself on the wrong side of the law, I could count on her to help fix the situation.

She inquires about my life since our last get together and I fill her in on my days at work. Being an orthopedic surgeon is very stressful but something I have never regretted, even if I do complain about it from time to time. I had always been a klutzy child and found myself in the hospital many times during childhood, having casts put on or stitches taken out. So it naturally led to me learning a good deal about the medical field.

When the time came for me to make a decision in college, giving back to the profession that helped me so much was an easy choice. I do wish I had more time for relationships and leisurely activities but that just isn't the nature of the job, yet. I do intended to slow down but only once I feel I've established myself in my career. It's not an easy thing to be a female in the surgical world.

"So a little bird told me you had an interesting day off not too long ago," Alice casually remarks after I finish telling her about a particularly rough night on call earlier in the week. Seriously, why people think it's unnecessary to wear a helmet while biking is beyond me. That little piece of plastic will save your life which is much more important than your pride.

"That little bird wouldn't happen to be about 6'2 with messy hair and green eyes would it?" I respond to her poor attempt at covertness.

She purses her lips with wide eyes and shrugs as she picks up another chip from her lunch, saying nothing.

_Thinks she is so sly._

"Yeah, Edward and I spent an afternoon together, relaxing. It was no big deal," I tell her while I pick at my own lunch.

Alice hums and continues to eat her chips for a moment before pressing me further, as I knew she would.

"So how was that?"

"What? Relaxing together?"

She nods and leans back in the booth, settling herself in comfortably since her lunch has been completely demolished at this point.

I look at the table for a moment as I reflect on the afternoon in question. What I can tell her, what I should keep for myself.

"There really isn't much to tell. We both had a free afternoon and ended up spending it together, just watching a movie," I reply with a blasé tone. "No big deal."

Alice raises her eyebrows in a look that lets me know she doesn't believe me. Well too bad for her because it's the truth. Mostly.

"Hmm, interesting. I thought it might have been more based on what Edward said," she tells me and my interest is immediately peaked. I look up quickly at her and the smirk on her face shows she knows she's gotten my attention.

"What did Edward say?" I ask in forced casualness. It's a miserable attempt and we both know it but I stick to the innocent act.

"Oh, nothing much," she says with an indifferent wave of her hand. I give her a pointed look and she holds it with her own. We continue to measure each other for a minute before I cave. Like we both knew I would.

"Did he say something, Alice? Was it bad?" I ask with trepidation. I know I enjoyed our time together but maybe he didn't. Maybe his behavior at the end of the evening was more reflective of our time together than just that phone call as I suspected. Maybe he felt guilty about spending the day with me instead of Rose.

"Bella, just stop. I can tell you're thinking all sorts of ridiculous things right now about how Edward must have been complaining or some other such bullshit," Alice chastises me. She leans forward and presses her elbows on the table, staring at me with a soft look in her eyes. "He just said it was great. Really great, actually, to get to spend time with you like you use to."

I sigh in relief, although something pinches in my chest as well. I don't let myself linger over that feeling, however.

"It was great. I've missed him," I utter softly.

Alice reaches for my hand and pats it where it rests on the table. "Well if his tone was any indication when we spoke before, it's clear he's missed you too. Like I told you before," she can't help but add with a pointed look and a squeeze of my hand.

I roll my eyes at her but nod in agreement. "Yes, yes, Almighty Alice was right," I grudgingly admit.

"Damn straight." She gives a sharp nod. "Now, what are we going to do about it?"

I laugh. "About what? We'll hangout when we hangout. Nothing more to it," I explain. I smile at the waiter who has returned to take away our dishes and leaves the check. We both dig into our bags to pay our share.

Alice sighs heavily as she tucks her purse away and looks at me with pity filled eyes. I chuckle internally at her dramatics. "If you want to hangout with my obviously dim-witted cousin, you're going to have to make it happen. Especially right now with all the fuckery going on."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say with confusion. She is jumping around so much it's no wonder she's a great lawyer. No one can argue with her if they can't follow the argument!

"What? You haven't heard from her royal highness about any of this?" Alice states with contempt.

"No, Rose and I haven't really spoken in the last few days, I've been busy and so has she," I explain, overlooking Alice's slight on Rose. "Did she and Edward have a fight about the wedding?"

I'm suddenly nervous, unsure of what Alice might say. Maybe Rose is upset about the afternoon Edward and I shared after all. It is unlike her to not speak with me every day. I hadn't even realized it until now which makes a ball of worry form in my stomach.

"Yeah, you could say that," Alice scoffs but I'm still confused. "Rose changed her mind about having the wedding at the Cullen estate and it broke Aunt Esme's heart when she found out. I think it would have been okay with everyone eventually but now with the date Rose decided on… Edward's just fed up with her selfishness."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with the date?" I ask curiously. I understand Edward being upset over his mother's feelings but to be mad about the wedding date just seems silly.

Alice stares at me with wide eyes, an incredulous expression on her face which swiftly turns into anger before she speaks. "You mean she hasn't even told you yet?"

I shake my head; I don't know what Alice is getting upset about. Surely the date isn't a big deal, I mean it should be a good thing they've finally got one right?

"That bitch. I can't believe her," Alice grumbles under her breath. "Bella, she picked the second weekend of September."

I stare at her, still not understanding the problem. My confusion must be apparent because Alice finally goes on.

"The second weekend in September. September 13th to be exact."

It takes a moment for my brain to process this information but when it does, I'm devastated.

She is going to have her wedding on my birthday.

_My _birthday_. The only day of the year it's ever about me and she is taking it._

"Bitch," I whisper out without even realizing it but Alice hears.

"Fuck yes she is. I can't believe she hasn't even told you. That's just like her.." Alice goes off in a tirade but I'm unable to focus on what she is saying. My thoughts are dizzy from this sudden news and the fact that Rosalie wasn't even the one to tell me.

She didn't even have the decency to tell me she is making my birthday her wedding day, effectively making it all about her. I'm shocked and hurt and confused and all of a sudden feeling very hot.

_I need to get out of here, I need time to process this and think. Time to sort out what the hell is going on._

"Alice, I have to go," I cut off whatever she is talking about. "I don't feel well and I can't be here." I stand abruptly and began to walk to the front door, Alice trailing behind me.

My head is pounding and my heart is thumping painfully in my chest. I can't really think straight and Alice must realize this because she pushes me in a cab a few moments later. Or maybe it was minutes, I don't really know.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known you didn't know, but I thought she'd told you," Alice is attempting to soothe me as she leans into the cab but I'm not really aware of it. Nothing but the echoing words of her admission is hitting me. And it's hitting hard.

Alice gives the cabbie my address and slips him enough to cover the fare before she pulls me into her arms tightly. My arms remain at my sides, unable to do anything.

"It's going to be fine, Bella. Don't worry, Edward will fix it," she whispers into my ear. My eyes begin to prick from all the emotions I'm holding in. "Call me later, please," Alice says softly before releasing me and stepping back.

"It's fine, really. I think the salad didn't sit well," I croak out and the lie is obvious between the two of us. Alice lets it be, nodding with a sympathetic look on her face as she closes the door and lets the cab pull away with me tucked inside.

When I reach my apartment a short time later, I don't hesitate to walk into my kitchen and grab a wine glass from the cabinet. I go to the small pantry and pull a bottle of red wine off the lowest shelf and then pour myself a generous glass.

I still can't process the idea of Rose having her wedding on my birthday even once I've enjoyed a few glasses of wine. My confusion gets the best of me and I walk over to my couch before plopping down and picking my phone up from the side table.

"Bella! What's shakin' bacon?" Rose's voice is high and cheery, not a care in the world.

"Rose, hey. So how are things?" I ask, unable to jump right into the topic I'm most concerned with. I want to give her a chance to tell me herself. I know she'll tell me, she wouldn't just do something like this without considering my feelings and reaction first.

"Not much, Bellsie. Just been busy with work and wedding planning. You know Vera has been such a pest lately, too. She can't help do even the littlest things like pick out napkin colors or offer music selections, even help with place settings would be nice right about now. I mean really, for someone born in New York society, you'd think she would be a little more helpful in that department," she laughs.

"Right, you'd think," I pause and then gulp. "So anything I should be aware of?" I push her gently, still wanting her to have the opportunity to admit it.

"No, no. Nothing I can't handle," she chirps out, a smile evident in her voice. It's enough to break the small amount of control I have left, though the alcohol probably isn't helping my control either.

"What the hell, Rosalie? When were you going to tell me?" I bark out.

"What are you talking about? What's the problem?" Rose has the audacity to sound offended by my tone.

_Bitch_.

"Your wedding day, Rose. I'm talking about your wedding day."

"What does my wedding day have to do with your shit attitude right now? I really don't appreciate you calling me up and talking to me like this."

"Oh you don't appreciate my tone? Really? Well you know what I don't appreciate, Rose?" I question but don't allow her to respond. "I don't appreciate my best friend using my birthday as her fucking wedding date and not even telling me!"

There is a long pause before Rosalie sighs. "When did you find out?" she asks in a softer tone.

"Today, a few hours ago. Alice told me."

Rose lets a sarcastic laugh out, "Figures that little bitch would tell you."

"She isn't a bitch, Rosalie. She also isn't the one who should have told me. My best friend should have been the one, don't you think?" I'm trembling on the couch but from anger or hurt pride I'm not sure.

"There is no reason to get upset, Bella. God, I was going to tell you this weekend. I've been busy," she excuses herself.

"To busy to tell me your wedding day is going to be on my birthday? Really, Rose? My birthday?" I say indignantly.

"God, Bella this isn't a big deal. It's not like I had a choice. Gotham Hall was only available that weekend and if I didn't agree to it then the wedding would be put off for another year. I can't wait that long!"

"Why does it have to be there, why couldn't it be somewhere else? What was wrong with the Cullen Estate?"

"Bella I'm not asking my friends and co-workers to go to Connecticut to watch me get married when I can have it in the city, that's just rude," she retorts sharply.

"And having your wedding on my birthday isn't?" I'm no longer loud with anger, my voice is much lower with pain.

"Bella, it isn't like that," Rose lowers her voice, calmer now but I can't find a similar feeling. "I really didn't think this would bother you so much."

"How could it not, Rose?"

"You don't even care about your birthday! We usually skip it because you hate to be fussed over," she tells me but her voice isn't sharp, more reserved and subdued. Both of our tempers have simmered.

"You didn't even ask," my voice shakes a little but I try to keep tears from falling.

"I didn't think it would matter Bella." Another pause and then a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. I didn't think you would care." Her explanation does nothing to help soothe me. She seems to realize this and goes on. "Besides, I thought it could be a cool thing."

I scoff and sniffle a little. _Damn tear ducts._ "How's that?"

"I figured it would be something we could share, you know? A day that was special to both of us from now on," she answers.

_Because it wasn't special to us both before? _

"We could have joint parties and stuff, maybe go on little trips to celebrate even. It would just be another way to strengthen our friendship," she adds.

I can tell she truly believes this. Sharing the date would be just another milestone in the life and times of Rose and Bella, best friends forever. I feel a little more of the anger drain from my body but happiness doesn't fill it. Another uglier emotion does but I hold back on the resentment as best as I can. She really didn't mean to hurt me and it's unfair to hold that against her.

"Right, I see," I tell her softly. I wipe my cheeks to remove the tears and shake my head to get my thoughts in order.

"I wish you would have told me."

"I'm sorry I didn't. I did plan to this weekend though, I swear. I've just had so much going on," she explains.

I exhale slowly, trying to calm myself. "Well I think I should get off here, I need rest. I just finished a long shift."

"Ugh, that hospital takes up too much time. Edward is never here because of it," she complains. I don't comment, mainly because I don't have the energy to get into anything else. "Seriously, he is always either in an emergency or volunteering at the clinic. And it's the same with you! I feel like I never see you," she teases.

I force a fake laugh but she doesn't seem to catch it. "We are doctors, its part of the job," I say emotionlessly. "I'm going to go, I need to sleep."

"Okay, you get some rest. I'll call you later to set something up for this weekend. We need to get together," she says happily, her chipper demeanor back in full force. As though our argument never occurred.

_More like never mattered to her._

I agree to her vague plans and hang up quickly, no longer able to hold back on the twisting feelings in my gut. I let them take over me, crying and sobbing with little control as I lay on my couch, hurt and confused by the actions and words of my so-called best friend.


	9. Chapter 8

**This is a reminder that I do not own Twilight and its characters, nor do I take credit for the similar plot between this fictional work and **_**Something Borrowed**_**. I do recognize the similarities however, and thank the creative forces behind booth franchises for allowing me to play with their Legos. I sadly have no beta at this time so mistakes (which I do my best to correct) are present. Forgive me?**

**This story is rated M not only for language but for lemons (in case you forgot). If you're under 18, please find a more suitable story for your age. Thanks. For the rest of you, my medical knowledge is equal to nada so don't believe anything I say as far as medical procedures or treatments. It's fiction, ok?**

**My apologies for not being able to answer every review this time around, I tired but life happens. I figured getting this chapter out was more important anyway. But based on the response, I gather that everybody hates Rose… I get that. I kinda don't love her either (someone has to be the villain, I suppose). Let's see if this chapter can make up for all her bitchy ways, yes? Off you go…**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 8 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

I'm a snotty, hot, tear stained mess when I finally decided to clean myself up. I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower before jumping in. The cool water washes away the remnants of my crying jag and I attempt to keep the thoughts of my conversation with both Rosalie and Alice at bay. When I step out of the shower and change into a soft pair of dark blue scrub pants and a white tank top, I realize that my willpower alone isn't going to be enough.

I go to the kitchen and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich which I eat quickly. Then I pour myself another glass of red wine to help me forget my troubles. I've never been much of a drinker and wine is not usually my first choice but it's on hand and I need to be numb. I don't want to think about my so-called best friend or her callous actions.

Why doesn't she get how hurtful this is?

Clearly one glass isn't doing enough so I grab the half full bottle and take it to the couch, settling in to watch some TV and nurse the bottle. Once that bottle is finished (surprisingly fast) I go for another, taking it into the living room so I won't have to get up as much.

_It's my pity party and I'll drink how I want to._

I pour the first glass of the new bottle when I knock startles me from my task. A little bit splashes on my hand. "Well poop," I mutter.

I walk over to the door and open it without looking, to busy focusing on licking up the wine from my fingers. _No need to let it go to waste_.

"Bella?" I hear a slightly husky voice ask and I can't help but smile as I recognize it. I'd know that velvet tone anywhere.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" I exclaim with a big smile and pull him into my apartment before crushing him to me for a hug. I take a covert sniff of his shirt while my face is pressed to his chest, loving the manly scent. I feel his arms wrap around me and squeeze me back for a few seconds before he steps back from our embrace.

Edward starts to say something but I stop him with my own words. "I'm just enjoying some wine, would you like some?" I ask and then leave to grab a fresh glass after his acceptance.

When I return to the couch Edward has settled in, his legs spread wide and his head resting on the back, eyes closed. It's not an entirely relaxed pose but more one of complete exhaustion and apathy, maybe?

I pour Edward his drink and slide onto the couch, tucking my feet underneath me as I hand him the glass. He takes it with a grateful smile and then drinks a large portion quickly.

"Whoa. Rough day?" I say teasingly as I watch him finish the glass off before filling it up again.

"You could say that," he replies after taking a sip from his new glass. His face is creased in lines of worry and fatigue but still so handsome. His lips are turning a darker shade with the wine stain and his chiseled jaw is showing the beginning of a scruffy shadow. I want to lick it.

_Okay, Bella girl_. _Time to slow down on the wine, clearly_.

I reach for my own drink and gulp down a few mouthfuls, unsettled by my dangerous thoughts.

"I had a fight with Rose," Edward informs me a few silent moments later. His voice is weary and drawn, as if this is a usual occurrence.

"You too? Join the club," I snark then grimace. I really didn't want to think about Rose let alone mention to her fiancée how upset I am about their wedding day.

"I know, that's what we were fighting about," Edward says while turning his head to look at me. My eyes pop wide and I'm sure the confusion is clear on my face.

"You were fighting about me?" I timidly ask.

"Mm-hmm," he replies quietly. Edward takes another pull from his drink and then sits up straighter, facing me fully.

"Bella, I want you to know that I am not okay with this whole wedding thing," he says firmly, his eyes sparking. I inhale sharply, unprepared for those words.

_What does that mean?_

"Wh-what?" I stare at him.

"I don't agree with what Rosalie is doing, she has no right to pick that day," he explains and the breath I didn't know I was holding exhales in a whoosh out of me. _He meant the date not the wedding_. "She has no right to steal your birthday for our wedding day. Not when we have other options," he states with indignation coloring his voice.

"We'd already told my parents we were going to have it at their place in Connecticut at the end of September, there was no need to change it. And God, Bella," he sighs heavily as he tips his head back, gathering himself before speaking. "Mom was so crushed when I told her about the change. She was looking forward to this so much. Finally, something was making her happy again," he says with defeat and anguish in his voice as he looks at me. "Then to take your birthday away from you too…"

"It's not a big deal," I try to assure him. I don't want them fighting over this, not when it's pointless. Rose will have her way, like always.

"It is a big deal, Bella. It's your birthday and we can't ignore that! You and I both know if the wedding is on September 13th your birthday day will be pushed aside from now on, every year. I can't ask you to give that up," his tells me with deep, heartfelt emotion in his voice. I can feel the tears prick my eyes but force them down. This isn't the time to turn into a sobbing mess again.

"Edward, really. Its fine, you and Rose should use it if it means it can be where she wants," I again try to convince him I'm okay with it. "Besides, then we'll get to share a special day," I force a smile at him but it falls flat.

"I'm not agreeing to it. If she won't look out for her best friend, then someone should," he trails off.

"Don't fight with her on this Edward, just let Rose do what she wants. It's easier that way," I tell him in a quiet voice, averting my eyes so he can't see the tears shimmering there.

Edward shakes his head and the anger fades as he gives me a longing look, keeping my eyes trapped in the emerald depths of his own.

"Why can't everyone be as selfless as you, Bella? So willing to give up what's important to you for everyone else," Edward says softly. I'm not sure he really meant to say all that but I blush at the compliment, however undeserved.

My heart thumps loudly in my chest at the realization that here is a good and true friend. Even though we haven't been as close as we could have been in the past three years, Edward still gets me. He understands what having their wedding on my birthday would mean.

I shrug in answer and we both let the conversation fall away.

We sit in silence for the next few minutes and although there is tension, it's not completely unbearable. We both know how the other is feeling and what we'd like to say but out of respect for Rose we won't.

Finally unable to take it anymore, I offer Edward more wine which he gladly accepts and as I go to get a new bottle (when did we polish this one off?) I tell him to make himself at home by watching television.

I return to the couch to find Edward watching Scrubs reruns and chuckle at his choice. "You just can't stop being a doctor, can you?" I tease.

Edward laughs and although it's not his usual rich tone, it still lifts my spirits. "Not when this comedic genius is on." He scoots over and pats the spot next to him, inviting me to sit. I do, shifting around and getting comfortable to watch one of my favorite TV shows. Nobody is better than Vanilla and Chocolate Bear to cheer you up.

_Except maybe Edward_.

Our time together passes rapidly and before I know it, Edward and I are both feeling the effects of the alcohol. I know I am at least, as everything he says or does is extremely funny. We've turned off the television and are now simply trading stories about our time during med school and residency.

"Our first year was torture!" I laugh loudly, throwing my head back to stare at the ceiling as I reminisce. "I never thought we'd have to practice so much on ourselves."

"That shit was awful," Edward commiserates with me, his body relaxed beside me as we both lean against the front of the couch on the floor.

"When we had to learn to draw blood? That was the worst," I complain and Edward nods his head in agreement. "I swear, I never thought I'd have so many needles puncture marks at the same time. It was so painful."

"It hurt for days afterward, no one knew what they were doing," he adds.

"The worst part," I'm laughing so hard I can barely speak, "… the worst part was I was completely paranoid when we finished that day that I'd get arrested for being a heroin addict or something if someone saw the track lines in my arms!" I gasp, laughing at the memories.

Edward joins me, a fully belly laugh that fills the room. I feel so warm and happy right now, sharing all of the good times we had when we were just starting out.

"Oh my god, you remember the time you and Shawn got caught racing with bed pans for shoes so you wouldn't have to do a Foley catheter on the Viagra guy?" I'm laughing so hard I can barely stay upright let alone tell the story. "Dr. Roberts was so pissed!"

"Yeah, that old bag put us in the Women's Clinic for a month after that! I swore I would never look at a vagina and not see it with an STD again," Edward shudders. I can't stop laughing at him and he seems to be unable to hold back his own laughter as well.

"Oh you got over that fear fast, if memory serves," I tease with a push on his arm. _So firm and muscular._

"What! What are you talking about?" he feigns shock.

"Don't play coy with me, Edward Cullen. You had girls lined up around the block during med school," I tell him.

Edward scoffs at me. "Puh-lease, like that every happened. I was a monk in med school," he defends.

"What planet are you currently residing on because it is full-on crazy. You were sleeping with half the nursing staff."

"Who told you these lies?" he asks in mock outrage, sliding closer to me on the floor. I laugh at his ridiculous expression.

"Everyone knew it, Edward. It was obvious," I inform him. "Not like it's entirely your fault, you're just too handsome for your own good."

"Bella, that is a complete and under fabrication. I barely dated in med school after Savannah, I was too focused on passing." He pauses and the memories of his ex-girlfriend Savannah jump to the front of my mind.

_Stupid Southern girl with her stupid college sweetheart status and stupid hold on Edward. _

I shake my head to clear my mind of these vitriol thoughts and focus on what Edward is saying now. "You know better than anyone how dedicated I was, we studied together all the time. At least until you started dating our resident and didn't need me anymore," he says seriously, laughter no longer ringing in his voice.

My own laughter stops as well, the playfulness of our evening resending a bit. "I don't want to talk about that," I tell him softly. It's too painful to think about that time of my life and my jerk of an ex.

It's really bringing down my wine buzz, too.

Edward looks at me and I have no idea what he is thinking. "What?" I finally ask.

"Why did you date that asshole anyway Bella?" Edward moves back a little but I can still feel him in my space. I squirm a bit and reach for my wine glass, looking for courage. The glass is empty however so it looks like I'll have to go it on my own.

"Mike wasn't an asshole," I softly defend but even I know that's a lie. "Not in the beginning anyway," I add.

"That's shit, Bella and you know it. That guy was a dick from day one and he should have never treated you the way he did," Edward states fiercely.

I turn my head to the side, trying to catch my shaking breath. "I don't want to talk about this."

Edward reaches out and brushes the hair that has fallen over my shoulder and is blocking my face behind my ear. "You deserved so much better than him, Bella. I never understood what you saw in him," Edward tells me gently.

I look back at him and his face isn't pitying but kind, even a little confused.

"I don't know, it wasn't really anything in particular," I explain. "He wasn't really even who I wanted in the first place but…" I trail off. I don't know why I'm saying any of this, I don't want to share this!

"But what?" Edward pushes.

Something inside of me is telling me if I don't say this now, if I can't get this out and tell him right this minute, I'll never be able to. And I can live with him not returning my feelings, I've been doing that. But I don't want to keep doing it without him ever knowing in the first place. I take a breath and steady myself before speaking.

"But the person I did want didn't want me," I say it softly but hold Edward's gaze, letting him know without actually saying that I mean him. I don't know where this confidence is coming from but I'm going to use it.

It takes a few moments that feel like hours but I can see the instant it clicks in Edward's mind. His eyes darken and his body shifts closer again, bringing him within inches of my body. My heart rate is flying and my chest is rapidly moving up and down but this moment is too important to break it for something as trivial as proper breathing.

"Are you sure?" he asks me and I nod. "He didn't feel the same way about you, you're sure?" Edward asks again, his voice tight but his eyes deep and imploring.

"I'm sure," I respond. "He never saw me as more than a friend."

Edward shakes his head and brings his hands to my neck, rubbing soft lines with his thumbs against my jaw as he stares at me intently. His eyes are hypnotic and lock me in place.

"Silly girl, how could you not know?" he says but doesn't seem to want an answer as he continues before I can say anything. "It was you. It was always you," he whispers moments before his mouth descends and I feel his lips lightly brush against mine.

The spark and tingle I feel jolt across me is immediate and I can't stop the small whimper that escapes. My eyes have fallen closed and I'm lost in the feel of his full, soft lips. The gentle brush of them as they glide against me is dizzying but so welcome. I feel his tongue tentatively reach out and slide against my bottom lip for a few seconds before retreating, our kiss slowing.

Edward moves back a few centimeters but still close enough for me to feel the warmth of his breath. His eyes are a deep green and search mine, moving rapidly back and forth with worry. I don't let him suffer long and push my lips back to his, kissing him with every emotion I've ever felt for him.

I open my mouth and reach for his lips, wanting to reciprocate the electric feeling he is giving me. We trade kisses, soft and slow, wet and tender for an infinite amount of time, mouths touching and breaths fanning across one another. I feel Edward's hands move up and slip into my hair, holding me close as his body hovers over me. I quickly grab the silky strands of his messy hair and pull, electing a moan from him.

That sound is enough to increase the passion and desire we having been steadily building. His mouth becomes harder and more instant against mine but I give back as much as he grants me.

I'm completely lost in the moment and unable to think beyond what we are doing. My ability to think of anyone or anything else was completely shattered the second his lips touched my own. There is only right now and right here, Edward and I together. Nothing else.

It doesn't take long before we are moving away from the couch, hands and arms and legs tangling and twisting in an attempt to get closer, reach, touch, feel more. We stumble to my bed and my knees hit the edge and I fall back quickly.

Edward is there before I can even feel his absence as his mouth reclaims mine. I am pulling and tugging on his shirt and he leans up to slip it over his head before tossing it across the room. The sight of his naked chest is magnificent. His muscles are lean but strong, tight and begging for my hands to feel them, so I do. I run my hands over his chest and down his abs, tickling the trail of hair that leads lower into his jeans. Edward moans above me, his eyes following my fingers before he snatches my hands away and reaches for the hem of my top.

I let him remove it, only briefly ashamed I'm in nothing more than a simple white bra. The look in Edward's eyes, one of pure lust and desire, quickly dissolves any of those feelings and a smirk takes over my face.

"See something you like?" I tease.

Edward returns my look with his own sexy grin and nods. "Definitely."

He quickly lowers himself and drops kisses along the skin of my neck and collarbone, his voice sending vibrations through my body that further excite me as he hums in pleasure.

"God, you smell so good," he mumbles out and continues to shower me in kisses. His tongue flicks out and licks a line to my ear before he gently bites the lobe, resulting in a low but loud moan of my own.

"Edward," I beg but unsure of what. I just know he can give it to me.

"Bella," he responds and my noises must be enough because his nimble fingers are reaching behind me to unhook my bra before pulling it off. Edward stares at my breasts and I can feel my body flush from the hungry look in his eyes.

"Beautiful," he says softly but he isn't looking at my breasts. He is looking into my eyes and it makes my heart skip and pound erratically but in a good way.

I pull Edward closer once more, needing to feel his mouth on my own. We kiss languidly as our hands begin to roam over each other. Small nips and soft caress interlaced with the sound of kisses soon ignite a fire in my body so strong I can't contain it.

"Edward, please," I gasp as I feel him move down my body. His mouth is pressing wet kisses onto my breasts and then his tongue moves to quickly lick across then suck my nipple. I groan loudly and arch my back to get closer to that brilliant tongue, pulling his hair and holding him close.

Edward continues to lavish attention on my chest while I roam the plains of his back. His skin is so smooth, I want to feel every inch of it pressed against mine. I slide my hands down his back and feel the rough denim of his jeans, hating them for being in the way.

"Off," I tell him as I pull on the waistband, wanting the obstruction gone. Edward brings his mouth to mine and presses a hard kiss there before he stops long enough to rise up and pull his jeans off, his boxer briefs quickly following.

My own hands are busy pulling and tugging on the scrub pants and underwear I'm wearing, desperate to rid myself of the garments. I toss the clothes to the floor and lie back as Edward's hands touch my knees and slowly glide up my thighs, his eyes taking in everything. It makes me tremble with need to see him so intently devouring my body, his eyes dark with need.

Our heavy breathing and pants are loud in the room but I can't focus on much more than the feel of Edward's lips and hands on my body, everywhere. He peruses every inch he can, never letting his mouth move further than a few inches away from my skin.

"I want you so much, Bella," Edward growls lowly in the most seductive voice I've ever heard. Just his voice is enough to cause the heat in my lower abdomen to grow higher and higher.

"Me too, Edward," I groan, pulling him closer to me.

"Can I have you?" he asks, lust and desire dripping in his tone.

"Fuck yes, please," I beg, no longer ashamed of the desperate want that coats my voice.

This is enough for Edward and he moves his body closer, pressing the head of his dick firmly against my moist heat. We both moan loudly and I can't stop the shudder that races across my body at the touch. With a soft kiss, Edward pushes in and I am filled. Completely and wholly, filled.

"Shit," Edward groans and begins to move slowly back and forth, rocking our bodies into a rhythm.

"Uugghhhh," I sigh out as I feel his dick move within me, pleasure coursing from every point where our skin meets.

"So good, so good," Edward is rasping out above me when his lips are not on mine, kissing and licking the skin of my neck and chest. I pull on his hair and wrap my legs around his waist, needing him deeper inside of me.

"Faster, Edward," I cry and he complies, rocking his body faster and harder into my own. The feelings and sensations are amazing and I can't believe how good this feels. I have never felt this with anyone before, so consumed and wanted and perfect.

We move together, him pushing his hips into me and me meeting each of his thrusts as we climb higher to ecstasy.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Edward begins to chant my name and I can feel the frantic pace he is starting to succumb to. "Please, please, I can't.. I.. unnhhh..fuck, please.." he begs me.

I can feel my body tighten in response to him and I'm right on the edge.

"Almost, mmm… almo- yes, yes, right there!" I'm shouting and begging and pleading, desperate for the release I can feel so close.

"Fuck! Yes, Bella, cum for me," Edward's sexy velvet voice pleads with me and he moves one of his hands from caressing my breast and down to the bundle which is guaranteed to send me over the edge, working fast circles there along with the pounding of his hips.

This is enough to push me over and I fall with Edward's name on my lips in a loud moan of pleasure and ecstasy. Edward continues to pump in me with erratic thrusts for a few moments before his own needs are met, my name straining from his lips as he releases into me.

Edward drops heavily onto my body, both of us spent and panting as our chests heave together, sticky with sweat. He tries to move over but I pull him back with a whimper, wanting to feel his weight for as long as possible. We continue to lay entangled, catching our breath and exchanging sweet kisses but not speaking.

I know I should feel guilty. What just happened should not have. There will be consequences for our actions, people hurt. But for right now I'm not going to let it affect me. The Bella I've always been, stepping aside and letting everyone else have their way is not here and not welcome. The Bella who takes what she wants is.

And right now, I want Edward and nothing else. So when he presses a kiss to my neck before leaning back to gauge my eyes, I don't feel ashamed of what's passed between us. I don't turn my head or hide my face from him.

Instead I reach up and lightly kiss his lips, holding his face in my hands and combing my fingers through his damp hair for a few moments as we stare at one another. Edward smiles, a small smile that I return. He shifts over and pulls my back to his chest, his arm wrapped around my waist comfortably.

I close my eyes and bask in the warmth of his embrace, stroking the light hair on his forearm that encircles me. I feel his lips touch my shoulder once more in a reverent kiss before sleep pulls me under and I fade into bliss.


	10. Chapter 9

**A quick few words of thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, you guys rock! I loved the responses I got for the last chapter and hope you'll continue to enjoy this story. I never expected to get much over 100 reviews for this whole story so to already have exceeded that mark makes for one very happy author. So thank you. Sincerely. **

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 9 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

Morning light is a funny thing. It can be a welcome reprieve from chaotic and confusing dreams, saving you from reliving nightmares you don't want to see. It represents the dawning of the new day, the chance to begin again. To start over. To right any wrongs you may have committed in the days before.

Then there is the flip of the coin where morning light is undesired, unwelcome, and unwanted. It is possible to hope the night will last forever, the dreams you spun more coveted than the reality of your life. The night has a way of hiding those things you wish to keep from others, the good and the bad. So when morning light comes to shine on them, you fervently wish it would go away.

It never does though.

The light always comes.

That light is beginning to creep into my room, across the bed and towards my face. I'm fearful of it. I know that when I wake up, the passion and pleasure I felt through the night will become another emotion entirely… and I don't want it to.

Try as I might, I can't stop the day or the consequences I know I must face now that it is here. So instead I do what will most likely hurt me later on, I revel one last time in the warmth surrounding me. The feel of Edward's skin pressed next to mine, the soft movement his breath makes in my hair. The scratchy caress of his jaw along my shoulder as he nuzzles closer into my neck. The press of his fingertips as they softly strum against my stomach. The light pressure of his mouth against my skin.

Before I open my eyes I catalogue it all. I let myself linger for just a few minutes more before I open my eyes and turn to face him.

Our eyes connect, brown and green. His face is sleep wrinkled and a little squished but oh so adorable, his hair in complete disarray but alight from the window so it almost glows bronze. It's beautiful, as is the tender look in his eyes as he watches me. I'm sure I look a mess but I don't want to break this moment.

I know as soon as one of us speaks the spell of night will be broken. And then it's real.

What we've done.

What we'll have to do from here.

Edward must be aware of this as well since he doesn't speak, simply continuing to gaze at me with gentleness in his eyes I haven't seen before. It fills me with hope and love, things I know I shouldn't feel for him.

It's this realization that finally forces me to stop pretending. He isn't mine and he can't be.

"Hi," I whisper, never letting my eyes leave his.

"Morning," Edward quietly replies, his mouth turning up slightly at the corner.

I wish I could get lost in that smile. Those endless eyes.

We don't say anything else for what might be eternity but I know is merely seconds. Deep within my heart, I wish it could be eternity.

Unable to keep letting myself think of him in a forever way, I attempt to do what I know will bring the otherwise peaceful morning to an end.

"Edward," I lick my lips nervously because of what I'm about to say and the gnawing feeling it brings to my chest. "Last night… what we…" I don't know how to say it, how to push the words out.

Edward continues to look at me, his head resting on the pillow close to mine. I can feel the wrinkle in my brow as I stare at him, hoping he says it so I won't have to. But his face is difficult to read right now. I know he feels guilty but the other emotions on his face are jumbling up and confusing me. He is still gazing at me with affection, warmth, desire.

But he shouldn't be. It makes no sense.

I try again to force us into the world. "We need to talk," I say firmly, pushing up and taking the sheet with me. Modesty has reclaimed my senses and I can't bear to have this conversation while I'm naked. And he's naked.

_Oh God._

"We should get dressed and then talk about this," I tell him softly but resolved. Edward closes his eyes and exhales in one long breathe through his nose. When he opens his eyes again I can see he knows the inevitable has arrived. He nods his head but remains in the same position, so I pull the white sheet closer to my body and slip off the bed. I turn and go to my closet where I grab whatever I first touch before dashing into the bathroom and freshening up quickly.

Once I'm dressed, I find an extra toothbrush and washcloth and set them on the sink for Edward. Taking a few deep breaths to steady my shaking nerves, I exit the bathroom and find Edward sitting on the edge of my bed in his jeans, pulling on his crumbled shirt from the night before. I avert my eyes to keep from ogling his body one last time. "I set out some things for you…" I mumble at him, my eyes not rising higher than his chest.

Edward stands to make his way into the bathroom and I jump to the side, avoiding even the smallest touch of his body. I don't think I can bare it. A soft click of the door and I can hear water running in the bathroom behind me. I am doing my best to get my thoughts and body under control but failing miserably. I move to my bed, sheets still messy and tangled but don't move to straighten them.

I refuse to allow myself to think of why that is, instead taking a seat on the edge to wait for Edward to return. He does minutes later, looking refreshed and cleaned up but still deliciously sinful.

This isn't going to be easy.

Edward sits beside me a moment later, our bodies close but not touching. Once again silence settles over us. It should be awkward and in a way it is, but not altogether uncomfortable. There is tension but I can't decide if it's a good or bad kind.

_It's doesn't matter. Just talk to him_.

"So…" I trail off, taking the coward's way out.

"So." Edward is not much braver than me it appears.

A deep breath and I jump in. "Last night shouldn't have happened," I tell him. I can't look at his face, knowing that whatever I see there will crush me. If it's longing and desire or rejection and guilt… it would shatter me regardless.

I see his body tense and shift slightly away from me from my periphery. My heart constricts at the movement but I understand it. I go on. "We were both drunk, emotional, tired from work, and it shouldn't have happened."

"We weren't that drunk," Edward says lowly but I choose to ignore it. We went through at least two bottles together, even if we had stopped drinking early in the night. It's easier to push our actions off on the alcohol than wrap my head around any other possibility.

"I think we should try to put this behind us," I quickly say. "Let's just forget about it."

_As if that is possible. _

Edward turns to me, running a hand quickly through his messy hair. His eyes are pained as they look into mine but the emotion quickly changes to anger then remorse and finally apathetic. It unnerves me to see any of these emotions directed at me.

His eyes are cool, cold, and indifference staking claim over his verdant gaze. Edward bobs his head and stands. "Maybe you're right. We'll put it behind us," he says as he walks toward the door.

I struggle to comprehend his quick attitude change and catch up with it. I hop up from my bed and follow behind him as he gathers his shoes and belongings which we left in the living room the night before. I'm hovering in the room, unsure what to do as I fidget with nerves while watching him.

I want to say something, tell him how I feel. How I wish things could be different, how I wish he could stay and have breakfast with me. Share our day together before sharing another night.

But it's impossible.

There is still a major thing we haven't talked about and as Edward goes to the door, I know it has to be mentioned.

"What will we tell Rose?" I blurt out, Edward's back facing me.

I see his shoulders tighten and feel my own body do the same. We have to think about this though, she is the one we've both hurt with our actions.

Edward remains facing away from me but speaks, barely shifting his body towards me. "Why would we tell Rose?" His tone is not harsh but still cold. My eyes began to threaten tears but I hold them back.

"I don't know if I can keep this from her," I tell him in a shaky, weak voice. My eyes are prickling heavily as more and more of the night's consequences fill my mind.

I can't control the tears any more, they rapidly fall down and I'm trembling all over. My knees feel weak and I can't get my body to stop shaking. Then another thought hits me and I cry out in panic.

"Oh my God, we didn't use protection!"

Edward freezes in his spot and I can't stand up any longer. I collapse on the couch, my hands clutching my head as I sob. We didn't use protection at all last night and we had sex more than once. A million thoughts race in my mind.

We had sex without protection! Lots of sex. _Really good sex, _but still. Shit! The alcohol could possible explain away the first time but later in the night? No, that was all us. And this morning? Starting at each other in bed, my heart pleading with me to make that be real?

This can't be happening. What if something happens now?

"Oh God_… _oh God_… Oh my GOD! _What did we _do_?" I'm crying and shaking and rocking, fear gripping me firmly.

"Bella, don't," Edward whispers and his arms are around me even though I didn't notice him come to my side. I press my nose into his chest and inhale his scent, masculine and clean like rain. It brings comfort and relief.

Which only makes me feel guiltier.

"What are we going to do?" I beg him in a broken voice as he holds me, his fingers stroking gently through my hair.

Edward strokes my back and hair as he attempts to calm me but I'm so wracked with guilt and shame (not to mention this newest worry) that I can't be soothed. He cradles me tenderly as he continues to hush me, swaying us gently back and forth, saying nonsensical things to calm me.

"Slow down for a minute," he breathes into my hair as he speaks softly near my ear. "I-I uh, um.._shit_," Edward trips over this words and it isn't helping me to get myself under control. He needs to spit whatever it is out.

I pull back and look up at him, tears still heavy in my eyes and falling down my cheeks. His face is anguished as well and I realize he is finally grasping the severity of the situation we've put ourselves in.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't plan—I didn't think about anything, just wanted…" he murmurs then pauses, his eyes closing and brow pinching as he continues. "You don't take anything? Pills or a, uh shot?"

I suck in a breath, surprised at his sensible question. _God, I'm such an idiot_. I've been getting birth control shots since I started med school, it is much easier than trying to keep up with taking a little pill every day. They help keep my cycle regular so I've continued with them even though I haven't slept with anyone in sixteen months.

Until last night.

"Yeah, a get Depo shots," I squeak out, relieved that worry is over. But there are still others we need to address, as unpleasant as they will be. "Are you, um," I inhale deeply and push out the words though I feel dirty even thinking them. "Are you clean?"

Before last night, I would have never considered Edward or myself capable of adultery but we are, we did. And if we could do it together than what means he couldn't have before with someone else as well?

It physically pains me to think like this however I have to be sure. But a look at his hurt and angry expression reminds me that this is Edward and although we got carried away last night, I don't think him otherwise capable of cheating on anyone.

I feel Edward's body stiffen beside me, his hand which had been holding mine falling way immediately. I try to look into his deep green eyes imploringly but he won't meet mine.

"Fuck, Bella," he stands quickly and moves away from me. "I can't believe you'd ask me that," he says incensed.

"Well what am I suppose to think?" I counter as I wave my hand around the room, indicating what we've done together. I'm angry as well about the situation but at least I'm looking at the possible ramifications right now, painfully as they are.

"Despite what you have assumed," he speaks with fire in his voice and his jaw flexing in controlled fury, "I have never cheated before. _Never_." His eyes are hard like granite as they stare fixatedly into me and I don't doubt him for a minute. I shrink back at the hatefulness I imagine I feel coming from him.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to be sure…" I trail off weakly, aware of how crass and insensitive my accusation was. "I'm clean too," I whisper out in case he cares.

Edward glares at me, his eyes flashing with his irritation but as I look back at him, begging him to understand my reasons for saying something so hurtful he softens slightly, breaking our eye contact as he drops his head, his hand coming up to tug on the ends of his hair roughly.

"Is there anything else you want to accuse me of?" he asks in a low, aggravated voice.

I sit still on the couch for a moment as I take in his stance and demeanor. He is rigid and straight yet somehow fragile and broken. I attribute this to remorse and shame over his actions with me the previous night. He feels disgusted with himself and upset that he allowed me to lead him into hurting the woman he loves.

The woman who is supposed to be my best friend, too.

"Shit. Rose," I say without realizing I'm speaking aloud. But Edward releases a soft groan and shakes his head back and forth, drawing my eyes back to him.

"What are we going to tell her?" I can hear the panic creeping into my voice and hope Edward has a solution. The tears which had finally slowed begin to race down my face again. "We can't ignore-"

"I'll take care of it," Edward tells me stoically. "Don't worry."

"This will destroy her. She's going to kill us," I cry, my head once more finding its way into my hands as I rock over my legs.

I hear Edward exhale deeply and then sense him as he steps closer to me. His hand tentatively rubs along my shoulder for a few minutes but he remains silent. When I feel like I can breathe again I pull away slightly and look up at him.

He's standing so close and his hands run soothingly along my arm as he watches me, gauging me. "It's going to be fine. I'll make it okay, it will be like it never happened," he tells me seriously.

"We have to tell her something, she'll know something happened because you didn't go home last night," I stutter out in short breaths.

Edward shakes his head in disagreement. "No, she won't say anything. I doubt she'll have noticed," he adds quietly. "But even if she does, I'll say I got called in for an emergency and stayed at the hospital or something."

This is reasonable, it makes sense. Rose did mention how often he stayed at the hospital lately and I'm sure she will buy this as an excuse for his absence. But this gnawing, ugly swirling shame in my stomach is still present and I know the only way to get rid of it is to confess.

"We should tell her," I say to Edward, moving further away from him on the couch. I can't be this close to him and say these words. Because even though I know it's the right thing to do, it still tears at my heart in a completely different yet still painful way.

Edward looks at me for another immeasurable moment before he says the one thing that stops me from arguing my point.

"Do you really want to hurt her like that?" His face is pained, and I'm sure it's because of the reality of the crushing blow this would be to Rosalie. "What happened between us won't change just because she knows. It will probably make it worse." His eyes are downcast, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration as he sits beside me.

Edward's right. As much as telling her would relieve my guilty conscience, it won't change anything. It will only harm Rosalie. And what's worse, who would she turn to? Her fiancée cheated on her with her best friend, the two people she should be able to count on more than anyone else in her life. She will feel utterly abandoned by those who claim to love her most. Again.

It would devastate her beyond repair and I can't be responsible for that. Not when holding my tongue can absolve her of that fate.

"What do we do then?" I ask. I am still unsure of how we'll go about this. What the next step should be, not only for Rose but for Edward and me.

_Shit, how will Edward and I get pass this? Can we be friends now that this has happened?_

I can't contemplate those issues right now and decide to take a cue from one of my favorite classic movie heroines.

I'll think about it tomorrow_._

Edward shifts further away from me and clasps his hands over his knees. I watch him as the various thoughts going through his mind flicker across his face but I can't read any of them. I feel a tug in my chest at the anxiety and stress I can already feel rolling off him and wish I could pull him into my arms to chase it all away.

But that isn't my place. "It was a mistake," I tell myself quietly, trying to imbed it into my brain.

Edward stands abruptly and peers down at me, his gaze sharp. I almost flinch at the quick change in his mood but am able to hold back as he speaks.

"I'm going to go home and you are going to shower." I nod my head in agreement but am still wary. "Then we are going to go about our day as if this nev—like normal. Just another day," he informs me stiffly.

A surge of doubt washes over me suddenly and I have to interject again. "What if she finds out somehow? Wouldn't it better to tell her?"

"How would she find out? We aren't going to tell Rose or anyone else," he says firmly and I try to interrupt with my earlier arguments but he stops me with a raised hand. "It will only make it worse and besides," he says with a shoulder shrug, his hand once again running through his hair.

"It's not going to happen again, it was a mistake, right?" he comments as he turns back to the door. I close my eyes at the hurt I hear in his voice. It cuts me deeply but it's still true.

"Right." My voice is so small I'm not sure he hears me. I'm not sure I want him to.

Edward gives me a final look with his emotions hidden behind a mask as he leaves, the door closing softly but soundly behind him.

I slump over onto the couch as soon as the noise of his retreating footsteps can no longer be heard as he walks down the hall, away from me and the night we shared.

My mind replays his last words over and over, how it makes me feel. It hurts, no matter which way I turn it.

Because it may have been a mistake but it was the best mistake of my life.

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><p><strong>AN: So much for a nice morning after. Reality is a cruel mistress that way. How do you think Bella handled it? What was up with Edward? Do you think Rose is going to find out right away or can Bella keep the secret?**

**A side note, I wanted to let you know that I won a contest! Yep, exciting isn't it? The Quote Me Contest was really fun to write for and the judges thought my little entry was deserving enough of first place. I am completely blown away by that honor and very grateful for it. If you're interested in reading my entry, check my profile for the story Glimpses. It's pretty light and fluffly and I hope you'll let me know what you think of it.**

**Also, be sure to let me know what you think of this chapter, 'mkay? It makes the writing so much more fun. **


	11. Chapter 10

I could tell you I am sorry for the wait but life happens. The point of fact is this chapter is here now and I'm sure you'd rather read that then my excuses. Just know the next chapter is already mostly written so a three week break hopefully won't be needed.

Before you get to reading, a few things. I've started a new story, Pas de Deux and hope you'll give it a try. It was inspired by a banner made by HeatherDawn and you should really check out the banner if nothing else, it's beautiful. Hopefully you'll like the story as well.

Also, I want to thank everyone for reading and those of you who review. I love getting each one and I do my best to answer but I know I miss some of you. Sorry if you're one of the missed ones, I'll try to get to you next time.

If you are just finding this story, I'd love to hear where you found it at. If you know of anyone who is rec'ing it out there, I want to give them a thank you so let me know.

Now on to what you really care about, the next chapter. Enjoy**!**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 10 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

I don't know how long I lie on the couch, crying and trying to get myself under control. It's so reminiscent of the previous afternoon but so different at the same time. I was so angry and hurt by what Rose had done, her callous actions. And now here I am having done something equally as horrid to her. If not more.

Even if she'll never knows I'll always know what a terrible person I am.

My thoughts are halted when I hear my phone ring and the tone is instantly recognizable.

_The Wedding March_.

Rosalie.

Rose made me change it immediately after she got engaged. She stood over me, wide grin and dancing eyes as she watched me change it from her previous personalized ring tone. She was incredibly happy and excited and couldn't wait to be a bride.

I don't think I have the strength to have a conversation with Rose but the guilt is so heavy in my heart that I can't not speak with her.

I pick up the phone and pray my voice is strong enough to not give me away.

"Hello?"

"Bella, hey," her voice is guarded but not angry. I'm still worried and fidget, biting on my thumb as she goes on. "How's it going?"

"I.. it's good," I stutter out. I don't have any idea why she's calling and it's making me nervous.

"So listen," Rose exhales, "I wanted to see if you were free today," she explains. My eyes pop wide, this is unexpected.

"Um, yeah. I'm not on until four o'clock, so I have some time," I say as I glance at the clock. It's nearly ten, where did the last few hours go?

"Good. I think we need to talk," she tells me seriously. My heart drops way down into my knees.

_Oh God, she knows_.

Edward said something and she knows! _Fuck_.

"Wha-what do you want to talk about?"

"A few things," she tells me, her tone not changing.

"Why can't you tell me now?" I ask.

"This is something that needs to be done in person," she informs me. Shit, shit, shit. "And besides, I miss your face doll."

A whoosh of air leaves me. It must not be that bad if she's saying that. I relax infinitesimally.

"Oh, okay." I shake my head and try to get my mind to stop going crazy. "What did you have in mind?" I ask.

"Let's do a girl's afternoon," Rose says. "I was thinking we could maybe get some lunch and then maybe a manni or pedi if there is time?"

"That sounds good," I consent quickly. Anything to get off this phone so I can get my head together.

"Great!" she chirps.

We come to a decision on where to eat (I agree with the first thing she says without a thought) and we plan to meet at the restaurant about an hour later before hanging up to get ready.

The hour flies by and I have come no closer to getting my emotions under control. One minute I'm fine, getting dressed and the next my mind is thrown back into the middle of the night, Edward's arms wrapped around me and touching me in seductive ways that made my body sing for him. Or as I'm walking down the stairs to catch the subway, a memory of Rose pops into my head of when she and I were little and I feel waves of guilt and shame wash over me knowing I've committed such a huge betrayal of our friendship.

Questions and doubts like what if Rose knows or if Edward accidently told her or felt he had to come clean to his fiancé (fiancé for Christ's sake!) being the reason for her call plague me as I travel to meet her. What would I say? How could I explain what we had done that won't wreck Rose completely?

Is there a way to tell her?

_Rose, I'm so sorry. Edward and I slept together and even though it was out of this world, it was a mistake. We were drinking and tired and stressed. I was angry with you and he is what I've always wanted. One thing led to another and it just happened. But it won't happen again, I swear. Please don't hate me. You're my best friend._

That was would go over like a hurricane. Shit, what am I suppose to do?

I've run out of time to figure anything out as the subway stop I need arrives and I move to exit. When I reach street level, I see Rose up the block, waiting in front of Fig & Olive, the restaurant she has picked. I walk towards her with my heart pounding and my hands sweating but plaster on the biggest smile I can manage that won't be a dead giveaway that something is off as I step into her line of sight.

Rose smiles at me before looking back to her phone and typing quickly. Her eyes roaming over me as she tucks her phone away into her purse doesn't help to settle my nerves. "Don't you look nice," she says.

"I tried," I squeak. _Shit, get it together_. I clear my throat and add, "I know this place is nice and I didn't want to make you look bad." I really did try, too. I am wearing a form fitting burgundy capped sleeve jersey dress and black heels with my hair down in loose waves. Nothing too extravagant but more than my usual jeans and blouse, especially on a day when I have to go to the hospital.

I wanted to make sure I looked my best though so she wouldn't have any opportunity to question why I looked subpar. Like if it was due to a long night of me fucking her fiancé or something. _Shit, don't think about it Bella!_

Rose gives me a light smile as her hazel eyes take another look. "Well, I think you'll do," she chuckles and loops her arm through my own before pulling me into the restaurant.

We enter and the hostess sends us to a table rather quickly. It is early for the lunch crowd but this is New York City and you still sometimes have to wait. I think the hostess got the impression keeping someone like Rosalie Hale waiting would be a poor choice and I can't say I blame her. Rose gives off the air of importance and respect so people will bend over backwards to give it to her without even knowing if it's deserved.

We sit at the white linen draped table and settle in when the waiter approaches. The young man is rather handsome with blond hair twisted in disarray but the look is obviously intentional. Nothing like Edward's which is unintended due to his habit of running his hands through it constantly. A small smile steals across my face at the thought of hands tugging his hair, knowing I've done that.

Then I hear Rose speak to the waiter and am immediately pulled out of my inappropriate thoughts and back to reality. Where I've participated in a shameful act that will surly inflict unimaginable pain upon my best friend if she ever finds out. Thinking about it now is just like pouring salt into a wound, nothing but painful and wrong.

"And for you Miss," the waiter asks. I pull myself from my thoughts again and realize I have no idea what the question was.

"Um," I glance at Rose who is smirking but not helping at all. I look back to the waiter and he sees my distress. "Would you like a drink, ma'am? Wine perhaps?"

"NO," I shout. "I mean, no. Thank you but water will be fine," I say trying to control my voice level.

The waiter gives me an odd look before turning to leave, letting us know he'll be back to get our orders shortly. Rose looks at me with amusement, no doubt resulting from my outburst.

"Something wrong with wine, Bella?"

"Uh, no. No. I have a surgery later and I know drinking before would be a bad idea," I say quickly. Its true but not really the reason I'm skipping on it right now. I'm actually fairly sure I plan to never drink wine again because of last night.

Rose gives me a curious look but lets the topic drop. A sigh of relief escapes and I begin to look over the menu for something to eat.

Once the waiter has returned with our drinks and then takes our orders he leaves, which is apparently the signal Rose has been waiting for since she finally speaks.

"So Bella, I think we need to talk." Her hazel eyes are staring straight through me and I think I'm going to vomit.

"Something has been brought to my attention and I feel like I need to make things clear."

_Oh dear God. She knows. I don't know how, but she does. What will she do to me?_

_We're in a public place, certainly she wouldn't kill me with so many witness present, right_?

"Wh-wha-what do you mean?" I stutter, trying to regulate my breathing in case I need to make a make dash to the door. I'm not the best runner but I will kick these heels off so fast and sprint so hard to stay alive, I'll make the Road Runner look like a tortoise.

Rose reaches for her glass and takes a sip of her white wine, keeping her eyes on me the entire time. I'm damn near vibrating in nerves and can't seem to keep my leg from bouncing under the table. Rose finally sets her glass down and gives me a weak smile.

Rose begins hesitantly. "I don't know where to start really, I never thought…" she trails off and I gulp. This is it. Twenty years of friendship is about to go down the drain.

_Was it worth it Bella?_

I'm not answering that right now. If I'm about to be dumped by my best friend for sleeping with her fiancé then I should be fully present in the moment to feel her full wrath. I deserve it for what I've done.

A sigh escapes her mouth and she pauses to take another drink from her wine then continues. "I need to tell you a few things, and I want you to listen before you say anything, okay? I'm not sure I'll be able to get through it if you interrupt."

I can feel pressure building in my chest. This is it, the end of our friendship.

"You know things with the wedding have been crazy lately. Eddie and I had a big fight about it last night," she tells me and I tense at her words. _Oh God_.

"After our fight, Eddie left and I had some time to think about things. And I owe you an apology," she says and I'm shocked to hear the words. My mouth falls open a little but no words are coming out as I look at Rose's apologetic face.

She holds up her hand to keep me from saying anything, not that I can.

"He made some valid points and I realize how unreasonable I've been about some things. But you have to understand, Bellsie, I just want everything to be perfect," she pleads, her hand reaching across the table to squeeze mine. I'm still frozen by her admission of fault, something she never does. Rosalie Hale is never wrong and if she is you sure as hell don't get an apology.

I think I can count on one hand the times I've heard her say 'I was wrong and I'm sorry'. This is monumental.

"I know I can't excuse my behavior but at least let me explain. I've been really stressed at work the past few weeks," she tells me as she sits back in her chair, releasing my hand. I reach forward and pull my glass of water to my parched lips, desperate to quench the itch in my throat.

"My boss Maria, the hag," she smirks, "Has finally decided I've paid my dues and given me the opportunity to move up to a traveling rep."

"Rose! That's great."

"It is, it's something I've been dying to get into but it's really stressing me out. There is a lot more work I have to do now and I'm getting super involved in communications with our business partners and bringing in new clients, it's just a lot to take on. Add to that planning a wedding and trying to figure out all those details plus dealing with Eddie's crazy schedule, trying to find time to see him and just be a couple, then I have my mother on my back about when I'm going to start having kids," another smirk and this time I can reciprocate because I do know about that particular stressor (I've chosen to ignore the Edward related comments).

"Then adding the Cullens' into the mix and trying to make a good impression on their society friends… Esme, who I love, has been all over me about using the estate for the wedding and it's nice but just not what I envisioned for my wedding day, you know? Then there's Vera and all her drama… did you know she broke it off with Jonathan—over the color of the Porsche he was giving her? She wanted bright yellow and he said silver would be better. Ridiculous, I tell you." I laugh because yes, that is ridiculous. Just like Vera.

"But anyway, I've just felt kind of out of control and like the things I want for my wedding weren't happening. So when I found out I could have Gotham Hall, I just went with it. I know I should have talked with Eddie about it but I had to decide right then or I might have lost the opportunity. And yes, I know how selfish it seems to pick your birthday for my wedding day," Rose says while meeting my gaze directly.

"But Bella, you have to understand, I really didn't think it would bother you so much," she explains. I feel a flicker of hurt and resentment bubble underneath my skin but she goes on before the feelings burst.

"Honestly, I thought it would be okay with you," Rose says while running her fingers along the edge of the table, picking at the white linen. "You have never liked celebrating your birthday, ever. Remember when you turned fourteen and your mom threw you a co-ed swimming party but you refused to come out of the changing rooms?" I nod because I did refuse to come to the pool. I was so embarrassed to be seen in swimsuit around the other kids, flat-chested and knobby knees when so many of the other girls had already developed.

"And then when we tried to throw you a sweet sixteen surprise party? You just about injured your dad with the punch ladle when he stood up and gave a toast. You yelled at your parents for half an hour that night about hating parties and being forced into them. You have never liked being the center of attention and you threatened to seriously maim all of us if we ever made you have another party of any type," Rose reminds me, her hazel eyes firm and steady.

She's right too, I do hate being the center of attention. Birthday parties were at the top of my list of things to avoid because the very nature of them thrust me into the spotlight. Rose had been a good friend by standing up to my parents and refusing to let them plan a going away party for us when we left for college or when my mom wanted to celebrate my acceptance to med school with a huge bash. Rose insisted we just have a nice dinner with the three of us and I loved her for it. She knew how much I dreaded those types of things and even though she loved them, she would do what I wanted.

"You're right, I do hate parties," I concede, feeling chagrinned at my past behavior although I would do it again if it kept me from having people staring at me all night. _So not my cup of tea_.

"So do you see why I didn't really consider it to be an issue? Yes, I know it's your birthday and therefore special because you're my best friend and I love you," she tells me emphatically and I believe it because I can see the love in her eyes. "But you hate parties so it wouldn't be like I'd be stepping on your toes there. And I figured that in a few years, I could even sneak in a few parties that would be about both of our special days. Then you wouldn't be able to argue with me because it would be about _me_ _and_ _you_," Rose raises an eyebrow to emphasize her point.

It would have worked. Although I hate parties when they are for me, I have never been able to deny Rose her fun. Sharing a celebration with her would have been easy too because I could have comfortably faded into the background like I always do.

I drop my eyes from her face, unable to keep looking at her now that I understand her reasoning. She was trying to look out for me, in her own convoluted way. And how do I repay her? I sleep with her fiancé. Wow. I'm the worst kind of person.

"I…I," is all I manage to mutter since I feel so shameful about my actions. Rose grabs my hand again and squeezes it which forces me to look back into her hazel eyes.

"Please tell me you understand and you'll forgive me," she asks softly.

"Of course. I just wish you would have told me all this from the beginning," I reply. Rose closes her eyes for a brief moment and a look of some sort crosses her face but I can't understand it. It's almost like contempt or exasperation but why she would feel that way I'm not sure.

"I've had a lot going on Bella and didn't realize you needed to be handled with kid gloves," she bites out and it stings. I want to say something as hurtful back to her but I know it wouldn't make a difference.

"I'm just trying to understand, Rosalie."

Rose sighs and then gives me a contemplative look. She is studying me so intently that it's beginning to make me uncomfortable and I squirm in my seat. "What?" I finally ask.

"There's something different about you today," she says softly while she still stares at me. "You seem… hmm, I don't know, less tense maybe? Did you…." Her eyes are calculating and intense as she ponders aloud.

My nerves flare up once again with her insinuation. She knows me so well, of course she can tell something is different. My hands fidget in my lap as I twist the napkin in them and stutter out an attempt to divert Rose's probing eyes.

Luckily the waiter returns and Rosalie is disrupted from her perusal of me. And thank god for that because if she had asked if I'd gotten laid like I know her thoughts were leading her to, then I would have had to cut my wrists with the butter knife or something. I couldn't possible tell her about Edward and me sleeping together last night and a self inflicted injury would be the only way to keep her from hounding me about my sex life.

I may have wanted to spill the beans earlier in the day but after hearing her reasoning for her recent behavior, I realize I overreacted. If I had talked with her first then maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. And telling her now won't change anything, it will only hurt Rose.

We don't go back to our previous conversation, the one about her wedding or my sex life (thank God) but instead we eat our meal and catch up on daily life. I try to put everything that has happened behind us as we chat, both my affair with Edward and the wedding birthday fiasco.

Once we've paid our bill Rose convinces me there is enough time to run for a quick pedicure. I agree, though I hate people touching my feet. But I know we need this bonding time so go despite my dislike.

I've been feeling distant from Rose lately what with the wedding and all and I think this will be good for us. We wander over a few blocks and into a day spa that Rose called earlier. After checking in and getting set up, Rose and I settle beside each other as two small Asian woman get to work on our feet.

A chirp from my phone alerts me to a text and I pull it out to find an unexpected message.

**Rose said you're out for lunch? Everything okay**? **~ E**

I exhale slowly, completely surprised by Edward's message. It's simple and straight to the point, which admittedly bothers me some but also exactly what I asked of him so I can't be very upset.

I reply back quickly. **Yeah. She apologized for birthday/wedding date**. **~B**

**Good. Sorry again, for everything**. **~E**

My chest aches when I read his last text, knowing he means more than just the wedding. I wish I could tell him how much last night truly meant to me but a glance to my right reminds me of why I can't.

**Don't be, it wasn't your fault**. **~B**

He doesn't respond right away but when he does, my heart lurches and my breath catches in my throat.

**It was nobody's fault but my own….I was looking up… It was the nearest thing to heaven. ~E**

Those are lines from my favorite movie and I can't believe he is texting them to me. He shouldn't be but I can't deny to myself how fast my heart races at them none the less.

But I know we can't say things like this to one another so I send him a response I hope he'll understand. There is a constriction in my chest for a moment but when I hear Rose laugh beside me I know it's the right thing to do.

**You're getting married and I want to be the first to congratulate you.** **~B**

It's not the exact lines but it should make clear what we've already agreed to is what I want.

Even still, I feel a rush from his text and the young lady working on toes seems to be unhappy with the way they are wiggling so much. I can't help it though, my entire body feels happy from his words and it needs to rejoice so happy feet it is.

The lady pulls on my ankle and gives me a sharp look so I attempt to control my body. But a smile still lingers on my lips as I put my phone away and close my eyes to remember the night before, no matter that I shouldn't.

"So Bellsie," Rose chirps as she studies a US Weekly magazine in her hands, "How are things in the dating world?"

"What?" I swallow the thickness that has suddenly crept into my throat as I try to understand her question. "Why are you asking me that?" _Why is she bringing this up again?_

I dart my eyes quickly to hers, fearful that she has picked up on something but only see her raised eyebrow and wry grin.

"Oh, I don' know. Could it be the dopey smile on your face? Or the 'I just got fucked' flush on your cheeks?"

My mouth drops open in shock. "Oh my God, Rose! We are in public!" I screech, embarrassed by her brazen words. She merely laughs at me.

"What? Like they haven't heard it all before?" She gestures to the other patrons and workers in the shop as if to say it is no big deal but I highly disagree. My sex life is not public knowledge.

Hell, it can't even be Rosalie knowledge right now considering who my last partner was.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I huff and try to turn away from her.

"Please, I saw the way you were mooning over that text. I know what those looks mean," she teases and I feel nervous again. Does she know who it was from?

"So who is the guy?" I refuse to meet her eyes, afraid the real answer to that question will be written all over my face.

"Who is it?" She begs again but I remain silent. "Come on, Bellsie. Tell. Me."

I shake my head. She causally lets her magazine fall to the floor.

"Fine, I'll just see for myself," she says and makes a grab for my purse. I quickly jump up and snatch my phone from her hands before she can see anything.

"I knew it!" she cackles. "It is a guy!" I flop back down in my seat and receive a hateful glare from the woman who is now covered in water from the foot bath. "Sorry," I mumble to her. She huffs and roughly grips my foot before talking rapidly and harshly in what I'm assuming is Japanese.

_I just know it's about me. Damn it_.

"Bellllllaaa, tell me. Who are you seeing? Is it someone I know?" Rose demands, albeit in a playful tone.

I still don't know what to tell her so I say nothing. "I'll find out you know, I always do," Rose states definitively.

"It's Jasper!" I blurt out. I don't know where that came from but her previous statement as though it were a fact freaks me out and I shout the first male not named Edward I can think of hoping she will let it go.

Rose freezes for a moment, surprise clear in her eyes at my outburst. "Oh," she manages to say. "Oh… Jasper. Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yeah," I say softly.

Rose ponders this a few minutes and I anxiously watch her. I start chewing on my thumb again in nerves and worry. She's already told me she doesn't like him and doesn't think he's good enough. Now that I'm pretend texting him, I'm sure she'll have more to say on the subject.

"Well," she remarks after awhile. "If you really like him…"

"What?" I ask, confused. "You told me to forget about him like a month ago? Now you don't care if I like him?"

Rose shrugs. "It's not really up to me."

I give her a condescending look. "When has it ever stopped you before?" I ask.

"True," she smiles. "But I'm trying not to be a bitch, remember?" I nod but know she will say more on the subject if I just wait her out.

Two minutes later, she does.

"I do think you could do better," she breaks the relative silence and I smirk at her. "But you could do a hell of a lot worse."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"No, really. He isn't a bad guy," Rose concedes but it leaves me confused again.

"How do you know? You hated him in high school and didn't think any differently when we met him at the club. What changed?"

Now it seems like Rose is a little nervous and shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, I've run into him a few times," she finally says.

My look clearly informs her that I'm perplexed by her answer. "You remember me mentioning that guy I met- Emmett?"

"Uh, no."

"Emmett McCarty? He works with Jasper at William Morris?" I vaguely remember who she is talking about and indicate she should go on. "Well he and I kept in touch and he's been trying to get me to… do some modeling," Rose says with a mischievous smile.

"Okay…"

"Anyway, Jasper has bumped into us a few times when we've been out talking about modeling or whatever," Rose tells me indifferently.

Huh. I didn't know she'd been meeting with anyone about modeling. That was dream she and her mother shared years ago when Rosalie was a teen but after everything with her dad, I thought she'd given up on that.

"So you want to model again?" I question.

"No, no. I don't know." Rose seems lost in her thoughts for a moment before she comes back, "Maybe. I'm thinking about it. The point is that Jasper has been around a little and while I don't think he is good enough," she says it like something bitter is in her mouth, "I can't hold it against you if you do."

"Oh, well... I—I don't know if I like him," I mumble out.

I really don't either. When I saw Jasper at the club I felt a little spark. He is handsome and successful and different. All things I look for in a man. But after last night, after getting to experience all of that with Edward, I don't know if I'll ever feel about someone else what I do for him.

_Jeez, Bella .Get over it. It can't happen! __**He. Is. Engaged!**_

"I don't see it, personally." Rose tells me, breaking me from my thoughts. "You two seem too different to work but hey, opposites attract, right? I mean, look at me and Eddie."

_Please, don't make me think of you and_ _Edward._ The vomit feeling resurfaces in my throat but I push it back.

Rose gets distracted by her own phone chiming and I see her smile largely as she replies to a few texts messages. After a few minutes, she puts her phone away with another mischievous smile on her face.

"Was that…" I trail off, unable to say Edward's name to her. It feels taboo all of a sudden.

"Huh? Oh, yeah… that was Edward." Rose seems distracted but I let it go, really not wanting to know what put that smile on her face.

"So what else are you doing today?" I ask Rose to change the topic.

"Oh I've got to go and see Esme," she tells me as she picks out a nail polish for her toes. My attendant has already picked one for me and although I don't really think _'Hot Mama Tamale_ _Red'_ is my color, I'm not arguing. I've done enough to the poor woman for one day.

"Oh, that's nice. How is she, by the way?"

"She's doing good," Rose says with a smile. I smile too, happy to hear Edward's mom is well. I've only met her a handful of times but she is so lovely and nice that I always felt comforted by her presence.

"I need to make sure she isn't too upset about the wedding venue now that it won't be at the estate," Rose tells me. I still feel a little sensitive to the whole topic but understand she is trying to make things right and deserves credit for it.

"I'm sure she'll understand," I say sympathetically.

Rose nods and then lets the conversation of the wedding drop, thankfully. We chat again about her work and mine while our polish dries. Once we are ready to go (after I've left a generous tip) we walk back out onto the sunny New York City streets and hail a cab. Rose is heading up town to her apartment and I need to get back to change for my forty-eight hour rotation. Joy.

Rose pulls me into a strong hug once the yellow cab has stopped in front of us. "I'm so glad we did this today, Bellsie. I've missed you," she whispers in my ear and I hold her tighter, enjoying the embrace of my best friend.

"I've missed you too," I tell her with deep sincerity.

Rose pulls back and gives me a silly smile. Then she slips her hand down to mine, wrapping her pinky around my own before placing her thumb to her nose and leaning close to me so I can do the same. Once my thumb touches my nose, we wiggle the fingers on our interlocked hand and each wink our left eye.

It's a childish handshake we made up the first summer I met Rose and we promised to be best friends forever. We don't do it often anymore, as it is a bit ridiculous but it always warms my heart and brings back fond memories of the times when it was Bella and Rose against the world.

Rose gives me a quick peck on the cheek and then slips into her cab, waving as she pulls away.

I watch her go and realize that although she isn't perfect, she is still someone I love. We have a history that is long and meaningful and throwing it away isn't something I'm interested in doing.

My purse chimes and I reach for my phone to check the message.

**I really hope you'll find happiness, and if you're ever in need of anything… don't hesitate to call me. ~E**

The words are familiar, just as the previous texts were. Only this time they come from the rebuffed suitor as he says his final good bye before the two true lovers are reunited.

I feel like I ran into a brick wall as I read them over again, comprehension sinking in. Its clear Edward has accepted what we did was not meant to be and is going to let it go. This is good, this is as it should be. What I've been wanting all day.

So now why does my heart feel like it was just shattered into a million pieces before being blow across the Atlantic?


	12. Chapter 11

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 11 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

I didn't hear from Edward again which was probably for the best considering how confused I felt about everything. I couldn't seem to get a grip on what I wanted. Did I want there to be something more between Edward and me or not? _Could_ there be anything more, when he was engaged to someone else? Someone who was my best friend at that.

I just didn't know. My heart was pulling me in one direction and my head was pulling me in the other. I knew I shouldn't be having any sort of feelings for him, that they were misplaced and inappropriate. But knowing it was wrong didn't stop the feelings from being there.

But maybe it was just a holdover from med school. Maybe my feelings were simply my way of grasping at the elusive 'what if' scenario. What if Edward and I had gotten together, what if he hadn't been dating his college sweetheart when we first meet, what if I hadn't introduced Rose and Edward in the first place? What if the timing had been right and no one was in our way, would we have become more to each other? Would we still be together now?

I had no way of knowing since it wasn't how reality played out. Instead, I was here. Five years later, having committed adultery with my best friend's fiancé. I couldn't help but be sick with myself even though I was continuously attempting to justify our actions.

There wasn't a way to make what had happened okay though. No matter what my feelings were for Edward or even his for me (if he truly had any which I couldn't be sure), cheating was never right.

I wished my subconscious would understand that concept. It seemed my dreams were haunted by Edward's presence. Green eyes piercing into me as he hovered over me. Full lips whispering hungry kiss against my own, his delectable tongue tracing the bones of my hips and long fingers caressing my thighs. I couldn't get the images of our night out of my head, or more worrisome- out of my heart. Everything reminded me of us being together, everywhere I looked I saw him despite my efforts to keep busy and not think of it.

My shifts at work were barely able to keep me distracted as I looked for the beautiful man with copper locks from the corner of my eye the entire time I was there. I knew he was in the hospital because I saw his shiny Volvo parked in the garage but he seemed to evade me otherwise.

Or maybe he was avoiding me.

I didn't know if that hurt worse or not. I wouldn't allow myself to think about it. I attempted to do everything like I normally did, completely unaffected by Edward Cullen.

When I got home the day after our encounter, I changed the sheets on my bed first thing. His scent still lingered in them but I didn't let it take hold of me.

Later, I sat down to watch television and saw _An Affair to Remember_ was on TCM but I merely changed the channel and watched _Hoarders_ instead of breaking down.

And I didn't ignore my mother's phone call later that weekend, though I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Instead, I listened to Renee tell me all about life in Forks which didn't sound very different than when I left it. Still rainy, cold and gossip fueled like all small towns. She did ask me questions about my dating life (as per usual) and oddly enough, I was able to tell her something this time around.

Of course, it wasn't about Edward. _God, no._ She would skin me alive if she found out I had slept with Rose's future husband.

No, I instead I told her about my upcoming date with a former Forks resident.

Jasper Whitlock.

He and I had finally found time for a date. It probably didn't hurt my motivation to make that happen quickly after having lunch with Rose. I called him as soon as I could that evening because I knew I needed to cover my ass since apparently the chances of Rose running into him were much higher than I ever suspected.

So when he offered to take me out for dinner and a night out, I agreed by telling him I'd clear my schedule to make it happen. We ended up agreeing to go out later in the week, barring any emergencies arising and none where to be found.

Which is why I'm now standing in front of my bathroom mirror on Saturday night, light green towel wrapped around my body as I attempt to do something with my hair.

Jasper would be arriving to pick me up in about an hour and I still had no idea what I was going to wear. He had said to dress causal but nice, refusing to give me any details about what we were going to be doing.

_He clearly has no I how much I hate surprises_.

Plus, what does causal but nice even mean? Should I wear a cocktail dress or dress pants? Would my hair up in a twist be too fancy or would down and straight be to causal? Heels or flats? Would we be outside or inside most of the night?

This is why knowing what we were doing would be better. I could plan better for it.

The 'surprise' aspect of the evening was wearing me out and already putting me in a cranky mood. _Hence why I don't like surprises_.

I final decided to just go with down and curly hair, a sort of in-between. It would fit with the theme of the evening. I don't take long to dry and set my hair in hot rollers, and then apply a quick layer of makeup. Nothing too much, just a shimmery eye shadow and mascara. A swipe of lip gloss and a dusting of powder to keep the shine down and I consider the job done.

I go to my closet and will the right outfit to pop out, narrowing my eyes in effort. It's not enough however as nothing jumps into my hands so I do it the old fashioned way and rummage through everything. I finally find a light pink, almost nude one shoulder top in the back, something I don't even remember buying. Must have been a Rose influenced purchase.

The top fits along my hips and hugs my curves in an appealing way without being overly tight. It seems classy yet flirty with a small tie across the shoulder, which is what the image I want to convey. I grab a pair of slim, black dress pants and pull them on then reach for my black, toe peep heels. They aren't extremely high and I don't wear them often but I think I can manage for one night in them. Besides, that pedicure needs to be shown off.

By the time I take the rollers out of my hair and run my fingers through the curls a few times, it seems my hour has disappeared and I can hear a knock on the door.

I make my way to the door and peer out into the hall through the peephole. Jasper is there, although his appearance is distorted. With a deep breath and a quick prayer, I open the door.

"Hello Jasper," I greet him and take him in. And what a sight it is.

Jasper has always been handsome but seeing him standing in my doorway tonight gives a new meaning to the word. He is wearing a crisp, white button down shirt with a dark fitted jacket over it and black dress pants. His hair is combed and parted on the side but still comes off a little messy somehow. His hazel brown eyes are bright and shining but his smile… wow. His smile is genuine and makes his whole face seem to light up.

And he is giving it to me.

"Wow, Bella. You look…" he trails off, his eyes pursing me and I can feel the hint of blush rising to my cheeks. _See, this is why I skip that step in makeup_!

"Gorgeous," Jasper finishes, his already warm smiling somehow growing more appealing.

I duck my head, a little embarrassed by his praise. "Thanks," I whisper. "Give me just a second, I need to get my bag and then I'll be ready to go," I tell him.

"Of course," he replies and I quickly go gather my things. I return to Jasper with my purse and close the door behind me, locking it before turning to him again.

"Ready."

"Well then, Miss Swan," he drawls out, a charming smile in place as he offers me his elbow to hold as we walk, "Let's start what's already promising to be a lovely night," he winks at me and I give him a smile back. It's a line (obviously) but I like it and the small butterfly it sends into orbit enough to ignoring the cheesiness of it.

We head down the elevator and onto the street where Jasper has a car waiting for us. We slip into the back and get comfortable as the driver pulls away from the curb.

"You don't mind if we go somewhere a little different, do you?" Jasper asks me as the car moves deftly along the busy New York City streets.

"No, I don't think so…" I don't like his cryptic words but I trust him. I think.

He laughs, my fear must be clear on my face. "Nothing outrageous, I promise. I just hope you like vegetables," he smirks. My raised eyebrow prompts him to give me more of what I need to hear.

"I have a special diet. This place just opened up and I've been dying to try it," he tells me.

"What kind of diet?"

Jasper drops his chin slightly as if nervous but looks up a moment later, his hazel eyes straight into mine, determined.

"I'm a vegan."

_Um. Okay? And the fuss about that is…?_

"Oh. Okay," I reassure him. "I don't mind having a vegan meal." A shrug of my shoulders seems to relax him and he takes my hand which had been sitting between us on the seat and gives it a soft squeeze.

"Sorry, I know I made that more dramatic than it needed to be," he admits. "I've had some woman be, uh,… well, less than happy about it."

"Its fine, no problem at all. You can never have too many vegetables." I wink at him to ensure he understands I'm really fine. Jasper smiles at me in return and we relax back into the plush leather seats of the car.

We make good time and arrive at the restaurant Jasper has chosen quickly. Once we are inside and our orders have been taken, we begin to make easy conversation with each other. It's interesting to see this side of Jasper Whitlock, the boy who once held my fifteen year old heart in the palm of his hand without ever knowing it.

He is so different from who he seemed to be in high school and the man I see today. He also seems to be the same, at least in the mysterious ways.

"I can't believe we finally got to do this," Jasper says as he sips from his glass of wine, which I declined. I've given up that evil elixir, preferring water to help keep my head straight.

Nodding, I agree with him. "I know, it seems like forever since we ran into each other at the club."

Jasper gives me a warm, teasing smile. "I thought it would take forever. I've wanted to take you out for a very long time," he tells me with a wink.

I shake my head ruefully. "You don't have to say things like that. I'm here, aren't I?"

He laughs, a twinkle in his eyes. "You are, thankfully. And I'm just saying I wish I could have gotten the opportunity to do this in high school but I was too chicken shit to ever make a move."

I can feel blush rushing to my cheeks at his admission, though I don't believe it. Jasper never showed any interest in me during our time at Forks High. His saying so now is merely another line, I'm sure of it.

"Please, I was a wallflower, mere decoration to the bigger, brighter star in the room."

Jasper must know who I mean as I see recognition then frustration flash across his features. "Don't say that. You were... _are_ beautiful in your own way. You just need to get out from under Rosalie's thumb," he says heatedly.

I feel a little offended on Rose's behalf, as well as my own. I know my tolerance of Rose and her often outlandish behavior can appear as though I'm suffering in Rose's shadow but I don't feel that way (at least not all the time). I'm my own woman and I make my own choices. I realize there are changes that need to come about in our unbalanced friendship but having someone else point them out ruffles my feathers a bit.

"So are you liking things better in New York? Big change from Texas, you said?" I question instead of responding to his somewhat callous remark.

Jasper must sense my need to move on because he lets the topic go. "I don't know, it's different in many ways but is it better?..." He shakes his head and smiles wistfully. "I can't say one way or the other. Texas has always been home but I needed to do what was best for me and my career, ya know?"

I nod. "Is work going well?"

Jasper smiles and gives a slightly dramatic sigh before tells me a little about his work at William Morris. He is such a character, acting as though being he is put out by his 'hefty work load.' He represents models and actors for the company, some more famous than others but he says he loves the work. It's a challenge to juggle that many temperaments and personalities, making sure everyone is satisfied and getting the best deal out of any arrangements they make.

Hearing about what he does prompts me to ask a question about something else that has been on my mind.

"So do you take a range of clients or do you have the same types all the time?" I ask before scooping up a fork full of my meal, soba noodles with a spicy tofu peanut sauce. It's delicious and I can definitely see myself enjoying this dish again, even if I do usually prefer to be more carnivorous.

_I'm from a small town where fish, meat, and potatoes are a weekly staple in dietary needs. What can I say?_

Jasper finishes his bite of mushroom bake before answering my question. "Sometimes I represent a few authors but not too often. There are a variety of agents within the company who work with the various groups so we don't have too much crossover but it does happen."

His response makes sense, it is a large company and I can see the benefits of keeping designated agents in charge of a particular group of clientele.

"Is something on your mind Bella? You look like you're thinking way to hard about something," he teases me.

I smile, relaxing the wrinkle on my forehead at his words. "Well, …" I pause, gathering my thoughts. "Do you work with Emmett McCarty much?"

Jasper freezes for a moment and seems taken aback at my question. "It's just something Rose mentioned to me the other day, about him asking her to model. I was just wondering if he represented models like you or something."

It takes a minute for him to speak, dabbing at his mouth with his napkin as he keeps his eyes from stopping on my face. It makes my stomach twist a little to seem Jasper acting so shifty and I worry for what Rose is getting into.

"He isn't misleading her is he?" I question with concern.

"No, no." Jasper finally looks back at me but I can see unease in the tightening of his jaw and the furrow of his brow. "I don't know him all that well, we've gone out a few times and I wouldn't say he is a close friend but he doesn't seem dishonest," he rambles. "Emmett mainly works with athletes and sports marketing as far as I know, though."

I inhale sharply at his words. _He is hustling Rose!_ Oh, this is going to hurt her so much.

"Jasper, he's been meeting up with Rose and telling her he can get her a modeling deal," I explain, hoping there is something he can do.

Jasper watches me for a moment before answering. "I wouldn't get upset about it, Bella. I'm sure if he told her that he means it. He does have access to some models agencies and their talent reps."

I look at Jasper and do my best to calm down. He seems genuine in his response and I have no reason not to believe him or what Rose has told me.

Besides, is it really my place to worry about her in this situation? Better yet, would she if it was me?

The answer to that question is obvious after recent events. No, she wouldn't. She'd let me learn from my own mistake.

With that in mind, I decide to let her do the same. If she gets burned by this Emmett guy, then that will be her problem.

I take a breath and wipe my own mouth with my napkin, clearing my thoughts and trying to get back to my date with Jasper.

Date. Oh geez. _Pay attention to him instead of Rose's problems, Bella!_

I do just that, refocusing my mind back to the wonderful guy in front of me. We finish our meals and then proceed to an art museum not too far away from the restaurant. There are some lovely paintings here but I'm not really sure art is my thing. I know I don't appreciate the works like I should but I don't mind looking at pretty pictures so I remain relatively quiet as we go through the exhibits as I listen to Jasper explain about brushstrokes and color palettes.

We continue to talk over a variety of subjects as we roam around, getting to know one another again after all these years. I'm surprised to learn that Jasper is a bit of a momma's boy, though I shouldn't be since his father passed away when right before he started high school. I do find it endearing to hear him talk about his mother, who he moved back down to Texas with him after he finished college so they could be closer. He mentions he'd like to get her to New York but she is being stubborn because the cold doesn't agree with her. His eyes are nice to watch when he talks about her, dancing and warm with love.

I mention my own family, how we lost my father a few years ago and Jasper squeezes my hand in comfort for my loss. I also tell him a little about Renee, how she is still in Washington but calls me all the time to check up and see when I'm going to give her grandbabies. We both get a laugh from that, it seems Mama Whitlock is on a similar kick.

We briefly touch on past relationships, Jasper telling me a little about his college girlfriend Charlotte, how they loved each other but came to realize it wasn't a lasting, forever kind of love. Apparently they drifted apart once the real world reared up around them. I briefly mention dating Jake in college and even Mike, though I leave out the details of why I split with either of them. It's something I know I need to face but it doesn't have to be while I'm on a date with a really nice guy like Jasper.

"So Bella," Jasper asks in a drawl that is much more Southern than I ever remember it being. I giggle internally, assuming living in Texas for so long is the reason behind the change. "Why didn't you ever date in high school?"

I stop mid step at his question, completely unprepared for it. We are in front of a painting of lilies but we both ignore it in favor of the discussion we are having.

"Uh… I don't know," I hesitantly answer, feeling uncomfortable with admitting how shy and unappealing I was then. Or at least it felt that way with Rosalie as my best friend.

"Guess the boys didn't like me," I finally say when he continues to look at me.

"That's crazy, you were one of the prettiest girls at Forks," he tells me, a sincere smile in place. I feel a flutter in my tummy but brush it and his words off.

"I think you have me confused with Rose," I laugh and resume moving along the exhibit.

"No I don't. I thought you were so beautiful back then," Jasper says softly with his hand on my shoulder, pulling me to a stop. I turn and look at him, the intense look in his eyes as he gazes at me is a little unnerving.

"You still are," he tells me and I blush. That has been happening a lot lately and I really don't care for it. It's such an obvious tell that I'm embarrassed or nervous, which I feel both of right now. Jasper is leaning close to me, his eyes flicking down to my lips occasionally as I speak.

"You never said anything back then."

He shrugs. "I wanted to ask you out so badly," he tells me, moving closer with each word.

"Why didn't you?" I whisper, the space between us so small I don't need to be any louder.

"I didn't think you felt the same. Rosalie told me you didn't," he replies and I'm taken aback by his statement.

I'm too confused and surprised by his admission to realize what he is doing until I feel his lips on my own. It's shocking at first but not altogether unpleasant. Soft and firm, his mouth moves against mine and I reciprocate for a moment before I pull back.

I don't know what to feel right now. His kiss is nice, warm, and enjoyable but I'm not in the right frame of mind to do this. Even deeper in the back of my mind, in a place I don't want to admit, I'm know Jasper's kiss doesn't hold a candle to the last man I kissed.

"Jasper…"

Jasper seems to understand my hesitance, his eyes wrinkling a bit in the corners as I pleadingly look at him but he gives me a reassuring nod before stepping away and moving on to another picture. I attempt to wrap my brain around all that he's told me but I can't seem to grasp it as I move around the museum.

_Rosalie told him I didn't like him? That makes no sense, she knew I had a crush on him. _

As we round a corner and near the exit, I ask him to explain his early statement.

"Well, I mean I tried to flirt with you a few times but you never seemed to get what I was doing," he smirks at me and I roll my eyes a bit. I was a bit dense when it came to boys back then (not that I've improved much since).

_Moving on_.

"I decided I must not be good at it but I still wanted to ask you out. Like I said I was a chicken shit, afraid you wouldn't feel the same so I talked to Rose, tried to see if she knew if you liked me too," he admits with a bashful expression and again I'm surprised.

"She never told me that."

"Really? Huh," he says and gives me a thoughtful look. "Guess she must have known you didn't like me," Jasper says with a shrug.

"I did like you," I tell him simply. "I don't know why she'd say I didn't."

Jasper has a contemplative crease on his forehead and his eyes are narrowed in thought. He seems at just as much of a loss as I am. After a few silent moments he shakes his head and grins at me. "Guess it doesn't matter now, though right?"

I duck my head a little but agree with him. "Right."

It still bothers me as we finish up at the museum. I did like him and Rose knew about my crush. I wonder why she would have told him differently? I make mental note to ask her about it later.

Once we've done with the art museum, Jasper and I climb back into the car and he takes me home. It's been nice evening and I've enjoyed getting to know Jasper again but I'm not sure exactly how I feel about him. I like, or at least I think I could.

So when he leads me to my door and we stop on the stoop to make small talk, I'm a little anxious. This is the customary time to share a kiss and since we've already had one, I think Jasper will probably expect another. To my surprise, he doesn't go for a kiss on the lips however, simply telling me goodnight and giving me a kiss on the cheek once we've agreed to go out again.

I appreciate that he understands my hesitance even if the reasons aren't completely clear to me.

When I get upstairs to my apartment, I feel fairly good about the date. Jasper is wonderful, kind, insightful and yeah, really attractive. We have a few things in common and I can see the appeal in some of our differences. But is that enough?

More importantly, is he what I want for myself….dating him, maybe even being in a relationship? Is that what I want?

I don't know.

My mind flashes to an image of Edward, smiling his crooked grin, green eyes twinkling as he laughs. My heart speeds up at the mental picture and I close my eyes to revel in it for second longer.

Maybe I do know what I want after all. But it doesn't mean I can have it.

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><p><strong>AN: Well my doves, this actually isn't at all what I planned to give you but it works better. Sometimes this story just goes where it chooses and I'm just along for the ride. Hopefully you are enjoying it too.**

**Next chapter is up in the air but shouldn't be delayed, as best I can tell. I know some of you are anxious about Edward but he will come (pun intended) in good time. **

**On another note, you guys have been awesome enough to recommend/nominate this little story to the lovely ladies over at The Lemonade Stand. And it's being considered for Fic of the Week- again! I thank you all so much for that. I'm not sure but I think you can still vote today to have THaTH as Fic of the Week. But even if you can't, I encourage you to head over there and check out the wicked cool stuff they've got going on. It's a fun place to be. -tehlemonadestand . blogspot. com-**

**For anyone who cares, I've add a playlist on my profile for this story. Also feel free to browse the character images and what not I've add to a photobucket album. I have some amazing banners by Mehek18 there you should really check out. ;)**

**Finally, thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I think this little story is almost at 200 reviews- way more than I ever thought I'd get. They (and you) all mean the world to me. I hope I can keep giving you the good stuff. **

**Until next time….**


	13. Chapter 12

**Apologies for not having this out sooner but if you follow me on Twitter, you know I struggled getting this chapter right. Add into that the school year starting (I'm a teacher) and things just got away from me.**

**With that in mind, please be aware that future updates are likely to be slower. I'm going to aim to have a new chapter out every two weeks but no promises. I hope you understand. **

**Now in this chapter there is some medical stuff (i.e. procedures and operations) discussed. I did some research but took a lot of artistic license as well. It's fiction, let's be okay with it. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, you guys totally rock! I love hearing what you have to say, good or bad. It all helps, seriously. **

**But enough of his, let's get started. I have a feeling you'll have something to say at the end….**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 12 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

I don't end up finding the courage to confront Rose about the high school encounter Jasper told me about. I know I should, I really do. But the fact of the matter is I'm afraid.

If I confront her and she denies it then I'll know she's lying to me. Not by omission or even a little white lie, but outright, bold faced lying. I'm not sure I can handle that. Even with all the crap I've been opening my eyes to in regards to Rosalie, she is still my closest friend. I've been questioning her actions lately but at the root of all of this is twenty years of friendship. I can't just turn my back on that because of a few mistakes she's made.

I chose to focus on other things during the following weeks. Jasper and I have gotten together a few more times for a few dates, coffee and dinner mainly. It surprises me how much I'm enjoying my time away from the hospital and spending it with Jasper.

He makes me laugh and feel lighter, free to be the Bella I want to be. Like being that girl, the one who isn't worried about saying the wrong thing or making a fool out of herself, is someone I can be all the time. I've only been around one other guy who has every made me feel that way and since he isn't a possibility, having Jasper bolster my confidence is the next best thing.

Of course there is a one problem. What I'm finding more and more of during my time with Jasper is that although he is right in so many ways, I can't seem to get more than a few little flutters worked up for him. I know I'm to blame for that which is why I keep agreeing to meet up with him in the hopes that a bigger spark will ignite. It hasn't been anything like a whirlwind romance where he sweeps me off my feet and we fall deeply in love but it has been nice.

Nice is okay, good even. I need nice in my life.

Would I like passion and fire and overwhelming desire? Absolutely.

But I've only ever felt that with Edward and he is unavailable.

So instead I'm settling for nice with Jasper. I feel guilty about it in some ways, thinking I may be keeping him from finding someone he can really be happy with but he doesn't seem to mind so I don't let it bother me. Though if it ever changes for either of us, I'll be happy to send him on his way with a warm smile and a wish to remain friends. Because at the heart of it, that's what we are.

I wish I could say the same for Edward and me. We've remained distance since our intimate encounter last month. It's hard for me to believe it's been a month since he was wrapped around me all night. My dreams still feature him each night but I've done my best to keep those memories at bay during the daylight hours.

It's been tense at work because of our inability to even speak with one another, though that is more his doing than mine. I'd be happy to talk to him, hear him laugh and share smiles but he remains stoic, indifferent and vacant when we have to interact.

My heart cracks a little more each time it happens. Then I push through it and go on because I refuse to let what happened between us keep me from being the best doctor I can be.

I find myself keeping my mind preoccupied today by focusing on my career instead of thoughts of Edward. I've been reviewing a few medical journals and similar cases to an upcoming one which is scheduled for later this afternoon.

I'm not super nervous about performing the surgery but I do want to be on top of my game. Being a female surgeon is a challenge and since I'm still 'green around the ears' as they say, I don't want to take any chances on being unprepared. Plus it's a great distraction, which might actually be the real reason for my sudden desire to brush up on techniques.

I put away my journals and begin to get ready for work after noticing the time. After a quick wash of my face to remove any make-up (OR rooms can be hot under those bright bulbs and I don't like it dripping down my face), I pull my hair back into a low ponytail before changing into a pair of purple scrubs and heading to Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital for my shift.

I arrive at the hospital and quickly go the locker room to stow my things and grab a few of my essentials. By that I mean a few peppermints, a pack of gum and a few mini chocolate bars. _Can't have a chocolate crash in the middle of rounds_. I tuck them in my lab coat pocket for later and then head out to the nurses' station.

"Hello Maggie," I greet the graying but still pretty brunette who is perched there going through charts. "How's your day going?"

She looks up and smiles warmly. "It's going well, Dr. Swan," she responds and I tsk her softly.

"Maggie, please. You've been here longer than I have, please call me Bella," I playful chastise her but she merely shrugs.

"What can I say, I'm a woman of old habits and they saw address doctors by their title," she winks at me. I chuckle at her, this is a conversation we've had a few times and no matter how often I ask her to call me Bella she refuses. It's rather sweet but still something I feel is unnecessary since she is my elder and I should be showing her that respect.

Of course she almost strung me up by my toes when I insisted on calling her Nurse Owens shortly after meeting her. She said there was no reason for me to be so formal when she would be the one taking orders from me. When I blanched at her implication she quickly shut me up by saying she also didn't like being addressed by her ex-husband's name. That was all I needed to hear to endear her to me.

Rolling my eyes at our discussion, I ask Maggie about the floor and what is going on. She is the head nurse for the unit tonight and therefore knows exactly what has happened as well as what is on the upcoming schedule board. It doesn't hurt that she is also a world class busybody and keeps her nose in everyone's business (something that can both hurt and help you at times).

Basically, if you want to know whose wiping their nose and when, Maggie can tell you. We spend a few minutes discussing who is on what rotation, the interns who are on call and what a hassle they are. It really makes me happy to no longer be lumped into that category.

_My dues have been paid in full, thank you. My student loans however…._

I finally take a look at the clock and realize I need to get over to my patient's room to make sure he's ready for surgery. It's not my responsibility but I enjoy being able to do it when I can. It makes the patient a person instead of just a case to work on. While this might be a problem for most surgeons, I've found it to be beneficial for me and my desire to keep fighting for them and their health.

I give Maggie a farewell and also grab the chart to review as I walk. I need to know what the little guy's body has been doing over night and if any problems have come up which may need attention before he goes under.

Thomas Griffin is an almost thirty six month old boy with Congenital Vertical Talus. He was born with the condition which essentially causes rigid flat feet in newborns, although this isn't the only issue the little guy has faced with his health. But I'm not considered about any of his other congenital disorders as his feet are all I'm involved with.

The notes in his file reveal his parents originally focused on some of his other issues that were more pressing, opting to use the a stretching and casting method in the hopes it would help. CVT isn't life threatening but if left untreated it can cause serious pain and damage to the feet, legs, and hips later in life. Unfortunately, the stretching didn't help and Thomas is closing in on the optional age for the effeteness of the surgery.

Which is what brings Thomas to me now. I'm one of two orthopedic surgeons at Morgan Stanley and although I haven't actually preformed this surgery before, I have assisted with it on a few occasions during my residency unlike Dr. Schimpf who is a transfer from Georgia and never had the opportunity. It isn't that he isn't qualified (we're the same age and both went through the same years of residency) but the Griffins decided during their consult to go with me because I've had some sort of experience. I can't say I didn't do a little fist pump when I found out I'd been picked over him.

Girl power and all that.

"Well let's see what could be the trouble Mr. Brown," I hear a silky voice say as I reach the door to Thomas' room.

The voice and the sight that greet me bring me up short. My eyes have to be wide as saucers as I peer in, watching as Edward rests his hip on the hospital bed and holds a brown teddy bear in his hands.

_Crap. I must have missed in Thomas' admission papers where Edward was his acting pediatrician_.

Peering back in the room but still hovering in the hall (because hiding is my mature way to handle uncomfortable situations) I see Edward has his stethoscope out and is apparently trying to hear a heartbeat on the bear as Thomas watches him with rapt fascination.

Meanwhile, I'm a puddle of '_aww'_ in the doorway as I watch Edward work. He takes special care to move around the bear's body, humming and nodding like he can actually detect sounds inside. His green eyes close briefly as he instructs the bear to take a depth breathe and I smile when I see Thomas doing it as well.

What Edward is doing is quite clever I decide as I see a nurse working from the other side of the bed preparing Thomas for his IV lines without him noticing. I've got to say, if Edward where my doctor I'd be more interested in what he was saying or doing than anything else going on too.

"Well Thomas, it looks like Mr. Brown here is feeling just a little nervous," Edward says as he places the bear back into the little boy's arms. Thomas' eyes are wide and a little wet as he looks at Edward, his mouth pursed in concern.

Edward reaches his hand out and smoothes the blond fringe on the little guy's head. "But don't worry, he's going to be just fine. Nothing a nap can't fix. Do you think he'd like a nap?"

Thomas nods and Edward smiles at him. "You know what I think would really help Mr. Brown?"

"No," Thomas whispers in his little voice and I can tell he is hanging on every word Edward says. It's adorable and heartwarming and I really don't know how much of it I can take.

The man loves his patients and I love him for that.

I mean I love that _about_ him. That he does that. _Oh hell_. Focus on something else Bella.

"Mr. and Mrs. Griffin?" I say gently as I finally step into the room, attempting to not break the moment between Edward and Thomas. The couple looks over to me, worry and exhaustion clear on their faces. I smile kindly and gesture for them to follow me into the hall.

My presence doesn't go unnoticed like I'd hoped as I catch Edward's gaze on my way out. I can't read much in his eyes other than tension and strain because he quickly jerks his eyes back to his patient, a slight frown creasing his face but he fixes it before looking back at Thomas. I want to muddle through what I've seen but I don't really have time for that since I need to speak with Thomas' parents, not worry about the non-look look Edward just gave me.

I close and then reopen my eyes briefly to clear my thoughts and focus back on what I need to discuss with the parents. They are very concerned about the upcoming procedure and I want to do everything I can to reassure them.

"I think Mr. Brown would like you to take a little nap with him…." Edward's soft tones fade away as I close the door to the room so I can talk to the Griffins with being distracted.

"Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, how are you holding up?" I begin.

"Nervous but okay," Mr. Griffin answers and his wife holds tightly to his hand. I smile, trying to reassure them everything will be alright.

"Well I just wanted to give you an idea of what I'm going to do for Thomas," I tell them. After going over the procedure with them and informing them that Thomas will be under for likely two to three hours they seem to relax, albeit marginally.

"Is there—"Mrs. Griffin speaks, her voice shaky but her eyes strong as she makes her request. "Is there any way we could get regular updates? I know it's a relatively simple operation but that's my baby and…"

"Of course, it's not a problem ma'am. I won't be able to come out myself but I can send one of the nurses out," I offer. This is actually not uncommon and I know the scrub nurse Tiana won't mind.

Mrs. Griffin nods as if she understands but appears like she wants to say more. I offer a smile to encourage her and after she looks to her husband she turns back to me.

"Could Dr. Cullen do it?"

I'm a little dumbfound by the request. It's not unheard of since he is the pediatrician working with their son but honestly, I have no idea if I can manage being in the same room with Edward for three hours.

"Uhmm," I clear my throat and shift on my feet. I don't know if I'll be able to concentrate knowing Edward is in my OR. But a look at the pleading faces of these parents has my already weak resolve dissolving.

"I'll have to talk with Ed-Dr. Cullen about it," I say and the look of relief on Mrs. Griffins face melts whatever resistance I have left. I just hope Edward can be reasonable about this, for their sake.

"Oh thank you!" Mrs. Griffin enthuses and I even see relief on Mr. Griffin's face, an otherwise stoic man as far as I've been able to determine.

With a nod I turn back to Thomas' room and do my best to keep my face emotionless as I request to have a word with Edward. He gives me an assessing look but agrees as he steps away from the patient's bed and walks to where I'm standing in the corner, trying to find a little pocket of privacy while still having witnesses around.

I know this is going to be awkward and for some reason, I decide have others around to view it might make it easier. Or I'm just to chicken to speak with him alone.

_Tomato, tomahto_.

Edward's body language is easy for me to read. He finds this uncomfortable as well. I do my best to hide my own feelings and keep things professional.

"The Griffins would like to have updates on Thomas throughout the procedure," I jump right in. Edward stares at me with a blank look and I go on when he remains silent. "I told them Tiana could do it but…"

I lower my eyes to the floor and notice a scuff on my shoes. I feel like a shy school girl all over again and I know it's ridiculous. I cast my eyes back to Edward's face and realize for the millionth time what an attractive man he is but try to focus on the fact that this is Edward, a friend and fellow doctor. I have no reason to be so flustered around him.

I mean, he's only seen me naked. No big deal, right?

_Back on track Bella!_

"They would prefer if you would be the one to update them," I finally manage to tell him and this doesn't seem to come as a surprise to Edward.

He nods his head once. "What did you tell them?"

His tone is flat but not unkind, just unfeeling. Very professional, which I'm clearly not acting like.

_Get a grip Bella. Time to pull on your big girl panties_.

"I told them it would be up to you. You may have other patients to round on and I didn't want to give them a promise that isn't mine to make," I tell him in my strongest voice.

There is a flicker of emotion is in his green eyes as he peers at me before he cuts it off, dropping his eyes and running a hand through his messy locks.

"I should be able too," Edward mumbles to himself, thinking about how many patients he has and if he has the time to do this favor I'm sure.

Most doctors wouldn't even consider it. Being in the operating room simply to give updates to nervous parents when they have rounds and other patients to look after would be a hassle and in many of their eyes, doing this would be below them. Edward is different though. He takes a vested interest in all his cases and often goes beyond the norm for them if he can. He has a truly giving spirit and nature, always trying to do the right thing for those around him. Of course, our stilted interactions lately are sure to put a kink in his usual giving nature if his current disposition is anything to go by.

"I think I can swing it," he finally tells me with a determined head bob and a small tug of his lips, an almost smile. Then he seems to realize it's me and we aren't really okay with each other right now so the light, genuine smile fades and is replaced by a forced one.

"Okay," I say, feeling my own happy smile fade. I barely even realized I was smiling until I felt it fall but the idea of Edward watching me work, in my element where I am always strong, confident, and in control was thrilling for a second there. _He could really see me shine._

But I dismiss the irrelevant thought and give Edward a reciprocated professional smile then turn to the Griffin family who has nestled themselves around the bed.

"Dr. Cullen has agreed to help us out with updates," I tell them and then go over a few more details as we head for the operating room. The parents give their son a few kisses and whispered words at the swinging doors and then it's time to get down to business for me.

In the OR we work like a finely tuned machine. Everyone from the scrub nurse to the surgical technician is a key member of the team and I know without them I wouldn't be successful so I treat them with respect as we go about preparing the instruments and then Thomas' feet and ankles.

I'm a little shaky and nervous before I make my first incision. It's not because I'm an incompetent doctor or that I haven't preformed other surgeries, but this is the first time for this particular one. And I want to do it right with as few complications as possible. None would be best.

I take a deep breath and look around the room to give myself a second to steel my nerves and get in the right frame of mind. My wandering eyes stop on a set of verdant green ones visible below a blue scrub cap. The rest of his face is covered by a mask but it's only his eyes I need to see as they give me a reassuring look which tells me of his confidence in me and my talent as a surgeon.

I exhale and look down at Thomas, feeling stronger and more ready than ever before to take on this procedure as I make my first incision.

It isn't long until the surgery is going right along, no problems or issues in sight. Although he has gone out to update the Griffins a few times Edward's presence isn't the distraction I'd thought it would be since he keeps himself tucked away, observing what the team and I are doing instead of interacting with us.

Not that it's silent in the room. Tiana is a wonderful nurse, one of my favorites to work with but she does enjoy gabbing during procedures and today is no different. It's usually about inconsequential things like new movies or books she thinks I'd enjoy reading (she gets a few right every once and awhile), celebrity drama or like today, her dating life.

"So I had to tell Anton that it wasn't working for me anymore," Tiana sighs with a defeated tone.

"That's too bad Tiana," I say while carefully examining the delicate tendon I'm currently slicing into. "You guys dated for awhile right?"

"Mhmm," she replies beside me. "We was together for over a year. But I couldn't do it anymore, not when he was too busy with his work to see me like he should."

I nod but don't reply, focusing on my task. Tiana keeps talking. "It's gonna be okay, though. I've been seeing this new guy DeMarquis for a few weeks now. I think he'll do just fine," she says with a smile in her voice.

I laugh, she's doesn't seem broken hearted at all about her last boyfriend. "Already moving on, I see," I chuckle.

"Course. Nothing the lovin' of the right man can't fix," she quips with a giggle. I shake my head at her antics but secretly admire her ability to love so easily, so carefree with no worries for how it will affect those around her. I wish my life was like that.

"Enough about my love life," she says, "Tell me all about the boys in your backyard."

I look up quickly, my eyes cutting to the quiet man in the room momentarily before I look at Tiana. "I… what do you mean?"

She huffs and hands me a cloth to clean the area I'm working on. "You know what I mean, Dr. Swan. Who you seeing? There's got to be a fine man in your life," she goads.

A throat clearing in the corner breaks up our conversation. My eyes find Edward again, his face impossible to read behind the mask but his eyes are tight.

"I'm not really sure I have much to say," I reply, hoping the subject will be dropped.

"Oh that can't be true. A pretty woman like you? No, I don't think so," she says firmly. "You think a fine lady like our Dr. Swan can't get a man, Dr. Cullen?" Tiana asks Edward.

I pause and close my eyes at her question. This is not good, not good at all.

Edward clears his throat again. "She's very beautiful," Edward says softly. "Any man would be lucky to have her."

Blood rushes to my cheeks and I'm thankful its somewhat hidden behind my mask.

_He thinks I'm beautiful_.

"Exactly!" Tiana cries and turns her attention back to me. "See? Dr. Cullen agrees. You're too pretty to be single, so now you tell me who you've been seeing."

"Tiana, really…"

"Oh no, I saw that blush. There has to be someone with a blush like that," she prods.

I know I can't say who really caused the blush so I do something I hadn't planned on and tell her about my recent rash of dates Jasper.

"Well I have gone out for drinks and a few dinners with a friend from high school recently, but I wouldn't say we're dating," I tell her, avoiding eye contact with Edward at all costs.

"See! I knew you was seeing someone," Tiana cheers. "Is he handsome?"

I nod because Jasper really is. Tiana's dark brown eyes are dancing when I glance back up at her and it buoys me into telling her more.

"He's really sweet, and funny. We have a good time when we got out," I say, my smile evident in my voice. It feels good to share something that is making me happy with someone else.

"That's great Bella. Have you kissed him yet?" Tiana asks teasingly.

My blush deepens and it must be highly visible because Tiana squeals excitedly. "Has there been more than kissing?"

"Tiana!" I reprimand good humouredly. Not that there is anything to tell her but even if there was, this isn't the place. And we aren't _that_ good of friends.

"What? You can tell me. Is he a tender kind of guy or does he like it a little rough?" she says conspiratorially, giving me a wink for good measure.

I flush again at her insinuations. This really isn't appropriate to discuss during surgery let alone with a woman I only classify as a work friend. I open my mouth to tell her but get interrupted.

"Are you almost finished Dr. Swan or are we going to be enduring details about your sex life before this procedure is all over?" Edward asks sharply. I look up at him in surprise, having forgotten he was here.

Shit. He does not look happy. His eyes are snapping with green fire, his brow furrowed in frustration or anger or something akin to it. I'm bothered by his upset demeanor but push it away and answer his question in the affirmative.

"Fine, I'll go give the Griffins my final update and let them know you'll be out to discuss the procedure with them shortly," he says hastily before turning and leaving in a rush.

_What the fuck?_

"Crap. I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean anything by it," Tiana apologizes.

"It's fine. Dr. Cullen is right though, we should focus on our patient and finish up," I inform the room. Silence falls over us as we work.

As I make the last few sutures, I begin to get angry about Edward's crass words. I don't need him talking down to me in front of my staff like that. I was about to handle the situation, he didn't need to step in. Besides what gives him the right to judge? If he's mad about me seeing someone he can get over himself.

_I can see whoever I want and I can talk about it with my friend if I damn well please. It's not like he can't or doesn't talk about Rose to the other doctors and nurses around here. You don't see me getting pissy about it._

Once I've finished going over everything with Thomas' parents and have them settled in his room, I go off to find the insufferable Edward Cullen. I ask a few nurses at the station if they've seen him and get directed to an on call room where he has gone to make chart notations on some of his patients.

I stride into the room with no warning and lock the door before Edward can even raise his head to see who's come in.

"What the fuck was that all about?" I seethe lowly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward denies, his eyes going back to the charts spread out before him.

I step closer, my hands flat against the table as I hover over him. "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. In the OR- where do you get off saying something like that?"

"I didn't think it was professional to be discussing your sex life while in the middle of a surgery," he snarks at me.

"I agree. I was handling it."

He huffs indignantly. "Didn't look like it to me."

"If you would have kept your damn mouth shut and given me a fucking minute to speak, it would have."

"Whatever Bella," he dismisses as he goes back to his papers.

"Are you kidding me! You owe me an apology, Edward. I didn't deserve to be treated like a child in there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to gain respect from those people?"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have been gossiping like a child," he retorts hotly.

I slap my hands on the table, feeling rage bubbling inside. "_Don't_. You were way out of line in there," I snap.

Edward stands suddenly, towering over me. His face is fiercely heated, jaw clenching, eyes narrowed and nostrils flaring. It's ridiculous to think of it in this moment, but I'm a bit turned on seeing him like this.

"I didn't want to hear about you fucking some guy while you were supposed to be working on my patient, okay?" he furiously bites out.

I stumble back slightly, his words cutting my own temper in half. "Wha-what?"

"You heard me," he fumes, following my retreating steps as I back away. I'm not fearful of him hurting me but his anger is enough of a force for me to need space from it. "I didn't want to hear about you fucking some other guy."

My back hits the wall and Edward steps close to my body, almost touching. Our chests are heaving, the air hot with our panting breaths. My mind is frantic, trying to understand why he is saying such hateful things to me. I watch his eyes as they rapidly shift between my own, emotions rising and falling in them too fast for me to fully decipher. Until finally there is one emotion I recognize as his words fall into place.

"You're jealous," I whisper.

Edward freezes a moment and its then I can see how right my words are. _He is fucking jealous_.

My hurt ego and any remaining anger melt away, replaced with desire and lust immediately as I stare at his mouth, the slow dragging tip of his tongue as it wets his bottom lip. He is so close, his face hovering near mine as our eyes lock on one another.

I try to show him how much I want him with my own eyes. I want to feel his mouth pressed against me, his tongue sliding against mine as I tangle my hands in his hair as we devour each other.

I watch as Edward moves infinitesimally closer, his nose brushing gently against mine. A small whimper escapes and I'm lost in the depths of his green eyes that hold me firmly in their heady gaze.

With only millimeters between us, his warm breath fanning my skin, I close my eyes and wait for the bliss of his lips on mine.

"_Paging Dr. Cullen to room 518. Paging Dr. Cullen to room 518."_

The shrill voice breaks across the charged air and pulls us apart. Edward moves back from me quickly, running his hands though his hair and tugging hard before half turning towards the door. He looks at me for only a second, his face a mixture of emotions before he smoothes it out into a blank mask then leaves the room in a rush.

I remain standing against the wall we were pressed against for minutes on end as I try to wrap my head around what almost happened.

I can't figure it out.

Or what it might mean.


	14. Chapter 13

**Oh my friends, look at this! An update within less than a week of the previous chapter? I know, I'm shocked as well considering I thought it would take two weeks for the next update. I suppose I could have with held it till the next chapter was ready but I'm horrible at doing that. **

**Never fear, if the chapter is ready to go, I'll post it.**

**With that in mind, this might not be my best editing job so please forgive my mistakes. I was just excited to get this out there and start on the next chapter because things are picking up!**

**Thanks again to each of you for reading, for those of you who have alerted/favorited this story or me as an author (truly amazing). And especially to those of you who leave a review- thank you, you're awesome. I enjoy all of the reviews this story gets and I hope everyone got a reply last time. If not, let me know and I'll be sure to get to you this time around. **

**And I'm shutting up now.**

* * *

><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 13 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

My on call room episode with Edward leaves me reeling for the next several days. I attempt to figure out exactly what happened to cause all of those emotions to flare between us, what almost had us acting on them.

It all boils down to the fact that he was jealous.

Edward Cullen, engaged to my best friend, was jealous _over_ _me_.

It was obvious there were many things left unspoken and neglected between the two of us from encounter. I had naïvely thought if we pretended it never happened, pushed it under the rug and went about our normal lives, it would all be okay. Yes, it would have been difficult for me because I had feelings for Edward. (Feelings that ran long and deep throughout our history.)

But I would have persevered because it would be best for Rosalie. And he loves Rose. He is planning to marry her, start a life and family with her by his side. So I would let it go.

But now…. Now I have no idea if Rose is what he truly wants.

If she is, why was he jealous of me seeing someone else? What right did he have to be angry with me for finding love with another man?

I tried look at things from every angle I could but it only left me more tangled than when I started. I played over countless memories and encounters between the two of us, from the time we first met to the night we had sex. But parts of that night remain so fuzzy to me.

Did he really say he wanted me back in med school? Had I just dreamed that up?

Even if he did want me back then (which I highly doubted) what did that mean now when he was planning to marry Rose?

Were they not as happy was I thought?

Did Edward still have feelings for me?

Was that why he was acting so jealous now?

I have no idea. Every time I thought I understood something, a new fissure would open up and crack my concrete reasoning. It was all so confusing and overwhelming, trying to figure it out on my own.

And I was most definitely on my own since I had absolutely no contact with Edward after the day of the Griffin surgery. Part of me was extremely grateful for the reprieve from seeing him. The other part was hurt he couldn't face up to what was happening.

_But maybe he is trying to do the right thing by Rose and get over any lingering feelings he has for me?_

That seems to be the most logical answer.

I decide to give Edward his space so he can do that since it appears to be his choice. I also decide to make a conscious effort to stay out of situations where he and I will be one-on-one, even attempting to avoid patients we might share at the hospital.

I know we'll have to do something things together because Rose is someone we both have in common. But maybe I can keep things separate as much as possible even with her. _God knows the girl likes all the attention on her, so she'd love it._

My thoughts are disrupted by my phone vibrating on the table in front of me while I've been mindless flipping through TV channels and sorting my jumbled thoughts.

"Bella! I need your help," Rosalie's voice cries as soon as I answer.

"Rose, what's going on?" I ask frantically, the sound of her distressed voice startlingly.

Rose takes a deep breath and I can hear her sigh through the phone. "Bellsie, I've made a huge mess of things. I really don't know what to do."

Her words are curious since there are a few things I'd say she has messed up but I'm unsure exactly which instance she is referring to presently. I don't know where she is going with this but if she really needs my help, I'll be there for her.

"Tell me what you're talking about, Rosie. What huge mess?" I say using a soothing tone. Rosalie is prone to dramatics and our life-long friendship has taught me this is the best way to keep her from flying off the handle.

Well, it works sometimes.

"Okay, so you know how I mentioned Maria, the hag," Rose qualifies, as if I might mistake her boss for someone else, "gave me the go ahead to start doing travelling sales and contracts?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Right. So I've been doing a few things around the Tri-state area, nothing too far away but it's been keeping me real busy. I've managed to make a lot of good deals and Maria, the hag, finally pulled her head out of her ass and told me I was ready for more extended trips. She is sending me to Philadelphia for a week to work on getting a new contract with one of our leads out there!"

Rose seems very excited by this and I'm not sure what her drama is if this is such a good thing. "So what's the problem?" I ask.

"Oh Bellsie, I feel like such a goof for admitting this," she says and I can hear how upset with herself she is. "I totally forgot Eddie's birthday is this Saturday."

I should be shocked but I'm really not. Rosalie is terrible with remembering dates, anniversaries, and the like. I'm fairly sure if the holidays weren't splashed all over everything she wouldn't even remember when they rolled around.

But still, this is the man she's marrying. One would think she'd find the time to remember his birthday.

"Rose that's terrible," I lecture her. "How could you forget Edward's birthday? His thirtieth birthday at that!"

"I know, I know. I didn't mean too, I've just been so busy with work and everything. It just slipped my mind until I saw a calendar."

"Well at least you can do something about it now."

"But see, I can't. This is where I need your help," she goes on. "I'm going to be gone all week leading up to it and I don't have time to do anything for him. Can you please, please plan some sort of a party for him?"

"Rose, I don't think—"

"Oh please, Bella! Please help me," Rose begs, cutting me off. "It doesn't have to be anything big, I swear. It's not like he even cares, he's been in a real piss poor mood lately and I think this would make him feel better…."

Her rambling continues on but I ignore it as all the multiple reasons I should not be helping plan Edward's birthday party (which would be an epic disaster if I'm in charge) tumble through my mind, not the least of which is that he and I can't even be in the same room together right now.

"Rose, I can't do this. You know I'm no good with parties, how do you think me planning one would go?" I finally say. "Besides, you should be the one doing it, you know him best and it will mean more if you do it."

"Bella, please. Don't be like this, I really need your help. You know Edward better than almost anyone anyway, so that's not an excuse. And sure, you're not the best party planner but it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. We just have to do something," Rose tries to persuade me.

I'm not at all flattered or more likely to help, however.

"I don't think so, Rose. I don't think I'd be comfortable with it."

Rose pauses and I hear some shuffling. "Bella, can you hold on for a second?" she asks and covers the phone before I can respond.

I roll my eyes, she's the one begging me for something and then putting me on hold. Typical.

Rose's voice is muffled but I manage to catch a few things. "_I don't know…. She doesn't… of course I do….Me too…. Okay, I need another few minutes…."_ It sounds like she's talking to a man but I can't be sure before she jumps back on the line.

"Bella?"

"Yeah. Where are you, is there someone with you?" I'm curious about the voice.

"Oh yeah, that's just um… Riley, my assistant. He's trying to get my flight scheduled," she flippantly tells me. "Bella, please reconsider. I know you don't like parties but this is important for Eddie. I would do it if I could but I just don't think I'll have the time. Please, please, please just do this one thing for me. I'm only asking for this one little thing."

Her begging isn't nearly as effective as she thinks it is but something she says does pull my continued refusal to a halt. This is kind of a big deal, or at least it should be. Turning thirty is a milestone and even though I don't like celebrating birthday, I know most people do.

Especially Edward. He loves birthdays, loves making a big deal out of them for those he cares about. He's always said it's about spending time with loved ones and appreciating the life you've been given with them.

I can just see the wounded look on his face when he realizes no one made an effort to spend his special day with him in a big way. Because they forgot and were too busy being in Philadelphia. Or being a stubborn mule about a misunderstanding they'd had with him.

I sigh. _God damn it. I can't believe I'm going to do this_.

"Fine," I say reluctantly. "I'll figure something out."

"Yes! Oh thank you, Bella! You are such a help, I can't even tell you how much," Rose gushes. "Now listen, you do whatever you think Eddie would like best, I'll be fine with it."

"You really don't care?"

Rose pauses, thinking. "Well, make it something fun at least. More than movies and dinner."

_Shit, there went my party ideas_.

"Okay, I'll see what I can come up with."

"You'll think of something brilliant, I'm sure. You and your giant brain," she giggles before rushing off the line with a promise to send me information on who to invite later.

Now I'm stuck planning a party for a man I'm not particularly pleased with at the moment and no idea how to make it a success.

_Let's not even touch the fact that I'm sort of, kind of desperately in love with said man and wish he would feel the same._

Yes, I've admitted to myself that I'm in love with Edward. I have been for a long, long time but I know better than to let myself get tangled in that mess.

Anymore than I already am, at any rate.

And yes, Edward was jealous but that doesn't mean anything. He could just be jealous that I'm single and getting to experience sex with lots of people while he will only be with Rosalie for the rest of his life. That's very typical for engaged guys, I've heard.

_But Edward's not a typical guy_.

I shake my head to dislodge these unhelpful thoughts and put the issue aside, needing to focus on planning a birthday party. I do want Edward to enjoy his special day so I send a text message to the one person I know can help me make his birthday worthwhile.

Alice Masen.

Alice agrees to meet me at a coffee shop and an hour later (running a touch late thanks to a mix up with Mrs. Crumbumble) I'm hoping off the subway rail and making my way towards Alice's designated destination, The Hot Spot. It's a trendy little shop not far from her law offices, which I'm assuming is why she can meet me in the afternoon.

I look around the busy streets as people of all different shapes, sizes, styles, and colors move around me. The hustle of the crowd, the rhythm of the city, and the smells of the world I'm living in are at odds with the small, rainy town girl I still feel like inside. I miss the slow pace of Forks sometimes but then again, I know I wouldn't be very happy to not be living in a city filled with opportunities and experiences I'd never get to have elsewhere.

"Well isn't this a nice surprise," a low voice whispers near my ear as I'm lost in my musings. I startle at the proximity of the voice before I realize I know it. Turning, a smile steals across my face when I meet his warm eyes.

"Jasper," I pull him into a quick hug and feel his lips graze my cheek as we move apart. "This is a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"I was heading into The Hot Spot for a couple lattes before I meet up with a new client," he tells me with a grin. "I like to bring a gift to softening them up," he winks.

"Well aren't you a charmer," I tease.

"I try. What about you? You're a long way from home and work. What brings you to the dark side of the moon?"

I laugh at the coincidence as well as his description of the area. It's amusing because the area is more hipster than Wall Street. "I'm meeting a friend for coffee there too," I glance at my watch. "Shoot, she is going to kill me if I'm later than I already am."

"We can't have that," he says with a flirty look. "Let's get you inside."

We resume walking although now he stays close to my side as we make our way to the end of the block where the coffee house is. When we get there, Jasper reaches for the door and I slip in ahead of him. I'm assaulted within three steps of entering.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," Alice scolds me, her face in slight scowl.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Jasper cuts in before I can even open my mouth to respond. "That would be my fault."

Alice's hands fist on her hips, her dark eyes looking Jasper over from head to toe. She raises an eyebrow before speaking. "Bella, who is this? And why does he feel like he can speak for you?"

"Alice Masen, meet my…," I hesitate, unsure how to explain who Jasper is, "friend, Jasper Whitlock. We ran into each other outside."

Jasper gives me a quizzical look, mostly likely due to my sloppy introduction.

_Well, if he wasn't sure of my dwindling feelings before, I'm sure it crystal clear now._

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am." Jasper says as he holds his hand out for Alice. She looks at it then at him, a calculating look in her eyes.

"Pleasure to be sure," she replies as she grasps his hand. "But if you call me ma'am one more time, that will change."

Alice might be small but she packs a punch so I have to commend Jasper on keeping his face strait as Alice squeezes his hand with everything she's got.

"Sorry to disappoint you, darlin' but my Momma raised me with manners. I always address ladies with proper respect. Guess you're not use to that sort of thing up here, huh?" Jasper smirks at her, his Southern twang slipping out.

"First off, I'm not your _darlin'_, so don't call me that either. And I have no problems with manners but this isn't Mississippi and women in New York don't need to be addressed as 'ma'am'. Keep that in mind from now on," Alice quips back defiantly.

"Texas."

"What?"

"I'm from Texas, Ms. Masen, not Mississippi."

Alice's eyes are pure black fire at this point and Jasper's hazel orbs are emitting a similar spark. I don't know if a good thing or a bad thing, but decide to put a stop to it before it gets out of control (in either direction).

"Jasper, didn't you have a client meeting to get to?"

Jasper shakes himself from Alice, both her hand and her gaze, and turns to me. "I do, thank you for reminding me. I'll just go place my order. Would you like anything while I'm there, Bella?"

Alice's phone begins to ring at that moment and she digs through her bag before answering it. I use the opportunity to speak with Jasper over at the counter.

"So," Jasper drawls out as we stand to the side and wait for our drinks after placing our order. "Care to tell me what that was about?" He waves a hand to the area near Alice to indicate what he means.

Sighing, I try to explain. "Jasper, I just think-… there is so much… it like before things were…" _Wow, I really passed med school with this eloquence? _

"Hey, it's okay. Just tell me what's got you so twisted up, Bella," Jasper says, his hand lightly touching my shoulder for a moment. I look into his hazel eyes and relax, seeing a level of understanding and compassion already there.

Another deep breath and I resolve my nerves. "Jasper, you are a wonderful man. One of the best I know and I've so enjoyed getting to reconnect with you again," I finally manage before stopping, hoping he knows what I'm getting at but to scared to actually say it.

Jasper's has a gentle smile on his face, his eyes soft as he listens to me end our relationship (if you could even call it that). "I get it Bella, don't worry about it. You don't see this going any further than friends, right?"

I exhale with relief, happy he is taking pity on me and I won't have to muddle through everything to him.

Yet another reason Jasper is such a great guy. Why I can't want him is madness. Life would be so much easier if I did.

_It might be easier but it doesn't mean it would be worth it._

"Right," I tell him with an apologetic smile. "It's not that you aren't amazing, you truly are. I just… there's just…"

"Its okay, Bella," Jasper chuckles. "I think we both knew this wasn't going to be anything serious. Not that I would have minded," he adds with a wink, causing me to giggle.

"If you only knew how happy you made the fifteen year old girl inside me when you asked me out. You rocked her little world, you know," I admit and Jasper's smile broadens.

"Well how can I be upset after hearing something sweet like that?"

"So we can still be friends? Hangout some time?" I ask with a hint of fear creeping back in.

Jasper fixes my doubt with his quick reply. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

The barista calls our names and we step up to retrieve our order. Jasper grabs his tray of lattes and I pick up my tea. We shuffle back over to Alice and Jasper says his goodbyes, dusting a quick peck to my check before he leaves while Alice finishes up her phone call.

"Right…. Well what do you want me to do about it…." Alice sighs, rolling her eyes. "I guess I can talk to Mom and Dad, but I doubt it will help you….. Mmhmm… okay. Listen, Bella's done chatting with her boy toy," she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at me, "so I need to go….What? I don't know…. No, I haven't….What just crawled up your ass, Edward? ... I don't have time for this, I'll talk to you when you're not PMSing…. Yes, fine… Love you too, Red. Bye."

Alice ends her call with a huff, reclining into the brown overstuffed chair and giving me an exasperated look. "I swear, he gives me whiplash with his mood swings," she grouches.

_Ha, join the club sister!_

"Is something wrong with Edward?" I ask, unable to mask my concern.

"No, nothing to worry about," Alice dismisses. "Just stupid family drama. Uncle Carlisle wants to have some society function for his engagement but Edward doesn't think Aunt Esme is up to hosting yet. I told him I'd see if my Mom and Dad can help."

With that, Alice moves the conversation into a new direction before I can even find out how Esme is feeling. "So tell me about your friend, John Wayne. Something going on with you two?"

"It's nothing Alice. And John Wayne- really? He's not a cowboy. Where do you come up with these things?" I laugh as I try to distract her.

Alice purses her lips and narrows her eyes, giving me a once over. "Uh huh," she mutters and it's clear she isn't going to be dropping this topic. "Why don't I believe that?"

I give up, knowing I don't stand a chance against her. "Look, he's an old friend from Forks. I use to have a crush on him and we actually ran into each other about a month ago out at the club, the night you took off remember?" I try to shift the topic again but her level gaze forces me to go on. "Anyway, we've gone out a few times but it's not… I don't know. I like him but it isn't going anywhere serious."

Alice studies me for a few seconds before speaking. "Is there someone else?"

I cringe internally at her question. Is there someone else? _Uh yeah, your cousin and his sinful lips, hands, tongue and what they do to me…_

Not to mention Rose.

"No, not really."

Alice quirks an eyebrow in challenge. "Not really?" she asks, moving to the edge of her seat excitedly. "What does that mean?"

"There isn't- I'm not… it's complicated. But I don't want to talk about that," I tell her. "Let's just get to what I need your help with."

"That wasn't it?" Alice asks, pointing to where Jasper had been earlier.

I laugh at her incredulous expression. "No, it's not that. That I can handle." I wave a hand to dismiss the topic and plunge into the reason I've asked her to meet me. "Rose called me early, frantic, and needs a favor."

"Shocking, she needs you to do her a favor."

I give Alice a look but then can't keep from smirking at her. She's right, I do favors for Rose all the time. It's a well known fact apparently.

Alice shakes her head and then sips her coffee, leaning back in her chair once more. "So what's this new crisis that only Bella Swan can fix? What favor are you doing now? Handing over your first born so she can have everlasting beauty?"

I laugh at the ridiculous scenario she's just conjured and attempt to give Alice a reproachful look. "She wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Alice mutters but I ignore it.

"Apparently Rose is going to Philadelphia on an unexpected work trip this week, something she's been hoping to do for awhile now. Well it turns out she sort of, kind of… let it slip her mind that it's Edward's birthday this weekend and needs me to plan something for him..." I trail off, afraid of the anger I see building on Alice's delicate features.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she fumes, sitting bolt upright in her seat. "She forgot his birthday? His thirtieth birthday?"

I nod, bracing myself for the fallout I know will inevitably come. It's partly the reason I asked to meet her somewhere public, figuring it would keep the casualty list low. But judging by the almost purple tint her face is displaying, I could have been wrong with that assumption.

"Alice, don't get upset. She did remember eventually and that's why she wanted me to do her this favor, she didn't want to do nothing for him," I try to soothe. "She's trying to make it right."

It seems to work at least marginally as the fuchsia color fades and is replaced by a more reserved expression. But knowing Alice, this isn't necessarily a good thing.

"Fine. I'll give you that she was smart enough to call you to fix her problem," she concedes with a distasteful twist to her mouth. "But don't think I'm going to just let this slip by. She will be hearing from me."

I sigh but let it go. I've learned its best to try and let Alice and Rose figure out their own issues with one another if I want to keep from ending up in the crosshairs.

"Whatever. Right now, I need you to help me. I have no idea what to do for his birthday," I plead.

"Well, you know him pretty well," _if she only knew_, "What do you think he'd enjoy?"

I think for a minute, sipping on my tea as I gather my thoughts. "Well I know he loves hanging out in casual settings so nothing big and fancy."

"True, he likes one on one interaction more. I think the last big party he had was when he turned twenty-one and that was… rather infamous." Alice laughs and I make a mental note to ask her about that another time.

"Okay, so we agree. Small gathering. But Rose told me it has to be more than just dinner and a movie," I explain.

Alice rolls her eyes but nods, agreeing. "Hmm... well, Rose would probably want to go out to a club or something with a group? We could do that, I suppose. Have an open bar tab and invite his friends and stuff? Like a surprise party?"

I shake my head, I don't like the idea of surprise parties. "I don't think so, to cliché. Plus we already agreed to keep it small."

"Okay… well," Alice thinks aloud and we fall into a contemplative silence. She pops up after a minute, her eyes bright and I immediately take notice.

"I know! He always loved going to Atlantic City on vacation when we were younger. Playing games and surfing at Steel Pier was a real favorite for him. Maybe we can go there? We could also stop in and gamble at some of the casinos, too! Make it more adult."

I like the idea, it sounds like a great time. But then I realize we don't have enough time to get everything set up for this weekend like make travel arrangements, set up hotel reservations if needed and notify his friends and family to come.

"Shit," Alice deflates after I bring up my concerns. "That would have been a blast."

I agree, it would have been fun. We could have spent the day playing games and then spent the evening gambling and enjoying drinks with friends. A thought pops into my mind and I smile widely.

"Alice, maybe we can bring Atlantic City here." She gives me a puzzled but interested look so I go on, the idea taking more shape as I talk. "We don't have time to go there but we could do something like it here in the City. We could rent some arcade games and a few poker tables. Get some poker chips and game tokens for playing, provide free drinks and classic boardwalk snacks for everyone…"

"Yeah! Bella, we could rent a club out and decorate it to feel like Atlantic City. We could even hire people to deal cards and what not. Oh and we can get a cake shaped like playing cards or something!" Alice adds excitedly and I'm nodding along, completely thrilled with the direction our plans are going.

We spend the next twenty minutes making tentative plans and going over all the details we'll have to iron out. Alice agrees to find the place to use (she thinks she has a connection with a past client) as well as inform all the family and guests. I agree to get all the food items together, place the cake order and of course, let Rosalie know about our plans.

"This is going to be great, Bella." Alice smiles with happiness in her eyes as we began to gather our things and move outside to the busy street.

"I think so," I add proudly.

"You really don't know how much this will mean to him," Alice tells me seriously. "He's been... well, I don't know... off lately?" Alice pauses, as if trying to decide if that's the right way to describe it.

"Is there really nothing going on?" I ask again, knowing any number of reasons could be behind his unusual behavior (a few of which include me).

"No, I don't think so. He hasn't mentioned anything in particular, other than this society party," she says as we walk to the corner to catch a cab. "I don't know what else could be bothering him but I think this will help turn it around, if there is something going on." She turns to me before adding, "Especially since he'll know it's coming from you. He really values your friendship, Bella."

"Alice, no. He can't know I'm planning this," I beg her to keep quiet. "Don't tell him, please."

I don't know why Edward knowing I'm behind the party makes me feel nervous and uncomfortable but it does.

"You don't think he'll be curious who put this all together? I'm not going to claim ownership," she tells me with a teasing grin and a hand on her hip.

"We don't have to tell him anything, he can just think Rose did it."

"Fuck that noise," Alice hotly shouts. "That bitch is getting no credit for the work you put in. She fucking forgot his birthday in the first place!"

"Alice-"

"No, Bella. You will be taking credit for this. Rose has been abusing your friendship for more years than I've known you but she isn't going to be doing it where it concerns my family. Edward should know who really cares about him."

"Rose does care. She loves him, Alice."

"Could have fooled me."

I huff at the direction of this conversation. It's not helping me to hear Alice's doubts about their relationship when I've recently found my own, so I make the decision to say something in the hopes it keeps her from bringing this up again.

"Look, I get you two don't get along, alright? I don't know why but you need to get over it. She's marrying Edward in three months and then you'll be family. So you need to move past it."

Alice opens her mouth but I cut her off by holding up a hand. "She's not the best person ever, I get that. But everyone makes mistakes, okay? And yeah, she forgot to plan a birthday party for him but she asked me to do it for her when she thought of it. She gets credit for that in my book."

"Now," I say as I turn back to the street and flag down a cab. "Let's just focus on making this a good party for Edward. If he's happy, with or without knowing who really put it altogether, isn't that what matters?"

Alice seems momentarily shocked for a moment before her expression morphs into impressed. "Damn, Bella. Put me in my place why don't you," she teases and I laugh with her.

"It had to happen sometime I guess," I joke as a cab comes to a stop in front of us and we climb in.

Alice begins to complain about Jasper and his manners, still referring to him by the nickname she gave him, and I can't help but smile internally at her obvious interest in him, though she is doing her best to hide it behind snarky remarks and insults.

Seems I might have my next outing with Jasper already lined up. I imagine he enjoys a game of Texas Hold 'Em, so attending Edward's birthday party should be fun. Watching Alice dance around her feelings all night for him should make it even better, too.

_And if it happens to make Edward jealous, well… I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it_.


	15. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone! I want to say I'm very sorry for not getting to review replies for the last chapter, I had a misfortunate incident with my email and most of them got deleted. I'm so sorry if you didn't hear from me but I am grateful to each of you for writing one in the first place.**

**I hope you'll still review this chapter and I'll do my best to reply this time around. This chapter is much longer than usual so I hope that will make up for my utter fail as well. **

**I'll hopefully have the next update in two weeks for you. Until then, happy reading.**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 14 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

Planning for Edward's birthday party turned out to be relatively easy once I had Alice's assistance. She was able to secure Deep Blue, a popular night club with an aquatic theme in the East Village for the party. She claimed her client came through for her, which I'm sure is true. I also have a feeling she used a bit of her personal brand of persuasion and a bit of Masen money. Because really, you don't get to rent out Deep Blue five days before an event without greasing a few palms.

But I wasn't going to worry about how she got it, only be grateful she had. Alice and all her tyrant-like powers also managed to have the staff at Deep Blue work as dealers and wait staff for us for the evening as well, another coup in our plan.

Once I knew where we would be hosting the party arranging for food and card tables was no problem. We lived in New York City, where you could get anything you ever wanted at any hour without a problem. So I did.

It was also my responsibility to make sure Edward could actually attend the party on Saturday. It could have been an opportunity for me to speak with him but being the mature woman that I am, I ducked out and merely utilized the schedule board instead.

Turns out after an early morning shift, the rest of Edward's weekend would be free.

Then again, so is mine. _Not that it mattered._

Once I knew Edward had Saturday night free for the party, I called Rosalie so she could let him know what was going on. Alice and I wanted to be able to get the full effect of Edward's reaction the night of the party so I asked her to keep the details vague, which wasn't a problem since Rose didn't really know them.

When I'd first told Rose about the party idea, she actually complimented me saying she didn't think she could have come up with something better even if she did have time to plan. Needless to say, I was rather proud of myself after hearing her praise. I did give credit to Alice, which Rose seemed less than thrilled about but I didn't care. I knew I never would have been able to pull this off without her help. If Rose took issue with it, then she could plan this on her own.

_And we all knew that wasn't going to be happening._

Rose gave me a list of people to invite, family members and friends of the Cullen family she felt should be there. Then there were the list of people from the hospital Edward considered friends to include as well as any society people Rose deemed appropriate as well. Thank God she made a list because that was far out of my reach.

Not that Alice didn't come behind and trim it a good deal, all for the sake of keeping the party small, of course.

_Of course_.

With the ball rolling on the birthday party, cake and food ordered, people invited and decorations purchased, the week flew by and Saturday snuck up on me before I could worry about trivial things….. like being forced to interact with Edward when things were still off between us.

_But no big deal. I'm sure it wouldn't be an issue at all_.

At least this is what I'm telling myself as I try to decide if the dress Alice insisted I wear tonight is really the best choice. It is a gorgeous dress, a deep pink strapless number that ends mid thigh and fits like a glove. It's not overly sexy but not as conservative as I usually dress. I know I looked good in it, know it enhances all of my assists perfectly. My issue isn't having enough confidence to wear it; I could totally rock this outfit.

The problem is wearing it to Edward's birthday. Will I be tempting fate to wear something like this to the party of the man I've had an affair with? What kind of a message would it saying?

As I step to my closet door and pull the dress from its hanger, I know my answer. I don't care what message this outfit might be saying. Truthfully, I'm tiring of fighting my feelings for Edward and if he takes notice of me tonight because of it, then so be it.

_I'll deal with whatever happens when it comes._

I slip the dress on, zip it up and then step into my heels. A quick adjustment to my hair, pushing a few pins into it and sweeping it up into sophisticated knot and tangle of curls, I gloss my lips once more and do a final look over, making everything is tucked in or pushed up like it should be.

Garter belts and stockings in place. _Check._

Nude lace bra, pushing the girls to front and center. _Check_.

Heels on and not stumbling when I walk…. _Check_.

I smile at the pretty girl I see reflected in the mirror. I look great, feel great, and am extremely ready to see Edward's expression tonight when he walks through the doors and into a (hopefully passable) remembrance of his childhood haunt.

My phone dings with a text alert and pulls me from my self-assessment. I scurry across my apartment to see a message from Jasper.

**Sure I can't pick you up? ~J**

I laugh and shake my head at the man's persistence. At first he insisted on picking me up to go to the club even though we both agreed this wasn't a date. Jasper adamantly maintained a true gentleman never makes a woman come to him, be she friend or more. I disagreed saying an independent woman could handle a few flights of stairs and a car ride across town, not to mention I would have to be early for party set up but Jasper was determined. Luckily, I was able to finally dissuade him by arguing if he picked me up he might have to face Mrs. Crumbumble.

She'd given his cheeks a hearty pinch or two on a few occasions when we'd meet for our previous outings (and not the cheeks on his face).

I giggle to myself as I go downstairs and find a cab, thinking of Jasper's flaming face after his encounters with my favorite British lady. She can be a pill but she is also one of my favorite people I've met since living in New York.

Once I slip into the car, I text Jasper back. **No, I'm already on my way. Be fashionable late and make a grand entrance so everyone can be jealous of my date. ;) ~B**

**I'll make sure to put my best spurs on just for you darlin. ~ J**.

I laugh again, feeling light and happy. Jasper has turned out to be a wonderful friend and I'm honestly pleased to have him in my life again. Though the love connection was a futile endeavor, the friendship we've re-built has been a God-send. If I wasn't for Jasper, I don't think I'd be nearly as comfortable in my skin right now as I am.

Before long the cab pulls up to the club and I pay the driver then duck inside Deep Blue, surveying the room. Alice has outdone herself, enhancing the deep blues and greens and aquatic theme already present in the club by adding only a few decorative pieces to give it the Atlantic City feel. She's had pictures blown up of the boardwalk and casino lights added to a few walls, brought in some sand to dust along the food tables and given the DJ summer songs from the nineties to play. There is even a small dance floor sectioned off, which I will be avoiding no doubt (no one wants to see that train wreck). The overall effect is an elegant, adult version of a themed birthday party.

A few guests are already here, I note as I move around the various tables set up for the night to make sure things are in order. I need to find Alice and check in with her so I decide to head to the kitchen to see if she is there. I walk around the room and into the back taking it all in, feeling proud of what Alice and I've accomplished when her sharp voice cries out.

"Thank God, Bella! I need you to handle the waiters or I may strangle them. One of those idiots found out about our theme and decided he would 'help' with the entertainment by doing magic tricks. The jackass almost set a roulette table on fire!" she fumes, her foot tapping forcefully as she tries to control her temper, her faces beginning to turn a deep purple shade similar to her flowing dress.

"Oh Alice," I sigh, placing a comforting hand on her trembling shoulder. "I'll take care of it. Why don't you go greet the guests who are arriving since I'll only know about ten of them total," I tell her with an indulgent smile.

Alice eyes widen before narrowing into slits, her lips forming a cross between a pout and snarl. "People are already here?"

I nod and she huffs in irritation. "Does know one know how to follow directions? I specifically said nine-thirty was our start time."

"Alice, it's almost nine-thirty now. It doesn't surprise me there are a few earlier birds."

She blanches for a moment, her eyes wide. "Well shit. Guess I'd better go say hello and make nice with everyone then," she laughs and walks away, as though nothing unusual has happened.

I roll my eyes before turning to the room and finding a place for my purse. Then I walk to the back area where a group of waiters in crisp white shirts and black slacks have huddled together, their eyes fearful. _Alice has already struck, I see_.

"Sorry about Alice everyone. She gets sort of… unpredictable when nervous. Just try to stay out of her way and I'm sure you'll be fine," I tell them in as gentle a manner as possible. "And if you have questions, find me. I'll be happy to help you. We really appreciate you helping us out tonight."

They all seem to relax and feel more confident in their roles as I continue to go over what they'll be doing for us for the night. Not long after, I tell them to go out and start circulating drinks and hors d'oeuvres. We ordered everything we could think you'd find on the boardwalk; burgers, hotdogs, nachos, cotton candy and the like. We threw in a few upscale items as well, crab cakes and oysters, fancy cheeses, and pastry puffs in case anyone wasn't feeling adventurous (or as Alice said, behaved like upper crust society snobs).

I feel a buzz in my pocket and retrieve my phone to find Jasper has sent me a text letting me know he's about to make his grand entrance so I make my way from the kitchen to the main room. There are quite a few more people milling around now than when I stepped away to find Alice and I smile and wave at those I know.

People are clumped together in corners as the only common factor between most of us is the birthday boy himself. I catch Alice's eye when I make my way to the door as she stands with her parents and Edward's, along with a few other relatives I'm assuming. She sticks her tongue out at me playfully and I gave her a fake stink eye before giggling and turning to the entrance doors.

Walking into the club is Jasper, who pulls me into a large hug which I return. "Hello Bella," he whispers in my ear before stepping back to look me over, whistling lowly. "Well, well, well. Looks like you'll be Bella of the ball tonight," he says with a grin.

I blush, his flattery making my skin match the hue of my dress. "You don't look bad yourself, kind sir," I tell him, apprenticing the fine cut of his dark gray slacks, matching vest and black dress shirt. His hazel eyes are dancing with mirth and his brown locks fall haphazardly over his forehead.

Hooking his thumbs into his vest, he rocks back on his feet and smirks wryly at me. "I do try, when the occasion warrants. I thought this one might do since I no longer have you to impress," he kids.

I slap him playfully on the chest and purse my lips at him. "Yes, because there isn't anyone here you'd want to impress," I tease, a knowing smirk now seated on my own mouth.

Jasper's eyes crinkle slightly as he does his best to keep a wide smile from taking over his face. "I don't know what you're talking about, Bella," he dodges. He grabs my hand and links our arms. "Now, let's show these New York City folk how us little people do it," he adds with a wink as we go further inside the club.

I laugh at him but don't respond. In way he's right, these people are on different level than people like us, small town USA kids who grew up in modest homes with middle class parents. To say the Cullen family and their friends, who have huddled together near a black jack table, are intimidating would be putting it mildly.

But with Jasper by my side, I don't feel like small potatoes. Even though Rose will be here shortly, she'll be so busy entertaining everyone else that I know I won't be spending much time with her. Besides, she isn't very much like the girl from Forks I knew anymore anyhow.

Alice finds her way over not long after Jasper and I have gotten drinks from the bar and makes her feelings about Jasper known.

"So you brought the cowboy, huh Bella?" she says to me but keeps her eyes locked on Jasper. I don't even try to hide my amusement at her obvious attraction to him.

"Looks like it," I say, sipping my glass of wine (yes, I gave in to the evil mistress but I'm a little stressed out about the impending arrival of the guest of honor).

"Nice to see you again, sugar," Jasper drawls, his accent thick.

Alice purses her lips and quirks an eyebrow. "Is short term memory a problem for you, JW or do you always ignore requests?"

Jasper gives her a questioning but conspiring look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I told you to not call me those types of bullshit names."

"What would you prefer I call you then? Mine?" Jasper smirks and Alice flushes.

_Oh my god, she is blushing! The world must really be coming to an end. _

"I don't think so, country boy. I don't belong to anyone," Alice finally regains her composure and bites back at him, her eyes intent on burning the message into his.

"I'm going to…." I let my voice fade out as the two are locked into a staring contest or mating ritual I don't fully understand and take the chance to slip away to the restroom to freshen up.

When I've finished there, I go back into the main room just in time to hear that Rose and Edward are pulling up outside. I stand off to the side so I can see them when they come in but am not directly in the center of the now gathered crowd. Everyone is talking lowly but waiting for the couple to enter, a murmur of excitement on everyone's lips.

Although it isn't a surprise party, Rose told Edward she wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate his birthday to a new seafood restaurant she'd heard of so he isn't suspecting anything like what he is about to walk into. The doors pull open slowly to reveal Edward and Rosalie, arms linked at the elbows as they step into the club.

"Happy birthday Edward!" the entire room shouts and the look on his face is priceless. Edward appears surprised, elated, and just plain happy to see so many people here to celebrate with him. Even though I was hesitant to plan this for him in the beginning, seeing him in this moment makes it all worth it.

"Holy! This is all... you guys are all here for my birthday?" he questions incredulously and a few people laugh at his disbelief.

"Of course, Eddie. We love you," Rose says warmly, pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling him into a hug as everyone watches.

I smile, though it's forced. I know I should be pleased to see them happy together but the gnawing ball of jealousy in my stomach disagrees with that sentiment. I shake my head and put as much genuine feeling behind my smile as I can since I see Rose looking around the room, no doubt to find me.

She spots me quickly and waves with an appreciative smile but she and Edward go across the room to greet his parents as everyone disperses around the room to start playing cards or games. I feel a warm arm warp around my shoulder and the light squeeze Jasper gives me is comforting.

"Didn't think I'd forget about ya, now did you?"

I shake my head and look up into his concerned eyes. I don't try to hide what I'm feeling in the moment, Jasper already seems to know. He gives me a half smile and pulls me towards a poker table. "Come on, let's win some big money, honey."

"What about Alice?" I ask, not wanting to interrupt the budding romance.

Jasper shrugs, nonplused. "She'll be fine with her family. I need to spend time with my date," he winks as the dealer starts handing out cards.

"Jasper, I don't want to—"

"Nonsense, Bella. You are my date tonight and unless you tell me otherwise, I'm here for you. Anyone else will have to wait their turn." He means business and I don't really want to argue, needing his support.

_This night is harder than I thought it would be._

I agree to sit and play a few hands, Jasper claiming I'll bring him luck since I'm all dolled up. I find myself laughing and enjoying our playfully banter as we go through a few hands of poker, Jasper winning though I doubt I'm at all responsible for it. We spend most of our evening at this table though we do enjoy a few minutes of arcade games and indulging in the food. Various other guests stop to chat with us and I introduce Jasper to the few I know but we mainly keep to ourselves, playing poker and enjoying the night.

We are just starting a new hand when I feel a tingling presence slide up beside me, his body close but not touching. His scent, warm and midnight, swirls around me and I feel light headed for a moment.

Finally, his velvet voice speaks, causing my pulse to race. "Looks like this is a hot table, mind if I join?" Edward asks.

I can't seem to find my voice but Jasper speaks up. "Not all, have a seat."

Edward slides into the seat beside mine and smiles softly. I return his tentative gesture, feeling nervous and unsure. _What is he doing over here? Alone?_

"Hello Bella," Edward says, the sound of my name rolling off his tongue like a caresses. I feel a shiver run down my spine.

"Hi, Edward. Happy birthday," I manage to tell him, flicking a glance in his direction. His vibrant green eyes lock me in place, the inquisitive and hesitance I see in them matching my own.

Are we capable of doing this? Can we finally move past what's gone on between us and get back to being friends?

It seems like it's something we both want as I continue to stare at him, watching as various emotions filter through his depthless eyes. I can't help but appreciate his beauty in the moment, his handsome face glowing with a delighted expression I haven't seen in recent weeks. His mouth is set with the barest hint of a smile, the twinkle in his eyes growing as we continue to stare at each other.

I can feel a blush rising to my cheeks but I'm not sure why. I mentally shrug it off and focus back on the cards in my hand, attempting to distract myself from the gorgeous man beside me.

And God, does he look good. Light gray slacks paired with a crimson dress shirt and gray jacket, all custom tailored to fit his personal specifications if the way the clothes hug his body is any indication. The top three buttons of his shirt are undone, teasing my eyes with the light dusting of chest hair I know resides below.

I suck in a sharp breath, trying my best to hold back the wave of desire I feel welling up inside me as I look at him.

I'm fairly sure it's a sin for him to be that damn attractive, making me want him so badly.

"So you're the infamous birthday boy, huh? Happy birthday man," Jasper says, cutting my obvious ogling of Edward short. I turn my head to him to see if he noticed and the mischievous glint in his eyes and twist of his mouth tells me I'm in trouble.

_He totally saw me checking Edward out. Crap_.

"Thanks…" Edward trails off and I realize how rude I've been.

"Oh, uh, Edward Cullen meet Jasper Whitlock," I quickly introduce them, shuffling my cards nervously as they shake hands.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. Thanks for coming to my party," Edward politely replies. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

Jasper grins and nods, tossing a card back to the dealer to receive another. "Yeah, Bella's showing me a great time." Jasper drapes a hand across the back of my chair and my back stiffens slightly when I feel his finger tips dust across my bare shoulder.

I see Edward's body tense from the corner of my eye but don't turn my head. I think if I look at him right now he'll see everything I'm trying to hide.

"Oh you came with Bella… that's great," Edward awkwardly states, clearing his throat midway through. He gives the dealer two cards and after placing the new ones in his hand, he turns back to Jasper and I, an intense set to his mouth.

"I didn't realize Bella was seeing someone," he comments.

"We aren't serious," I blurt out, my voice startling even me. Jasper jumps in and smoothes things over.

"Well we've only just reconnected but I've had a thing for this gorgeous girl since high school," he explains. "We met up a few months ago and I knew then I wouldn't be letting her slip past me again," Jasper winks suggestively.

I'm flabbergasted by his display. We have already had a discussion of where our relationship stood and this is not it. He's making it seem like there is much more going on then really is.

_Why is he doing this? And what about Alice?_

Edward's body stiffens further, his lips pursing and eyes narrowing. He shifts in his seat but keeps his eyes staring forward, the warmth from earlier dissipating rapidly.

"That's very smart," Edward clips out, tossing a few chips into the pot after I do. My cards are shit and I am not even close to knowing what's going on in this game. I'm going to fold on the next round (maybe in more ways than one).

"Yep. Can't let a good woman like Bella get away from you, you know?" Jasper says, his hand now caressing my shoulder.

While I don't mind his little affectionate touches its clear Edward does and I don't want to make him angry on his birthday. I shift in my seat, subtly dislodging Jasper's hand but he only moves it to my right thigh. It's clearly visible to anyone who wants to look.

The poker game goes on around us for a few minutes in silence before Jasper speaks again. "Bella tells me you're a doctor, Edward. How do you like it?"

"It's a great job," Edward states, keeping his eyes locked on his cards, his frame still tight. "I love working with kids and saving their lives when I can is more than I could ask for in a profession."

I nod, agreeing. Saving lives and helping keep families together is my favorite thing about being a doctor.

"That's a noble thing," Jasper replies. "So you and Bella met at work?"

"Uh, no. Actually Edward and I went to med school together," I pipe up. I'm curious where Jasper is taking this, since I thought I'd explained this to him before.

"Oh, wow. So you guys go back a few years then. That's great," Jasper comments nonchalantly. I don't believe his cool demeanor for a minute though. He's got something up his sleeve. "You must have shared some good times, to still be friends now."

Edward nods. "We've had a lot of fun together, right Bella?" he asks, the green of his eyes warming as he looks to me.

"We sure have," I say, enjoying the happy glimmer I see in his eyes. "This guy also got me into a lot of trouble too," I tease, feeling playfully again.

"What? Me! Never," Edward defends himself, a crooked smile in place.

"Ha! I never would have been put on library restriction if it wasn't for you and your 'midnight snacks,'" I argue.

"Hey! Those saved us more times than not during late night study sessions. Can I help it you spilled a thermos of coffee all over a reference book?"

"Uh, yeah you can since it was your fault I spilled it! Laughing at your corny jokes!" I giggle and Edward's full laugh joins me. We share a knowing look and it sends a hot tingle over my body.

"Oh, late night study sessions huh? Anything else ever happen there?" Jasper asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Uh, no. Of course not," I stutter out, shooting Jasper a serious look to drop it.

"Well why not? I'd have would tried something, I guarantee it," he adds with a wink.

"And that is why your mother can't claim to have raised a gentleman," I say, hoping to end the conversation. Unfortunately, Jasper is persistent and pushes Edward for an answer.

"Well I…" he mumbles, palming the back of his neck as he looks at me for assistance. I'd like to hear his response but don't think now is the time or place.

"Edward was dating his college sweetheart when we met, Jasper. Then I was dating someone, and then he and Rosalie got together," I explain, my fingers flexing against my thigh as I try to rein in my unease with this topic. I move Jasper's hand away and give him another pleading look but he ignores it as well.

"So Eddie," Jasper begins.

"Its Edward," he gruffly states. "I prefer Edward."

Jasper raises his brows but nods. "Alright, Edward. Tell me how you and Rose met."

Edward breaks the staring contest he's been having with his cards and looks to Jasper, a thinly veiled hostility lurking there. "As a matter of fact, Bella introduced Rosalie and me. At a Halloween party three years ago."

"Ah, I see," Jasper throws in his last chips and calls. Edward remains silent for a few minutes, thinking of his next move before calling as well. "I guess you're pretty glad to have been friends with Bella then. I mean, in a way without her you never would have fallen in love, right?" Jasper jokes, but it isn't funny to me.

I peek at Edward when I feel his eyes on me, conveying too much but not nearly enough as he looks at me with what I think is longing. I'm sure my eyes are showing him the same, since I've given up on being able to hold it back properly.

"Yeah."

The table falls silent for a few moments as everyone finishes placing their bets or folding at the last minute.

"You know, I never understood the appeal of diamonds," Jasper rambles, flicking the tip of his cards as he speaks. "Sure, they represent something pretty and expensive but they don't give anything back to you at the end of the day. And they aren't even the highest value on the table."

I have no idea where he is going with this conversation. Jasper ignores the confused look I'm giving him and continues to talk, fixing his gaze on Edward. "Not like a heart, you know. Those are a higher value and give back more than they take. But some men still chose diamonds over the more reliable heart, thinking they'll get lucky with them."

I glance at Edward to see him staring back with as much intensity as Jasper is giving him. He narrows his eyes and tilts his head, a scowl on his lips. "True but hearts aren't always what your dealt. Sometimes you have to play the hand given, even if it's not what you want."

Jasper nods as though Edward is making perfect sense. I still feel lost. "I suppose you have a point there, Edward. Of course, if you're smart you'll go for broke to challenge the house and hope for a heart when the time to trade comes."

_Oookkaayyy…._

"Time to show your cards, gentleman," the dealer breaks in. Edward turns his cards over, a full house with aces and eights showing. Its good hand, hard to beat. Jasper clucks his tongue before whistling lowly. "Dead man's hand, huh. Not bad."

Edward nods but remains silent, waiting for Jasper to turn his. With a flourish Jasper displays his cards, showing a straight flush, the Queen of hearts high. "Just not good enough," he jibes, a large smile on display as he pulls his winnings in front of him.

"Thanks doll," he says as he leans over and presses a kiss to my check. "You're my lucky charm."

I blush, his intent pointed and clearly hitting its target as Edward huffs beside us. I shift further away from Jasper, my thigh brushing the outside of Edwards, sending a spark racing up and down my skin. I turn to Edward, ready to explain away Jasper's behavior but am interrupted before I get the chance.

"Hello everyone! I just want a minute of your time before you get back to your games and fun," Rosalie's voice calls out over the hum of the crowd.

We all turn and face Rose standing on a chair, commanding the attention of the room. Her long blonde hair is loose around her shoulders, accenting the deep blue dress she is wearing. It looks amazing on her, though it dips a bit low in the front and clings a little too tightly for me.

"So I felt like I should say a few words since its Eddie's birthday and all," she searches the room and spots Edward sitting beside me, a smiling stretching across her face. She waves frantically for him and Edward walks to where she is, an uncomfortable smile on display. "Well first, in case you didn't understand, we're kind of going for a boardwalk theme here tonight," she laughs and a few others join in. "I don't know if our planning worked but Atlantic City was a big deal for Eddie when he was younger so here we are," she jokes but I don't think it's funny. She didn't do any planning!

_It was me_. Alice and I planned to bring back his childhood. And did a pretty damn good job of it, if I do say so myself.

"Also, I wanted to say thanks to everyone for coming out tonight, I know it was a drive for some of you but we really appreciate it. Everyone knows how important birthdays are to our little Eddie," she coos, tapping his cheek condescendingly, "So I can't thank you enough for making his thirtieth so special. It was a lot of hard work, but we did it! So thanks everyone and I hope you enjoy the party. Now, how about we have someone bring out that cake? It'll be great practice for our wedding!" she squeals before jumping down and folding herself around Edward.

My mouth falls open as I stare at her. I'm shocked, outraged really. I can't believe she is going to act like she had a hand in planning this party. She didn't do a damn thing!

My body is shaking at the audacity of Rosalie. I wasn't expecting her to say I was behind this whole thing in front of everyone but a fucking thank you wouldn't kill her. Hell, even acknowledging me at all tonight would be nice. I mean, I did thrown together a meaningful birthday for _her_ fiancé in a week at her fucking request.

I can feel tears of anger threatening to spill so I hastily make an excuse and rush off to the restroom so no one will see me break down. Once there, I splash water on my face and grip the counter to gain my balance, literally and figuratively.

_I can't believe her. She is being such a bitch… again! What gives her the right? After everything I've done for her…_

Ten minutes have gone by and I still don't feel under control. Fury bubbles inside and I can't take it anymore. I'm so over this.

I wipe my hands on a paper towel and toss it in the trash before heading back out to bar, hell bent on finding Rosalie Hale and giving her a piece of my mind.

Before I make it out of the alcove of the bathroom, I hear Jasper and Roses' voices.

"What in the hell was that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You didn't even give Bella credit! She put this whole damn thing together for your boyfriend and you didn't say a word. You tried to pass it off as your own," Jasper's hotly accuses.

"What the hell do you know about it Jasper? You think you know Bella after a few weeks... well you don't. She doesn't like attention so I kept her out of it!"

"She may not but that doesn't mean you couldn't have said thank you to her privately. Without accepting credit for doing the work yourself."

"Oh please, I didn't do that."

"It sure as hell seemed like it to me," I hear Alice's sharp voice jump in.

"God, just what I need," Rose sighs heavily.

"Oh don't even start with me," Alice bites out. "You have some fucking nerve, Rosalie. Bella spent all week on this party for Edward, making sure he would have a good time and have a piece of his childhood on his big night and you have the gall to let everyone think you did it? I don't think so. You have another thing coming if you think I'm going to let you walk all over Bella."

"I don't walk all over Bella," Rose defends herself. "She does what I say because she can't make a decision for herself; it's never been a problem before. You two don't know what you're talking about, Bella isn't upset."

"How would you know? You haven't spoken to her since you got here," Jasper states.

"What are you, her guard dog?" Rose snips.

"Someone needs to guard her from an evil bitch like you," Alice threatens.

"Listen to me you little—"

"Is there a problem, Rose darling?" a soft voice asks and the hot tempers seem to cool immediately from what I can tell nestled in my hidden spot by the bathrooms.

"Everything is fine, Aunt Esme," Alice attempts to placate.

"Well it just seemed a little tense is all," Esme replies. "Rose you don't know where Edward has gotten off to do you? His father and I are going to be off soon and I wanted to tell him goodbye."

"I'm sorry, Esme I don't know. I'll help you look for him," Rose says kindly.

Esme gives her consent and I hear them shuffle off, Rose chatting amicably with her as they go.

Alice and Jasper speak in hushed tones for few minutes as I continue to hide, unprepared to face the room. I'm so confused by everything right now. Rose's behavior, her cutting remarks about my character to Jasper and Alice, taking credit for the party.

_What did I ever do to deserve this?_

I don't know and I don't care at the moment, I just want to go home. I'm sick of being Rose's little rag doll, dragged around and left in the mud when something better comes along. I can't even contemplate speaking with her right now, afraid if I do I'll truly blow up at her.

Even if she deserves it, I don't want to do that in front of Edward's friends and family.

When I can no longer hear voices, I step out of my hiding place and move to the kitchen to gather my purse so I can slip out. I think I might even use the back entrance, bypassing the risk of seeing someone at all.

I retrieve my purse from the cabinet and start to walk to the kitchen door when a soft hand on my arm stops me. "Bella."

I close my eyes, my heart plummeting in my chest as the crackle of heat radiates from his fingers and spreads like a wildfire across my skin.

"Are you leaving?" Edward asks, his voice low but close enough to tickle the hair on my neck. The warmth of his body surrounds me as he stands inches away from my back.

"I…I need to go," I mumble, my voice shaken and weary. I'm doing my best to keep all my emotions trampled down inside.

"Don't go," he pleads, his hand gliding down my arm and circling my wrist. "I don't want you to go," he softly adds.

"Edward, I can't." I beg him to understand, _he has to understand how difficult this is for_ _me_.

"Please, Bella. Just tell me what's wrong, I know something is wrong." His hands drift up and down, caressing my arms and I can feel myself melting into his embrace as he pulls me to face him, his arms encircling me. I drop my head to his chest, my eyes closing as the feelings I've been holding back fight to break free.

Edward rubs his hands on my back, warmth spreading to every inch of my body in his wake. "Bella," he whispers, his mouth pressed closed to my ear as his warm breath fans over my neck. "Tell me… tell me what to do."

My mouth opens and closes but no words form. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. I want to feel comforted, cared for, appreciated… loved after the awful things I've just overheard. The only person who makes me feel that way is holding me now but shouldn't be.

But God, do I want to let him love me tonight. _I'm going to let him_.

I tilt my head up, my eyes connecting with Edward, seeing passion and turmoil rolling in his own. I open my mouth to speak but stop as we hear a door open followed by a sharp inhale.

Our bodies stiffen in each other's embrace and I bury my face in Edward's chest, hoping to hide from whoever has found us in the compromising position.

"Edward, sweetheart, I… Oh. I'm so sorry…" the vaguely familiar voice trails off and the door closes. I look up again after a moment and see Edward, his face twisted with guilt.

"That was my mother. I should…" Edward says regretfully, his arms dropping. I feel cold without them but step back.

"You need to go," I mumble, keeping my eyes locked on the dingy tile floor. Edward's fingers find my chin and lift it so I have to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry Bella. I need to make sure she didn't misunderstand," he falters, his mouth dropping into a grimace. I nod and shrug, understanding how our hug could have looked misleading.

_Especially since it felt like it was the beginning of something much bigger_.

Edward nods and turns to leave, stepping to the door before pausing and facing me once more, a desperate look on his face.

"Please don't go. Not until we talk, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?" he beseeches, insecurity in his eyes.

"Promise," I manage to say. He gives me a half-hearted smile before leaving me alone in the chilly room. It takes me a few seconds to get myself together and then dash out the back door, escaping into the night, promises be damned.

_I've had more broken to me than kept, so one broken on my part shouldn't hurt_.

I jump into a cab and let it take me home, the busy streets passing in blur as I send Jasper a quick message to let him know I left so he won't worry. As we drive along I notice a bright sign up ahead. I ask the driver to stop outside the 7-Eleven on the corner and have him wait while I go inside and buy a pint of American Dream Cone.

_Ben and Jerry are the only men I can count on_.

Not long after our stop, we arrive at my building and I trudge upstairs and make my way inside. I shuffle to the kitchen and find myself a spoon before I walk back to the couch, plopping down and flipping on the classic movie channel before I dig into my ice cream.

I don't get very far into _"The Goodbye Girl"_ before there is a loud knock at my door. I can't believe someone is knocking on my door at two in the morning. I sigh heavily when I realize it's mostly likely Alice.

She'll be pissed I left without saying goodbye, let alone leaving her with clean-up duties.

I grumble under my breath as I push myself off the couch and move over to the door, attempting to straighten out the mess of my beautiful dress from seating on the couch.

I don't look before opening the door and start apologizing before Alice can say anything. "Ali, I'm sorry I—"

My words are cut off as a pair of lips crash into me, the force pushing me back into my apartment. I'm surprised for less than a second at the attack before recognition dawns and I give into it willingly. Edward hands grip my jaw as his mouth assaults mine, desperate and needy as I shuffle further back into my apartment, letting the door close behind him.

I return his kiss, feeling the electric current rush through my body at his touch. I thrust my hands into his hair, yanking on the silky strands as we aggressively tear at each other with our mouths, teeth clanking and lips pulling.

When I can no longer breathe, I pull away from him and step back, needing space to clear my head. His shoulders and chest are heaving as he attempts to catch his breath, my own doing a similar dance. The hot, lustful stare his green eyes direct at me makes me weak in the knees but I manage to stay standing.

We stare at each other with hooded eyes, our panting breaths the only sound in the room for long, tension filled minutes before it's broken by unexpected words.

"I can't do this anymore."


	16. Chapter 15

**No one will read this so I'll talk to you at the bottom, m'kay?**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 15 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

_"I can't do this anymore."_

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"I mean I can't do this anymore. It's killing me inside, denying what's between us."

I back up a few steps, unable to process what he is saying. "Why are you telling me this?" I beg him in a weak, trembling voice. He pushes a hand roughly through his hair, yanking hard on the ends as he emits a frustrated groan, but I can't help to question him, his motives and actions.

His words have the power to unhinge me.

The power to recreate me.

"I'm telling you because I can't hold back anymore, Bella." Edward says as he advances towards me, slow but sure steps that press me against the wall, his body surrounding me as he presses his hands beside my head, keeping me from going anywhere.

His eyes, dark green and hooded plead with me to understand.

"I can't keep denying what I feel for you. I don't want to, I've never wanted to," he tells me emphatically.

I shake my head because I'm sure I'm hearing him wrong. "You don't know what you're saying. You don't feel anything for me."

"I do," he insists passionately. "I always have."

I try to measure the truth of his words in his expression, searching for any hint of a lie or doubt, but find none. My chest is heaving and I can't catch my breath as I gaze into his impassioned eyes. I can't find words to say, to tangled up inside with his sudden appearance and declarations to know which way is up or down.

Edward lifts a hand and places it delicately on my cheek, his fingers tips tracing around my left eye, and jaw before lightly brushing my bottom lip. His eyes grow more hooded and hungry with desire as he follows the path he creates.

"Tell me," he whispers, his warm breath fanning across my face, "Tell me you don't feel the same. Tell me this isn't real between us and I'll never bring it up again. Never come back."

I can't breathe anything but Edward, his heady scent in the air makes me dizzy. The room seems to be spinning, and I feel like I'm going to fall over. Edward wraps an arm around me, holding me against his body as he pushes in closer, his lips against my ear, and my eyes fall close as he presses a kiss there.

"Please, Bella. Please."

"I can't," I finally whimper out. "I don't want you to go," I tell him, lifting my arms and wrapping them around his neck, pulling him as close as I can, my fingers desperate for his skin.

A low rumble passes from Edward's chest into mine, and his grip tightens around me, his nose nuzzling my neck. I feel a small kiss pressed into my skin, followed by the wet tip of his tongue. A shudder races through my body at the touch.

"Tell me what you want."

"You."

My words are a quiet concession, an undeniable waving of the white flag, of surrender to what Edward and I feel, what we could mean to each other. I've given up any pretense of being able to stay away; any ability to do what I know is right, and leave him to marry another woman.

Because I don't want him to. I want him to be with me, to hold me. To kiss _me_. _To make love to me._

Not her.

Me.

"Bella," Edward whimpers, his soft lips finding mine with determination and passion. He covers me completely, touching me everywhere with a part of him, and I crave more. I increase the pressure of our kiss, forcing him to give me more. Edward groans, and I swallow the noise, opening my mouth, and luxuriating in the feel of his tongue darting in to tangle with mine.

We attack each other's mouths roughly, and our bodies begin to follow. I push my hands up from Edward's shoulders into his hair, and pull on the silk strands, eliciting more erotic noises from him that I want to bath in. Edward's hands move to my hips, and pull me flush against him, his hard length pressing against my stomach, making my arousal grow. My legs wrap around his calves to bring him in closer, my lips crashing into his.

We break apart finally, panting and heaving, but lips hovering close as we stare at one another, searching for a sign of if this is okay or not. _He won't find no in mine._

In a heartbeat, Edward finds the confirmation he needs from me, and closes the minuscule distance once again, but moves his large hands to my legs and lifts behind my knees, pulling me up to hold in his strong arms against the wall.

The moan I let out at the masculine display is like nothing I've ever elicited before; it seems to turn Edward on even more as he plunges his tongue back into my mouth, and paws at me anyway he can.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chants between fierce kisses, and my heart races with each call of my name in his husky sex voice.

"Edward," I beg. I'm done holding back. I'm done trying to always do what's right, even if it costs me. I want Edward; need him to be with me.

"What do you want, Bella? I'll give it to you, just tell me."

"I need you," I tell him, unashamed and unafraid to ask.

"Yes, I need you too," he breathes, pulling back to stare into my eyes for a moment before he hauls us away from the wall, makes the few strides across the room to my bed, and deposits me on my feet to stand.

"As much as I love you in this dress," Edward pants heavily, his hands running up my arms, and across my chest teasingly. His fingers dip into the top of my dress, gliding along the upper swells of my breasts, "I want you out of it," he growls.

"You too," I demand. He quickly complies, nimble fingers moving to unbutton his dress shirt as I blindly reach behind me to pull my zipper down, the dress loosening around me as I watch Edward slip off his shoes and socks before tossing his open shirt to the floor, and reaching to unfasten his pants.

My dress drops from my body, and I move to unclasp the hooks of my garters, pausing only a moment when Edward speaks in a strangled voice. "Those are sexy as hell, Bella."

I smirk, glad he likes them. _Especially since he wasn't supposed to be seeing them tonight. Not that I'm upset he is._

After my garter and stockings are gone, I watch in fascination as Edward's dark gray boxer briefs come into view, the outline of his hard cock on proud display. I can't help but groan at the sight, and reach forward to palm him as he lowers his pants to the floor to step out of them.

"Shit," he hisses as my hand makes contact, his head falling to my shoulder as he watches my hand move over him, thrusting his hips slightly. Edward looks up after a few moments, and brings his hands to my face, holding me there before taking my mouth roughly with his.

I continue to palm his erection with one hand while the other roams the planes of his chest, feeling the ridges and ripples of muscle underneath his hot skin, the light smattering of chest hair. Edward sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, nipping and licking at it as he slides his hands into my hair. Our bodies press tightly against one another, arms holding each other close.

_Thank God for that, because otherwise I would be a puddle on the floor my knees are so weak._

Edward releases his hold on my face, and moves a hand down my back. The trail of desire left in his wake is like a branding iron to my skin, making me cry out lowly as my arousal begins to pool in my underwear. With the flick of his fingers, he deftly unclasps my bra, and then moves to remove my panties.

"I can't wait anymore," he explains before lifting, and tossing me to the bed. I gasp at the maneuver, but quickly find my body covered by Edwards, the full length of him pressing me into the bed.

The feel of his skin against mine own, the weight of his body is welcome. "Edward," I plead, moving my hands to his hips, and tugging on the offensive gray material keeping him from me.

I need him. _Now_.

"Yes, now," he grunts, helping me to remove the briefs before he slides back into the cradle of my legs.

He doesn't hesitate any longer, his thick cock sliding deeply into me in a single thrust, connecting us completely. We both sigh deeply in satisfaction, lips seeking skin and sucking as we start to move with one another frantically.

I hadn't realized how much I needed this until now, how right he feels inside of me, moving above me. I don't know how I was able to resist him this long. I'm grateful I am no longer trying to; this is to right to be wrong.

"So good," I tell him, tugging on his hair as I met him thrust for thrust, our pace demanding.

"Shit, Bella," Edward curses, lowering his mouth to suck on the skin of my neck and shoulders. I urge him forward, circling my hands around his back down to his firm ass, and digging my nails in.

He bucks his hips forward sharply, grunting with pleasure. "Nnnuhh! Fuckkk," he moans, picking up an even more frenzied rhythm. "You're so good, baby. So tight… ungh…"

I shudder and tremble with his words, my climax beginning to rush forward with the urgency of our connection. I can't keep my mouth from the salt of Edward's skin, pulling it into my body so I can have more of him in me. We are moving roughly, urgently, each thrust of Edward's hips powerfully connecting with mine, his dick hitting perfectly inside me. I don't know if I'll last much longer.

"Ohhhh… God, Eh- Edward…"

"Bellaaa. So fucking good," he pants into my mouth, his eyes locking with mine, deep forest green pools that reflect want and need, heavy desire. Hunger. All for me.

Unable to keep the heated gaze, my head thrashes back and forth, the feelings coursing through my body spiraling out of control. I can't restrain the noises coming out of me, wild and irregular. I feel my hips loosing the rhythm Edward has set as I circle higher and higher to ecstasy, but he keeps my body connected to his somehow. His hands roam from holding my hips to my breasts, pinching, squeezing, and teasing the tight buds before he moves one hand down to dip into the wet, slick heat of my pussy, rubbing his finger against my clit in deliciously quick circles.

"Fuck, Edward!" I cry, my orgasm crashing over me without further warning, my body writhing underneath him. I can feel him pumping into me a few more times in my blissful haze before he stills, his face slackening in pleasure as he releases deep inside me, my name a groan on his lips.

He collapses onto me, nuzzling his face into the side of my neck, hot breaths fanning on my skin as we both try to come down from our high. I wrap my arms around him, and gently drag my nails along his back, neck, and into his hair, making a lazy circuit.

Edward hums, placing light kisses to my neck and shoulders as we rest. We haven't spoken; the bliss of our incredible releases still lingering. I close my eyes, relishing the feeling.

And knowing this time, I don't feel regret. I won't allow myself too, either.

Moments later, Edward shift his body up, and settles his head beside mine on the pillow, our eyes finding each other.

"Hi," he says with a soft voice, moving to push some of my hair behind my ear, a crooked smile on display.

"Hi," I smile back, happiness filling me at the tender look in his eyes.

We continue to watch each other in silence, though the dopey grins on our faces say enough. Eventually, I can't keep my brain from barraging me with questions and concerns that only Edward can answer.

Taking a deep breath, but making sure I keep eye contact with him, I jump in.

"Edward," I lick my lips, nervously. I take a breath, and start again. "What are you doing here?" I know I've already asked this but we moved so fast from a vague explanation to (admittedly hot) sex, I don't know if he really meant what he said. "Really?"

Edward pauses, a wrinkle forming between his brows as he studies me. "I told you, I can't stay away from you anymore." When I don't respond, he goes on, understanding my fears. "It's not just about sex, Bella. I… I want you. All of you."

He's looking so earnestly at me, pleading with me to believe him. I still want to be certain, so I push for more.

"How can you be sure? You're suppose to marry—"

Edward presses his fingers to my lips, halting my protests, shaking his head. "No, I'm not. She isn't who I'm supposed to be with, but I don't want to talk about that right now, okay?"

I nod my agreement, not wanting to bring up a painful topic when I can still feel his sweat mixing with mine on my skin, the residual heat of his hard body pulsing inside of me. I glance at the clock, and realize it's only been an hour and a half since I left his party. I'm curious as to how he got away when so many people were still there.

"Did you leave your party? What did everyone say?" I question with concern and sit up, Edward following my movements, the sheets twisting around us.

"Yeah, I couldn't be there after…"

"After?" I prod.

Edward exhales deeply then takes my hands, and begins to play with my fingers as he speaks. "After I talked with you in the kitchen," he pauses, and catches my eye, a look of apology there. I nod, understanding why he left like he did even though it hurt. "I spoke with my parents for a few minutes, and then helped them to their car. When I came back, you had disappeared."

He gives me a playfully glare but I shrug, not sorry about ducking out. It would have killed me if I'd stayed any longer, and been forced to watch Rose act like nothing was wrong after all she'd said.

"Well I wanted to finish our conversation, so I decided to find Alice, and see if she knew where you were. I did find her," he says with a touch of anger in his voice, which surprises me. I raise an eyebrow in question.

"I found my dear cousin near the bathroom alcove. She was with your… _friend_, Jasper," he bites out. I stare at him, unsure what the problem is. Edward gives me a pointed look and it suddenly clicks. They were together, _together_!

"I knew it! Those two were so obvious," I laugh loudly.

Edward gives me a confused look, though a hint of a smile is present in his eyes. "I thought you'd be upset."

"Why would I be?"

"Didn't you… I mean, I know we just…" he motions to the rumbled sheets around us. "But it seemed like you two were… close," he finally manages, his brows furrowing, and his lips pinching into a pout.

"Oh," I say, getting control of my giggles when I realize what he means. "Oh, Edward. No," I soothe him, running my hands liberally over the area of his chest and arms on display for my greedy eyes. _So firm, so hot…_

"We were just friends. Jasper and I didn't… we weren't together like that," I tell him.

He perks up at this declaration. "Really?"

"Really," I affirm. "So you found Alice with Jasper…" I giggle, still delighted by the news.

Edward rolls his eyes, but goes on. "Well, she told me you'd gone home, and when I asked why, worried something was wrong she…" he pauses, his expression shifting into one akin to amazement, "She told me that you were the one who'd planned the party, not Rose."

I gasp, eyes wide as I look at his tender expression. I can't believe he found out, what he must think of me for it. I must seem so pathetic, planning an intimate party for someone who isn't mine.

"Hey, hey," Edward coos, and cups my cheek softly, his thumb brushing underneath my eyes, which_, God help me, _are staring to water.

"You weren't supposed to know," I mumble.

"I know, she told me, but Bella, how could I stay there after that? With someone who didn't even remember it was my birthday when you," he says gently, his eyes soft as he looks intently into mine, "You planned something special for me, that meant something to me. For no reason other than you cared. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had, and I couldn't deny my feelings anymore after that."

I close my eyes and swallow back the emotions trying to escape. If this is what finally brought us together, then I can't be sad, only happy.

I open my eyes, and tentatively smile at him, which he returns. I grab his hand, and press a kiss to his palm then hold it between my own. "I'm glad."

"Me too," he says, and places a kiss to my cheek, making me blush.

We stare at each other warmly for another few moments before another thought crosses my mind. "So how did you get away from… everyone?"

Edward smirks, the corner of his mouth twisting into a sly grin. "I said I was called in to the hospital."

My mouth pops open, surprised he would use this excuse. Then again, it worked out rather conveniently for me. _Hmm, something to keep in mind for future reference_.

"So, can I stay with you?" He asks with a hint of worry or fear in his voice. I lift my head to him, and smile widely, my reply quick on my lips.

"Of course. I want you to." I bring my mouth to his, and leave a soft kiss there, hoping it will convey just how much I mean it.

We share a few gentle kiss before we lapse into comfortable silence, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment.

A mischievous glint takes over Edward's eyes after a while, his mouth pursing playfully. "So, tell me, Bella. What was all that about at the poker table, if you and Jasper are _just friends_?" he asks, the mood shifting from sweet to teasing.

I tense at his question. _I knew that would bite me in the ass!_

"I don't know what you mean," I try to deny, but fail miserably. Edward smirks at me, leaning closer into my space, and I shuffle backwards, ending up flat on my back as he hovers over me.

"I think you do," he says, his warm breath washing across my face. He lowers his mouth to mine, lightly nipping and sucking, dragging his mouth long my jaw. "I think you did it on purpose," he lowly accuses.

"On purpose?" I murmur, my eyes glazing over at his ministrations.

"Yes, on purpose."

"Wh-why would I do that?"

"To make me jealous," he whispers, licking the shell of my ear before taking the lobe in his mouth, and tugging it gently with his teeth. He sucks it softly to ease the ache, and I groan deep in my throat.

"Did it work?" I confess, bringing my hands up to wrap around his neck, fingering the bottom of his hair line, the baby soft hairs tickling my fingertips.

"You tell me," he says, pressing his dick into my hip, impressively hard once more. My moan is muffled by his ravenous lips as his tongue seeks refuge in my mouth, which I willing admit.

There is no more talking about the party as our bodies begin to speak for us, finding and caressesing each other in wondrous places. I whimper and moan at Edward's touch, loving the feel of his hands playing my body so well. He rolls over, bringing me on top of him, and my legs straddle his hips.

"Uhhh, still so wet," Edward groans in appreciation as I slide my arousal over his hard shaft, the sensation working me up all over again as the tip of his dick presses against my clit. He digs his fingers into the flesh of my hips, helping to rock me against him, his eyes dark and lustful as he stares up at me.

"Feel good?" I tease with a seductive smile on my lips as I place my hands beside his head on the bed. I don't know where the sudden confidence has come from but I'm not going to let it go to waste. Judging by the gleam in Edward's burning eyes, I think he is as happy to see it as I am.

"Yes," he hisses as I lower my breasts to his chest, allowing my nipples to drag lightly against the dusting of hair there. The tickling sensation is thrilling, and I almost purr it feels so fucking good.

"Damn it, Bella," Edward huffs as I continue my slow seduction, adding languid kisses and taunting nips to his neck and jaw, still working my pussy over his dick in long, slow strokes. I lick his Adam's apple as it bobs in his throat, the vibrations of his groans exciting me further.

I lean up, and whisper in his ear, "I want more Edward," my voice sultry and low. "Is that what you want?"

"Uh huh," Edward pants underneath me, his hands squeezing my sides, and sliding down to grip my ass firmly, urging me to keep moving.

"Mmmm, good," I tell him, flicking my tongue out to trace the spot below his ear over to his jaw. "Because you are all mine."

With those words I sit up quickly, and guide him into me, impaling myself with his cock in a fluid motion.

"Shit!" Edward exclaims, his back arching up as he is sheathed inside my wet heat. I groan out my own lustful approval as I attempt to gain my senses before I begin to ride him, our bodies slapping together forcefully.

"Unnhh," Edward moans loudly. "Fuck, you're so sexy," he cries, his eyes staring intently at where my body is taking him in. I look down, and whimper loudly at the sight, the shine from our combined arousal making me even hotter for him.

"Edward," I whine, my hips starting to increase in speed. He moves his gaze to my breasts, flicking his eyes to mine before he licks lips. His hands leave my hips, and find my needy breasts, holding them steady as I bounce above him. He uses his nimble fingers to tease my nipples into hard points as I watch, my eyes rolling back in pleasure.

"Do you like that?" He asks as I release a long moan, nodding my head for him to keep going, all the while our lower bodies continue their erotic tango. Edward suddenly shifts up, bringing his mouth to my breasts, and sucks a nipple deep in his mouth, his tongue twisting around the peak.

"Ahhh!" I exclaim, moving my hands to his shoulders to steady my shivering body, feeling another orgasm beginning to take over. The shift in position has Edward thrusting deep inside me, hitting my special spot so well I can feel my walls trembling around him in anticipation.

"Yes. Feels good, you feel so good," I moan, and attack his mouth and neck with sloppy kisses, to close to falling over the brink to care about technique. "So big… hard…"

"Uugghh… Bella," Edward pleads, his hot breath panting into my neck, and down my breasts, cooling the wet flesh his mouth left behind. "I can't… too much… please."

He shifts us once more, changing our position so I am straddling his hips as he sits on bent knees allowing him to push even further into me, deep and full. With our bodies like this, everything becomes more intimate. Edward presses his forehead to mine, and we exchange soft kisses as I roll my hips over him. Our pace slows, and becomes almost worshipful; Edward pulling me in close to his body, my breasts pressed against his chest firmly as he wraps his arms around me, our eyes connecting to stare deeply at each other. The look in his eyes, lustful and hooded, yet still reverent and awed is all consuming to me.

I can see how much he cares for me, how much he wants me to believe him. The feeling of him moving inside me is perfect, and the emotions I see in his eyes, and feel on his lips as he kisses me tenderly is enough to send my body into overdrive, and I feel waves of pleasure wash over me as my body shakes and trembles in his arms.

"Edwardddd…" I sigh into his mouth as my body tenses and releases, my arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders as I feel him shudder and let go, his own orgasm taking him as he whimpers and mumbles incoherently into my neck. Once his body is spent, Edward reclines, and pulls me to rest on his chest so we can both catch our breaths.

Though I know we still have much to talk about, issues we can't avoid, and will have to address in order to move forward, I don't let myself think about them right now. Instead, I enjoy the pounding, rhythmic beating of Edward's heart below my ear, the tender trail of his fingers across my bare back.

The rest can wait until tomorrow. For right now, I just want to be present in this moment, enjoying the warmth of Edward's body, and light touches against my electrified skin as I let all the worries and fears go, and fall into sleep.

My eyes are fluttering closed, my mind already heavy with the sleepy subconscious when I feel Edward press a gentle kiss to my temple, his arms holding me close.

The smallest whisper of his voice is the last thing I hear before I drift into blissful, contended sleep.

"I want to be yours, Bella. As much as I want you to be mine."

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><p><strong>AN: Whew... ::wipes forehead::… **

**We are about half-way through our story now, give or take a few chapters. Updates will continue to be every two weeks unless I get super inspired, and finish a chapter early (it's happened before) or RL makes writing impossible (also happened before). But I promise to do my best.**

**An IMPORTANT NOTE—Have you heard about Fandom4Texas Wildfire Relief? The fires have caused massive, disaster-worthy damage to Austin and the surrounding area. After seeing it firsthand, I had to help out my home state.**

**I've donated my own $$, and now ****I'm donating a TH&TH OUTTAKE****! If this is something you'd enjoy reading (along with a huge compilation of many wonderful authors across several fandoms), please consider giving to this worthy cause. Information on how to help can be found at:**

**http:/ texasfires(dot) ysar(dot) info/ **

**So, now I'm asking you- my amazing readers, what would you like to see in this outtake? I have a few ideas bouncing around (B&E's first meeting, B introducing E&R), but if yours is better, I'll be happy to use it, and give you credit. Suggestions are accepted via review or PM. **

**As always, thank you for reading, and reviewing. If you're new here, how did you find this story? If you are an old friend to TH&TH, tell me how you felt about this chapter. Did you enjoy the lemons? Did things go the way you thought they would? Do you have burning questions still? Let me hear it!**


	17. Chapter 16

**I've been working on another story, The Champagne Club- which is a drabble fic you can find on my profile- so I apologize for the delays it may cause in updating this story. I do work TH&TH when I have inspiration and time, so don't worry about abandonment. At least not from me. ;)**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 16-(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

Walking up the next morning, I find myself surrounded by warmth and I smile softly. With an inhale, I take in the pleasant aroma of spicy pine and earthy rain, sighing with delight as I exhale.

"Mmmm," a deep, rasping noise comes from behind me before the warmth of before is pressed firmly against my back, and a hand reaches over my waist, squeezing me gently before sliding me backwards to connect with the warm body.

"Morning," Edward rumbles in a sleepy voice, pushing his nose into the crook of my neck, and moving my hair to find bare skin. He lays a small kiss there, just his lips on my skin but it's enough to make me shiver.

"Good morning," I whisper back, the smile evident in my voice. I grab his hand on my waist and lace my fingers with his before shifting to turn over so I'm resting on my back, and can look at him.

A lazy, content smile is on his lips as he hums his agreement softly, dragging his nose up my neck and across my cheek. His sleepy eyes are warm and crinkled, but the green irises shine brightly as we gaze at one another, basking in the soft moment we've found ourselves in.

Edward is curled around me, and I run my fingers over his broad shoulders as we share a few early morning kisses. Nothing overtly passionate (morning breath is a bitch) but they still convey so much to me as I lay in wrapped in his arms, his fingers tangling gently in my hair as he cups my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb as we speak to each other with quiet touches and soft caresses.

I'm having a difficult time keeping the giddiness I feel under control and not gushing out of me like a teenager finally having her crush ask her to prom.

I'm just so happy.

Last night really happened. Edward left his family and friends to find me after his party, to make sure I was okay after he found out what my supposed best friend had done. He came, and admitted he felt for me like I have for him for so long now.

That he wants me, has always wanted me.

Just remembering his passionate declaration, and the ensuing expression of those desires, that deep want we both feel, has me tingling all over again.

But before I can act on that inclination, nature calls. _The bitch_.

I really want to ignore it and just keep kissing Edward, or perhaps a bit more but unfortunately some things can't be forgotten.

Squirming out of his embrace, and laughing gently at his little whimpers of protest, I slide out of bed and move to the bathroom, not caring one lick I'm stark naked.

_If he wants to look, I'm happy to let him. He's already seen it all anyway_.

"Don't go," he calls from the bed.

Smiling over my shoulder, I chuckle at his pouty face. "I have to use the restroom, I'll be right back."

After doing my business quickly, I look myself over in the mirror. I'm surprised to see the flush on my cheeks, a warm, rosy glow of pink. My hair is a disaster, resembling a haystack that I just can't let go. I run a brush quickly through my strands and then brush my teeth, because there _will_ _be_ more kissing. And because I figure Edward might want to brush his at some point, I grab a fresh toothbrush for him, and set it on the counter before heading back to my room where the very gorgeous man is waiting for me.

Of course, as soon as I'm out and back to the room, Edward jumps up like his butt is on fire and dashes into the bathroom. I can't hold in the huge guffaws of laughter at his frantic look as he makes his way pass me.

"It's not funny, I gotta go," he tells me, but I'm laughing so hard at his mad dash I barely hear it. I grab a t-shirt and slip it on before I fall back on my bed and snuggle under the covers, pulling in the scent of Edward, me, and the unique combination of us we created together last night. My giggles fade as I close my eyes and breath in the smell, letting it wash through me and commit it to memory.

I never want to forget any aspect of him and me together.

Because as nice as this afterglow is, I know we need to have a serious conversation. As easy as it would be to ignore the outside world, the problems which are waiting for us there, we can't. The truth of the matter is we've crossed a line, not once but twice now, and I know I don't want to go back.

It seems Edward feels the same, if his sudden appearance and declarations from last night are any indication.

Still, despite our passionate night and sweet morning, softly spoken words of promise and desire, we have to face what we've done.

And what we will do from here.

I feel the bed dip with Edward's weight as he slowly crawls up to me, littering small kisses along my exposed flesh.

"You're dressed," he pouts, the whine clear in his voice making me smile. "I wasn't done with you yet."

Opening my eyes, I look up to see him staring intently at me, a frown on his lips but a teasing gleam in the green depths of his eyes.

"I think we need to talk," I say, taking the plunge. Edward's pretend pout morphs into real one, concern and a flicker of dread flashing across his face. I can see a fear in his eyes, and I instantly realize how similar this sounds to the last time and am quick to reassure him.

"Hey, Edward, no. I just think we should figure a few things out before we go any further," I tell him, reaching up to cup his cheek softly. He leans into my touch, his eyes searching mine. I offer a smile, and move my hand to stroke through his messy hair. "I think it will be easier to talk if we aren't…distracted," I add, giving a pointed look at his naked body.

"Okay," he finally mutters, still looking unsure but willing to trust me. He moves back from me and leans over the bed, pulling up his boxer briefs before settling back in beside me. "Let's talk then."

I sit up, take a deep breath, and try to put my thoughts in order before speaking. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings in this conversation, and getting myself in order before hand will help.

I'm still not exactly sure where to start, but when I look at Edward, seeing the apprehension on his face I know my silence is saying the wrong thing, and if I don't speak up soon, things will go down a road I don't want.

"I'm really glad you came over last night," I begin, letting the words fall out of my mouth before I even realized they were there. But it seems to do the trick, relaxing Edward as I go on. "I want you to know I don't regret what happened between us."

"Me too." He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing my fingers softly. I smile, and feel butterflies flutter in my belly at his touch.

"But we do need to decide… to figure out what it means," I finally utter.

Edward gives my hand a squeeze and looks at me with a serious expression. "I told you last night, I want you. I'm tired of fighting it."

"I know, and I want you too, but Edward," I sigh, pulling my hand from his and running it through my hair, pulling on the ends in frustration. "It's not that simple. You're not, we can't…." I wince but go on, making sure the cards are all on the table. "You're engaged to Rosalie, my best friend."

Edward sighs heavily but doesn't speak right away. I'm not sure what I expect him to say, what he can say, but what has been said isn't enough.

"I just don't know what you want…"

"I want you, Bella. I don't want to pretend like I don't anymore, I don't want to wait another minute to start living a life with you," Edward explains, his eyes fervent. He pulls my hand back to him, pressing it against his chest so I can feel the wild beating of his heart.

"You do this to me, Bella. No one else but you has ever made my heart beat so fast, feel so full, or cared for as much as you do. If you want this, if you want to be with me, then I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."

His words are like warm honey, sweet and satisfying as they fill my heart and head. I lean over, and press my lips to his, unable to keep from showing him how much they mean to me. "I do want to be with you," I whisper in between kisses, my voice soft but sure against his lips.

Edward is the one to stop our kiss this time, pulling back a few inches, but resting his forehead to mine as we catch our breath. His crooked grin (my favorite) has taken up permanent residence on his handsome face, and I'm sure the goofy smile on mine is permanent as well.

"So we're going to do this?"

"Yes," I breathe, not even letting a second pass before I respond.

"Yes." Edward beams, leaning over to take my mouth back to his, sucking on my bottom lip before touching his tongue there, and asking for entrance. I give it, returning his welcome affection, and needing to feel his desire for me. _All for me._

After a few moments, I pull back and look at him. He's smiling at me, a peacefulness shining through his eyes that makes my own heart calm, knowing we are on the same page.

"We should talk about where we go from here," I manage to say, still reeling from the high his lips leave me with, but knowing there is still more to discuss.

Edward nods and sits back, resting against the headboard once again, but tucking me into his side. He runs his hand up and down my arm, raising all the hairs there, ignited by the electric feel of his skin on mine.

"Well," he finally says, running his other hand through his hair as he speaks. "I guess the first thing is to break off the engagement," he admits, his voice low as though he is afraid to say her name out loud.

I can't help the little pinch I feel in my heart when he talks about Rosalie, knowing that he has plans to marry her. Or at least he did, until all this happened.

I'm curious to know how that would have played out, if he would have gone through with the wedding if he's always felt something for me like he says he has. And if that's true, why did he ever ask her to marry him in the first place?

There are a whole slew of questions concerning their relationship that need to be addressed but I'm not sure now is the right time. Then again, I'm not sure there would be a better time, either.

Finding a source of courage I didn't know I possess, I ask, "Would you have married her?"

It's clear from the stiffening of his body and the tightening of skin around his eyes that Edward heard me, despite the quiet way I asked it. He sighs, closing his eyes and dropping his chin.

I fight the urge to tell him to forget about it, to take back my question and move on to another, but I need to know. I deserve to know.

"Bella," he sighs my name, his voice sounding tired. "I…I don't know how to answer that," he says. He looks down at me, his green eyes sad and frustrated. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Just tell me," I beg him gently, letting my fingers run over his chest in what I hope is a soothing pattern.

He closes his eyes again, pinching his nose as he breaths deeply. "I…I—" With another sigh, he tells me. "I want to tell you no, that I wouldn't have gone through with it… but I just can't," he finally admits.

My fragile heart, the tender hope I'd been secretly holding onto that Edward would have pulled out of marrying Rose, is crushed. I tuck my chin into my chest, moving my hands and body away from him, unable to handle being so close.

"No, baby, don't," Edward pleads, tugging me back to his chest, and wrapping his arms around my shoulders to keep me from moving. He holds me tightly, and even though it shouldn't, I feel comforted by his embrace even though his words are what hurt me. "Let me explain, please," he begs.

Do I really want to hear this? Can I hear this without feeling hurt? Will his explanation make me feel any differently about him?

I'm not sure but I can at least give him the chance to explain. Though it might be easier, and save me from some heartache, I'm won't be a child, running and hiding from all the difficult things in life. Not anymore.

"Okay," I whisper.

"Okay," he says with relief. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, never letting his firm hold on me go before he speaks. "I don't know if I would have stopped the wedding,… I'd like to think that I would have. But…," he pauses, "Before last night, I didn't think I had any reason to. I didn't think you felt for me like I did for you." I open my mouth to interject, but he puts a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"I'm not saying that my choosing to marry her was dependent on your feelings for me, but it did play a part for me. Yes, I had… _**have**_, serious feelings for you, but when I thought you didn't feel the same, when it seemed like nothing would ever come to fruition for us, I made a decision to be with her. And yeah," he tells me, dragging a hand through his hair, "She isn't perfect, and she can be overly dramatic and selfish, but she's been there for me, helped me get through everything with my mother's illness, and through residency. And…" he stops, gulping.

"I… _shit, this is so wrong_," he mutters under his breath. I raise my eyebrows expectantly. "I thought that if I couldn't have you, couldn't be with you like I wanted, at least if I married Rose, I'd have you in my life in some way because you two would always be friends. And being in your life, even if on the perimeter, would be better than not being around you at all."

I'm shocked by his confession, my mouth popping open in surprise. I had no idea he felt that way, no idea his marriage to her was partly because of me. I don't know how to respond to him, how to process anything his just said. All I know is I want to kiss him, everywhere and never stop, not even for a minute.

I do just that, shifting to face him and pulling his mouth to mine, crashing our lips together. Edward moans, his hands reaching up to cup my face and hold me tight, angling my face so we can kiss deeper. Our tongues are reckless against one another, sliding and gliding across one another and into each other's mouths as we drink each other in. My head is spinning, dizzy from his words, and the lack of oxygen I'm providing it while I nip, lick, and suck at Edward's mouth.

"Oh my God," I finally choke out when we break apart to catch our breaths, our foreheads once again resting on each others. "You would have done that… for me? And I didn't even know," I tell him in a whisper.

He nods, still panting for a moment but his eyes are full as they meet mine. The green orbs are dark and swirling, shining, pulsing with desire I know is all for me.

"How could you?" Edward utters. "I never said anything, even though I should have."

It's a sobering thought. He's right, he should have said something. He shouldn't have let his relationship with Rose get so far if he felt so strongly for me, but I can almost understand his reasoning. And besides, it's not as if I ever told him how I felt either.

_After all, I pushed him to be with her, so what was he suppose to think?_

"It's okay though," he says, shifting us back to rest against the headboard, me draped across his chest. "We can make it right, now. I'll just have to tell Rose the weddings off."

I snuggle into him, placing a small kiss into the hollow dip of his collarbone. "'Kay."

We're quiet for a minute before Edward breaks the silence, a small groan coming from his chest. "Fuck, that is going to be brutal. She's going to flip shit when I tell her."

He's right of course, there is no way Rosalie Hale is going to accept being dumped by Edward. Especially when she finds out he is leaving her for me. Plain, simple Bella Swan.

Her best friend for twenty years and counting.

_Fuck, this is going to be a lot worse than I even realized_.

"Shit," I agree, closing my eyes and trying to slow my rapidly beating heart. I don't want to hurt her, just the idea of it has me anxious. But am I willing to give up Edward?

Hell no.

I'm done putting my needs behind everyone else's, particularly Rosalie. She hasn't been the greatest friend to me lately (possible ever it seems), so why should I be to her?

No, it's not right to steal another woman's man, even more so when it's a friend, but then again… Rose knew how I felt about him, and it didn't stop her from dating him (even if I did encourage it). So I shouldn't worry about doing it to her.

Besides, if she really loves me, or Edward for that matter, she will want us to be happy. Even if it hurts her.

I'm not naïve enough to believe she won't cause an uproar over it all, though. That wouldn't be Rosalie's style.

Damnit, I wish we could skip that part and move on to the happily ever after. I'm not ready to have my happy bubble with Edward burst yet. I want to be able to enjoy it for a little while before the world crashes down around us. We deserve that.

"Edward," I say, my voice cautious. I don't think he's going to like what I'm about to say, but I can't think of a better solution.

"Bella?"

"What if… what if we waited to tell her?"

Edward stiffens, his shoulders and arms flexing before he shifts so he can look me in the eye. "What do you mean?"

"I think we should wait to tell her."

"Why would we do that?" he questions, his voice colored with confusion and disappointment. "Do you not want to be together?"

"NO! Of course I do," I tell him, sitting up and cupping his neck, rubbing my thumbs over his throat as I try to soothe him. "We both know how dramatic she can be, and this… this revelation will make her explode worse than I've ever seen, I know it will. She's going to hate me," I stutter out but push through, "and you. She'll make our lives hell, and I just don't want that to be how we start our relationship."

I should feel embarrassed about my presumption of a relationship status between the two of us but I don't, not after everything we've shared with each other last night and this morning. It's clear we are going to be together, why worry over what to call it?

Edward takes in what I say, a crease between his brows as he thinks it over. I chew on my lip nervously as I wait, hoping he sees my reasoning. His looks at me, his eyes a pure green that makes my heart clench.

"I don't want to hide us, Bella. I've denied it for too long, and I'm tired. I know she's going to go ballistic—not to mention my family, but if it means I can be with you, it's worth it," he earnestly tells me.

_God, I love this man. _

_No, too soon! Focus on the present, Bella_.

"Edward," I coo, sliding my hands to his ears and cradling his face, making sure he's looking at me. "I don't want to hide either, I'd love to tell everyone we're together, but it's not a good idea right now."

He starts to speak but I stop him with a quick kiss. "I want to enjoy our beginning, and as soon as we tell her, she'll ruin it. Can you understand what I mean?"

He studies me carefully for a moment, his hands sliding up to rest on my hips. He squeezes me softly there, and gives me a small nod. "I do. We can wait a little while."

I smile brightly at him then lean in and press my lips firmly to his, grateful for his understanding. "Thank you."

"We can't wait long though," he says, pulling back a little to look at me intently.

I nod, understanding. "We won't. I promise."

It would be wrong to let the charade of their engagement go on, letting others think they are happy and in love.

Another thought crosses my mind, and I move back from our embrace. I have to know the answer to this next question before we can move on, and putting distance between us physically is the only way I'll be able to ask it.

Edward gives me a curious look, cocking his head to the side in question. I inhale deeply, and exhale slowly, then push out the words which could shatter me.

"Have you and Rose been… intimate?" I squeak out, my eyes not able to hold his. I finger the hem of my t-shirt, waiting for his answer.

Edward makes a choking noise, causing me to look up at the sound. His looking at me with wide eyes, and a wary expression. "I uh…" he stutters, shoving a hand through his hair and jerking on the strands of copper. "Um, we were... I uh…I don't think I know what you mean…"

"Since we were together, the first time," I say hurriedly, a blush unexpectedly filling my cheeks when I realize he thought I meant ever. "Have you and she… you know?"

Edward exhales loudly, his body relaxing visibly. "Uh no," he stammers, "We haven't… you are… she tried but I…," he falters, trying to explain but is only saying half a thought before mumbling on to the next one. Finally, he finds the words he wants to say. "No, Bella. I haven't done anything with her in months, not since before we were together, even. But once I'd been with you, I couldn't even think of anyone else."

I study him carefully, trying to decide if he's being honest. I can't find anything to indicate he isn't so I nod my acceptance, and feel my own body release its tension.

I know I couldn't have faulted him if he and Rose had been having sex, they are engaged after all, but it would have killed me just the same. Knowing he hasn't makes the worry and fear in my heart subside.

"Good," I tell him, snuggling into his arms. "I don't want you to be."

"I won't. I only want to be with you, silly girl," he whispers into my hair, pressing a kiss there. Edward wraps his arms around me, hugging me close as he hums. He shifts us, moving so we can lie back down, not letting our embrace break. We sit quietly for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness, both physically and emotionally.

Even though it's my idea, I'm nervous about when we finally do decide to tell Rose, but I know waiting is for the best. She will make our lives hell when this comes to light. And right now, I just want to bask in the afterglow of being with Edward.

_Enjoying all the delicious ways we can show each other how we feel, just like last night._

"What has that look on your pretty face," Edward asks me, a knowing gleam in his eye. He slips his hand under my t-shirt and gently strokes my belly.

_Yeah, he knows all right._

"What look?" I feign ignorance, feeling playful.

Edward pops up on his side, hovering over me with a crooked smile in place. "That look that says you're thinking dirty, dirty things."

_I can't believe he just said that, even if it is true._

Before I can react, Edward has rolled us so I'm laying flat on my back, his strong body balancing over me briefly before he lowers himself, and I can feel just how much he wants me, heavy and hard right between my needy legs.

I can't help but whimper at him, at the memories of what this man can do to my body with his. Those talented fingers stroking my flesh into a needy, wet mess. His lips find the skin of my neck and press a kiss there, his wicked tongue slipping out to lick my collarbones as he methodically rotates his hips in a rhythm meant to entice me.

"Unhhh," I moan lowly, enjoying the feelings crashing within my body at his attentions, beginning to lose myself in the pleasure I've recently learned only Edward can provide.

"Feel good, baby?" he asks, his voice a husky rumble in my ear as he nips at it, slipping my t-shirt off before taking my breasts in his hands.

"Mmmhmm."

"You want me to make those dirty girl thoughts real?" he seductively teases, his dirty talk causing a shudder to race all over my body. I slide my hands to his waist and quickly yank his underwear down, then wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer into me, needing him closer.

"Yeah," I breathlessly groan, sucking on his neck as he grinds his hips into me. _God, I had no idea he would talk like this in bed. I had no idea I would love it so much!_

"Yeah?" he asks, already moving lower, lining his dick up with my entrance and pushing in just enough so I can feel him, heavy and waiting to push us both to new heights.

"Edward…" I groan, hoping he'll hear the plea in my voice to stop teasing me, rolling my hips in invitation.

"Tell me you want me, Bella," he demands softly, laying kisses all over my face, still teasing my lips below with his tip.

I can't seem to find my voice, the way he's moving against me stealing it away. All I can feel is this fire in my belly, building and pushing at me for more. I rake my nails down his back, digging in when I reach the supple flesh of his ass, and hoping this will spur him forward into me.

"Bella," he groans this time, and a wicked smile steals across my face, knowing he wants it just as much as I do. "Baby…"

Hearing him call me that sends my heart into overdrive, the already fast beats hurtling into a pounding rhythm and I feel like it might explode.

We lock eyes, brown to green, and an understanding of what we're doing, what we've accepted will come, passes between us. Without words, we acknowledging that we are in this, together. We will face whatever we need to together.

And though I'm still a little scared of how this will all work out, how and when I'll finally feel ready to tell Rose, the inevitable fallout to come, I know its right.

Being with Edward is right.

I'm more alive, more content, happy, and loved with him than I've ever been with anyone else.

And by the look in his eyes, he feels the same about me.

With a deep kiss that I can feel all the way to my toes, he pushes in fully and we become connected again, body, hearts, and soul.

As we make love in the warming light of day, I know that the road ahead of us isn't going to be easy. We have big obstacles in our way, friendships and lives will be forever altered once we tell everyone.

But as Edward presses his lips to my neck, sucking lightly as his hips push into mine, whispering sweet words and groaning his pleasure as we find our release, I know things will be okay.

As long as we're together, we'll be okay.

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><p><strong>AN: And there we go, a little talk and some things learned. More still to be discovered but a few ligther, fluffy chapters with our lovebirds before we get to that. Because they deserve it. **

**Thank you all for reading and sharing your kind words in reviews. I know I didn't get to reply to everyone but I do cherish them all. **

**I'm working on my outtake for the Texas Wildfire Relief (a cause dear to my little Texan heart)- Edward's POV after the first night with Bella. Curious to know what was going on in his mind? To find out, you'll have to donate. And remember, ****a lot of authors besides me are offering up story continuations, outtakes/future-takes, and O/S for this cause, so please consider it. More information can be found at http:/ texasfires(dot) ysar(dot) info/**

**Until next time, happy reading!**


	18. Chapter 17

_Let me quickly say a deep and heartfelt thank you to each of you for reading, reviewing, and then waiting patiently for me to update this story. While I have TCC on the brain and am working hard on that weekly, TH&TH is still a priority for me, and I won't be giving it up._

_You guys truly blow me away; this story is very near to 500 reviews, something I never anticipated it to reach even after it was completed. So I bow humbly before you in gratitude you amazing readers, you._

_Last thing before I let you go, you know I don't use a beta (because I'm too lazy to find one) but I do try to catch as many mistakes as possible. This chapter may have more than normal due to my desire to get it out before the weekend. The reason for this is in my end note. _

_So sorry for any major blunders and happy reading!_

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 17 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

**Bella! Hey Belllllaaaa! ~E**

**You talking to me? ~B**

**Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. ~E**

**Why don't you come up sometime and see me? ;) ~ B**

**Go ahead, make my day. :) ~E**

**All right, Mr. Cullen, I'm ready for my close up. ~B**

**The stuff dreams are made of. ~E **

**Madness, madness! ~B**

**I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. ~E**

**I haven't been afraid since I've known you. ~B**

**I like you to be exactly the way that you are, because in all my experience, I have never known anyone like you. ~E**

**It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I'll give you two. ~B**

It's going to be a long night...and I don't particularly like the book I've started...You know what I mean? ~E

**Don't ask for the moon. We have the stars. ~B**

**Well, nobody's perfect. ~E**

I never knew it could be like this. Nobody ever kissed me the way you do. ~B

**Here's looking at you, kid. ~E**

And I officially swoon with his last text, unable to compete any longer in this impromptu quote contest we've been having over the past few days. No matter how I've tried to best him, find some obscure quote that still hints at the true depth of my feelings for him, he always comes back with something better.

If I didn't know better, I'd think he'd been studying up on classic movies.

Actually, that might be true. It would be so like him, watching classic films because he knows it's something I enjoy. My heart flutters and my stomach flips as I think of this, realizing these types of things have probably been true for some time now, and I probably haven't noticed it before.

Just as I've been learning and doing little things for Edward over the course of our friendship, things that might make him happy or bring him some comfort, he's been doing for me. He always manages to find a way to take care of me, even if I make it hard for him.

Even just a few months ago, he made me a care package when Rose told him I was having my period (though that was just the lie I told her). And though the initial meeting was mortifying for me, the rest of that evening was possible one of the best nights of my life.

_Of course, the night we first slept together is ahead of it. Only preceded by the one following his birthday, and the morning after when we declared our feelings for each other. Finally_.

As I make my rounds at the hospital tonight, checking my phone way to often to go unnoticed, I can't help but wish I hadn't fought this for so long. Things could have been so much different than they are if we'd only been honest with each other long ago.

It's only mildly embarrassing when I jump three feet high from the sharp, shrill ringing of my phone, since I've been waiting for the damn thing to do this all day. A quick glance around tells me the only person to see me was Carrie, a new nurse on the floor. She smiles lightly and I offer a shrug, acknowledging my ridiculous reaction before she moves on, leaving me on my own. I slip into an empty room nearby to answer.

My heart sinks slightly when I see the caller isn't who I wanted it to be.

"Hey Alice," I answer, my deflated tone obvious even to me.

"Well hello to you to, little miss fucking sunshine," Alice quips. "So glad to know you're excited to hear from me."

I chuckle at her, her scolding oddly lightening my mood. "Sorry, Ali, I'm at the hospital and a little preoccupied at the moment." I fail to mention the fact that my preoccupation is due to her devilishly handsome cousin, who is working somewhere in this building right now, sending me swoon worthy texts which make my brain little more than a puddle.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Bella. Did you have a rough surgery or something?" Alice asks with genuine concern. She may be sharp around the edges, but she has a heart of gold underneath it all.

"Or something," I hedge, again not explaining that the rough something I'm troubled by is my intense desire to have Edward's stubble covered jaw between my thighs, his hands holding my hips as his lips find my….

_Jesus, Bella. Pull yourself together. You can fantasize about Edward and his jaw later._

"Nothing to worry about, Ali, I'll be fine. What's up with you?" I ask.

"Oh, um nothing much. I just wanted to check in with you, make sure you were doing alright," she says, but something seems off about her tone.

"I'm as good as can be expected?" I reply, but it sounds more questioning than affirmative since I'm not sure why I wouldn't be. In all honesty, I'm fan-fucking-tastic because I've finally with Edward, but I don't think now is the time to spill those beans.

"Good, good…"

"Alice. What…is there some reason I shouldn't be okay?"

Alice exhales slowly and I can hear the trepidation in her voice when she speaks again. "No, Blue-Bell, I just… at the party you took off in a hurry and I thought maybe…., well JW and I kind of…, and I know you said before there wasn't anything between you but I thought maybe you changed your mind and realized you liked him and I hurt your feelings by flirting with him all night but I swear if I'd know you still liked him I wouldn't have gone for it because I never want to hurt you, B."

_Holy shit_. I've never heard Alice Masen, fierce attorney, confident woman, dynamite in small package, nervous. But that long diatribe she just spewed couldn't be mistaken for anything else. And why?

Because Alice thinks I'm upset about her and Jasper hooking up that night? Ha! Of all the things that happened that night, good and bad (but mostly the hot and sexy), the two of them getting together didn't even make a blip on my radar. I can't keep from chuckling at her.

"Whoa. That's a lot of words in short amount of time, Ali," I tease. "I don't think I understood any of it. Can you say it again, this time slower?"

"Bella," she huffs through the phone.

"Seriously, Alice. Are you nervous? About what I'd think of you and—I'm sorry, did you call him JW? As in Jasper Whitlock?"

"And also John Wayne..." she mumbles.

"W-wh-what?" I laugh, my smile stretching across my face at her embarrassment. And Jasper's new nickname. I'm so using that on him the next time I see him.

_God, I love Alice's affinity for giving people she likes nicknames_.

"And John Wayne, you bitch! He's like a cowboy, and his initials are JW… it just works." Alice angrily replies, but I know she isn't actually mad at me. She's upset I'm calling her out on her cutesy nickname for a guy she's barely known two weeks. It took me two months to earn a nickname and Rose still hasn't gotten one, three years later.

"Just tell me if you're upset I'm seeing JW or not, I've got shit to do with my life," she grumbles petulantly.

"Oh Alice, don't worry. I'm not at all interested in _JW_," I snicker. "I am interested in what changed your mind about him so quickly, though. You could barely tolerate him last I checked, _sugar_."

"Oh, what's that? You need me for a very important deposition, Macy? I'll be right there," Alice shouts into the phone to her assistant, attempting to end our call. "Bella, I've got to go. Sorry we couldn't talk longer, but I've got an important deposition to get to. Can we finish this another time?"

I laugh, her cover up plain as day. "Sure, Alice. Go to your 'very important deposition' that Macy told you about just now. We'll talk later," I tell her.

"Thanks, Bella. You're the best," Alice chirps.

"No problem, Ali. Oh, before you go, could you tell Macy I asked how the baby was doing when she get back from maternity leave in three weeks?" I ask, my face cracking in a wide smile.

"Shit," is all I hear before Alice ends the call, leaving me laughing hysterically in the empty room.

I'm still finding myself laughing quietly a few hours later when I make another round on some of my post-op patients. I don't have too many to do, so I try and spend some extra time with them since I can.

I walk into the recovery room of Mrs. Hershberger, a seventy-three year old woman who came in for a hip replacement earlier in the week. She had fallen down in the shower of her home, shattering her right hip completely as well as tearing some of the ligaments and joints. It was fairly simple procedure, one I see all too often in my field for people of her age. Though I like working on kids, it is my specialty after all, this is a working hospital, and we all end up doing the odd surgery every now and then when another doctor can't. This was the case for Mrs. Charlotte Hershberger and me this week.

As I come into the room, I notice the privacy curtain is pulled, obscuring Mrs. Hershberger from view. I assume she is sleeping and decide I'll be quick with my check-up, look over her chart and then get out of here so she can rest, hopefully without waking during my exam.

But as I step closer to the curtain, I hear soft voices speaking, making me pause.

"Peter, stop that!" Mrs. Hershberger chastises playfully, her laughter happy and light as it floats in the air.

A deeper chuckle follows her giggles. "Charlotte, my darling, how can you expect me to stop when you've left so much leg out for my viewing pleasure?"

"Someone could come by at any time, Peter. It would be scandalous, you cad!"

"Whatever you say, dear. It's never stopped me before."

"Peter!" They both laugh merrily, followed by what I assume is soft kisses and caresses.

I blush, hearing the private conversation between the older couple. It warms my heart to hear two people so much in love. I consider leaving them alone, but know I'd just have to make a trip back over here to check in later, and it would be much better for everyone if I could catch a few minutes of sleep since I'm on call tonight.

When I begin to hear the rustle of materials, followed by more impassioned but soft moans, I clear my throat loudly, hoping to alert them to my presence and put a stop to their amours activities. I pull the curtain back after a moment, and see everything is as it should be, besides the smug grin on Mr. Hershberger's face, and the flush of his wife's cheeks as she straightens her gown and sheets.

I smile, hoping it doesn't give away I know what they have been doing back here.

"It's good to see you so chipper this evening, Mrs. Hershberger," I say, unable to keep from teasing the couple a little. Mr. Hershberger laughs, a knowing gleam in his eye as his wife shifts uncomfortably on her bed.

"Yes, well... It's nice to see you too, Dr. Swan."

"So if you two won't mind the interruption, I just wanted to check over a few things with you, and your surgery site to make sure everything is healing like we want. Then I'll let you and Mr. Hershberger get back to... " I trail off, having nowhere to go since I caught them in such a loving moment.

Charlotte appears to blush even brighter and I feel for her, knowing the curse of bright cheeks. Peter, however, beams proudly at me, not even attempting to hide his smug smile.

"Don't look so smug over there Peter. I can't believe my doctor walked in on that," she huffs.

"Charlotte, my darling wife. I bet she knows what it's like to be in love and unable to keep your hands to yourself, isn't that right doctor?"

"Sure, Mr. Hershberger. Young love and all that, I understand."

The couple chuckles at my joke and Peter offers me a charming grin, one I'm sure did a lot of damage during his youth. His brown eyes twinkle and his creased lips smile wide, his enjoyment at my playful teasing apparent.

"Please, child. You're young enough to be our granddaughter. Call me Peter, and this lovely filly is my Charlotte."

"All right, Peter," I say and turn to Charlotte. "I'm just going to check your incision site for any infections."

I smile at Charlotte, hoping to reassure her I'm not "scandalized" as she'd feared as I go about my work. The truth is, I find the sight of these two older people, covered in gray and wrinkles yet still so wildly in love they can hardly contain their passion, inspiring. I can only hope I'll find someone to love me like that in my lifetime.

My mind immediately drifts to thoughts of Edward, his smiling lips and sparkling green eyes that send an electric current through my body with merely a glance. I do my best to repress my own whimsical smile. Its then my phone chirps again, a text this time.

"Excuse me for a moment," I tell them quietly, unable to keep from checking my message.

**I want to talk with you later, when you can spare some time. I have an idea I think you'll love. I hope you will anyway. ~ E**

I wonder what Edward's idea is and hope it will include the spending time together, just us. There is no way I could say no to something like that. I quickly tap out a reply for him.

**I'll call soon. I love your ideas. ;) ~B**

Before I can put my phone away, another ding sounds, telling me Edward's replied.

**You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. ~E**

The smile that stretches across my face as I read his last text is impossible to miss, and Peter doesn't.

"Ah, Dr. Swan, that's an awful happy smile. Do you have a case of young love as well?" Peter asks, his voice teasing but kind.

I smile shyly, unable to confirm or deny his question since Edward and I are in a sort of limbo, thanks to my need to wait. I don't think the Hershbergers would gossip with any of the other staff, but just in case, I say nothing, unable to take the risk just yet. I offer what I can instead.

"Maybe. It's pretty new and it's been... somewhat complicated."

The statement is true, in a sense. Edward and I have just gotten together as a couple, though we've known and had feelings for each other for quite some time it would seem.

"Complicated, huh. We know all about complicated, don't we my dear?" Peter asks, picking up Charlotte's hand and pressing a kiss to her wrinkled skin.

"Yes, we do. The world seemed against us back then, didn't it? World wars and continents apart from the beginning..."

"But I promised to always come back for you. And I did."

"You did." Her hand goes to his cheek, a soft touch that warms my heart, but feels too intimate so I look away, giving them a moment.

"Enjoy the happy moments with your young man while you can, dear," Charlotte says with a soft smile after a minute, pulling my eyes back to the couple. "Keep working at it, even though its hard Dr. Swan and I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end. A true love will always find its way home."

I offer up a quiet thank you and finish up with her exam, making a few notes on her chart before giving the couple a brief update and then saying my goodbyes.

The Hershbergers and their sweet but deep love leaves me wondering about my future with Edward. And though I don't know their full story, from the little bit they mentioned I know Peter and Charlotte's start was challenging. Yet still, they've made it through, happy and in love as ever.

I can only hope for the same for Edward and me. Our beginning was so different from where we are now, and in all respects a relationship should have been easy to have back then. But fate wasn't ready for us then, I have to remember that. Our time is now.

Or it will be, as soon as I'm ready to step up and let everyone know. Including Rosalie.

I shuffle over to an empty on-call room, determined to put thoughts of Rose and her impending wrath when she discovers my betrayal out of my mind. Instead, I turn my mind to happier thoughts; memories of when I first met Edward.

_I had been running incredibly late from this morning, thanks to my damn alarm failing to go off, then my unfortunate inability to understand physical directions. I had gotten confused and turned around on the subway, and ended up getting on the wrong line, halfway to Queens before I realized what was going on. So now I was running late for our first real lecture of med school, since those first few were really more of an orientation to the program rather than actual class._

_I raced up the steps of the building, ignoring the heavy thumping of my tattered messenger bag against my hip as I tried to get to the lecture hall. I would mostly likely bruise from the heavy laptop smacking into me but I wanted the old thing for class. I knew the pain would be worth it since it would be easier to review my notes afterwards if they were already typed up. I pulled my bag around my shoulder as I tried to catch my breath, and riffled through it until I found the little plastic card I was looking for._

_I quickly slid the I.D. badge through the reader and waited impatiently for the red light to turn green, allowing me access. Instead of the bright green I was expecting, I saw orange and heard a beep. _

"_What the?" I tried again in a huff, the same orange light flashing followed by another beep. I attempted to swipe my card a few more times, knowing there must be a mistake. I'd just gotten this stupid I.D. –it should be working!_

"_Come on!" I growled lowly at the machine, frustrated that it was keeping me out. I was supposed to be allowed in this area, damn it! I was a student. With a huff, I flipped the card over, trying to figure out what the hell the problem. Instead of seeing my new, fancy P&P I.D., I was holding my old undergrad one. "Shit!" I grumbled as I searched my bag, trying desperately to locate the right card before I missed the whole damn class._

"_Here, let me," I heard a masculine voice behind me. I turned quickly to see a handsome man reaching over to run his card through the machine. I was caught off guard by his sharp jaw and full lips, they were very pretty, lickable even. But his eyes... wow. So green. And that hair… messy, tousled… incredible looking. I just wanted to reach out and…A clicking noise broke me from my ogling, and I saw he had gotten the blasted door to work, its bright green light shining at me._

"_Thanks," I mumbled to the guy, who smiled in return as he held the door open for me. I didn't wait to say anything else because I needed to get a good seat, so I left with a quick wave and hustled to the lecture hall, finding a few empty seats and throwing myself into one. I saw the man from outside go by me but kept my eyes focused down, knowing if I looked at his body as he passed, I would be utterly unfocused the rest of the time, and I couldn't afford that. _

_The lecture was exhausting. I could barely keep up with how fast the instructors where going through the material, it was so unexpected. When they finally called for a break, I fell back into my seat in relief. My fingers were in serious need of a break._

_I used the restroom quickly, and sipped on a bottle of water before returning to my seat, and waking up my laptop. I tried at any rate, but the damn thing wasn't working. A black screen was all that greeted me. A quick inspection and I found the cause, the battery was completely dead. _

"_Shit." What the hell was I going to do? This was all I brought for note taking!_

_A chuckle beside me pulled me from my internal ramblings, and I was once again looking into a pair of bright green eyes and a warm, slightly crooked smile._

"_Everything okay?" he asked kindly._

"_Not really. This ancient piece of crap has given out on me, and I don't have anything to write notes with. Just my luck." I grumbled, my typical shyness when talking to new people over-ridden by aggravation for my computer._

_He watched me for a few seconds before shaking his head and laughing a little. "Well I think I can help you with that," he said before turning and walking away. _

"_Umm, ohhh-kay. Guess not," I said to myself. It wasn't surprising, a mousy girl like me would never be able to get a hot guy like him interested in me, even to do a favor. Though he had offered. I turned back to my seat and tried to find something in my bag, maybe there was an old notebook in there? _

_A soft thump on the table brought me out of my bag and I saw a beautiful, thin white laptop with the Mac Apple on top in front of me. My eyes flicked up to the handsome guy shifting into the seat nearest me, and I gave him a questioning look._

"_Here," he said as he pushed the laptop closer toward me, "You can borrow mine."_

_I was shocked by his kindness, that wasn't something I'd found a lot of in New York so far. "I... I can't do that, what will you use?" I stuttered out._

_He waved a hand in the air as if to dismiss my concern. "I don't really take notes." My dubious look at his response earned a shoulder shrug and smirk. _

"_Seriously? Are you trying to fail out before the end of the first semester?" I asked incredulously._

_He laughed. "No, I just don't need notes. I have perfect recall," he said with a tap to his forehead. _

_I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes, feeling oddly bold around this man. "Perfect recall?" He nodded._

"_Okay, but why would you let a perfect stranger use your obviously expensive laptop?"_

_He studied me for a moment and then gave a wry smile. "Hi, I'm Edward Cullen. And you are?"_

"_Bella Swan," I answered, suddenly feeling timid, but I shook his hand. It was large and warm with long, elegant fingers that wrapped comfortably around mine. His hand felt so right holding mine, I couldn't help but observe. I released him quickly after that, not wanting to make a fool of myself anymore than I already had. _

"_Now we aren't strangers. Besides, I'll be right here the whole time, making sure you don't do anything crazy to it." Edward winked and I blushed._

_I opened my mouth to argue, but was cut off by the lecture resuming. Not all of us had perfect recall, so I accepted his offer and opened up a new word document, and got to work._

_Once the lecture finally ended, I turned back to Edward. "Um, so thank you for letting me use this. I guess I can just have you email me my notes?" I asked while I stuffed my own hunk of junk back into my bag._

"_Sure, that could work. Or I could let you use it for awhile, if you need," he offered with a beautiful smile. My knees buckled. _

"_Um, that's okay. I'll just remember to bring my back up battery next time," I replied, not wanting to take advantage of his generosity._

"_Well damn," Edward chuckled, "How will I steal your impeccable notes now?"_

_My mouth fell open and I stared at him wide eyed. "I knew it!" I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. He laughed loudly and pulled his laptop in front of him, shaking his head._

"_You didn't have to let me use it," I said softly, feeling guilty. He looked at me carefully before he spoke again._

"_You looked like you could use it more," he remarked as he put his things away in his own bag. "I'll be fine."_

"_Well, thank you but I insist you make copies of my notes from today before you send them to me. And if you want, I can take notes for you next time too," I told him and smiled my best smile. _

"_That's not necessary, Bella. I'm capable of doing my own work," he kindly rebuked my offer._

"_No, please Edward. I'd feel like a terrible person if I didn't repay your kindness."_

"_Have you always depended on the kindness of strangers?" he teased, a mirthfully twinkle in his eye._

_I inhaled sharply, immediately recognizing the quote. I was left a little flabbergasted to be honest, not many people my age enjoyed classic films. I couldn't even get Rose to watch them with me._

_And here was this gorgeous guy, basically quoting one to me. I think I may faint._

"_Uh..uhm," I mumble, still unable to form words. The bemused expression on his face grows to a cocky one and I snap out of my stupor. "No, not typically. But then, I've never met one like you."_

_I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, I was flirting! _

"_All right then," Edward paused, and studied me with his warm green eyes for a minute, then nodded with a sly smirk in place. "Tell you what, why don't we make a schedule, and take turns doing notes and stuff in class? Maybe we can work on outlines and what not afterwards sometime?"_

"_Like study buddies?"_

"_Exactly," he grinned, which made my knees weak all over again. I didn't know how much studying I'll actually get done with him around but I thought having a friend in New York would be nice. And if he's was a ridiculously attractive med student who's offered to help me as well… well I couldn't say no to that, could I?_

"_I think I can manage that," I mumbled, ducking my head shyly when his eyes light up, and his smile took over his whole face at my acceptance._

_Edward packed up his laptop into a leather bag and slung it over his shoulder then checked his iPhone quickly when it beeped. He frowned slightly before sliding it back into his pocket and turned to me, offering me more swoon worthy words as whe left. _

"_Bella Swan, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."_

As I lie on the uncomfortable cot in the on-call room, the paper sheet crinkling loudly below me, I can't help but wish things had been different back then. Like if Edward didn't have a girlfriend, or if I hadn't become shy and awkward after our initial meeting when I realized that he could be someone I could fall for, completely. It was embarrassing really, because it was clear to me even then that his heart belonged to Savannah, as it had for several years. It didn't matter that we had this connection, this intensity that sparked every time we were in the same room. Edward wasn't the kind of man to cheat on someone; he had too much honor, and integrity to do something like that.

Which lead me back to now, where cheating, deceiving, and lying were all a part of what I was asking him to do, for me. To keep our affair secret, continue to hide it from Rosalie until I was ready.

It was selfish and childish, I knew this. It was irresponsible and quite frankly, reprehensible but I couldn't cave. Not yet. Not when I knew for certain that once Rose knew, everything Edward and I shared would be vilified, scorned, and brutalized to make her feel better about being dumped.

It would be a never ending storm of wrath, hate, disgust. I can't even imagine of what Edward's family will say or do to him when they find out he's calling off his wedding to perfect Rosalie Hale, only to learn it's because he's sleeping with me, nobody of importance Bella Swan.

The fallout will be lengthy and tortuous, if Rose has anything to say about it. I've seen how she treats those who are on her shit list, and Edward and I will fill the number one slot of that list once the truth comes out.

So even though it's wrong, and I know we should tell everyone right now so Edward can put a stop to the wedding plans, and pretending that he and I are nothing more than friends, I just can't.

I want this brief time together, where we can be happy. Where we can have some time to enjoy being together without the judgment and abhorrence we are sure to have once everyone knows. It's not a perfect situation, but it can work for us. And I know it's not permanent, I know we can't wait until the last minute to tell everyone, that would be cruel.

And though our news will hurt people, I don't want to be cruel. I still care about Rose, even if she has hurt me over the years. She doesn't deserve what my relationship with Edward will do to her.

But I can't worry about Rose's feelings . Not right now, not when I'm so blindingly happy to have Edward. It may be wrong to be in love with someone who isn't technically mine, but I am.

And he will be mine, eventually. I have to have faith in that or otherwise, there isn't much point to any of this.

So is it right what we are doing? No, I know that. But is it right for us- for right now? Yes, even if it ends up making things worse for a little while after we reveal our secret.

It's like Mrs. Hershberger said, it will all be worth it in the end.

I believe that; I have too.

If it means Edward and I get to have a happily ever after, then all this lying, hiding, and keep secrets will be worth it in the end.

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><p><strong>AN: So what did you think? Like it, hate it? Didn't really see the point of this chapter? Let me know, I'd love to hear your thoughts and maybe explain my reasoning if you've got questions. **

**Finally, please consider donating to the Fandom4Texas Wildfire Relief compilation if you can. There are some amazing authors donating a variety of outtakes and futuretakes for some of your favorite stories, or maybe your favorite author is giving a brand new O/S away (I know one of mine is!). I've also included an EPOV outtake for this story in the compilation, so if you like to read it and get inside Edward's head, this is your chance!**

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	19. Chapter 18

**I can't even tell you how sorry I am for how long this update took to get out. No big excuses, the muse for TH&TH just wasn't with me. But I made a promise to have a new chapter before the new year and I stick to my promises. I just hope some of you are still with me for this story. **

**I do want to say a special thanks to Nic and Kitty V for cheering me on over on Twitter anytime I mentioned this story over the past two months. You ladies are such a blessing to my motivation. :)**

**Now in case you need it, a quick recap:**

**Edward and Bella are 'together' but Bella won't let Edward break off his engagment/relationship with Rose just yet. Bella is finally beginning to see that Rose may not be the best friend she has always thought her to be, either. In the last chapter, Edward told Bella he had an idea he wanted to share with her, hoping she would like it.**

**And now, here we go...**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 18 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

It's amazing what even little time away from the demanding rat race can do for a person. Just a small amount of distance and space from it allows your mind to be released from its daily stressors, your heart time to work out what it's truly feeling and needing; it can make you feel like a brand new person

I'm so grateful that I'll be able to spend some time doing that this weekend; getting back in touch with who I am and the things I want. Not to mention, getting in touch (and _to_ touch) Edward Cullen.

A lot.

"What are you smirking about over there?" Edward asks from beside me, his hand squeezing mine as it rests on his thigh. I watch as his other hand grips the steering wheel, his arm flexing so sexily while he effortlessly guides us down the highway. He has the radio on low, listening to soft music with the sunroof open and a warm breeze ruffling our hair.

"Nothing," I tell him with a coy smile, earning a light chuckle as he glances at me briefly.

"You keep your secrets then," Edward answers, lifting our joined hands to press a soft kiss to my knuckles before focusing back on the road.

I sigh. _Gah, he is so perfect! And all mine for three days._

Cue another smug smirk.

Yeah, I'm smirking about how often I plan to put my hands, mouth, tongue, and teeth on Edward this weekend. All over and everywhere.

The best part is knowing we will have all the time in the world to do it.

As much and as thoroughly as possible.

_Mhmm_. A very good reason to smirk, if you ask me.

Turning my gaze from the captivating man beside me, I stare out the passenger window as the busy streets of New York, packed dense with buildings and people begins to fade and the more open roads lined with trees and quaint houses greet me, sorting through my thoughts. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how this weekend is even possible; how Edward and I are able to sneak away and spend time together, just me and him.

When Edward first told me about his idea, I wasn't sure how great it actually was. Well, that's not true, the idea was wonderful, but making it into a reality without getting caught, was the part I had difficulty grasping.

It seems Edward was inspired by the birthday party Alice and I planned for him, and found himself with a sudden urge to take a weekend trip to Atlantic City. He told me he wanted to experience it all over again, but this time as an adult.

Edward wanted to get to indulge in the sights, sounds, and smells of the place he loved so much as a child, but also get to try some of the things he could never do as a kid because he wasn't old enough (like gambling. _Men_).

And he wanted to share it all with me because he couldn't imagine anyone else being there with him, making the cherished memories of his past treasured memories of the present.

Yeah, man swept me right off my feet with that one.

But despite my heart's immediate acceptance, my head was harder to convince. I just didn't know how we could make something like that work. For one, we'd be taking our relationship out into public, where anyone might see it, see _us_.

Edward brushed that concern off by letting me know he wanted to go over the Fourth of July weekend, thereby negating my worry since his parents and all of their friends would head north to Connecticut or over to Martha's Vineyard to celebrate, since the AC was considered to low class for them, especially during holidays.

When I tried to mention work, Edward was quick to inform me he was using vacation time and that I was already scheduled to be off for the long weekend as well. After a little prodding to find out how I'd been given that gift, Edward said he may have used a little charm to influence Tammy, the attending in charge of scheduling.

_Of course he did._

All of these things were important issues to address, but my biggest concern and roadblock to accepting his offer was his fiancée who, let's be real, was always near in my thoughts where Edward was concerned. Mainly because she was suppose to be my best friend and the woman he was going to marry in three months.

Rosalie and I still hadn't gotten together since Edward's birthday party, which while only two weeks ago, was rather unheard of in our history. At least when we lived in the same city, anyway.

She hadn't made any real efforts for us to see each other, no calls or messages saying we should have drinks or lunch, which she was known for. Rose had texted me a few times, quick little messages about wedding planning ideas, or sometimes saying we needed to get together soon, but no plans as to when that might be.

Of course, the blame couldn't be entirely put on her for our lack of interactions. Ever since Edward and I had declared our feelings for each other, the enormous guilt I felt at cheating with her fiancé weighed on me, making it difficult to reach out to her. I also knew how hard it would be to sit across from her, listening to her plan her upcoming wedding, carrying on about all the things she wanted or needed my help with, and knowing that the wedding wasn't ever going to happen.

At least not with my Edward.

I was still struggling with allowing Edward to break things off with her and then telling her about us. I knew logically that things needed to end sooner rather than later; allowing Rose to plan for the wedding was wrong on so many levels, but I just couldn't do it yet. I knew, _knew_ as soon as Edward called it off, Rose would be at my door, crying and raging and distraught over losing him, begging and pleading for me to help her plot her revenge, and her dramatics would ruin whatever peace Edward and I could have right now.

And I needed this calm before the storm. It would be the only way I could survive it all.

So I was avoiding Rose, not that it was difficult. I think she thought I was still angry with her about the stunt she pulled at the birthday party, which she would be right. I was angry about it. That incident and so many more she seemed to be responsible for, going all the way back to high school.

I was only now beginning to see the many ways Rosalie Hale had manipulated and used me over the years, dressing it up and hiding it behind the endearment of 'best friend'.

It was all about her; her wants and needs. She was so self-centered, so selfish, and I'd never even seen it until now.

But even with Rose's narcissism, I knew the likelihood of Edward and I being able to have a private weekend away was impossible. Rosalie could over look a few nights a week he didn't come home, chalking it up to his schedule at the hospital, but a whole holiday weekend? No way.

Edward was sure it wouldn't be an issue and asked me to let him worry about her, which I tried my best to do, but the doubt and fear she would find out was still there, making me hesitate on giving him the full go ahead for the weekend.

Oddly enough, it was Rosalie herself who put my fears at ease early in the week. She sent me an email on Monday letting me know she was going with Vera to their family estate in Vermont for the holiday weekend. She said there was a phenomenal bakery up there that Vera assured her would be able to create the perfect eleven layer wedding cake Rose was insisting on.

Eleven layers….. yeah.

The real kicker of the email, other than it being flat and impersonal, was not that Rose would be gone for four days. Or that she was choosing to spend the weekend away from her fiancé, but she actually asked me to look after him while she was gone. I'd snorted out loud when I read that she wanted me to keep an eye on Edward since he told her would be working over the holiday. She thought he might need a 'friendly face to help keep his spirits up.'

_She had no idea how I planned to keep his, _ahem_, spirits up over the long weekend._

After I sent a quick reply to let her know I'd gotten her message, I called Edward to let him know I was ready to make the trip if he was. His exuberant cheer and promise to get everything set up was all I needed to know I was making the right decision, despite my earlier hesitance.

And as Edward pulls his Range Rover into the heart of Atlantic City, the open sun roof allowing a taste of the salty sea air to drift in, I couldn't be happier he suggested this; that we are here together.

This weekend is going to be something truly amazing for us, I have no doubts. And judging by the excited gleam in Edward's eye as he puts the car in park, he is thinking the same thing.

"So what do you think?" Edward asks me about twenty minutes later, after we've gotten checked into the hotel and had our things brought up to our room.

"What do I think?" I say, turning in a slow circle as I attempt to take in the expansive grander of the room.

And by room, I mean suite.

And by suite, I mean the fucking Park Avenue Suite at the Tropicana Casino and Resort.

The suite is located on the fiftieth floor of the resort, overlooking the famous Atlantic City Boardwalk with panoramic views via the many, many windows. The suite has three bedrooms alone, decorated in light colors that allow for warmth and openness. There are marble floors and soft maple wood paneling on the entertainment centers and the bar in the dining room. Oh, not to mention the four bathrooms and a living area which has a fucking grand piano in it.

_You know, your every day standard hotel room._

"Edward," I say, spinning from the bedroom I'm currently standing in and going to find him. He is somewhere in this suite, but I'd wandered away without a thought, lost in the obviously grand rooms. I stride back into the living area, finding Edward reclining on the white leather sofa.

"We can't stay here."

"What? Why not?" Edward asks, sitting up quickly with a concerned look. "Is something wrong? Do you not like it?"

I choke a little at his misconception that I don't like something about this suite. That isn't the problem at all. "No, this is beautiful, Edward. It's luxuriant. Extravagant. Grandiose. Opulent. Pick an adjective for expensive and add it in here. I'm… I'm just..." I falter with my words, my eyes still wide as I scan the rooms and know this is costing Edward a small fortune. "It's just too much."

Edward sighs, rising and moving to stand in front of me. He reaches up and tucks a few strands of wayward hair behind my ear, studying my face with a thoughtful look.

This close I can just make out the flecks of gold in his gorgeous green eyes. He is so handsome, so smart, and sweet. I can't believe I get to spend time with him like this. That he wants me like I want him.

"Bella," he says, running his hands on my bare shoulders, down to my wrists before moving a hand back up to cup behind my neck. "Do you understand how happy you make me?" he asks.

I don't answer, confused by the direction the conversation has taken. I thought we were talking about the ridiculously expensive suite.

"I don't think you do," he goes on, gently stroking his thumb at the nape of my neck in a soft massage. "If you did, you would know that I would do anything, spend any amount, to make sure you had the best experience. I only what the best things for you and me."

I sigh, dropping my forehead to his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist. I inhale, taking in his delectable scent and letting it settle into my very bones, relaxing me completely.

"And besides," Edward says, running his hands up and down my back and into my hair, "You need to have someone splurge on you every once and awhile. Give you all the pretty things in life you deserve."

"Edward," I sigh again, lifting my face up so I can catch his eye. "I appreciate what you're saying and trying to do here, I really do. But I don't need all this. It's too much; you shouldn't be wasting your money like this."

Edward narrows his eyes a little, halting his hands by my shoulders as he looks critically at me. "Would it make you feel better to know this isn't even making a dent in my inheritance?" he asks with a slightly teasing voice, but I can tell by the serious look in his eyes that he means it.

I gulp. _Jesus. I knew he was rich, but damn…_

"Um," I stutter, suddenly realizing how unworthy I am for this part of Edward's life. My shoulders slump and I duck my head, the beginnings of my abhorred blush tickling under my skin.

"Oh no. No, no, no," Edward admonishes me quickly. "Don't you go telling yourself you aren't good enough for me because of my family's money. It's just money Bella; it's not me. It doesn't mean anything to me, you know that. You know me."

I swallow back my retort, because he's right. I do know that money isn't what's important to Edward. He has never flaunted his wealth, though those in his life often try to persuade him to do so. But Edward likes to live as simply as he can. He indulges himself on a few things, like his car and his personal grand piano at home, but generally speaking you would never know that Edward comes from such a wealthy background.

And it's not his fault that he does, nor is it mine that I come from a much more middle class upbringing. He would never put me down for that, so can I really do the same to him? Not really.

And should I really get upset because he is treating me to what will easily be the most lavish experience of my life?

No, I shouldn't. It's his money; let him worry about how he spends it.

"Okay," I concede quietly, snuggling back into his warm embrace, pressing my cheek to his chest and listening to the steady thump of his heart.

"Okay," Edward murmurs, his lips finding my temple for a sweet kiss. We stand together, slightly swaying back and forth for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and letting the very real opportunity we have to be alone with one another wash over us.

It's a perfect moment and one I commit to memory, knowing I'll want to cherish it forever.

A few minutes later, we make our way to the master bedroom. It has a huge four poster bed with a black iron frame standing proudly in the middle, lush Egyptian sheets of white and tan already turned down and waiting to be enjoyed. The windows are open and a balcony with a small sitting table and chairs overlooks the city below. I can already picture Edward and me out there right now, sharing breakfast in the plush bathrobes, or relaxing together snuggled up under a blanket at twilight.

It's a good picture, to say the least.

Edward and I move around each other in harmony, unpacking and tucking away our clothes for the weekend. Once we've got everything settled in the room and toiletries in the bathroom, Edward takes me in his arms and presses a firm, passionate kiss to my lips.

"What was that for?" I ask, catching my breath once we've pulled apart a little.

Edward hugs me close, pecking a few smaller kisses to my lips. "Nothing. Everything. For just being you and being here with me," he tells me.

I smile, my heart fluttering and filling up with his words and affections. "There's nowhere else I would rather be."

Smiling, Edward releases me only to take my hand and pull me back through the suite to the door. It's still early, barely past mid day, and its clear Edward isn't tired from the drive, too excited to let our little adventure begin.

"Come on, let's go see what kind of trouble we can get into," he teases, a crooked smile on his lips as he tugs me behind him, though I'd willingly follow him anywhere.

We don't find too much trouble down on the boardwalk that afternoon, but we do share a lot of laughter, smiles, teasing stories, and even a few light kisses in the summer sun.

It feels so good to be openly affectionate with Edward, not worrying about who might see us. Although we've only been together (if that's what you could call this) for a few weeks, we have had to be careful about who is around when we are together. It can be very challenging to keep myself and my desires for this gorgeous man in check when we are in the same room with others present.

Luckily, out here in the open, salty air of the packed boardwalk, we don't have to be concerned about that. I have one of my hands hooked into his right back short pocket, and his left arm is wrapped around my shoulder, his hand lightly clasping my upturned fingers. We are pressed snuggly together, a human blockade for those around us as we meander down the busy path, taking in the sights and sounds of Atlantic City.

Edward spent some time trying to show off for me at the arcade style games and booths, but it proved to be a fruitless effort. Despite the fact that Edward is a brilliant doctor, he has terrible aim, as evidenced by his go at the milk bottle stand. He spent fifty bucks trying to knock those three bottles down but only ever succeeded in hitting two at most. I couldn't help laughing at him, and then kissing away his pouty face. That seemed to cheer him up well enough, until I showed him up by knocking all the bottles down on my first try.

_What can I say, I'm a surgeon. I've got precision._

For some reason though, Edward didn't want to carry around the giant pink gorilla I won and gave to him, so he passed it off to a little girl as we made our way around the pier. I let it go, not wanting to embarrasses him further.

To redeem his masculinity (or at least that's how I perceived it), Edward drug me over to the rides offered at Steel Peer. Though I have an insane fear of riding roller coasters and any other rides that defy gravity, Edward loves them. So I did my best to brace myself and bear it, knowing the big smile he would be wearing after we finished would be worth it, which it was.

I would do anything to make this man happy, it seems. _And it didn't hurt that I got to basically sit in his lap when I got scared, either._

"You want to get something to eat, B?" Edward asks.

"Yeah, I'm a little hungry."

"Let's get you feed then," Edward remarks, placing a soft kiss to my cheek as we continue to walk. "Do you want to go in somewhere or should we just grab something from a vendor?"

I look down at my outfit, a sleeveless white eyelet top, light green shorts, and sandals. Not exactly sit down attire, and Edward isn't dressed much fancier in his navy cargo shorts and stripped polo shirt with sneakers.

I shrug. "Maybe something from a vendor? I could go for a hot dog or something."

"Yeah, ok. I think I know the perfect guy. Well, if he's still here," Edward amends, chuckling as he untangles us a little, taking my hand in his and entwining our fingers so it's easier to walk but we stay connected.

After we get our hot dogs and some sodas, Edward leads me to the end of Steel Pier, which actually goes out rather far into the ocean. There are tons of people around us, kids and parents laughing and playing, teenagers sulking in corners or pretending to do stunts to impress one another, and even a few old men standing off the very back, fishing poles in hand as they wait for their casted lines to catch a bite.

The sounds of the waves crashing mix with children's laughter, the hum of people talking, and the steady rumble of the amusement park rides behind us as we eat.

"So what do you think?" Edward asks after finishing a sip of his drink.

Wiping my mouth, I reply, "I like it. I've had a great time so far. There is so much to do and the people are really nice. "

"Yeah, it's pretty great," Edward says, finishing off his hot dog. A small spot of mustard is hiding in the corner of his mouth and I reach over to wipe it away with my thumb.

Edward smiles sweetly at me, leaning over and placing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Thank you."

I blush a little, smiling softly in return. "So is it much like you remembered?"

"Mm, yeah, I guess. Most of the games and stuff are still the same; the shops are basically the same too. And the smells, I can almost taste the salty water taffy and cotton candy in the air. It looks like it did for the most part, so it's the same in that way. But some parts are different."

I give him a moment, the serious look on his face as he sorts through his memories and tries to find the words to describe them letting me know he needs it.

"I think what I loved most about coming down here was that we got to spend time as a family together, you know? Just me and my parents, sometimes Alice and hers. And it was great. We always had a blast together, playing games or swimming on the beach. I didn't mind when my mom and aunt would make us go shopping or take a tour of the art museum because we were together, doing stuff as a family."

I nod, picturing a younger Alice and Edward running down the wooden planks of the boardwalk or taking a turn on the Tilt-a-Whirl. It's a great mental image and I wish I could have been here to see it.

"We just got to be us, nothing else. There wasn't any pressure to be a Cullen, living up to any society rules or obligations. Just a kid and his parents, laughing and playing like nothing could touch them, like nothing could ever make our happiness disappear."

I look at Edward and notice the tightness around his eyes, the way he seems to be swallowing thickly, and know this is harder on him than he's letting on. I step closer, putting my hands around his waist, nuzzling my nose into his chest, hugging him lightly.

"You miss that, huh?"

He laughs humorlessly, moving his arms to wrap around me. "Yeah, I miss that. Life was so easy back when I was a kid."

We stay holding each other for a few silent minutes, both contemplating his last statement. Life was easy then, when all you needed to make things right after a wrong was an apology and maybe a hug. If only that's how things could still work as an adult.

"Tell me about something from when you were a kid," Edward tells me.

I sigh, detangling from him and turn to rest on the ledge of the pier, casting my eyes out over the water. "There was a beach close to where I grew up. My dad and I use to go fishing there a lot when I was little."

"Really? It's hard for me to imagine you liking that. Was it fun?" Edward asks, mirroring my pose and propping his elbows up on the ledge beside me.

"No, yes. I don't know," I laugh. "Charlie loved to fish, and he loved me, but didn't love my inability to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time when all I had was a fishing pole. It only took a few trips for him to learn that I needed something to keep me occupied or I would talk his ear off the whole time. So once he figured that out, he started stopping at the local library before we would go and pick me up a few things. That made it fun."

Edward laughs lightly, sliding over and standing behind me, his arms finding their way around my waist and squeezing gently as he rests his chin on my shoulder. "That does sound like you, nose stuck in a book even as a little girl."

I swat at him playfully but don't move from his embrace. _Like that would ever happen._

"Do you still miss him a lot?" Edward asks quietly near my ear a few minutes later.

I nod, my eyes stinging slightly with tears. Even all these years later, I still get hit by waves of sadness when I think of about him from time to time. "Yeah, sometimes. He was my dad, you know? And he was supposed to be invincible… live forever."

Edward nods, kissing me lightly behind the ear. "I know."

"How is your mom?" I ask, knowing Edward would understand what I meant.

He sighs heavily, his grip on me tightening for a moment and I turn in his arms to face him. I move my hands to his shoulders, letting a hand drift to his neck, scratching my nails tenderly in his hair as he speaks.

"She's doing good. Better," he replies. "They said she's officially in remission after her last checkup, and she seems to be getting stronger. Her energy levels are back up and she's seems more like herself now."

"That's great news," I say softly. "I'm glad things are looking up for her. You and your father must be so relieved."

Edward nods but the tension doesn't leave his face completely. "It's just..." he starts, but stops himself. After a pause he finally says, "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost her. She's… and I just… I felt so lost while she was sick, so helpless."

"I know."

"I wanted to be able to do something, you know? I'm a doctor for Christ's sake and all I could do was sit there and hold her hand while she wasted away in front of me. Useless."

"You weren't useless. You were exactly what she needed you to be," I tell him, pressing a kiss to his neck, hoping it will comfort him a little.

"I wish I could have had you there with me," he mumbles, his face buried in my hair.

His innocent words cut me, sending a chill down my spine. I wasn't really there for him during that difficult time, not even as a good friend because it was so hard for me to witness, even from a distance.

But Rose was. And I know from going through it with Charlie, no one is better at helping you face death like Rosalie. She has too much experience with it, having lost her own parents so young.

She was my rock when Charlie died and I'm sure she was that support for Edward, too.

Swallowing those guilty feelings back, (because I'm good at it) I gently tell him, "I'm here now."

Edwards sighs, tilting his face down and finding my lips. We kiss each other slowly at first, light brushes of lips on lips. When his tongue sweeps out to lick my bottom lip, I open my mouth willingly and let him in. I sigh at the feeling of his tongue brushing over mine, twisting his hair in between my fingers as we continue in our languid kiss.

When we part, Edward hums, our foreheads pressed together. "You taste like bread and ketchup."

I laugh. "You did feed me a hot dog."

"So I did," he murmurs, leaning back and looking me in the eyes. His are warm and light once more, the green shining brightly. "So what would you like to do next? Shopping or maybe check out the lighthouse?"

"Let's go the lighthouse; that sounds like fun."

We leave the pier and make our way towards the historical lighthouse, holding hands and chatting aimless about work and some of our favorite patients. I tell him about the Hershbergers, and how sweet and in love they still seemed.

"It was so cute, Edward," I say, swinging our hands between us. "Mr. Hershberger had to be close to eighty years old, and even with though his wife just had surgery on her hip, he was still trying to get in her- AGGHHH!" I scream as something cold and wet hits my neck.

"Bella? You okay?" Edward asks but I ignore him. I drop his hand and reach up to my neck, my fingers touching the offended area and pulling back to reveal a white smear. My eyes pop wide open as I realize what I'm touching. "Shit!"

Edward doubles over; laughing so hard his face is nearly purple. "It's not funny, you ass! I just got shit on by a fucking seagull!" I shout.

"Oh my god," Edward chokes out, his breathing ragged. "I can't… you… and your face…"

"Edward! I'm covered in bird shit and you're laughing?" I ask indignantly, wiping furiously with the collar of my shirt to get it off me.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," Edward finally manages to get himself under control and tries to pull me into his arms. I fight him, not enjoying the way he laughed at me instead of helping. _Jerk_.

"Don't be mad at me, baby. I'm sorry I laughed, but it was funny," he says. I scowl. "You know if it had been me, you would have laughed too."

"Yeah, but _that_ would have been funny," I grumble.

"Oh sweetheart," Edward chuckles, his hand reaching up and running through my hair. "You know, in Rome they consider it good luck to get pooped on by a bird."

I shoot him a hateful glare. "We aren't in Rome. We're in Atlantic City."

"Don't be silly, Bella. Luck is luck, no matter the city. And when I take you to the casino and rake in the big bucks, it will all be thanks to you, my little lady luck." He emphasizes his point by kissing me quickly on the lips and it begins to fizzle my anger.

Keeping his mouth close to my skin, he trails kisses and nips to my jaw as he moves his mouth to my ear. "You know, I'd be happy to take you back to the room and help you get cleaned up. If you want," he says in a low, husky voice.

Much like my anger, my panties seem to vanish with his seductive suggestion.

I don't verbally respond to his heated words, I simply take his hand and turn back toward the boardwalk, grateful beyond belief that the Tropicana is located right on the shoreline.

It takes both not time at all and way too much time for the elevator to climb to the top floor, especially as Edward's hands are roaming the contours of my body, cornering me against the wall and using his lips to remind me of how desperate he is for me.

"You are so beautiful," Edward rasps, nipping lightly at my exposed right shoulder.

"Even covered in bird shit?" I ask in a low moan.

He chuckles. "Yes, even then. Although, I think you'll be sexier when I help you get cleaned up in the shower."

The elevator finally reaches our floor and we rush off, hands fluttering, tugging and pulling at each other and our clothes as we make our way to the door. As soon as we've entered, I reach down and pull my shirt up by the hem, tossing it into Edward's surprised face.

"Race ya!" I laugh, turning and running across the suite and into the first bathroom I can find, leaving a trail of clothes as I go. I quickly strip out of my underwear and reach to turn the water on, hoping it will warm up fast.

Edward is right behind me then, sans all but his boxer briefs which he sheds quickly, his dick springing free and slapping his taut stomach. _Well hello there…_

"Who do you think you're running from, little girl?" Edward growls, his green eyes dark and hooded as he stalks towards me. "You are all mine."

_Oh shit. _

I may have whimpered, but who can blame me? Edward steadily walks closer to me as I shuffle backwards, finding my way into the shower stall. Edward steps in after me, his hot gaze focused solely on me.

The water is cascading around us, covering Edward's fine form in rivers that I want to lick off him, but he seems to have other ideas.

"You ready to get cleaned up, baby?" he asks, licking his lips slowly but not touching me with any part of him.

"Yeah."

Edward hums, reaching behind me and pulling the shower gel from the shelf. He squirts some in his hands, rubbing them together and creating a good lather. "Tell me where to start, Bella."

"My neck," I say breathily. Edward complies, using his hands to spread the rich lather onto my neck, slowly massaging my muscles as he works his way down. He adds more gel, and then he goes from my shoulders down my arms and back up, slowly working his way down my torso. He spends a few minutes giving my breasts special attention, tweaking and pinching the nipples as I moan.

"Edward," I plead, but he shushes me, moving his hands lower to my stomach before dropping to his knees and washing my legs and feet, kneading my ass. He is driving me crazy, giving me just enough to get worked up but no relief.

"Feel better, baby?" Edward asks after he's finished, stepping closer to me. His chiseled body is inches from mine, but it's still too far away.

I shake my head, reaching up to pull his face down to mine. "No," I huskily reply. "You missed a spot."

"Did I? Where might that be?" He asks, one of his hands grasping my hip as the other squeezes my ass cheek.

"Right here," I say, taking his hand and putting it where I need to feel him most.

"Mmm, Bella," Edward groans, two of his fingers slipping into my pussy and sliding in and out quickly. "You're already so wet, baby."

"Unhh, _yes_. Please, Edward, make me feel good," I groan. That's all it takes for him to lose his control, his lips crashing into mine, our passion exploding.

Edward shuffles us until we hit the wall, his hand still working me below as we move. We continue to exchange heated kisses, licks, and bites for a few minutes as Edward works me closer and closer to an orgasm, his talented fingers plunging in and out of me while he uses his thumb to rub against my clit.

"Uhhh…" I groan, the feelings he's creating so good and so close to pushing me over the edge. I reach down between us and begin to stroke his hard cock, the water making it easy to slide my hand over his length.

"Bella," Edward grunts, his hips pushing his dick into my palm. "Shit."

"Edward," I rasp between kisses to his chest and throat, "I need to feel you. Inside. Now."

He doesn't wait longer, removing our hands from each other before twisting me to turn around. I splay my hands on the wall for leverage, and look over my shoulder at Edward. He is stroking his cock as he stares at me, a predatory gleam in his eyes that only makes me burn hotter for him.

"You ready, baby?" he asks, stepping up close to my ass. I can feel his tip right at my entrance, teasing me and I moan lowly, dying to feel him inside. "So ready."

Edward pushes into my pussy in one thrust, deep, hard and fast. It feels so perfect; joining with him always does. We both groan at the feeling of being connected, the sound echoing off the walls loudly.

"Fuck, baby. You are so tight like this," Edward says between thrusts, holding my hips one minute and reaching around to cup my breasts the next. I'm too caught up in the pleasure he's giving me, pushing my hips back to meet him every time he pushes in, to respond with coherent words.

"Ungh, aahhh... _Edward_."

"Bella… yes, like that."

"So good, so good…"

My orgasm is merely moments away when I feel Edward lean forward, sliding his hand to my clit and rubbing in a perfect rhythm as he kisses my throat before whispering in my ear, "You are so perfect to me, Bella. So fucking good, baby. Only you do this to me, make me feel like this."

"Fuuucckk," I groan, falling over into bliss from the combination of his movements and words. Edward follows after me, driving into me three or four more times rapidly before his release is pulsing inside me as well.

Edward lowers his head to my shoulder as we both try to catch our breaths. His hands are softly caressing my sides, his lips leaving light kisses on my back as the water falls softly around us. Its sweet and caring, and so perfectly Edward.

I realize then that maybe he was right about that damn bird. After all, how could being here with Edward, getting to experience what we just did together, not make me the luckiest woman on Earth?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Was it worth the wait? I sure hope so.**

**I am going to do my level best to not make you wait another two months for the next one, which I think shouldn't be to difficult since I have a good idea of what will happen in it. :) Fingers crossed!**

**Now, my birthday is in six days (true story) and I think the nicest gift you could give me, would be a review. Sound good? ;)**

**Have a safe and happy new year bbs!**


	20. Chapter 19

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 19 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

Spending the weekend away with Edward is amazing. We've done absolutely everything and absolutely nothing at the same time, and it has all been wonderful.

I don't even have to wonder why that is, I know. It's because we are free to be exactly what we want here, with no prying eyes or cautionary looks over our shoulders.

We can just be Bella and Edward.

A man and a woman, spending their holiday weekend away, in love.

Well, I know its love for me at least. I've been in love with this man, in some form or another, since the day I met him outside that lecture hall all those years ago. Knowing Edward cares for me, and getting to experience what it's like to be truly be with him, makes me fall even deeper in love with him.

And if I'm honest, I'm fairly sure Edward feels the same. He hasn't said the exact words, but it's in everything he does for me.

Like yesterday, when we spent the better part of the day on the beach and in the surf. Edward managed to find a somewhat secluded spot for our towels on the hot sand so we were close to the water but not necessarily in the midst of the heavy crowds. We both love children, and while it was nice to watch them running and playing, it was even nicer to not have sand kicked in my face every three minutes when they passed by while I laid out, trying to get a little color on my otherwise pale skin.

Edward was even kind enough to reapply my sunblock every few hours. Actually, he took the job so seriously, running his hands all over my body, squeezing my ass a little and letting his wicked fingers cop a feel of my boobs a few times, that I don't know if I got any sun at all.

Not that I was complaining. I'd much rather have his hands on me than a tan (skin cancer is a serious thing, after all). And, not to be outdone, I took just as much enjoyment and pleasure in helping him reapply his own lotion; helping him reach those trouble spots, like his muscular back and the low dip above his ass that lead down to the waistband of his board shorts. Or the little 'v' of his hips, which seemed to especially need attention from me late in the afternoon.

Needless to say, we didn't spend much time on the beach after I'd given him a taste of his own medicine, electing instead to head back upstairs to the suite and utilize all its astounding amenities.

_Jacuzzi bath tubs are a fine invention, indeed. _

We've spent most of today being lazy; relaxing in our suite and indulging in room service. I've always found it odd that people jam pack their vacations with various activities and outings. It can be so stressful during what's supposed to be a relaxing time off.

Not that going out and sightseeing isn't fun, or the nice restaurants we've gone to haven't been nice, but Edward understands my need to just kick back and do nothing, watch mindless TV or read. He gets that sometimes it's just as fun to sit around and do nothing on vacation, letting your body and mind rest.

We are currently snuggled up in bed, our bodies pressed close together as we watch the TV in our bedroom. We've barely left the bed for anything more than using the restroom or answering the door when room service was called. I'm still in my pajamas, a tank and sleep shorts, while Edward is in nothing more than his lounge pants and black framed reading glasses.

And he looks sexy as hell in his glasses. _As if there was another option_.

It's taking everything I have not to roll over and attack him as he reads his book, taunting me with his fingers as they run up my arm. I know it's an unconscious movement, a gentle touch to keep us connected, but it's getting me all sorts of worked up.

I can barely focus on the singing and dancing on screen, which is highly disappointing because Marlon Brando is especially delicious looking in _Guys and Dolls_. But with Edward so close, his hard abs and firm chest just begging to be touched and caressed by my more than willing fingers, what's a girl suppose to do?

I decide to employ subtle, yet stealthy ninjas move, slowly rubbing my fingers along Edward's six pack while keeping my eyes fixed to the TV. I'm making slow circles and senseless patterns, tracing over his warm skin and relishing the slight shudders his body makes at my touch. When that doesn't work, I figure I need to be a little less subtle, so I hook one of my legs over his, curling my body into his side and resting my head on his chest and dropping a kiss to the area right above his heart.

Edward hums, pulling me close with his free hand and rubbing my back as he places a chaste kiss to my hair before going back to his book.

I roll my eyes and suppress a sigh, knowing my intent is clearly not being received at the moment. I think about rolling over on top of him, showering him in desperate kisses and rocking my body above his; that would get his attention for sure.

But when I glance up to his face and see the intense look in his eyes as he reads, I decide to let it go. It's not like we haven't been very active in the bedroom during our stay (not to mention the kitchenette, the living room, bathrooms…), and I do honestly just enjoy spending time with him like this, so it's not huge sacrifice.

Well, that's not entirely true, since Edward is rather endowed. _Mind out of the gutter, Bella._

But this feels nice too, like we are a real couple enjoying a lazy Sunday together. I can't help but smile as I let my mind wander to how this could be our everyday life. Edward and I sitting on the couch back in my apartment, him reading and me enjoying a movie. Making dinner together and doing the dishes afterward. Crawling into bed after a long shift at the hospital, having Edward there to wrap his arms around me tightly as I drift off to sleep.

The idea is so appealing, so overwhelming, that I almost want to cry. I want that dream to become a reality so much, I almost can't stand it.

But like always, nagging in the back of my thoughts is the reason that dream can't come true for some time.

Rosalie.

I wish I had more courage when it came to standing up to her, I truly do. If I was braver, Edward and I might already have our relationship out in the open. Hell, maybe it would be he and I who were engaged now, if I would have told her my true feelings about him all those years ago, instead of encouraging her to go after him, saying he was just a friend.

I snort, the idea of Edward ever being 'just a friend' completely ridiculous.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Edward asks, peering down at me with a soft smile. I shake my head, unwilling to admit my thoughts. Not only is it embarrassing, but telling him would mean bringing up Rose and I don't want to spoil our weekend. It's been so perfect, I don't want to do anything to ruin that, and mentioning her will most definitely will.

"Nothing, just the movie," I deflect, flicking my eyes back to the TV.

Edward watches for a moment, a smirk on his face as he hears Sky explain to Sarah what Dulce de Leche is. Edward laughs, a rumbling sound in his chest that makes me smile as I hear it loudly against my ear. "Sweetened milk. Now that is a good one. I love how smooth Brando is in this movie, it's no wonder he gets the prudish girl to cave," Edward says.

"Yeah, he is smooth talker. And being so handsome doesn't hurt either."

Edward huffs. "Well, I guess if you like suits and ties…."

"Oh yes, nothing better than a man in finely tailored suit. So much better than scrubs," I tease, looking up into Edward's narrowed eyes and smiling innocently.

"Oh, I see how it is. That's fine, Bella, that's just fine…" Edward trails off, a secretive glint in his eye and smirk on his lips as he goes back to the movie.

I think about prodding him for more information, wondering what the little mischievous grin was all about but let it go when I feel his hands running circuits on my body, trailing from my shoulders down to my thighs.

It seems that Edward has finally gotten the memo that we are in bed, three small articles of clothing away from being naked. I straddle him, sliding my legs to each side of his hips and moving up enough to reach his mouth with mine. I smile down at him, loving the spark I see in his eyes as he stares up at me, his hands firmly gripping my hips as I gentle shift over him and lower my mouth to his.

His lips are warm and ready for me, opening to accept my tongue as soon as I slide it across them. We exchange heated kisses, languishing in the moment as we glide our mouths against one another, our tongues gently meeting and stroking each other. I sigh, bringing my hands up to tangle in his hair and rolling my hips with more intent, relishing the feel of his hard dick as he presses it up into me. We both utter sounds of pleasure at the contact.

Edward lets his hands slide from my waist down to my ass, cupping and massaging me there as we continue to exchange passionate kisses, our bodies beginning to rock in a practiced rhythm we've become adept at over the last few weeks. When I feel like I can't take anymore, ready to explode from need, I move my hands to my tank top, lifting the hem to throw it off. But before I can, Edward halts my hands, holding them in place with his own.

"Bella, we can't," he pants. "Look how late it's gotten. We don't have time," he explains when I give him a look that clearly says I think he is crazy. He lifts me off of him before standing up and shuffling towards the door. "I'm going to the other room to get ready, you should do the same. I'll see you in an hour."

I'm left sitting on the bed, slacked jawed at what just happened. I turn my head sharply and just make out the shit eating grin on his face as he leaves. "Jerk!" I shout, throwing a pillow ineffectually at him as he leaves, laughing as he goes.

_That ass knew exactly what time it was when he started this and exactly how worked up I would be_.

Well, I will show him. He thinks he got the last laugh, but he has no idea what I have in store for him tonight. It's with this in mind that I head to the shower and begin to get ready for our night out. While we've lazed around all day, Edward was adamant about going out and celebrating tonight. He wanted to spend some time gambling and enjoying all the free shows Atlantic City was offering tonight in honor of the holiday.

Luckily, I'd anticipated such a thing and was able to get away from him for a few hours yesterday, telling him I needed to do a little shopping. Edward was fine with it, saying he might do the same but was probably going to just take a nap. That worked for me, because it had been my mission to find a great dress for a night out, just in case Edward pulled something sneaky, which he did. I was fortunate to have found one on such short notice, too.

The dress is one-shouldered, stopping a few inches above the knee and fits my curves beautifully, even I can admit. It is a gorgeous champagne color that highlights my skin tone amazingly, and makes my brown eyes pop and sparkle like the thousands of sequins it's made up of.

I add a smoky, gray eye shadow and pale lips to enhance the overall look, fixing my hair in a relatively simple style, pinned back from my face but loose down my back since I know Edward loves to run his fingers in the soft curls. (I don't mind it either.)

I check the clock, and seeing it is almost time to go, I slip into my metallic heels, fasten a simple pair of diamond stud earrings in and spray a light layer of perfume on. Once I feel ready, I walk out of the master suite and into the living room, a flush of color high on my cheeks as I anticipate Edward's reaction.

What I don't anticipate is my reaction to him. I am completely flabbergasted by the insanely sexy man waiting for me.

He is impeccably dressed in a dark gray, almost charcoal black suit that has clearly been custom made for him if the straight line of his shoulders, and the perfect cut on the hem of his long pants cuff is any indication. His shirt is crisp white, and a light gold tie in a perfect Windsor knot lies proudly across his chest. He even has sliver cuff links in place, perfectly matching the watch on his wrist that I rarely see him wear, but notice now as he runs a hand through his always disheveled hair.

"Wow," he whispers, his eyes hot and intense as he stares at me, his tongue peeking out to run along his bottom lip. I shiver in my heels at the sight. "You look…stunning," he finally says, stepping close and placing his hands on my shoulders before slowly sliding them down to capture my wrists. "Absolutely breathtaking, Bella."

I blush deeper, his compliments almost too much to handle. But I have some of my own to offer, it seems.

"Look who's talking," I whisper, reaching up to run my fingers along the smooth, freshly shaved line of his jaw, dragging my thumb across his full bottom lip. "You look so handsome, so sexy like this," I tell him, kissing him at the corner of his mouth as I yank on his tie, pulling him to me. Edward's arms circle my waist, pulling me close as we trade kisses; soft, slow and sensual.

"Mmm, I'm glad you like the suit," Edward murmurs as he ends our kiss. "I had to show up Brando somehow," he teases, a twinkle in his bright green eyes.

I giggle, running my hands along the lapels of his jacket as I stare up at him. "Like there was ever a contest. I'd pick you every time."

Edward smiles, kisses me on my forehead and then steps back, extending our still linked hands before him. "Well, let's hope luck really is a lady for us. 'Cause baby, you are one beautiful lady tonight."

I laugh at his cheesiness but don't comment, letting it go for now.

We head downstairs to one of the Tropicana's lavish restaurants for dinner, where we indulge in a five star meal and service. Edward and I spend the meal talking, enjoying our time together and reminiscing about years in med school. We carefully avoid any topics that might stir uncomfortable feelings or memories, instead opting to tease, laugh, and flirt with each other. Not a hard choice, if you ask me.

After we've finished our early evening meal, Edward insists it's time to spend some of his not-so-hard-earned money in the casinos. I'm wary of using his funds at first, but after a few hours at the various roulette wheels, craps tables, and slot machines, I've loosened up and give in to his pleading eyes and words, letting myself enjoy the thrill and excitement that comes with gambling.

"How do you feel about Blackjack?" Edward asks, steering me across the busy, flashing room with his hand resting warmly on the small of my back. Warmth spreads through my tummy at the caring touch.

"I like it well enough," I say, wrapping my arm around his waist. I can't get close enough to him tonight.

"Good. Let's see if your luck is just as good with cards tonight," he says, winking before he stops at a table. He gestures for me to sit, and though I hesitate, Edward won't give in, so I flop down to the seat and face the dealer.

The woman is tall, with dark hair cut short to her chin and bright blue eyes. Once Edward sets a stack of red and black chips in front of me, she nods and turns to the person beside me, waiting for them to place their first bet as well. Once everyone is ready, she begins to deal the cards quickly and we all make our bets again. It doesn't take long before the first hand is over and I've somehow managed to beat the house.

"I won!" I laugh, turning to smile at Edward behind me.

"Great job, baby," he chuckles, placing his hands on my shoulders and squeezing gently, offering me a congratulatory kiss to the cheek before I turn back and get ready to play again. We spend the next hour playing cards, both of us winning and losing but generally enjoying ourselves as we make our rounds around the vast room. There are tons of people around, couples kissing and friends laughing, but it still feels like Edward and I are in our own personal bubble for the most part.

Of course, before long, all the subtle looks and teasing touches we've exchanged throughout the night begin to get to me, revving my body up and causing a fire to burn across my skin with every small gesture Edward makes. Between the wine at dinner and the cocktails we've had since we've been on the floor, I'm feeling a slight buzz from alcohol and it's making my inhabitations crumble.

When I see Edward lean over, picking up a napkin that has fallen, I can't help but reach over and pinch his ass.

_I mean, really. It was just there, all round and firm and begging for my attention._

His little yelp and wide, disbelieving eyes only cause me to smirk at him, coyly sipping on my martini as I watch him. He steps away from the table he was considering playing Texas Hold 'Em at and moves towards me, a dark, lusty look in his eyes.

"Did you just pinch my ass?" he asks, sliding his hands to my backside, and squeezing. I inhale sharply, the movement of his hands pulling me closer to his body, where I can feel the beginnings of his arousal starting to stir.

The fact we are in the middle of a crowded room does nothing to stop me from pressing forward, leaning in close to get a better feel of it. I move my mouth towards his, keeping my eyes focused on his, watching as they become a dark, emerald green the closer I draw near. At the last moment, I switch my path, moving my mouth to his ear.

"Maybe, maybe not," I purr, letting my lips brush his earlobe lightly. "What are you going to do about it?" I say with a nip of my teeth. Edward growls, low enough so only I can hear, but it sends me into a complete tail spin, my knees weakening and my heart racing wildly as liquid heat pools between my legs.

"Let's go," he demands, grabbing my arm and tugging me out of the room, his card game forgotten.

"Don't you want to keep playing? See how lucky you can get?" I ask as I follow behind, unable to keep from teasing.

"Oh, I intend to get lucky, just not in here," Edward answers, his voice husky and rough.

I don't say anything else, too keyed up to play any longer. We can barely maintain the decorum necessary to ride up to our room in the elevator, but since we aren't alone, we keep our hands to ourselves. Well, I do but somehow Edward's hands manage to sneak beneath the back of my dress, his fingers finding the bare skin of my ass and gliding across it as I stand in front of him.

It takes Herculean effort on my part to not turn and jump him, everyone else in the elevator be damned. But sadly, I'm not into exhibitionism, much rather preferring to have Edward's fine form all to myself.

Once we hit our floor and make it into our room, something shifts in our previously frantic emotions. I still want him (God knows I do), but I also want this to be special since it's our last night.

Edward seems to be of a similar thought, slowing down our kisses and pulling back from our embrace to look at me. "You are the most beautiful women I've ever seen, Bella. Especially tonight."

"Thank you," I say, turning my eyes down as I blush. I glance out of the window, feeling shy suddenly though I can't fathom why. It's just Edward.

But then again, it's just _Edward_.

"It's getting dark out," I say off-handly, looking for something to fill the silence I created.

"Hmm, yeah. Do you want to watch the fireworks?" Edward asks, his arms around my waist as he twists us back and forth gently.

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Do you want to go down to the beach? We probably have time and we might find a spot … or we could use the balcony?"

"Balcony." I only want it to be us tonight.

"Okay, I'll grab us some blankets."

"I'm just going to use the restroom real quick, then."

"Sure, I'll meet you out there," he nods and I press a quick kiss to his lips before turning to go.

Once I've finished up in the bathroom, I quickly duck into our bedroom and change out of my dress. It's really pretty, but a little scratchy with all the sequins. And since snuggling with Edward while we watch the fireworks is a part of my plan, I don't want either of us to be uncomfortable.

A spy a light blue dress shirt of his hanging in the closet, so I slip it on over my thong and button it up a little, but leave enough open for easy access. I run a brush through my hair and add a layer of chapstick to my lips before grabbing one of the plush, white robes in the ensuite and putting it on, hoping the surprise underneath will please Edward.

I make my way out to the balcony, noticing the sky's quick progression from day to twilight. Already, the sky over the Atlantic is fading from red and pink to deep purple and midnight blue. I step outside and find Edward standing against the rail, looking out at the ocean. His jacket is gone, and the sleeves of his shirt have been rolled up to his elbows, showcasing the lean muscles of his forearms. I stand in awe, simply observing him as the wind ruffles his messy hair, thanking God that I can spend this time with him.

That Edward is with me, wants me.

I quietly walk up behind him and slide my hands around to his stomach. Edward places a hand over mine, threading our fingers together and we watch the sunlight fade together in a comfortable silence.

"Hey," he remarks after the last rays of light have faded, turning to face me. He gives me a questioning brow and a crooked grin when he sees my outfit. "You changed."

"I wanted to be more comfortable," I tell him, nuzzling my nose in the hollow of his throat, inhaling his musky, Edward scent. _So good_.

Edward hums, rubbing my back in soothing circles as we stand together for a few moments. It's nice; this peaceful quiet we find and the way the world seems to be kept at bay when we're together.

It isn't long before our silent bubble is burst, as bright lights flash against the dark night sky. Edward turns us around, pulling me to stand in front of him as we watch the fireworks. The colors are beautiful, bright glowing embers that dance across the sky, crackling and booming with each explosion.

I've always loved fireworks, and getting to share this moment with Edward makes them even better. It only grows more so when I feel his nose trailing along my neck, his lips laying light kisses to my throat, nibbling gently on my ear as he holds me tight against his chest.

My eyes close despite the beautiful display above, and I let my head fall back to rest on his shoulder. Edward showers his affections on my exposed skin, brushing my hair back and gently massaging as he continues to kiss the crook of my neck, slipping a hand into my robe and lowering it slightly.

I twist and turn to face him, reaching up on my toes to kiss his full mouth and encircle him in my arms. Edward's tongue quickly finds mine, sliding slow and languid against each other as we share deep and passionate kisses. I can't seem to get close enough, hugging and tugging Edward towards me as much as possible.

I hitch my leg up to his thigh, and Edward lowers one of his hands from my hair to grasp it, keeping me pulled tight to his body. Our bodies begin to shift and move against one another, hips rolling and meeting as we try to increase the pleasure between us. I whimper at the feel of him, hard and ready just beneath fabric of his slacks.

"I want you so much, baby," Edward whispers between kisses, groaning against my lips.

"Me too," I tell him. "Here, just like this." Edward presses a firm kiss to my mouth, unknotting the robe that's covering me. I pull back, waiting for his reaction to my attire.

I'm not disappointed, the hot and predatory gleam flashing in his eyes when he sees me in his dress shirt. Edward growls lowly, bending at his knees and lifting me into his arms. I gasp, surprised by the sudden movement but quickly wrap my legs around his waist and fuse my mouth to his throat, sucking at his skin. With a moan, he moves us away from the railing and over to one of the chaise lounges in the corner.

He sets me down carefully, his eyes tender and soft as he stares into mine. I trace the shape of his face, slowly memorizing every freckle, every laugh line again, as I've done each time we come together. When my fingers reach his lips, he presses a kiss there, smiling down at me with his whole heart in his eyes.

"Edward, please," I whisper, not caring that he may not be able to hear me over the loud fireworks still cracking in the air. It doesn't seem to matter because Edward knows what I want. He moves to undo the three buttons of the shirt, pushing it open to reveal my naked breasts below.

He pauses, his eyes roving over the exposed parts of my body and taking everything in. With any other man, I might feel embarrassed or paranoid, concerned about the many imperfections of my body. But with Edward, the intense and longing look in his deep green eyes, I know I have nothing to worry over.

His hands began to make a reverent pass over my body, helping me to remove the shirt from my shoulders before he goes back to the dips and curves of my shape. His fingers play at the tips of my breasts, pulling and tugging at my nipples which have pebbled from the cool night air and his ministrations.

I moan, the sound escaping without permission but the feelings he's creating too overwhelming to contain. I don't like the fact that I'm almost entirely naked and he is still dressed, so I move my hands from his hair and place them on the buttons of his shirt, quickly working to get them free. We both push the fabric away, and I sigh when his lean, muscular chest comes clearly into view.

"More, I want the rest of you," I tell him, finding the button and zipper of his slacks, slipping my fingers into the top of his boxers. Edward lets me remove them, kissing my face as I work to undress him. Once he's free, he slides down my body, his hands hovering over my hips.

"You too, beautiful. I need to see you," he tells me and I shiver when I feel his hands remove the last remaining layer between us. Once it's off, he tosses it over his shoulder, leaving us against each other, nothing but skin to skin.

"I don't have the words to properly tell you," Edward says, his eyes hooded and deep, but full of an emotion I'm scared to see. "But I want to show you. Let me show you."

I barely nod before he is parting my thighs, dipping his head to my sex and finding me wet and wanting for him. He groans, and I can feel it throughout my body, making my need for him even stronger.

Slowly, Edward lowers his mouth to my pussy, pressing a kiss there before sliding his tongue out and caressing me with it. I groan loudly at the feel, bucking my hips up to his mouth for more. Edward begins to lap and lick at me, using the tip of his tongue to flick at my clit and circle my entrance, sliding the flat rough length of it up and down my wet sex. I'm writhing and moaning, my hands fisting in his hair as he works me into oblivion. I only cry out louder when he adds his wicked fingers into the mix, pumping them in and out of me as he sucks on my clit, nibbling it with his teeth.

"Of fuck, oh… oh… oh, Edward!" I cry, an orgasm rapidly building and exploding throughout my body. Thousands of fireworks explode brightly behind my closed eyes, but I don't know which are real and which were caused by Edward.

I'm shaking and trembling all over, trying to catch my breath from my release as Edward continues to worship my body, kissing and sucking on my breasts, running his hands along my sides, hips, and thighs. "Edward," I pant, pulling on his shoulders to bring his wicked mouth to me, kissing him deeply, hoping to convey all I feel for him as well. The sky is dark above us, the show over for everyone else, but I know it's merely beginning for Edward and I.

Edward settles into the space between my parted legs, his swollen and hard cock pushing against me with need. He groans, his eyes fluttering closed as he slides the tip of his cock through my slick heat. "Baby, please," I beg him, already greedy and needy to feel him inside me, despite having just achieved bliss. "I want to feel you, please."

"Anything for you, Bella," Edward tells me, kissing me deeply before he leans back to look into my eyes. As we stare at each other, emotions and feelings shining bright despite the dim light, I know what I feel for him can't be contained. I know that I have never felt for someone what I feel for Edward. I know I never will again.

He is it for me.

And I think I might be for him as well.

Edward pushes into me slowly, his long length filling me fully, and we both moan loudly with the pleasurable sensation.

"Bella," Edward whispers, his lips near my ear as he begins to rock over me, slowly sliding in and out, the pace tortuous, but in the best possible way. "Oh, Bella… baby," he grunts, his hips flush against mine.

"Edward…" I sigh, my hands griping his shoulders, my hips lifting up to meet each of his thrusts.

We move together perfectly, each knowing and understanding what the other wants and needs. Edward kisses me, licks my throat and sucks on the spot below my ear that only he knows drives me wild. I'm unable to keep the wanton sounds from spilling out, using all of myself that I can to show him how much he means to me, how much I feel for him. My hands travel the length of his back, feeling the shift of muscles as they work beneath my fingertips while he moves over me.

"Unnhh… yes, Edward. So good," I groan when he grabs my leg and bends my knee over his arm, opening my hips up further and allowing him to push deeper into me. He swivels his hips, hitting my clit just right and I cry out in pleasure. "Fuck!"

"Bella, Bella," Edward murmurs lowly in panting hot breaths that wash over my skin. "You are so beautiful. So sexy. Unghh.. You're the girl… my perfect girl."

"Uhhh, Edward… ohhh.. you, only you," I tell him, pulling his mouth to mine for a passionate kiss. "There's only you."

Edward grunts, his hips speeding up and his thrusts increasing as we rock together in a fierce rhythm. "Unnh... shit, Bella," he groans, pressing his forehead to mine. I stare into his eyes, finding that same emotion there, finding it difficult to believe, but still hoping. It pushes me further towards my orgasm, knowing he feels as I do. I can feel myself ready to burst with pleasure.

"So close, Edward, I'm close…"

"Bella, I… oh, shit… baby, please... Bella… fuck!"

Edward thrusts harder, pushing deeper into me, speeding up with each pass. It's more than I need and I scream his name, the white hot pleasure of my orgasm ripping through me.

It doesn't take Edward much longer to fall into his own, thrusting with abandon when he can tell I've already fallen. He stills after a few moments, his head tossed back as the powerful rush of feelings claim him.

Edward settles beside me, his arm slung over my waist as we catch our breaths. He places his mouth against my neck, pressing a single kiss there. I can feel his warm, panting breath on my chest and it sends shudders down my over stimulated body. I'm staring up at the dark sky, only the small puffs of fading smoke hanging in the air, trying to wrap my head around what just happened between us. Determining if that look in Edward's eyes was really what I thought it could be.

"Bella," he whispers a few moments later, his nose nuzzling me gently. I hum and turn to face him, lazy and satiated. Edward appears to be the same, a content and languid smile on his face. He reaches a hand up, cupping my face and giving me a serious look. After a minute of contemplation, his finds what he needs and starts to speak. "Bella, I lov—"

I quickly push my mouth to his, silencing him so he can't finishing his sentence. I can't let him say that, not now. It would kill me to have him admit those feelings when he isn't free.

And though I know he feels them, and I feel them as well, I don't want us to make those declarations to one another when there is still so much standing between us. I slow down my frantic kiss, hoping he will understand.

"Bella, I need to tell you—"

"Please, Edward. Don't," I whisper, pleading as I place finger to his lips. "Please don't say it. Not now."

Edward gives me a confused look, and I try to tell him with my eyes why he can't say those three words yet. Understanding dawns, and his eyes pinch and narrow in hurt. He looks at me, the pain of my rejection radiating off of him. He grasps my hand and moves it away from his mouth.

"Bella. I don't… Why? Why are you doing this?"

I want to explain but my mouth only falls open and closed with nothing coming out. Edward releases a frustrated breath, his eyes growing more cold and distant the longer I fail to answer him.

_This isn't how it's supposed to be, not after what we just shared. I _know_ it was making love, and _he_ knows it, but my not allowing him to confess his feelings is ruining it. I have to make him understand._

"It's not that I don't want to hear… I do, I just... please, Edward… not when we can't be together."

"We are together," he says, the confusion he feels clear in his voice.

I shake my head. "No, I mean… when we're at home, in New York. We can't be together there."

His demeanor shifts immediately, his whole body pulling back from mine. Edward gives me a hard, incredulous look. "I'm not the one who's keeping us from being together, Bella," he bites out.

Edward sits up, his arms resting on his propped up knees as he stares out over the balcony, refusing to meet my eyes as he speaks. "You know I want us to be together, out in the open. You're the one keeping us apart by refusing to tell her."

"Edward, no, it's not like that," I say, sitting up to face him. I feel utterly exposed and naked, so I look down for a something to cover up with, pulling Edward's recently discarded shirt around my shoulders. "I do want to tell her, it's just not the right time."

"When is the right time Bella, huh? When I'm standing at the altar, you across the aisle in a bridesmaid dress while Rose walks towards me? Is that when you think we should tell her?"

His body is heaving, anger rolling off him in waves. I feel helpless, hurt and confused. I don't know what to do, how to make any of this right. "No, no! We'll tell her before then, of course we will. I just need more time. _Please_."

"More time," Edward huffs a humorless laugh. "More time," he says, turning to face me finally. "Do you know how long I've waited for you? How much I've wanted you, to be able to be with you, in every way? I don't think you do, because you wouldn't be asking me to keep hiding it.

"I know you care about her feelings, and I do too, but I'm not going to put my life on hold any more. I can't. It's killing me, Bella. It's not fair to me, to you, or to her to keep up the charade. And if that's what you want, then maybe we need to stop this before it goes any further."

"Edward, no! That's not…" but I don't get to finish my sentence, Edward raising a hand to silence me.

"Just don't. I can't handle anymore excuses," he says, standing up and walking back into the suite.

I'm left alone on the balcony, the empty space beside me still warm from his body. Tears prick my eyes as I go over and over the argument we've just had. I've done this all wrong, explained everything backwards. The cold ocean air pulls at my hair and thin shirt, but I don't feel it. I'm too lost in swirling, jumbled thoughts in my head.

Why can't I just get over this? Why am I hurting Edward, the man I love, to protect Rosalie?

Would she even do the same for me?

I don't know the answer to that anymore. She doesn't seem to be the girl I used to know. Then again, everything seems to be upside down from the way I've always known it to be. I feel like I'm drowning, trying to do the right thing for everyone, but the waves of lies and deceit are suffocating me, pushing me back under before I can break the surface.

I just want someone to help me pull myself back up; help save me from all of this. I sniffle, tears falling down my cheeks when I realize who has been trying to do that all along. But now I've just cut him and so deeply, I'm not sure Edward will want to be that safe harbor for me anymore.

_Jesus, I can't do anything right. I deserve to be out here all alone after the way I've treated him._

When I eventually make it back inside, the lights in the bedroom are off and I contemplate going to another room to sleep, but the sight of his body beneath the sheets is too much to resist. I need him; he's my comfort and my strength, both of which I am desperate for right now. I just hope he won't push me away, even if I do deserve it.

I slip into bed, curling up in a ball on my side. Tears still seem to find their way down my cheeks, falling harder when I don't automatically get pulled into Edward's arms like every other night we've shared together. I sniffle, trying to muffle the sound in my pillow but don't succeed.

"Bella," Edward exhales gruffly, his hand finding my hip in the dark and wrapping around it. "Don't cry, baby," he says, pulling me close to him. I only sob harder when he curls around me, my back to his chest, his hands soothing against my skin. "Don't cry, sweetheart."

I turn to face him, burying my face in his chest, clutching his shoulders and neck. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Edward."

He makes shushing sounds, holding me close and attempting to calm me down. "It's okay, it's okay."

"It's not!" I shout, pushing back from my spot in his arms and looking at him, my eyes hot with anger but still wet from tears. "You're right. We should be able to be together, here or anywhere. I just don't know if I can handle what she'll do to us when she founds out," I admit, hiding my face back in his neck.

"Bella," Edward says, forcing me to move back and look at him. "Bella, we can't worry about that, baby. She's going to be pissed, yes, but if we're together… nothing else matters. At least not to me," he tells me, his eyes insistent and honest.

_He's right. So right._

I sigh, all the fight and anger draining from me. "It doesn't matter to me either, as long as I have you. I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have stopped you from saying—"

"No, you were right about that. Those words should be said when we're both completely free, not hiding from anyone." He scoots closer to me, putting a hand on my cheek and drying my tears. "It doesn't mean I don't feel them, though."

I nod, a hiccupping cough escaping as I stare earnestly at him, the words we both feel burning on the tip of my tongue. But if I won't let him say them to me, I'm not going to say them yet either. "Me, too. So much."

Edward presses a kiss to my lips, then another and another before he retreats, his forehead resting against mine. "I'm sorry I got so upset."

"I'm sorry I've been so stupid."

"Not stupid," he murmurs, kissing me softly. "Just overly cautious," he teases, a slight smile on his lips. I nod, finally done crying. I feel so much lighter now that we've talked about things a little more.

"Let's go to sleep, baby," Edward says, moving to lie down. I stop him, reaching out to hold his hand that rests on my collarbone. Suddenly, it hits me. I don't know what I've been holding out for, but I'm done waiting.

"Edward," I say, resolve and determination filling me. I can feel a smile beginning on my lips, as some of the heaviness lifts from my shoulders just with the thought of what I'm about to say. _It feels fucking amazing, too_.

"I want to tell her. Let's tell her."

Edward sits up straight, his eyes wide and frantically searching my own. "What? Like when we get back, tell her? Really? You're sure?" he asks with an anxious smile.

"Yes, really, I want to tell her. No more waiting. I want to start my life with you as soon as I can."

"Oh Bella," Edward gushes, crashing into me with first his lips and then his body. We tumble onto the mattress, laughing and kissing. "Baby, I've wanted this for so long," Edward manages to say. "I can't wait until we can be together, all the time."

"Me either."

And I really can't.

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><p><strong>AN: Many thanks go out to all of you readers who have encouraged and supported this story though rec's, tweets, FB and reviews. And you may not have been aware, but TH&TH was up for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand back in early January. Though it didn't win, I still appreciate the love it was shown.**

**Thank you for continuing to read and wait on this story. I had been struggling with the direction I wanted to take it, but after a lengthy and wonderful chat with my "brain trust," I now feel much more confident in going forward. Thank you sweet friend (you know who you are)!**

**It is my hope to start getting chapters out more frequently again, RL notwithstanding. I do promise you one thing though—I will finish this story by May, when it will be 1 year from its original posting date. I actually think we might be done before then, good Lord willing, but just in case, you have a deadline for completion. ;)**

**With that said- I hope to see you back here in two weeks, with the next chapter!**


	21. Chapter 20

**Just a little FYI, RL tried to kick me in the arse again after the last chapter of this story posted. My computer crashed and burned, dying a painful death (at least for me). So I don't think I made my two week deadline, but I had a valid excuse this time. But three weeks isn't so bad, right?**

**Anyway, a new laptop is in my possession and things should be back on schedule. If you are curious, based on my 'outline', there are roughly 10 chapters left, give or take a few. I hope you stick with me for them. **

**Let's get to it…**

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><p><strong>»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter20 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«<strong>

The drive back from Atlantic City is quick, with Edward and me holding hands the entire way, wide smiles on our faces as we talk about our time away. Really, I think we are both smiling about the decision we've made, the step forward we are taking toward our future, where we are both free and open to be with one another.

The decision to come clean to Rosalie.

It still makes me a little nervous to think about how it will all play out, but I know the time to break this kind of news to her will never be right, and putting it off will only make it worse.

More than that though, is knowing that the longer I wait and put this off, the more I hurt Edward by making him deny his true feelings. And I can't be responsible for hurting him like that anymore.

I won't be.

So although we are very content and happy, reminiscing about our time away, and making vague plans to return in the future, when we can really be out in the open without any fears, I'm still wary of what's to come. But I push those fears back, letting the feel of Edward's fingers tightly clasped in mine as he drives us back into the City anchor me, and keep me focused on what's important.

Us.

Although we could have spent the rest of the afternoon in Atlantic City, Edward and I both thought it would be nice to get back and relax a little in my apartment for the afternoon before he went back to his, where Rose would presumably be waiting.

We haven't discussed exactly how or when we are going to tell Rose about us, just that it will be soon. I'm hesitant to break the comfortable ease we've settled into, cuddled up on my couch as we watch another classic film, but I know there are still some issues we need to address before Edward leaves.

Still, as I watch Gene Kelly dancing across the street, singing his happy song and splashing in puddles, I contemplate letting the discussion wait.

It seems Edward isn't nearly as scared, however. He rubs his hand up and down the arm that isn't pressed against his chest, in light and easy strokes as he speaks.

"They really shouldn't have tried to deceive everyone, huh?" he asks. When I give him a questioning brow, he nods with his chin to the TV. "Pretending that Lina was really singing, when it was Kathy all along. It caused so much trouble for them, and in the end, the truth still came out."

"It does have a tendency to do that," I agree softly, tracing unknown patterns on his chest with my finger.

Silence falls between us for another moment then Edward is nudging me softly, forcing my eyes up to his. "Bella, we should talk about this… about how we are going to tell Rose."

I nod, sitting up so I can face him better. "I know, you're right. I'm just…"

"You still want to tell her don't you?" Edward questions, his green eyes full of concern and hesitancy, worry that I've changed my mind.

I rush to assure him that isn't the case. "Yes, of course. It's time, past time even. I just…" I sigh, picking at the hem of my shirt while I try to find the words I need. "I just don't relish the idea of losing a twenty year friendship, which is exactly what's going to happen once she knows."

"I know," Edward says, taking some lose strands of my hair and twisting it between his fingertips. "I never understood…" he begins, but stops himself, shaking his head.

"What?" I push, scooting closer into his side. _He was too far away_.

"I guess I never really understood the relationship you and Rose have. You seem so… uneven," Edward finally says, tucking my hair behind my ear and looking at me with a creased brow.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you two don't seem to have much in common or whatever and I guess I just don't understand how you've stayed friends so long."

It's a valid point, and I nod while I think it over. How have Rose and I remained friends all these years?

"I guess it goes back to when we were in high school," I begin, leaning my head on his shoulder as I explain as best as possible. Edward puts his arm around me, letting his hand settle into the curve of my waist.

"We became fast friends in grade school, right after she and her family moved to Forks, you know? I was really shy and introverted back then, so I didn't have many friends. Then Rose showed up, this bright ball of sunshine and fun who wanted to play with me. I ate it all up, doing whatever she wanted as long as she wanted to be my friend. And it just went from there."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, things started to change a little in high school between us. Rose was always… well, Rose. This beautiful, vivacious, bigger than life personality who needed to be in the spotlight and I… just wasn't."

Edward clucks his tongue and squeezes me. "I bet you were beautiful back then. Just like now," he says, kissing my temple.

I roll my eyes, ignoring the herd of butterflies his compliment sets off in my tummy. "Anyway, I was much more okay with being a wallflower, reading a book or staying home on Friday nights. And I was slower to develop than all the other girls, so I got picked on a lot in the beginning. But Rose was my champion, you know? She stood up for me, and always defended me when others were mean. And I loved her for that. Of course I wasn't the only one who loved her."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I agree, snuggling closer to Edward. "My parents really adored her, and how popular she was. They never pushed me to be a part of that crowd, and it wasn't like I didn't have friends, but I was never like Rose. And I guess my parents wanted that in their kid to some extent."

"Didn't Rose live with you guys for a little while?" Edward asks.

"Um, yeah, she did. During senior year, actually. Her father ran off during our freshman year with the town's major, and not long after, her mom was diagnosed. Rachel passed away from breast cancer right after Halloween senior year, and since Rose was still a minor, she came to live with us. That was a really hard time," I say, my eyes pricking with tears when I think about it.

Rose was so angry and lost then; she'd felt abandoned by both parents, although her mother dying hadn't been a choice. Still, whenever I'd tried to talk to her about it, back then or even a few years later during college, Rose would dismiss the topic, telling me there was no way I could understand since I had such a perfect family, who loved each other unconditionally.

My parents and I always tried to make her feel like she was a part of the unconditional love, but I'm not sure she ever believed it.

"But then we went off to college and she seemed to find herself a little more. She was so popular with the boys, and soaked up their attention like a sponge. I still wasn't sure of myself, but Rose insisted people liked me; I just had to open myself up to the possibility. That led to Jake, my first real boyfriend," I tell him, my voice dropping as I think of it.

"Why do I get the feeling I want to punch this guy already?" Edward says, his voice tinged with anger. I smile, happy he feels so protective of me without even knowing the full story.

"Probably because you would have punched him if you knew him. I… I wasn't naïve about relationships, but I was still pretty green in a lot of areas. And Jake, well, he took advantage of that. He basically used me to get what he wanted, and then used me to try to get closer to Rosalie."

"Are you fucking serious?" Edward asks, his voice rising with anger. I nod, nuzzling my nose into his throat and inhaling his Edwardy scent to clam myself. His pulse is rapid and his chest heaving, so I stroke his jaw and kiss beneath his ear to settle him.

"Nothing came of it, Rose told me all about it, and I ended things with him. It was ugly, and made me a little gun shy of men, but it happens."

"It shouldn't have. He hurt you, Bella, and I can't… I hate thinking of someone hurting you like that," Edward huffs.

"He did. But it was a long time ago; there isn't a reason to get upset. I'm over it," I tell him, pressing a kiss to his mouth, soft but meaningfully. Edward responds, holding me close to keep the connection for a few moments. When we pull apart, he presses another kiss to my forehead with reverence before speaking again.

"And then your dad died a few years later," Edward says softly, stroking my cheek lightly. Even with his taste lingering on my lips (which is usually enough to erase any pain), his words sting. I suspect they always will.

I nod, my eyes still threatening tears. "He did, right after I graduated from Seattle U. Rose was my rock then; I don't know what I would have done without her. It was so unexpected, you know? One minute, Charlie was there, laughing and teasing me about moving to New York, and then he was gone, a massive heart attack in the middle of the night. I was so crushed, I didn't know what to do."

I shift, nestling into Edward's warm embrace even further as I go on. "And my mom, she was a wreck. Completely devastated. I've never seen anyone so heartbroken, and it only made me feel worse. It was like I lost her for a little while too, not just my dad. But I had Rose to help me. She literally took care of everything for us, planning and arranging the funeral. And she was my biggest support afterwards, always there to give me a shoulder to cry on. She knew exactly what I was going through, and knew how to make me feel better."

I pause, sniffling and wiping at a few tears that have escaped. I didn't think I would be discussing this with Edward this afternoon, and I'm overly emotionally because of it.

Edward hugs me close, pressing kisses into my hair and across my face, offering comfort which I readily accept. I let him hold me for a few minutes, silent as the memories of that time filter across my mind. Then, when I feel like I can go on, I tell Edward the rest, scratching lightly at the little blond hairs on his forearms.

"You know it was Rose who helped me decided to take my position with SM? I'd considered not accepting, and despite my mom's insistence I come like I'd always planned, I still didn't want to leave her on her own. But Rose pushed me to come, convincing me Charlie would have been angrier that I gave up my dream than staying behind to care for Mom."

"I didn't know that, no. I guess I can understand why you and she are still friends," Edward says, his voice low. "That's a lot of history, Bella. You've gone through a lot together."

"We have, and I've always been grateful to have her in my life, but sometimes…" I began, stopping when my mind replays memories of less than pleasant times between Rosalie and me. "Things have changed between us. We aren't the same girls from Forks who grew up playing in a creek in the woods together."

Edward snorts, shaking his head. "That's a hard image to make. I can't imagine Rosalie getting muddy willingly."

I laugh, but it's derisive. "No, the Rose you know would never do that. She's way too concerned with other people's perception of her."

"You don't have to tell me. She never lets me forget how important things have to go when we visit with my parents or their friends. God forbid any of them find out she's from a small town, too. She practically bit my head off the first time I made the mistake of saying that at a charity ball."

I move back, finding Edward's eyes with my own. "Edward, I don't understand. You hate society stuff, and Rose seems to live for it. You two are so different, and it doesn't seem like you even get along anymore. I know you had feelings for me and things got messed up in med school, but why did you propose to her? Why did you stay with her if you wanted to be with me?"

Edward closes his eyes, his lips thinning into a straight line. He lifts a hand and rubs at his face before exhaling a deep breath. "It's complicated, Bella. I don't… I don't want to hurt your feelings," he says, giving me a pleading look to let this drop. But I can't, I need to know, need to understand.

_He has to make me understand._

"Please, I need to know."

Edward sighs, but resigns himself to telling. "Well, I… I told you I wanted to stay close to you, remember? Even if it was just as a friend?"

I nod but stay quite. Edward goes on once he's gotten my confirmation. "It started out as using her, which I know is shitty, but it was what it was. Then, after I started spending time with her and getting to know her, I developed genuine feelings for Rose. She was exciting, adventurous, and she made life fun for me. And my family loves her, especially my dad. He thinks the world of Rose, thinks she the right type of girl for me, whatever that means. And those feelings only grew when she was there for us during Mom's illness. She was a rock for me too, when I thought my mother was going to die."

"I didn't know it got that bad," I say, feeling like complete shit. God, I was a terrible friend to this man; how he can see past all that now is a wonder. And a blessing.

"I kept it from pretty much everyone. It's something we've always done in my family; sweep unpleasant things under the rug and pretend everything is fine, so it was easy to do. And things sort of evolved from there with Rose. One day she is a fun loving girlfriend, the next she's my biggest support and closest friend. And my parents already thought of her as family, and they really started pushing for me to make it true. My mother's eyes would light up whenever marrying Rosalie would come up, and I wasn't strictly against the idea. It felt like settling to some degree, but I did love her in a way, so…"

"So you asked her."

"I asked her," he agrees. "But now, since we became engaged, she's just…" Edward shakes his head, his eyes pinched. "She's seemed to just change suddenly. We started fighting a lot, about stupid stuff like bedspreads and linen colors. I think I started picking fights with her too, because deep down, I knew marrying her wasn't right; wasn't what I wanted.

"But then, I didn't think I could have you, so what could I do? As my father reminded me, I wasn't getting younger and girls like Rose, who stuck by you through the difficult times were hard to find. It made sense at the time, but I know how wrong it was now. And I'll always be sorry for the part I played in letting things go on for so long between me and her. But I'm ready to end it now."

I close my eyes, trying to process all that he's said. I can understand some of his reasoning, having felt pressure from my own mother, and I even understand the pull Rose's comfort can provide. Still, it doesn't change the fact he was going to marry her. It would be so easy to blame him for the situation we find ourselves in.

But, he's not going to marry her now. He's going to call the whole thing off, just to be with me.

I decide not to hold any of this against Edward, the choice he made and things he kept from me. It wouldn't be fair, when I'm just as guilty and equally at fault.

"Yeah, me too. I'm ready to move on," I tell him, finding the space I fit into his arms once more. "I just hate that we're going to hurt her. She doesn't deserve that."

"She doesn't. But having a future with you, a _real_ future, is more important to me than her feelings or any temper tantrum she might throw. And that might make me a bad guy, but I don't care anymore. I just need you," Edward says, lifting my chin up so his mouth can find mine.

We share a long kiss, lips and teeth bumping, tongues gliding and mouths sucking. It heats my body in a lustful blaze, much like his kisses always do. I attempt to turn in his arms, trying to find a better angle but Edward breaks our kiss, leaning his forehead to mine as he pecks my lips with a few more quick kisses.

"So when are we telling her?" he asks, bringing us back to the first question he asked. I sigh, sitting back on my bent knees and thinking.

"I think it should be as soon as possible. I feel awful she's got so much planned for the wedding, and she'll need time to cancel it and tell people. Maybe… this week?"

Edward nods, his expression somber. Though this is something we both want, neither of us is takes pleasure in doing it.

"So… should I tell her tonight, when she gets back?"

"No, I don't think so," I say, shaking my head. I grab his hand in mine, playing with his fingers. "She's usually very cranky after trips, and needs a few days to get back to her routine."

"Yeah, that's true," Edward agrees. "Friday then? It would give her the weekend to pull herself together a little before she has to face people at work and stuff."

"That's true. And, um, I won't be on call then, so you could, maybe… stay here if you needed to?" I say, unsure.

Edward grins, crooked and perfect as always. "That would be good. I'm sure I'll need a place. You won't mind?"

I shake my head. "No, of course not. I'll probably need you to protect me from her wrath, anyway," I joke, but I'm kind of serious, too.

Edward rolls his eyes. "I think you'll survive her blow up. Besides, I'm the one she's going to kill, since I'm calling it off and embarrassing her in front of everyone. We don't even need to mention something going on between us, if you don't want."

"Do you think that would be smart? Not telling her about us?"

Edward thinks about it, and nods after a minute. "I do. I know she'll find out eventually, because I'm not going to hide our relationship, but telling her its part of the reason I won't be marrying her seems kind of cruel."

"Adding more insult to injury," I say, agreeing as well. "God, this sucks."

Edward laughs, the sound lifting my spirits a little after all the heavy talk. "Yeah, it does. I wish we were still in Atlantic City."

I nod in agreement. "I'm glad we went, it was a great holiday. Maybe the best ever."

"That's good to know," Edward says. "Since it's one I'm going to treasure forever, because it was my very first one with you. It will always be special."

_Swoon_.

"Edward," I sigh, finding his mouth to kiss again, unable to resist after his sweet words. Before I can deepen the kiss and act on the feelings coursing through my body, Edward slides me backwards and stands up.

When I pout, he gives me his crooked grin again. "Just a second, baby. I have something for you."

He moves over to his bags by the door, digging through one before he finds whatever he needed and spins around, putting his hand behind his back. I know immediately he's gotten me something, and I want to be mad about it, but I simply can't.

_He is too cute with that little mischievous smile and bright eyes. Damn you're cuteness, Edward Cullen!_

"Open it," he demands, presenting me with the small box he's pulled out from behind his back. I take it, deciding to be gracious instead insulting about his thoughtfulness.

When I pop the box open, I find a sliver necklace inside, with a delicate, diamond encrusted bird, wings spread in flight as the charm.

"Edward," I gasp, my hand finding my mouth in surprise. "Oh my God, this is beautiful!"

"You like it?" he asks, seeming unsure. I look up from the necklace, nodding vigorously and reach out to pull him back down on the couch with me.

"Yes, of course! Here, put it on me," I say, lifting it from velvet box and handing it to him. Edward pushes the hair from my neck, clasping it closed and then placing a kiss to the back of my neck where the necklace rests.

I turn back to face him, smiling as he beams at me with pride. "It looks perfect, baby. Just like I thought it would," he tells me, leaning in to kiss me.

"Thank you. You didn't have to get me this, though."

Edward shrugs, his eyes darting between the charm that dangles right over my breasts, my lips and my eyes. "Of course I did. I wanted you to have something to remember our trip by. And, if it brings you a little more luck, all the better," he says.

Could he be more perfect?

I don't think it's possible, so I decide to show him how grateful and wonderful I think he is. I jump into his lap, attacking him with my mouth and hands, wiggling in his lap until I can't get any closer without being naked.

Of course, before long, we are naked, trading ardent kisses and soft words, hips meeting hips, lips meeting lips as we connect with each other on the soft couch cushions. Its slow and reverent, each breath shared, and each touch worshipful. Making love with Edward is always an experience, but this time is different, more powerful than any before. I think it might have to do with the knowledge that within a week's time, we won't be hiding anymore.

When we finish, both finding the place only the other can take us to, Edward and I clean up in the shower before he has to go. He hates to rush off, but I assure him its fine. I understand, really, since we are waiting a few more days to tell Rose. He's going to go home, and make their apartment look a little lived in even though he was gone all weekend.

Once he's gone, I don't have a lot to do, so I decide to give my mother a call. It's been awhile since we've chatted, and I know how lonely she can get. We spend some time talking, catching up with each other's lives. I'm bursting at the seams to tell her about Edward when she inevitably brings up my love life, but I know I'll have to wait.

I can't wait until I can finally come clean with her about it. I wonder how she'll react, once she finds out that the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with is Rosalie's fiancé. (Well, soon to be ex-fiancé.)

She and my father had such a perfect life, always so happy and in love. Things seemed so easy for them in their relationship, and it worries me a little. I'm not sure she'll understand how Edward and I came to be together, and how we could do it to Rose. She does love Rose like a daughter, but I have to believe she'll want me to be happy first and foremost.

She is my mother, after all.

I'm about to fall asleep in bed later that night when I hear an unexpected knock on my door. I glance at the clock, noting the late hour, and wonder who could be here right now. I wonder if maybe they meant another apartment, but when another series of knocks sounds, I know it's for me. Grumbling, I slide out of bed and grab my robe, intent on finding out just who is banging on my door so late.

When I open the door, I'm shocked by the person on the other side.

It's Edward.

And he does not look like the happy, glowing man who left a few hours earlier.

"Edward?" I ask, confusion clear in my voice.

Edward steps into my apartment, wrapping his arms around me immediately, crushing me to his chest. His face buries in the crook of my neck and I grip him in a tight hug after closing the door, panic spiking in my heart as he mutters brokenly into my shoulder.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I ask, but don't get a reply; he merely tightens his hold on me and shakes his head. "Baby, you're scaring me."

Edward leans back, his face contorted into a grimace, his eyes wet. "Bella, I have to tell you something," he says, his voice shaking.

I swallow thickly, the panic quickly turning into fear. I can tell from his distraught expression and heaving chest this is not good.

"Okay, okay, just… let's sit down," I say, coaxing Edward to move with me. He melts into the cushions, reaching over to yank me onto his lap before I've even fully settled on the couch.

"Need you close," he mumbles, his head tucked in my neck again. Though I'm worried because his behavior is erratic and distressing, I try to comfort him until he's ready to speak by running a hand through his messy hair and across his jaw.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, Edward pulls back far enough to look at me. What I see in his eyes however, doesn't not give me peace. His green eyes flick back and forth between my own, emotions swimming heavily in them. Fear, confusion, worry, depression all seem to jump out at me.

"Bella," he says, lifting a hand and cupping my face. He presses his lips to mine, hard and demanding. I give him what he's asking, returning the kiss with as much passion as I can while I'm so confused. When we break apart, he leans his forehead to mine, and closes his eyes as we try to catch our breath.

"Edward," I say softly. He looks at me, his eyes devastated and full of pain. "What is it? What's going on?"

"Please Bella, don't leave me," he begs, desperation clear in his heavy, broken voice. "I didn't know, I swear. But please don't leave me."

"Leave you? Why... Edward, I don't understand. What's happened? What didn't you know?" I ask, the fear I'd already been feeling bubbling to the top and overflowing like a volcano as I stare intently into his red-rimmed eyes.

"I… she's…" he stutters, his eyes closing for a second as he inhales a shaky breath. When he opens them, pure, unadulterated anguish is all I can see.

And it's all I feel when I hear him speak.

"She's pregnant. Rosalie is pregnant."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Remember, you love me. I think… mostly. Uhem... I'll just be in my corner….**

**Thank you for reading and for those of you who leave a review, extra hugs and kisses. **

**Hopefully I'll see you again in two weeks!**


	22. Chapter 21

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 21 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

It's said that sometimes after a traumatic experience, a person can get lost in a type of fog, thick and hazy that coats everything they do and see. The person seems to wander through their life, moving around and performing daily tasks but it's clear their spirit and will to live has faded from them, that more or less they are a zombie; the living dead.

There, but not really.

It was a fitting description of how I felt since Edward had dropped his bomb on me.

_My_ world had been ground to a halt the minute the words were out of his mouth, but the world kept spinning around me, demanding I participate in it.

I didn't know which was worse, the overwhelming urge I felt to curl up in a ball and cry myself silly like had the night after Edward told me, or to dive so far into my work and busy schedule that I wouldn't be able to think about it.

Unfortunately, neither option worked. I've spent the last three nights crying into my pillow, and each day at the hospital working on various cases, but I was distracted; I wasn't even sure how I managed to make it through some of my surgeries.

Nothing could keep the memories of that conversation from repeating in my head.

"_Edward," I said with concern, holding him tightly as he clung to me in the doorway. "What is it? What's going on?"_

"_Please Bella, don't leave me," he begged, desperation clear in his heavy, broken voice. "I didn't know, I swear. Please don't leave me."_

"_Leave you? Why... Edward, I don't understand. What's happened? What didn't you know?" I asked in fear as I stared intently into his red-rimmed eyes._

"_I… she's…" he stuttered for a moment, and then closed his eyes as he inhaled a shaky breath. When he opened them, pure, unadulterated anguish is all I could see._

"_She's pregnant. Rosalie is pregnant." His words hung in the air like the edge of a knife.._

"_Wha-what?" I questioned, pulling back enough to look at Edward. His eyes were beseeching me, pleading and wet with tears. "What are you…?"_

_Edward shook his head, his hands still wrapped around me. "Rosalie told me she was pregnant tonight."_

_I gasped in shock as his words finally registered. I stared at him, my eyes wide and searching as I tried to find something in his expression to tell me he was kidding, that what he was telling me wasn't true, that this was a sick joke._

_I found nothing but anguish and despair._

"_No," I whispered, and my eyes fell closed. Edward pulled me against him again as he held me tight, his head nodding against mine._

_After a moment, I pulled back and tugged him to the couch. I knew he needed a minute, so I got him to calm down after a glass of water, and we sat facing each other. I reached over and grabbed Edward's hand again, wanting to feel the warmth of skin on mine as we went through this. _

_Because I needed to know what was really going on, what had happened when Rose got home that led to all of this._

_Taking a deep breath, I pushed the words from my mouth, though I wished I didn't have too. "Tell me what happened, Edward. How did she… I mean, what did she… just tell me what happened when she got home."_

_Edward squeezed my fingers, his breath still accelerated but much calmer than before. He began to speak, his voice low and rough, breaking. "Well, it was pretty normal, I guess. She seemed a little enthusiastic to see me, but I don't think much of it. You know how wild her mood swings can be. _

"_She decided she wanted to make dinner, which was really odd since she always wants to go out, but told me she wanted to stay in and do something nice for us. I didn't care, you know, so we had dinner and talked about the weekend. And that's… that's when she told me."_

"_She told you over dinner? What did she say?" _

"_Um, well… she sort of just blurted it out. One minute she was talking about the Kings' house and the next she was saying she was pregnant, and wasn't I excited?"_

_I exhaled a loud breath, still confused. I couldn't understand how she was pregnant in the first place. I mean, obviously I knew _how_ she became pregnant, but something wasn't adding up._

"-wan? Dr. Swan? Is everything alright?" a voice breaks me from the memories, and I glance over to see Jenny Brooks, one of my interns in front of me, her brown eyes creased with concern as she stares at me, her hand falling away from my shoulder.

"Hmm? Oh, did you need something Jenny?"

"Um, yes, but are you okay Dr. Swan? I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes…" she trails off, still looking at me with worry.

"Of course, yes. I'm just a little… tired from the long weekend," I explain and attempt a smile but it falls short.

If only I was tired from my long weekend… like I should have been, instead of plagued with questions and doubts, worry and fear over what to do.

"Oh, well that's good to know. Actually, I just wanted to let you know you have someone asking for you down at the nurses' station."

"Really? Is it a patient's family?" I ask, confused. I don't often get called on for visitors, unless there was a problem or concern about a procedure. Given how unfocused my work had been over the last few days, I hope it isn't a compliant.

I need to get my head back in the game or someone is going to get seriously hurt. And I can't add that on to my guilty conscience, too.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe a friend coming in to see you?"

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks for letting me know, Jenny. Can you tell them I'll be out in few minutes? I just need to finish changing," I say, motioning to my locker behind me.

"Sure, no problem," she agrees before turning and walking away.

I try to get myself together, pulling off my scrubs and sliding on a pair of worn and comfortable jeans along with a blue v-neck shirt and sneakers. I pull my hair up in ponytail and then leave, heading down to the find out who my visitor might be.

When I reach the nurses' station, I wish I had told Jenny to tell the visitor I wasn't available, because I not available.

At least not for her.

"Bellsie!" Rosalie cries, a big smile plastered on her face, her hazel eyes excited. She rushes over to me, pulling me in a huge hug that knocks the breath out of me. "Oh my gosh, Bella, why does it feel like forever since I've seen you?" Rose squeals.

I force a smile, trying to keep the bitterness I feel for her from my face. She doesn't deserve it, not really.

The mess my heart is in is my own fault. _Well, maybe a little bit her fault, too._

"Damn girl, you look awful," Rose says, clucking her tongue as she looks me over. "Are you not sleeping or eating? You look like you're on some crazy vampire diet."

"Uh, no, I've just been… busy, I guess," I weakly offer.

"Well, it's a good thing I came then. Vera and I are taking you out for lunch," Rose says definitively.

I step back, needing the breathing room. Just knowing that she now has something I can't have, makes my skin crawl, my fingers itching to tear the feelings out of me.

"Oh, uh, I don't think I can. I have some charts and things I need to do," I say, fumbling for an excuse.

"Oh please, you look like you were on your way out, so I'm sure those charts can wait. Don't you have some interns you can make do it anyway?" she asks, placing hand on her hip. "Isn't that what they are here for? Grunt work? That's how I use mine," Rose tells me with a wink.

"Rose, that's not what we do here," I defend, my ire rising with her callous words_. Like I would ever treat my students so poorly._

"Whatever," she waves a dismissive hand in the air. "Get someone else to cover you; you are going to lunch with Vera and me. She's got the Porsche waiting outside, so let's go. I have some big news," she tells me, a twinkle in her eye.

I pretty sure I already know her news and it's killing me.

I try to get out of lunch once more. "Rosalie, really. I'm needed here. I can't just push my work off onto others."

"Dr. Swan, who is this lovely lady?" a voice says beside me. _Fuck, not what I need right now_.

Dr. Biers slides into view, a smarmy smirk on his lips. He faces Rose, not even bothering to look at me as he waits for my answer. My attending is such a slim ball.

"Dr. Biers, this is Rosalie Hale. Rose, this is my attending, Dr. Riley Biers."

Rose extends her hand, shaking it with a coy smile in place. "Dr. Biers, it's a pleasure."

"The pleasure is mine," he says. I'm disgusted with the display as Dr. Biers is at least twenty years older than us but clearly interested in Rose (he's old enough to be her father!). "Now, what brings you to my hospital today? Are you here for a plastic surgery consult, because let me tell you dear, you do not need it."

Fucking kill me, God. Please, right here right now.

Rose giggles, her hazel eyes lighting up. "No, no. I'm just here to get my best friend for lunch, but she's being stubborn. She claims to have too much paper work to do, even though I haven't seen her in forever," Rose playfully pouts.

"Well, that's just silly. You should go with your friend Dr. Swan. You need the time off anyway," he says, sending a pointed look in my direction. "Your performance the last few days has been below average."

His barb lands hard, hitting me in the chest. If this asshole only knew what I'd been going through the last few days…

"Yes! See, now you have no excuse Bella. Let's get going," Rose cheers. She places a hand on Dr. Biers' arm and leans in. "Thank you for your help," she says, quickly laying a kiss on his cheek. With that, she pulls me by the arm and drags me out, laughing the whole way.

"Can you believe that guy? Such a dirty old man. I mean, really? Like I would ever go for someone that age?" Rose jokes, laughing as we slip outside and into the waiting car.

"Hey Bella!" Vera chirps from the driver seat, bopping along to the pop music blasting from her radio.

"Hi Vera," I say distractedly. I climb into the backseat (Rose refuses to sit in any backseat unless she's in a limo) and snap by seatbelt in place before we shoot out of the parking lot.

Rose and Vera are chattering in the front seat, but I stare at the buildings and pedestrians as we drive pass, the convertible top down and blowing hot, city air in my face.

I wish it was the cool, salty sea breeze rolling off the Atlantic and down through a sunroof instead, Edward's hand firmly in mine.

Will I ever get to have another experience like that with him again? I'm not sure.

Before I know it, we have arrived at the restaurant and been shown a table. Rose and Vera both order club sandwiches, and I have water with a side salad. I don't feel like eating, and don't want to spend twenty bucks on food I won't eat, so the salad will do.

"Bella, how was your weekend?" Rose asks, sipping her iced tea.

"It was…" _wonderful, magical, the best dream come true_ _until you came back_, "Good. It was good. I didn't do much."

"Oh well, you should have come with us to Vermont! We had the best time cake tasting," Vera tells me excitedly. "Frédéric is a master baker, all the way from Paris. And he just _loved_ Rose's idea for her wedding cake!"

Rose smiles indulgently at Vera. "He was a visionary, yes. I rather liked the red velvet cake with lemon icing, too."

"But Edward is allergic to lemons," I say, the words spilling out before I can stop them.

"Oh, well… I guess it's a good thing I didn't go with that then," Rose laughs, Vera joining in.

It only pisses me off. How can she not know these things? She's going to marry him, have a life and family with him, but she doesn't even know this stuff? It's ridiculous.

"Rose, you didn't know that?" I ask incredulously.

She shrugs. "I'm sure I did, I just didn't remember. And it's not a big deal; I went with another icing choice anyway. White chocolate. It will go better with the rest of the menu. Speaking of which…"

I tune her out as she prattles on, disbelieving what I've heard. She really doesn't seem to care about Edward, and that she could have seriously hurt him.

_God, this just isn't fair_. How is it that she gets to end up with him when she obviously doesn't care and me, who has loved him from almost the day I met him, is forced to be his mistress? It's just not fair.

But then, life never is I suppose. Edward clearly wasn't happy about Rosalie being pregnant, but what could he do? She'd taken a test and everything, he'd said.

"_How do you know she's really pregnant? How is it even possible?" I asked, anxiety and doubt clear in my voice as I stared at Edward._

_His eyes closed a moment and when they came back to me, the green was so sad and heavy. "She said she had been feeling a little nauseous and run down the last few weeks but she didn't think much about it until Vera's sister, who's pregnant, mentioned something about it. Rose bought a home pregnancy test and it… it was positive. She even showed me the results."_

_I sucked in a breath as my eyes filled with tears. So it was true, she was really pregnant. _

_Edward dropped his chin to his chest, his eyes pinching closed as his fingers flexed around mine. "Yeah, she really is," he said, answering me even though I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud._

_My heart felt crushed, and the tears I'd held back overflowed, and streaked down my cheeks. I couldn't help it, I was hurt. I had been trying to be strong, to keep my emotions in check until everything had been worked out, but with this knowledge, it all overwhelmed me and I cracked._

_Edward pulled me into his lap, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. He rubbed my back, offering comfort as I sobbed in his arms. I couldn't wrap my head around it, couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't understand how it could be true._

_A thought occurred to me, and I sat up quickly, my eyes flashing over Edward's startled face. Maybe she was pregnant, but maybe it wasn't Edward's. After all, he told me they hadn't been together since he and I first happened. Unless… I shuddered; hating myself for thinking Edward had lied to me. But something wasn't adding up and I had to find out why._

"_Edward… how is this possible? You said you and she hadn't… I mean, that it was only me. Did you… was that a lie?" I asked, scooting back into the couch and out of his arms._

"_What? No, Bella no! I didn't lie to you," he implored, lifting a hand to my face and holding me there so I could see the sincerity in his eyes. "I haven't been with Rose since the first time we were together, I swear it."_

"_Then how?" I asked, still wary._

_Edward sighed, exhaling loudly. His eyes were tortured as he looked at me, his voice soft. "I wondered that too, because of the time frame but she explained that she, uh, she uses that seasonale birth control, you know the kind that reduces your period to four times a year? So she didn't know she was missing a period and that she sometimes felt a little nauseous or tired, but she thought it was because of stress from wedding planning."_

"_She never had morning sickness?" I asked. _

_He shook his head. "Not every woman does." _

"Oh my God, Bella! Are you even paying attention?" Rose's sharp voice cuts into my thoughts, and pulls me back to the present. "I'm trying to tell you something important here," Rose huffs.

I look at her, my heart heavy but spirit resigned. I already have a good idea of what she is going to say, and I don't know if I can fake my way through it, but what choice do I have?

"I'm listening," I say, shifting my focus to Rose.

She gives me a patronizing smile and dabs her lips with her napkin. "Well, while Vera and I were in Vermont, I wasn't feeling well. Her sister asked me about it over lunch one day and after we talked, she suggested I take a test. A pregnancy test," Rose says, pausing for dramatic effect (I try to keep the three bits of lettuce I've had from coming back up). "And it turns out, I'm pregnant!" Rose cries, smiling widely.

Hearing her say it makes it much more real for some reason. I don't know why, I knew she was pregnant from the distraught discussion Edward and I had at my apartment, but still, having her confirm it, her hand on her belly as she give me a big, expectant smile, makes everything fall into place.

It feels like the blade of a guillotine coming down on my head.

I must stay quiet too long because Rose's pretty face soon twists into one of disappointment. She huffs and raises an eyebrow at me. "Well? Aren't you going to say something? I just told you I'm pregnant and you're just going to sit there?"

"I'm… I'm just shocked," I manage to say. What can I say, really? Not what I want to which is that I already knew because your fiancé, who's in love with me by the way, told me three days ago while crying in my arms because your announcement ruined all of our plans?

Yeah, not really the moment.

"Well, what do you think I was when I found out?" Rose says, laughing like its nothing. She chuckles and looks at me with soft eyes again.

I hate it. I hate her. In this moment, I hate her for taking everything away from me.

Because she has, and without even trying. Again.

"_What does this mean for us?" I asked Edward, lifting my head from his shoulder where I buried it minutes before. I didn't want to ask, I didn't want to have my worst fear confirmed, but it seemed immature to hide from it._

"_I don't know," Edward whispered as he kissed my temple. "I don't know…"_

"—have seen Emmett's reaction! He was beside himself when he found out," Vera giggles.

I look at Rose, confused, but she is glaring at Vera who has now stopped laughing and looks abashed.

"Who's Emmett?" I ask. Something about the name sounds familiar but I can't place it. I look between them and they seem to be having some sort of silent conversation, but Rose answers me before I can question them on it.

"Emmett is Vera's latest boyfriend," she tells me, a smile on her face though it doesn't reach her eyes. I look back to Vera who is staring at Rose before she jumps a little in her seat, and then smiles widely at me.

"Oh yes, Emmett is my boyfriend. Er, well, he's sort of my boyfriend. I don't really know what we are," she fumbles, tittering a laugh.

That seems entirely possible, since Vera goes through men like dentists go through toothpaste. But I'm curious about what she said about him being upset.

"Well, why would he care if Rose's pregnant? I mean, it's not like it's his baby," I chuckle, shaking my head. They both join in, Vera obnoxiously so.

"Oh Bella, that's so funny," Rose says, wiping at her cheeks. "Emmett cared because he's my modeling agent? Remember? I told you about that months ago. Did you not listen?" Rose seems put out that I have forgotten something so important to her, but I really can't be bothered.

I've had much more going on in my life to worry about Rose's modeling career.

"So he was upset because it means I won't be able to do any work for him. Unless it's a job for a pregnant woman," she jokes.

"Hmm," I agree absently. I'm still feeling a bit foggy and confused, memories of my conversation with Edward mixing into the present.

"_I insisted she take another test, just to be sure. I don't know why, but I just need to see it happen for myself to believe her." Edward said, his voice thick with dread._

_I trace his palm with the pads of my fingers, but stay quiet. There is so much to say and yet no words to say them with._

"_So you have to go soon?" I asked. Already I hated how this pregnancy was coming between us._

_He nodded, his body sagging and eyes weary. "Yeah."_

"But enough about my short-lived modeling career," Rose dismisses, "Are you really not going to congratulate me? I thought you'd be happy for me. I mean, it is a big deal you know."

"Of course, I'm sorry. I guess I'm still just… surprised. I didn't think you wanted kids before," I say as an excuse.

"Well, I don't," Rose states, shaking her head. "I mean didn't, before. Not that it matters now; I'm already through the first trimester. And besides, people can change their minds."

"Yes, they certainly can," I murmur, going back to my salad and poking it pitiful with my fork.

"_I don't know what to say, Edward," I told him, leaning back to look into his eyes._

"_Does this change things for you? How you feel about me?" he asked._

_I shook my head, "No. Never. My feelings for you could never change."_

"_Mine haven't either. I still lo.. care for you deeply," he said, leaning down to softly brush his lips against mine. I wanted to deepen it, take his mouth with mine and let our feelings for each other consume us again, and block out the world around us, but I don't._

_Because even though our feelings haven't changed, Rosalie having Edward's baby does change how we go forward from here._

"Oh Rose, how far along will you be when the wedding comes?" Vera asks, her eyes panicked. "Are you going to have get a new dress?"

Rose sighs, shaking her head as she sits back in her chair. "No, I should be fine. I'll only be about five months along then, so it shouldn't be a problem. Although, I will have to give up the Chelsea dress, I think. It's too form fitting and I don't want to look like a beached whale at my wedding."

"Oh Rose, you could never look like a whale," Vera admonishes her sweetly. "Don't you agree, Bella?"

"Of course, Rose. You always look stunning," I answer automatically, years of soothing Rosalie's false insecurities rising to the surface.

"Thank you," Rose replies, smiling at us both. "But I know I'm going to lose my figure over this. Eddie better be happy one kid because I already know I'm not going to do this again," she states firmly.

"Speak of the devil," Rose says, picking up her ringing phone. "Hi Eddie-bear," she answers, her voice saccharine sweet.

I can't hear what he is saying, but do listen intently to Rose's side of the conversation. "Of course, I did that on Monday like you asked….. Mmhmm… Oh, Dr. Meadows said we could find out at the next appointment! I think I want to find out now, don't you?"

Bile rises to my throat as I realize what they must be discussing; finding out the sex of the baby.

Their baby.

Just thinking of it cuts my wounded heart open again.

"… No, I don't want anyone else to know yet…. Because this isn't a shot-gun wedding, Edward. You're not marrying me because you knocked me up," she angrily remarks with a glare. It softens after a few moments, and she is smiling into the phone again. "Okay, yes I suppose we should tell them…. I know, I know… oh you can't be serious? There is no way I'm going to announce it like that," she laughs.

I can't sit here anymore, so I silently stand and point towards the restroom. Rose waves a hand and continues to laugh with Edward, and Vera is too busy tapping away on her phone to even notice me.

Once I make it inside, I flip the lock on the bathroom door and go to the sink. I splash some water on my face, dry it with a towel, and then look at myself in the mirror.

I'm a mess. My hair is falling from the ponytail, and my clothes are rumpled. I have heavy bags under my eyes from not sleeping, and they are puffy from all the crying I've been doing at night. My skin looks pale and shallow, probably because I haven't been eating properly.

But worst of all, is the lifelessness of my eyes. The brown is flat and dull, empty. Nothing like they looked in Atlantic City; when Edward and I made the decision to come clean about our relationship, and when I thought I was finally going to be getting to live happily ever after with him.

Now, I know that dream won't be coming true.

Not because he doesn't love me or I him, but because it's not just about us anymore.

There is someone else to consider, someone else to think about. Someone who will suffer the worst if we act selfishly.

His baby.

I close my eyes, letting the truth of that thought settle over me. And then I force myself to make a decision I don't feel ready to make, but know I can't put off.

"_We still have time," Edward said, standing in the doorway. "Nothing has to be decided right away, Bella. We have time to decide what this mean for us."_

_I looked at him, studying him intently. "Do you really think there can still be an us? I know how you feel about family. You could change your mind, your feelings could change when…"_

"_No, I won't! Baby, don't doubt my feelings for you," Edward begged, stepping over to pull me closer to him, his hands on my face. "I know it seems complicated and like complete shit right now, but give me a little time to figure things out."_

_I didn't say anything, just stared into his worried eyes. _

"_Please, Bella. Just a little time."_

_I wrapped my hands around his wrists and nodded. "Okay."_

"_Okay," Edward agreed. His thumbs stroked my cheeks as he watched me for a silent moment. Then he leaned down, his lips finding my forehead in a soft, lingering kiss that I felt all over my body._

"_I'll talk to you soon, baby," he whispered against my skin before he backed away and left_.

_I wished I could believe him that things wouldn't change, but that seemed impossible._

_They already had._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for reading! Hopefully you are still along for this ride, and although it seems impossible right now, we are moving down the backside of the hill towards our ending. If you know my writing style, you know to have faith. **

**Thank you for all your reviews;even though I was unable to reply to each one, I still loved them. As for the next update, I'm still hoping for 2 weeks, but I will be on vacation visiting my sister all next week so I may not have time to 'put pen to paper'. But as soon as the next chapter is ready, you shall have it, I swear. **

**Until then, happy reading loves!**


	23. Chapter 22

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 22 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«  
><strong>

Things moved pretty quickly after I made my decision, which I was grateful for; I don't think I could have stuck by my choice had it been any other way.

After my lunch disaster with Rosalie, I went home that night and let my options sink into me, thinking over what I wanted, what was right, and what I could live with.

Unfortunately, those things didn't fit perfectly into place, and I knew something had to give.

_It seems like my heart is the unlucky victim to take the fall._

I cried into my pillow for awhile before I allowed the numbness of sleep to take over that night, and when the next day dawned, I moved forward with my plan.

I had a course of action, and while I wasn't overjoyed with it, I knew it was right.

I couldn't stay here.

I couldn't stand in the way of the life and family Edward was building, even if it had happened unintentionally. Even if his feelings for me were real, which I believed they were, it didn't change things.

He was going to be a father. To Rosalie's child.

And I was going to be left behind once that happened.

I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I was a lot of things in life (a cheater as of late), but I was not home wrecker. I couldn't be that, not to an innocent child, no matter how much I loved his father. Or how much I'd been hurt by his mother.

And I refused to be the other woman in a marriage, no matter how much I loved Edward.

Knowing my limits, I moved forward with my plan as quickly as possible.

I had been contacted back in June about a prestigious fellowship at Mercy Hospital in Chicago, a highly coveted opportunity by those in my field. They'd heard about me, and wanted me. I was flattered at the time, but declined because of all that was going on in my life here. I wasn't ready to leave New York, not when things seemed to be changing and a life with Edward was suddenly a possibility.

Since that future was gone again, and I needed an escape from all that was crashing in around me, so I made a call I didn't ever except to make.

Dr. Welihindha, the Chief of Surgeons who had originally offered me the job, had been thrilled to receive my call and when I asked if the position was still open for me, he enthusiastically proclaimed it was.

It was as simple as that to accept and agree to start with him the following week. I made arrangements for temporary housing until I could find a place of my own, and notified my landlord about moving out.

I had to break my lease, but I didn't care. I just needed out.

Putting in my official notice at Morgan Stanley was heartbreaking; I'd spent so much time here and learned so much over the years that it was hard to see it end. The staff, nurses, and other physicians were like family to me, but it didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.

I couldn't stay in a place where I would see Edward constantly, and not be able to be with him.

It wasn't healthy for me or my career, as I'd already demonstrated over the last week. It was for the best.

Dr. Biers tried to convince me to stay, but I was firm in my decision. And even firmer in my need to use my two weeks of vacation immediately. He agreed, reluctantly, and with best wishes for my future.

Now, I'm keeping busy by packing up everything I own, instead of going out socializing. And I know, as I place my old medical textbooks and journals into a large cardboard box, that the pain I'm feeling right now is better in the long run.

Avoidance is easier.

Because I know all it will take to break me is Edward's soft green eyes, or a pass of his long fingers along my wrist, the warm timbre of his voice and the bright light of his smile.

I can't let that happen, so I'm avoiding any circumstances where I might encounter him.

I'm doing pretty good so far; dodging phone calls or his visits to my apartment, though honestly there aren't too many. It hurts to see how quickly I am already fading from his life, but I know he has other things to worry over.

One person I haven't been avoiding is my mother, however. She was the first person I called after speaking with Dr. Biers and putting in my notice. Renee was surprised I was leaving New York and moving to Chicago so quickly, but she didn't push me for information (much). She did insist I come home to Forks before I made my permanent move, and I agreed, knowing going back home would do me some good.

Even though she drives me crazy, pushes me to 'find a man and settle down', when it comes down to it, she is my mother. And when I am hurting, there is no place I feel more comforted than in her arms.

_Well, maybe one. But it isn't an option any more._

Other than Renee, I haven't told anyone I am leaving.

Is it childish? Yes, absolutely. Is it what I needed in order to make a clean break? Most definitely.

I know Rose will throw an epic fit; Alice will likely skin me alive and Edward… I can't even imagine what Edward will do if he knew.

Something stupid and irrational, like beg me to stay. Which I would, even though it wasn't what was best for the both of us.

So this is better. I'll tell them of course, but not until I am already on my way.

_It is much harder to kill someone through a telephone than in person, anyway._

Luckily, things seem to be going in my favor in that regard; Alice has been very quiet in our friendship lately, which is nothing new. I figure she is most likely swept up in a case or enjoying her new relationship with Jasper to have much time for idle chit-chat with me.

Rose is… Rose, of course. If something doesn't directly involve or affect her, she doesn't care. And now that her pregnancy is a known fact, she is even more self-centered.

Edward is wrapped up in the unexpected news too, or so I'm assuming. I've texted with him a few times, but nothing of substance. He said sweet words and hopefully promises, but I know they won't amount to anything.

Not with his history and beliefs. Family is too important to Edward, too rooted into who he is as a man for there to be another option than leaving me behind eventually.

As I go about my apartment, packing away all the little things that made it home, I allow my thoughts to roam, pulling up memories and conversations I've shared with Edward about his family.

"_So that's Alice…" Edward trails off, his hand finding the back of his neck as he gives me a nervous look._

"_She's something," I manage to say, though it's a vast understatement. _

_Edward and I had just finished a whirlwind conversation with his cousin Alice. He'd told me a little about her before, trying to prepare me, I suppose, but it didn't really matter._

_Alice was incredibly self-assured; dynamite in a small package that wasn't willing to take anything off of anyone. She exuded confidence and power, the gleam in her dark eyes always bright, and it made me a little wary of what she could be plotting. I felt a little dizzy from our brief interaction, the barrage of questions and comments she threw out at me a bit overwhelming._

_She's was a little bit like the Spanish Inquisition, that one. _

"_Yeah, I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable," Edward went on, twisting his beer bottle on the table. "Alice is just trying to take care of me, in her own way. She means well, but doesn't realize how… intense she can come off."_

_I nodded, knowing that her third degree was coming from a good place. It was clear she was just looking out for Edward, and I could appreciate that. I know that's how Rose was when it came to the others in my life, so I got a little of where Alice was coming from in that regard._

_Not that it made it much easier to handle, but I think she liked me by the end of our dinner. At least, she didn't hate me, according to Edward._

_We had moved over to the bar after our meal and Alice's quick goodbye, and decided to have a few drinks to celebrate our recently completed semester. We were finished with our first term of med school, both having passed, and it was huge relief._

_I was so happy to have made a friend in Edward; I don't know if I could have made it through the rough first block without him. _

_It didn't hurt that my massive crush on him continued to grow and expand with each interaction, but I did my best to keep that tamped down. He was still with his college sweetheart to the best of my knowledge, and I didn't want to lose him as a friend just because my hormones jumped into overdrive whenever he was around._

_We'd grown to be good friends over the semester, although honestly, Edward was probably my only friend in New York so far. I think that was part of the reason he wanted to introduce me to his cousin, hoping she and I would hit it off and I might get to know others through her._

_Time would tell if that friendship would work out._

_I liked Alice; she reminded me a bit of Rose, strong, independent and self-determined. But I didn't necessarily want another Rose in my life. God knows I love Rose, she's been my best friend since I was nine years old, but I thought New York would finally be the opportunity for me to shine, putting the shy-girl personality behind and standing on my own two feet. I'd done pretty well so far, but wasn't sure if having someone as effervescent as Alice would diminish my efforts. _

_Still, I wasn't going to close myself off from being her friend; if Edward thought she and I could be a good match then I was willing to give the friendship a shot. _

"_So you and Alice were close growing up, right?" I asked Edward, sipping on my own beer as I watched him across the table._

_He nodded, finishing his drink and setting the bottle back on the table before answering. "Yeah, we were, we still are. Alice and I just get each other; we always have. I was the first one she really opened up to."_

_I gave him a questioning looking and he went on. "She was adopted when she was ten and… well, Alice had a pretty difficult childhood before that," Edward tells me._

"_Oh, Edward, you don't have to tell me if it's too personal. I was just curious," I interrupted, trying to diffuse a possibly uncomfortable conversation._

"_No, it's fine. Alice isn't ashamed of her background, she actually credits it for what she does now. Her birth parents were killed in a car accident when she was five and she got tossed into the foster care system. It was pretty rough for her there; she was so small and easily picked on. But once my aunt and uncle adopted her, things seemed to be looking up, except she wouldn't speak to anyone. Until me," Edward says with a small but proud smile. "I don't know what it was, we just clicked," he said. _

_I could understand what Alice must have seen in Edward, even if he didn't. Something about him just compelled you to spill your secrets, like you couldn't keep your thoughts from him even if you wanted to._

"_I didn't try to force her to talk or tell me what was going on, I just played with her. And eventually, she came around. Of course, I don't think any of us expected her to turn into what she is today. She is so damn nosy sometimes, always trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. She knows just how to piss me off, but I trust her more than anyone else I know. And I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world." Edward smirked, a wistful look in his eye that made me smile. _

_It was clear how much he loved her, even if she did push his buttons sometimes. But then again, what family member doesn't?_

"_It's wonderful that she had you there to help her," I said, meaning it. I knew how important it was to have some there to support you after you lost a parent; I remembered how challenging things were for Rosalie after her parents were gone, and could only imagine it must have been worse for Alice since she was so young. _

_It was no wonder they reminded me a bit of each other when they'd gone through something similar._

"_That must have been so hard for Alice as a child. I didn't handle losing my dad well at all and I was a twenty two," I explained softly._

"_I don't think it's ever easy to lose a parent," Edward commented, his eyes gentle and sincere, sympathetic. _

_I nodded in agreement. "It's not. But you just have to do the best you can, remember all the good times you shared with them and cherish those, you know?" _

"_I suppose it helps to have those," Edward muttered, his green eyes focused on his fingers wrapped around his empty beer bottle. I don't think he meant for me to hear him, but I did and it made me more curious than ever about him._

_Edward didn't talk much about his family, although I did know a little. It was kind of hard not to notice the special treatment he garnered just by dropping his last name in places, the way he always had the nicest things and didn't seem worried over money like most med students were. _

_Not that he flaunted his connections, I had only noticed it more recently since we'd been spending so much time together, studying and hanging out after lectures._

_I decided to let the courage the alcohol had given me take over, and pushed for more information. _

"_You don't have great memories with your parents?" I prodded casually, finishing off my drink with a big sip._

_Edward laughed, a half hearted sound, before he ran a hand through his hair. "I wouldn't say that exactly. I do have some good memories with them, but it's kind of hard to make many when you spend most of your childhood with a nanny._

"_They were just… absent," he said dejectedly. I remained silent, letting him have a moment. "Shit, I don't mean to unload all this on you," Edward said. _

_I shook my head. "No, it's fine. If you want to talk, I'd like to listen."_

"_My family is…" Edward looked at me, his green eyes intense before he spoke again, seeming to have decided on something. "Well, they have money. A lot of money, generations of it in fact. And that affords a certain lifestyle, which is nice don't get me wrong, but it has its drawbacks too. We don't really do a lot in the way of sharing, supporting each other emotionally. It's much more about having material things and making sure to uphold the Cullen family name, not doing anything to tarnish that image."_

"_I'm so sorry Edward," I said, and reached out to touch his hand, wanting to offer comfort from the hurt I could see in his eyes. He squeezed my fingers, his gaze steady on me as he took a breath._

"_It is what it is. I mean, I know my parents love me, they just don't show it well. And they do support me, in some ways. I just… I wish my father could appreciate what I'm trying to do with my life. I want to give back to those less fortunate than me, be a part of something bigger and better since I don't need to worry about things like others do, but he doesn't see it that way. He thinks being anything less than a cardiac surgeon is a waste of talent and not worth pursuing. He keeps trying to get me to change my mind, even though I've always wanted to be a pediatric doctor."_

"_That's crazy Edward. And you know it's not true; you are going to do amazing things in pediatrics."_

_Edward gave me a half smile, one that sent my heart racing in an all too familiar way when he was around. "Thanks Bella. That means a lot," he told me._

"_No parent should treat their kids that way. It's just not right," I said a few moments later. _

"_I agree. I know that when I have my own wife and kids, nothing will come before my family. I don't want that life for them, like I had. I want them to have memories like you have with your dad, fishing and camping trips and embarrassing vacation stories told in front of their friends. I want to be a part of their life, not just someone on the fringes who steps in to pay for piano lessons or shows up in a suit and tie at the last minute before they walk across the stage at graduation."_

_I tightened my hold on Edward's hand again, looking at him with determined eyes. "You won't, Edward. You couldn't possibly be that kind of father; your heart is too good and full of love to not share it with your family."_

"_Thank you for thinking so," he said with soft eyes._

"_I mean it, Edward. Don't let you father pressure you to be anything less than the amazing man I know you can be."_

_Edward nodded, his fingers flexing against my own in his grasp as we looked at each other._

_The moment was heavy as our eyes stayed locked, something in the air shifting around us, hot and buzzing. I didn't know what it was, but the spark and heat in his eyes made my stomach flutter and my pulse race. My eyes flicked to his lips, full and tempting and I had to force myself to take a breath before I looked back up to find Edward's eyes intent on my mouth._

_He licked his lips, and leaned forward slightly, which I reciprocated. Edward started to open his mouth to speak, but the waitress stepped up and broke the spell between us. _

I shake my head, pulling myself back from the memory of that night at the bar so many years ago. The memory is another reinforcement that I am doing the right thing by leaving.

Edward would never be the person he wanted if I stayed to complicate his life. He would try, _God knows he would_, to be everything to everyone (like he always does), but he would eventually fail. And it would mostly likely be me that wound up hurt.

Leaving now saves us all from that bigger pain later, but especially me.

It hurts now, but like any fresh wound it would get better in time, with the proper mending.

At least, I hope it will.

I push these thoughts aside as best as I can, continuing to shuffle around my apartment and pack up. Most of my things will be handled by the movers, but some of my more delicate and personal things I need to carefully pack to make sure nothing gets ruined.

I also need to make sure I have enough with me for my first few weeks in Chicago until I'm settled properly. Even though I've put in my two weeks here, I'm only allowing myself the weekend in Forks with my mother as a break.

Any longer than a few days will allow me the time to dwell, and I can't do that. If I do, I know I'll spiral out of control into something I may not be able to climb out of.

It's better to keep busy, keep my head down and eyes forward.

Looking back won't change anything, and the quicker I can start moving forward in my new life, the better.

When I lay down to sleep that night, my apartment echoing and dark, I try and keep my mind from straying to the many memories and thoughts of Edward and I here together, of the love we've shared within these walls.

_I'm going to miss him so fucking much._

But I can't fool myself into thinking he and I will be able to make this work. Not with Rosalie in the picture, not with a baby.

More than ever, I hate Rosalie Hale and wish I'd never become friends with her.

While our friendship started out innocently enough, it's turned into something ugly and disfigured, no longer retaining the youthful joy and love it once held for me.

Like so many childhood things, I've out grown it, out grown her.

Now, whenever I think of Rose, all I can feel it bitterness and anger. I'm angry she has taken so much from me for so long in my life. I'm angry that she is getting to spend her life with Edward and she doesn't even appreciate it. I'm bitter that I'll never be able to kiss his sweet lips again, have his hand holding mine or nestle myself into his arms, fitting perfectly against his shape as though it were made just for me.

Mostly, though, I'm angry at myself for letting my life get to this point.

As easy as it is to blame Rosalie for all my problems, ultimately the blame lands on me for not being brave or strong enough to fight for what I wanted.

It's my fault I was never willing to stand up to Rosalie and tell her no, or being brave enough to tell Edward how I felt about him all those years ago. If I had just done those things, my life wouldn't be in the shambles it is now.

But I didn't and I wasn't.

No more, though. I'm not going to be that wallflower, pushover, doormat Bella anymore. I'm not only starting over professionally in life when I move, but I'm starting over personally as well.

I just hope I can find some happiness there.

My phone rings beside me, and I roll my eyes when I see who is calling.

Of course, she is three hours behind and doesn't realize how late it is here (or how early I'm getting up to fly out in the morning, apparently).

"Hi Mom," I answer, sitting up in bed to speak with her.

"Bella, baby! Hi," she replies, her voice sugary soft and sweet. It's a little much but I don't comment on it. "I wanted to check in with you, make sure everything was set for tomorrow."

"Yeah, I think I've got everything ready. My flight leaves JFK at seven am, so I should be at Sea-Tac by eight your time. You are still coming to get me right? Or should I rent a car?"

"Of course I'll come get you sweet girl. There's no need for you to rent a car since you'll only be in for the weekend. Unless you've changed your mind about staying longer?" she asks, her voice sounding hopeful.

I sigh, hating to dash her hopes, but knowing there isn't an option. "Sorry Mom, I can't. I'll be starting at Mercy on Wednesday, so I need to get to Chicago and get oriented as best as I can to the new city."

"Well if you're sure Bella. Oh, I hope you don't mind, but I need to do a few things while I'm in Seattle tomorrow. It's nothing that will take too long…" My phone beeps at me, but I ignore it in favor of listening to Renee's plan for Seattle.

Once she's done, I say, "That's sounds fine Mom. I'm sure I'll be a little jet lagged anyway, so I'll probably just rest in the car while you do your errands."

"Okay, good. Well…I uh," Renee says, pausing awkwardly. I close my eyes, knowing she wants to say more. I don't have to wait long for her to speak up.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to tell me what's going on? You know I'll support you in whatever you decide, but this seems so sudden to me and with Rose's wedding in a couple months, I just can't help but wonder…"

"Mom, please. I can't do this right now. I really need to get some sleep. Can you just wait until I get home and then let me tell you?" I beg her, pinching my nose in frustration.

"Sure, baby, sure. I'm sorry to push; I'm just worried about you Bella. You're not one to make rash decisions."

"I promise I've thought this through, Mom. Just trust me to know what's best for me, okay?"

"Of course, Bella, I didn't mean to upset you. Look, I'll let you go so you can rest. I'll see you tomorrow, okay sweetie?"

"Thanks. See you tomorrow, Mom," I say, sighing in relief as she says her farewell and ends the call.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, knowing I won't be able to dodge my mother's questions as easily when I'm staying in her home. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't know how she'll handle the real reasons behind my move.

I guess I'll find out soon.

Opening my eyes, I notice two new text messages waiting for me. Clicking the link, I open it up to find words that knock the breath right out of me and cause tears to rush down my face.

**Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower, we will grieve not; rather find strength in what remains behind. ~E.**

**I miss you. x ~E**

The words and sentiment behind them make me rethink everything I've done in the last week.

But it's too late now to change it all back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading and patiently waiting on this chapter while I was on vacation. I'm back at home and should be getting regular updates out once again.**

**Thank you for all your support, and I promise to hold anyone's hand that might need it while we go through this.**

**See you soon!**


	24. Chapter 23

**I want to offer my many thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing! I didn't reply to nearly everyone who left me some love, but I appreciated it all the same. And even those of you who didn't agree with Bella's choices, you still have my love and respect for sharing your opinion in such a nice way. **

**I don't normally do this, but I wanted to tell you a few of the songs I listened to while writing this chapter, as they had a bit of an influence. Listen to them as you read if you want, though it won't hurt anything if you don't.**

**Landslide by Fleetwood Mac**

**Yellow by Coldplay**

**Between the Lines by Sara Bareilles **

**Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars**

**Please Don't Go by Barcelona**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 23 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

Forks hasn't changed much since I lived here as a teenager, but that doesn't surprise me much. Small towns like this never do.

It's comforting in way, knowing that the same neighbors that have lived beside my parent's house still do, that the same family that has run the local grocery store still does, and that I never pass a stranger on the sidewalk downtown.

Living in New York was like living in another solar system compared to the slow but methodical paced rain soaked town of Forks. Where New York was full of neon reds and bright yellows, skyscrapers and hustling people, Forks was bathed in mossy greens and muddy brown, open skies and scattered homes of friendly neighbors.

Different to say the least.

And since different was what I needed most in my life right now, I should have been happy. The truth was my heart was still in New York and I didn't think I would ever be getting it back, no matter how many changes I made.

It had been two days since I'd arrived in Forks, and I've been able to keep mostly to myself, Renee giving me the room to breathe that I've asked for, but I know she won't be able to keep herself from prying much longer.

I still haven't decided if I can tell her about my affair with Edward.

I don't know if I'll be able to handle her reaction, knowing how she'll disapprove of my actions and splitting up a happy couple.

She and my father were so in love, so endlessly happy that I don't think she will understand that is what it was like for me with Edward. She'll only see me ruining Rosalie's happily ever after.

_And I hate disappointing my mother, even at my age._

I'm stretched out on the couch with my mother's a light weight blanket tucked around me as I watch another classic film, _Brief Encounters_. I hadn't heard of it before I started watching it, but I'm always up for discovering a new favorite.

I wish I'd checked to see what this one was about before I got invested in it though. Then I could have avoided it, and the heartache it's causing.

Watching two people have an affair is not what I need right now, and yet I can't help myself from suffering through it; hoping and struggling right along with Laura as she tries to move on from her love affair with the handsome doctor Alec, still finding her thoughts and dreams filled with visions of him.

_Oh how I know your anguish, Laura._

I clutch the blanket tighter under my chin, using the corner to wipe away the tears that dripped down my face when they began to spill. My breaths are choppy and short, but I can't seem to calm them despite my efforts.

This is just too real, hits to close to home for me.

"Hey, hey, hey… what's going on, Bella?" Renee asks, walking into the living room and perching on the couch beside me, her hand going to my cheek and wiping away tears.

I turn red, glassy eyes up to find her concerned face intently peering at me. The sobs begin to escaping, shaking me as more and more tears fall. I'm not usually this emotional, and it's a little embarrassing, but I can't help myself.

"Oh baby," Renee coos, scooping me up and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into her chest. I tuck my head under her chin, my hands clutching her torso as I sob into her shirt. "Shh, shh, shh…it's okay," she soothes, stroking my hair gently as she holds me tight. "I'm right here, it's alright."

I cry on her shoulder for the next unknown span of time, letting all of the emotions I've been suppressing find release. Once I've calmed down, I pull back and give her a watery smile.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine baby," she tells me, her brown eyes soft and worried as she looks back at me. I scrub my fingers across my cheeks to rid them of tears and take a few tissues from the box Renee holds out to me.

"Thanks," I whisper meekly. I'm already feeling a little better from the tension my waterworks relieved, surprisingly.

After a few more hushed minutes of me gathering myself and my mother waiting patiently, she finally speaks, one of my hands clasped between both of her hers.

"Bella, sweetie, what was that all about?"

I shrug. "The movie was really sad," I say, trying to avoid the actual reason behind my outburst.

Renee gives me a pointed look, her eyebrow raised. "Bella, that was about more than an old movie. Does it have anything to do with why you suddenly decided to move half way across the country?"

I close my eyes, knowing I can't get out of this any longer. I'm still worried about how she'll react, but after my crying jag I think finally talking about this to someone might be what I need to help me move pass it.

I take a deep breath, squeezing Renee's hand and meeting her curious gaze. "I've done something I'm not very proud of."

Her eyes only shift for a second, worry with a dash of fear, and I quickly go on when I realize she could take that in a lot of ways. "Nothing illegal or anything, but… well, what I've done is not how you raised me and I'm worried of what you'll say, of what'll you think of me."

"Bella, honey. There is nothing you could ever do or say that would make me think less of you, love you any less," she tells me emphatically.

I swallow, hoping that is true after I spill my secrets, but I doubt it.

"You know Rosalie's fiancé, Edward?" I ask and she nods, a wrinkle in her brow. Licking my lips, I go on. "Well, Edward and I went to med school together. Do you remember me talking about him?"

"Yes, you were good friends, right? And you introduced him to Rose?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Well, see… um, I… he…," I pause, and take a deep breath_. Just say it already Bella_. "I always had a crush on him, back then you know. And well, I didn't think he liked me like that so nothing ever came of it. Then he and Rose…, you know, so I tried to move on from my crush. I thought I was doing pretty well, but one night… Edward and I sort of confessed we had feelings for each other and one thing led to another…."

Her brown eyes grow wide with surprise, though she's trying to keep it from her face. Her hands are squeezing mine tightly as I wait for her to speak. "Bella, are you telling me you and he..?"

"Yes. We had an affair."

A sharp inhale and shocked eyes are her first response. After a moment, she composes herself and asks, "Was it a onetime thing or…?"

"We've been seeing each other in secret for a few months now," I confess softly.

Renee closes her eyes, and she breaths deeply a few times. I watch her, waiting for the moment when she tells me how horrible I am, how wretched I am for what I've done to Rose, how ashamed of myself I should be.

When her eyes focus back on me, an emotion is there I don't recognize. But her questions are what really surprise me the most.

"Do you love him?"

"Wh-what?"

"Do you love him, Bella? Do you love Edward, do you want to be with him forever?" she asks, almost desperate.

"Yes, more than anything. I've always wanted him, but it's too late now." My head dips, my hair failing between us.

"It's never too late, Bella."

I look up quickly, finding fierce determination in my mother's eyes. "What are you saying? You're not angry at me for what I've done?"

Renee sighs, a look of contemplation on her face for only a second before she bobs her head, as though agreeing on something. She scoots back on the couch and turns to face me, a somber expression on her pretty face.

"No, baby. I'm not upset with you. How could I be, when I did the same thing?"

I gasp. "What?"

"I know this may come as a shock to you, but I've been in your shoes. Well, your father and I were," she tells me with serious eyes.

"I don't understand. You and dad? Had an affair?"

"Yes, baby. You're father and I… we didn't have the typical start you may have thought we did. I was actually engaged to another man when I met your father."

I blink several times, trying to make sense of what she's telling me. I've never heard anything like this about their relationship before. It doesn't make sense with the picture I have of their fairytale romance in my head.

I look at her, my eyes full of questions and she pats my hand, giving me a soft smile. "I was supposed to marry a man named Phil, a boy I'd grown up with when you father showed up in my grocery store line. He was the most handsome man my twenty year old eyes had ever seen, and he had the best smile…," she smiles wistfully, and I can't help but smile as well as I remember my father.

"But I didn't think much of it at the time; he was just an attractive guy. But then he turned up at the library, and then again at the diner. Everywhere I seemed to go, there was Charlie. We started talking about the odd coincidences and then each time we bumped into each other, we would chat with each other, sharing little odd stories and whatnot. We quickly fell in love, and then before I knew it, I was having an affair. I never thought I would be capable of it, but with Charlie… it seemed like loving him was the most natural thing in the world, as easy as breathing."

"Yes, yes! That's exactly how it is with Edward!" I say fervently, squeezing my fingers around Renee's.

She smiles knowingly at me. "Then how can I fault you for doing what I did? I wasn't proud of my actions, and I hurt Phil very deeply, but in the end loving your father and sharing my life with him, having you, was the single greatest choice I ever made."

I feel a rush of butterflies in my stomach over the happy ending my parents shared.

My smile falters as I realize things aren't as easy for me, though. Despite the romance and success my parent's had with their illicit beginning, I know the outcome won't be the same for me.

"It's not that easy for me," I say, dropping my hand away from my mothers and instead letting my fingers pick idly at the seam of the couch.

"It can be, if you both want it," she says, her hand stopping mine. "Does Edward not feel the same?"

"He does," I say, nodding. "But it's more complicated than that."

When I don't go on, Renee looks at me sternly. "And you aren't going to tell me what complicates it?" she asks with a quirked brow.

I shake my head. I don't know why, but telling her about Rose's pregnancy doesn't feel right. It's not my news to share and besides, although her story is moving, it doesn't change what the outcome of mine will be.

"It sounds a little bit like you're running from you problems rather than facing them head on," she chastises me after a silent moment.

"I'm not, I swear. I just… I needed a little breathing room from everything. It wasn't an easy decision to make, Mom. I didn't want to leave the man I love behind, but…" I trail off, the pain of leaving Edward still burning in my heart.

"Look Bella. Nothing in life worth having is easy. And if you two really want to be together, nothing should stand in your way. I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your life," she says, holding a hand up to stop me from interrupting her. "But if you really love him, you won't let anything, or anyone stand in your way," she advises, giving me a pointed look.

I nod, letting that sink in. After a few minutes have passed, she asks me, "Is this why you really left New York? Because of Edward?"

"Not entirely. It's a part of it, but I also needed to get away from Rose. She's… she's not the girl I thought she was," I say warily. I know my mother has always loved Rose, and I'm nervous of how she'll take this.

"How do you mean?"

"She… she just isn't as good of a friend as I thought. She's selfish, manipulative and abuses our friendship; she uses me to do whatever she deems to below her and she has this way of making me feel like I'm not good enough, though I never saw it until recently. And I just can't live under her influence anymore. I need to get away from her and her toxic friendship."

Renee nods. "No, she hasn't been the best friend to you over the years. I always assumed you'd out grow her, but it never seemed to happen."

This is surprising turn of events (Renee has never said something like this before). "Um, come again?"

"Bella, I never thought you and Rosalie were a good match, sweetie. You were always brighter than her, nicer, prettier."

"Okay, now you're just delusional," I laugh.

Renee shakes her head. "No, baby, you're delusional. Rose is beautiful, yes, in a physical way. But you, Bella, you have beauty both inside and out. And that will always make you worth more."

"I thought you loved Rose," I say gently, though it's more of a question.

"I do, in a way. But she isn't my daughter, you are. And whatever you want or need will always be my first priority, baby girl."

I lean over and wrap my arms around her, hugging tight as I whisper thanks in her ear.

We pull back, and she runs her hands over my shoulders and arms comfortingly. After a few seconds of quietly watching each other, she stands up. "I'm going to make some lunch."

"Okay. I think I'm going to hop in the shower real quick."

She smiles gently at me before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my hair. "I love you, Bella."

"Love you too, Mom."

She turns and disappears down the hall towards the kitchen as I stand and fold the blanket back up, clicking off the TV without even looking to see what movie has come on_. I've learned my lesson on that one._

I go upstairs and slip into shower, quickly going through my routine. My thoughts don't continue to circle over and over the conversation my mother and I just had, and all its implications.

I'm still a little blown away about my parents beginning, and in a way it makes their love all the more touching. Even though they shouldn't have been, they fell in love and built a life out of what many consider a horrible act.

Though it gives a small flutter of hope to my heart, as towel myself off and change into fresh clothes, I know their situation, and mine and Edward's are vastly different, due to one major factor.

There wasn't a child in their picture.

But what she said about running, how I was choosing to not face my problems is what has me sitting on the bed, sliding my finger across the screen of my phone in thought.

I hadn't seen it as running, more as room to breathe and get my bearings straight, but I can see how she would think it was.

Hell, maybe it was a little bit. But I didn't mean it to be, and I don't want to hurt the people I care most about by them thinking the same thing.

Sighing, I know I only have one choice left if I want to keep that from happening. I unlock my phone, and click on the name I think will be easier to deal with first.

_At least I hope._

The phone rings three times, and I'm sure it's about to roll over to voicemail when her sharp voice answers.

"This is Alice."

"Hey Alice, its Bella," I greet, keeping as normal a tone to my voice as possible.

"Bella, hey! I'm glad you called; I wanted to talk to you. I need a minute first," Alice says, pulling the phone away as she dismisses someone. "Okay, let's chat."

"Is this a bad time? I didn't think you'd be working on a Saturday," I say apologetically.

"No, no it's fine. I'm preparing a brief for court on Monday, and just had some Chinese dropped off for a late lunch. But I was planning on calling you tonight, actually. Now you've saved me the trouble."

"Oh, okay. Well I don't want to interrupt."

"Its fine, I promise. I need the break, honestly. I'm going to explode if I have to keep reading over these contracts. So what's up? Is this about Edward and the hell bitch's news, because frankly, I can't believe Edward was stupid enough to let that happen."

I close my eyes against the wave of hurt that washes over me with Alice's words, pushing the feelings down so I can speak to her clearly. "Um, no, that's not why I called. I don't want to talk about that."

"You and me both," Alice huffs. "I can't believe that bitch is going to be tied to my family forever now. She finally got her claws sunk in deep, and Edward won't be able to ever get rid of her now."

"Alice they were already planning to get married," I argue, though I don't know why. _Old habits die hard, I suppose._

"Yes, but married couples get divorced all the time, Bella. Or maybe the couple never gets married to begin with, which is what I was hoping would be Edward's case."

"Alice, this really isn't what I called to talk to you about." I really can't talk about this with her, I won't be able to keep myself from breaking down.

"Okay, okay. Sorry, I just thought you'd be more upset about this… given how you feel about Edward."

She says it bluntly, so matter-of-factly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Wh-what?" I stutter out.

_Shit, is it? If Alice has picked up on it… maybe Rosalie has too._

Alice clucks her tongue loudly into the phone. "Bella, Bella, Bella. Did you forget who you're talking to? What I do for a living? I see things, I know how to read people and I've seen how you look at my idiot cousin. I know you care for him, that you've felt more for him for a long time."

I'm flabbergasted. And worried of what she'll do with this information. "Alice, that is just… that is…"

"True? Come on Blue-Bell, don't lie to me. I know you care for Edward as more than a friend, and honestly, I thought he felt the same way about you. Hell, up until this baby announcement, I thought you and he might be…." she trails off.

_Oh Jesus. Alice did pick up on our affair. _I have to dissuade her from her belief, otherwise the shit will hit the fan and all of this will be for nothing.

"Alice, no. It's not like that… and even if it was, Edward is going to be a father now. I can't stand in the way of that," I whisper softly, pulling at the threads of my comforter beneath my fingertips.

"Bella, I love you but you do realize it's not 1960 anymore right? Men and women don't have to get married just because they have a kid together," Alice snarks.

Rolling my eyes, I reply, "I know Alice, but you know Edward. He doesn't want to be an absentee parent like his parents were with him. And you know the pressure he faces just being a Cullen."

I hear her sigh, a resigned sound that conveys her agreement. "Fucking old money, antiquated society rules. God, I wish those snobs would just take their pretentious beliefs and shove them up their asses. Uncle Carlisle is the worst, too. He always has to be the best, no matter the cost and Aunt Esme just follows his lead."

I laugh, enjoying Alice's derisions for her own family for a moment. I know she really loves them, but it's slightly comical to hear her wail about their pretentions when she enjoys the spoils all the same. "Still, you know what would happen if he didn't go through with the marriage, especially now that Rose is having their grandchild."

"Yeah, I know. He'd be disowned," Alice sighs, resigned. "But maybe that would be better for him, if he didn't have to live this life he might actually be happy. He could be happy with you, working at the hospital all day and going home to see you each night," she chuckles.

It's my turn to sigh. "That can't happen, Alice. I… I um. I need to tell you something and I don't want you to get upset," I hedge.

"This sounds ominous. What's going on Bella?"

"Alice, um… I…," _it's now or never, Bella_. "I'm no longer at Morgan Stanley, I took another job."

"Really? Well that's not a big deal, where is it?"

"Mercy Hospital."

"Mercy… Mercy… I haven't heard of it. Is that outside of Manhattan?" she questions.

"You could say that," I whisper lowly.

"Huh? I didn't catch that, Bella."

"Yeah it's outside of Manhattan. It's actually in Chicago." A long silent pause is all that answers me.

"Alice?" I question after a few more beats of heavy silence. "Did you hear me?"

"I don't think I did, Bella because I could have sworn you said Chicago. As in Chicago, Illinois. As in, you would be moving to Illinois. And that just can't be right," she says, her voice flat and unbelieving.

"Well, it is. I took a job in Chicago and I'm moving," I explain clearly.

"When?"

"I start work at Mercy on Monday."

"Are you fucking kidding me with this Bella? Monday, as in two days Monday?"

"No, I'm not kidding you, Alice. I made a decision to take a new job and they want me there on Monday, so I'm going. I'm an adult, I don't need your permission," I bark at her, my anger rising as she yells at me. I'm not a child and I won't let her treat me like one, no matter how much I love her or how my news has upset her.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry," Alice apologizes, "I'm just in shock. I didn't expect any of this."

"I know, it's all happened pretty fast for me, too."

"Well tell me how this came about. I didn't even know you were looking fora new job… this doesn't have to do with Edward and Rose having a baby does it?" Alice asks intuitively.

"No, not really. I mean, no, it wouldn't have been easy to see them as a happy family together all the time, but I really did it for me. I…I can't be Rosalie's little puppet anymore and I know staying here will only make it worse. I need to be on my own, see if I can make it without being in her shadow."

"Good for you, Bella. You do deserve better; it's about fucking time you realized it, too." With a dramatic sigh, but a playful tone, Alice goes on. "So tell me more about this job, then," she demands.

I fill her in on everything; giving her the basics of what I think I'll be doing, what I know about the hospital and Chicago. I can feel myself getting excited with the possibilities that are about to come my way, and it's great to know that she is supportive of my choice, even if she isn't thrilled with the prospect of not seeing me as much anymore. But I assure her we will continue to be friends, no matter the distance.

She is one of the good ones, and I don't want to lose her.

Alice pauses after I've finished telling her about my visit to Forks, letting everything I've said sink in before speaking again, her voice soft and worried. "This is going to crush him you know." I don't need her to explain who _he_ is, I already know.

"Maybe it won't matter. He's going to be a father soon, he'll have the baby to worry about," I say, hoping it might be true.

Alice tsks. "Bella, you know that's not true."

"I have to believe it though, Alice. I can't do this otherwise… And I need to do this, for me. I can't see her getting the life I want…" I realize I'm basically admitting to Alice all that she has accused me of concerning Edward, but at this point I don't care. If it helps her to understand my motives, then fine. Besides, I'll be thousands of miles apart from him, it won't matter.

"I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. If JW and I were in a similar situation, I don't think I could stand to see him creating a family with another woman either."

"Thank you," I say quietly.

"But Bella, you need to tell Edward yourself. He needs to know what's going on."

"I know. I'm going to call him today, I swear."

"Good. Just be careful when you tell him, Blue-Bell. He really does love you, you know."

I close my eyes, pushing those words away. I can't let them hit my heart, absorb into my skin like I want them to. He's already branded me enough, I can't have anymore marks.

"I will."

Alice and I say our goodbyes, with me promising to call her once I'm in Chicago and settled, so she can come for a visit.

I decided to call Edward, thinking it will be better to get all of this over with now rather than dragging it out. Unfortunately, he doesn't answer his phone so I leave a message for him to call me as soon as he can.

Renee calls up the stairs that lunch is done, but I don't feel much like eating so I tell her I'll have some later. I still have to speak with Rosalie, and I'm dreading that for more reasons than one.

I have no idea what to say to her, but I know she's going to have a fit no matter how carefully I word my explanation for leaving.

Sucking in a deep breath, I decided to just go for it, let the chips fall where they may. I pull up her number and her phone is ringing before I'm aware that I've hit the call button.

One ring. Two. Three then four, and a final fifth ring before her voicemail clicks on. "_Hello, you've reached Rosalie Hale, soon to be Cullen! I'm away…"_

_Shit. I guess I'll have to call her back._

_But I really don't want to. _

_You can't put this off, Bella. You may not want to be friends with her anymore, but she deserves to know. _

_Yeah, but I don't know how to break off a twenty year friendship…_

Before I can decided what to do or say, the loud beep in my ear alerts me to the fact I'm still on the phone, and suddenly my mouth starts talking, words tumbling out that I didn't know were going to be said.

"Rosalie, its Bella. Look, I know this is a really bad way to go about this, but I need you to know I'm moving out of New York. I've taken another job in Chicago and I won't be around anymore. I know this will put a few kinks in your plans, but this is the best thing for me and my life. I hope you understand, and I hope as my friend, you'll respect my decision. I'm sorry…"

I choke on offering her more of an apology, not knowing where I could start on the ways I've wronged her recently, or for how my sudden absence will affect her future. But really, I'm not sorry for choosing myself over her, choosing to have a life that won't be tainted by her manipulations and lies.

Instead of going on with a fake apology, I end the call. I fall back on my bed, my eyes closing as I wait for the feelings of regret and guilt for my treatment of her to consume me.

But they don't; I feel light, free instead.

I feel like the weight that has been hanging on my neck, pressing my shoulders and curving my spine, is gone.

It's amazing and I can't help the laughter that escapes me, relieved to be free of Rosalie's burden.

I'm not stupid, I know it won't be that simple, that Rose won't let things go so easily with just a voicemail, but somehow knowing that I've already let her go, let myself shake loose her chains of friendship in even the slightest degree, makes me realize I can do it again. Time will only strengthen my resolve.

My appetite returns so I head downstairs and eat the small lunch my mother prepared, thanking her for taking care of me before heading back up to my room. I think I'm going to finally start that book I've been meaning to read.

My phone beeps at me, a text message waiting when I walk back into the room. I pick it up and inhale quickly when I see it's from Edward.

**Out of surgery and done for the day. I'm here whenever you want to talk. Should I come over? x ~E.**

Damn it. My mood shifts once more, back to the heavier feelings I had earlier in the day. I'm dreading this phone call for an entirely different reason than any of the others.

I'm not sure I can actually say goodbye to Edward.

And that's what it really is, a goodbye.

Goodbye to my friend for the past several years, goodbye to the man I've fallen for, to the lover who's taught me so much more about loving someone, giving and caring for someone, than any other person has before.

It breaks my heart to know this is likely to be the last time I speak to him, but I know it's for the best.

He has a family to be a part of, and I have a life I need to start living.

Knowing that doesn't make the ache in my heart or the tears in my eyes any less real though.

I try to get my breathing under control, putting my emotions in check so I don't freak him out right away. Once I'm ready, I make the call, listening for only two rings before his deep, calming voice greets me warmly.

"Hey baby," Edward says, the smile in his voice easy to detect.

"Edward," I breathe, his name falling from my lips like a prayer.

"How are you? I'm sorry things have been so out of sorts lately, but I've missed you so much, B."

"Me too," I whisper, tears pricking my eyes at the earnestness in his voice.

_Get it together Bella. He needs to know._

"You okay, sweetheart?" Edward asks with concern, clearly picking up on my poorly concealed distress.

"Yeah, just… I've got some stuff on my mind."

Edward exhales, sounding exhausted. "I know, me too. I'm so sorry about all of this, Bella. You know I never wanted this to happen. I just want to be with you, but with the pregnancy… Well, it's more complicated now."

"I know Edward," I say resignedly.

"And I'm trying to figure things out, I swear, baby. I just don't know how to make this all work yet. But we'll find a way, I know we can."

_Now or never._ "Edward, I actually wanted to talk about that," I say somberly.

Edward picks up on my tone and doesn't respond right away, remaining quiet save for a little rustling of fabric. I picture him in his office chair at home, his fingers loosening his tie, and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up as he tugs anxiously on his hair. The image makes me smile for a moment, but quickly fades when I focus back on what I'm about to say.

"What's going on Bella?"

Swallowing, I take a breath and then lay it all out for him.

"I've done something thinking about things, a lot of things really. And I've made some decisions. I… I don't think I can live in New York anymore, not with… so I quit my job at Morgan Stanley and accepted a position with Mercy in Chicago. I start there on Monday."

The line is dead silent, and I worry we may have gotten disconnected when I continue to hear nothing for several minutes. Then I hear harsh breathing pick up and Edward's confused voice comes through.

"What? You… I don't understand… Bella, what are you saying? You're moving? But why… I thought…" he stammers, a jumble of words and phrases that all thump harshly against my bruised heart, knowing I'm causing him pain.

"I know this seems sudden, and it is, but I feel like it's the right thing to do. For me, for you… for all of us," I shakily reply, pinching the bridge of my nose, a habit I've picked up from him, I realize.

"Bella, I don't understand. We said we were going to wait, try and figure things out first before we made any decisions. How are we going to do that if you are half-way across the country?" Edward asks in confusion.

"There isn't an 'us' anymore Edward. How can there be, when you're starting a family with her?" I say hotly, my heartache turning into anger at his obtuseness.

"Damn it, Bella. I don't want _her_, I want YOU! You know that, you know… don't you know? Why are you doing this? I know it seems impossible right now, but if you just give me a little time, let me figure some things out—"

"What's there to figure out, Edward? You can't leave her, can you? With your baby on the way, can you honestly say you would leave her?" I ask, cutting off his argument.

His silence speaks volumes, and though it cuts deep, I expected no differently. I know how he feels about family. "That's what I thought. I'm not doing this because I don't want you Edward, but more than that, I want what's _best_ for you," I try to explain, softening my tone.

"How can you say that when being with you is what's best for me? If you're not here, how is that what's best?" he asks despondently. "You're not even going to let me fight for you, fight for us? You've already given up before we've even had a chance to start fighting, Bella," he accuses, his voice laced with hurt.

He may be right, but I know I'm just as right for wanting to have a life I can be proud of.

"Edward, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just can't do this, I can't be that woman. I don't want to be her; always on the fringe of your life, waiting till your wife is out and the kid with a sitter so I can have a few stolen hours and moments with you. That's not a life I want for myself," I explain passionately.

"But if you asked me to, I would; I'd be that woman for you. So please, don't ask me to," I beg him softly. Edward breathes heavily down the phone, and I let my words hang in the air, allowing him the time and space to think.

"I don't want to lose you, Bella," his voice is low, imploring when he finally speaks. "I've just got you; I can't let you go…"

"I don't see any other way for us, Edward," I tell him in a raspy voice, my own emotions getting the best of me.

Edward grumbles under his breath, but I can't decipher what he's saying. He speaks up a few seconds later, his voice pleading. "Please don't do this, Bella. Please. Let me come over, we can talk about this, work something out together."

"I'm sorry Edward, but it's already done. I'm not even in New York anymore."

He takes a quick breath. "What? Where are you?"

"I'm in Forks, with my mother. But I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow."

"Then I'll come there. I'm not giving up on us Bella; I don't want to lose you over this."

His words, desperate and needy and perfect; his pleading and begging words are like arrows in my chest, hitting the mark of my heart and bleeding it dry. I can feel my resolve crumbling, the need to give in to him bubbling to the surface and dancing dangerously on my tongue.

But I can't, I won't. I meant what I said; I need this for me as much as for him. And for his unborn child.

I take a second and gather my thoughts, finding the words I need to say to make him understand.

"Edward you can't. You need to let me go, you need to let me start living my new life."

"But I don't want you to go," Edward repeats with sorrow in his voice, and it doesn't take much for me to picture tears in his beautiful green eyes.

My own tears pour down my face and I let them fall without care.

"I don't want you to resent me for taking away the chance to be the father you've always wanted to be. And you would, Edward. You would."

"Bella, no. Baby, I lov—"

"Don't say it, please Edward. I know but please, don't say it. I can't… I can't," I cry, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest. I cover my mouth as I fall back on the bed, trying to hold the sobs inside.

"Bella," Edward whispers my name, a small pitiful plea but I can hear the resignation and defeat in it, can hear the surrender to our fate.

"I know," I whimper back softly. I close my eyes, more tears sliding down to my temples as I listen to his soft snuffles and cries.

We sit and cry together then, softly and slowly, knowing that's all that's left. After a few minutes that could well be an eternity, I pluck up the courage to end our call.

"We should go," I say softly.

"Yeah," Edward replies, his voice rough. Another few minutes pass where we listen to each other breathe._ I never want to hang up. Don't hang up, don't let it be over._

I know he is thinking the same thing as me. That once we disconnect this call, that's it. The dream world, the fantasy we've been living in, will be over. For good.

"Will you call me?" Edward asks, his voice low and deep with sorrow. "When you get to Chic- there, will you call? Let me know you're okay?"

"Of course," I say, sniffling and wiping my nose with my shirt sleeve.

"I…," Edward sighs, heavy and broken. "I'll miss you so much, Bella. This place won't be the same without you."

"I'll miss you too,"_ I_ _already do, more than you know_, "But it's for the best. And hey… we'll always have Atlantic City, right?" I offer, trying for levity but failing.

Edward chuckles humorlessly. "Yeah, Atlantic City."

Another long pause.

"Goodbye, Bella. Be safe."

"Goodbye Edward," I say quietly, fresh tears on my cheeks as I end the call.

My lungs feel like they've collapsed and I can't breathe when I look at the screen and see his name briefly flash before disappearing.

I curl into a tight ball on my bed, phone clutched in my hand as I let the anguish take over me, rocking my body in sobs and shudders.

I don't know when Renee comes in, wrapping her arms around me, or how long she stays holding me through my pain, just that she does. She only asks if I've spoken to Edward and my wobbly nod of yes is enough for her to hold me tight.

I fall asleep at some point, and when I wake in the morning, finding her snuggled behind me in bed, I relish the easy comfort of her embrace.

We don't speak much the next day, Renee seeming to understand my need for quiet. She helps me gather my things and takes me to the airport when it's time to go. She holds me close outside the security gate, running her hands over my back and hair as she offers me words of comfort.

"It'll be okay, baby girl. You'll see," she whispers gently. "Things will work out, just have faith."

Nodding, I pull back and give her a weak smile. "Thanks for everything, Mom."

"Of course, baby. I'm here for you whenever you need me."

Another hug and then I let go, stepping through security and finding my gate. When my flight number is called, I gather my things and board the plane.

Throughout the flight my thoughts are scattered and faded with memories; visions of Edward's full lips and dazzling eyes tempting me to kiss him. The way he would run his hand through his hair when he was frustrated, the dimple in his cheek when he smiled crookedly, the smell of his skin at the base of his neck, always warm and spicy.

His laugh, his fingers seeking the skin of my stomach underneath a shirt, the way he would twist the ends of my hair absently as we watched an old movie on the couch, and the way he moved his lips when reading silently to himself, his glasses perched on his nose.

The memories of every moment we've shared, from the beginning of our friendship to the end of our affair all play across my memory, making me sigh in happiness and sorrow equally as I look out the plane's window into the blurry clouds.

I wish things were different, that life had worked out differently for us, but it wasn't in the cards we were dealt.

I pray that Edward will be happy in his life, that he and Rose will be able to give their child all the love and affection he missed out on when he was young.

And I hope that the life I start building in Chicago can bring me a little joy as well.

When we arrive, and are allowed to get out our electronic devices again, I reach for my phone, knowing Renee will want to know I've landed safely.

I don't expect to see the text there that I do. And as has been the case lately, it shatters me all over again, reading his thoughts through beloved words that he knows I'll know.

**I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived a few weeks while you loved me. xx~ E.**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Those last lines are from the film "_In A Lonely Place"_ so obviously not mine, but very fitting for our lovers. (If anyone is interested, I can compile a list of all the film quotes used in this story and give it to you at the end.)**

**What do you think will come next? We shall hopefully see next week, as I'm focusing all my writing energy and time to this story in the hopes we can finish soon. Only a handful of chapters left, loves.**

**Share your thoughts if you'd like, and I'll see you next time.**


	25. Chapter 24

**A number of you enjoyed this last time so…songs for this chapter are: **

**World Spins Madly On by The Weepies**

**You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol**

**All I Need by Mat Kearney**

**With or Without You by U2**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 24 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

_**~August 13**__**th**__**, five weeks later~**_

Chicago was different than I thought it would be, and yet exactly what I expected.

While I had anticipated the feelings of loneliness and longing for the comforts of my old home and friends, the confusion of settling into a new place and learning my way around the new city I was making my home, I hadn't considered how much I might like it. How much I would thrive within the Windy City in such a short time.

After only a few weeks, I was already feeling confident and comfortable in the Mid-West, settling at both Mercy and into my new apartment rather quickly. It wasn't lavish by any means, but much larger than the shoebox I'd been living in New York (which wasn't really that surprising if you factored in costs of living in both cities). After all my things had arrived, I'd been able to fix it up with personal touches and now the apartment was beginning to feel more and more like home.

Some of my things still caused an ache when I looked at them; the memories of Edward and I still lingering in things like the small red wine stain on a couch cushion from one of our more frenzied nights together, to the ticket stubs from a movie we'd managed to sneak out and see tucked into the pages of a book.

I missed him, every minute of every day.

So fucking much.

But no matter how much my heart ached at the thought of never being with him again, I knew I had made the right decision, not only for myself but also for him, his future… his family.

It was for those reasons that I continued to put one foot in front of the other each day, trying my best to keep moving forward though some nights I wanted nothing more than to run back to him, into his warm and wanting embrace, letting Edward soothe and comfort me as only he could.

His occasional texts and voicemails throughout the past few weeks showed me he still cared, though they had tapered off recently. I didn't know which was worse, that he had continued to show me how much her cared with them, or that he now seemed to be letting me go.

Even though it was what I said I wanted, needed even, it wasn't.

I wanted him to want me, to pick me. I wanted Edward to need me like I needed him, fully and completely. I realize how selfish that is especially when he is going to be a father in five short months, but it was true.

I needed him to pick me. And when he couldn't, I made the choice to take myself out of the equation.

And now I was making the best of that decision.

What was most surprising was that I wasn't struggling in accomplishing that. _Well, most days weren't a struggle. _

I had received a warm and friendly welcome to Mercy when I arrived, Dr. Welihinda and the staff offering me more than just a professional opportunity, but also their genuine friendship. It was a welcome change from the curt and demanding relationship I'd shared with Dr. Biers back at Morgan Stanley.

So far, I was making a great impression on my co-workers and I knew I was thriving with the additional patients and surgeries I had the opportunity to experience here. I finally felt like I was getting to make a difference in my field, which was rewarding in and of itself.

Alice seemed excited for me when we spoke about it, which hadn't been too often sadly. It wasn't because either of us was pulling away due to the physical distance between us, but more of life getting in the way, me finding mine in a new city and her working on a big case back in New York, not to mention spending more time with Jasper.

I called her two weeks ago to let her know I was up for visit whenever she had a chance, but she was unable to get away at the moment. Something about an important a time sensitive situation for her big client that couldn't be pushed back, though she made sure to tell me she would be visiting soon, hopefully for my birthday if possible.

I refrained from reminding her that wouldn't be possible since my birthday was also Edward's wedding day, and I knew there was no way she would miss it.

I however, would not be in attendance, for obvious reasons. One, I wouldn't have been able to handle seeing Edward and Rosalie getting married without falling apart, knowing it should have been me in her place.

_I don't know why I ever thought that would have been possible, even before he and I became more than friends._

Aside from that, I had also been unceremoniously uninvited to the wedding, courtesy of Rosalie shortly after I arrived in Chicago.

Her initial phone call had been disbelieving at first, the voicemail she left making it clear she didn't think I would do something so drastic but when I didn't return her call, or answer any of the following she made, the voicemails became uglier and uglier until she must have finally spoken with someone (likely Alice if the fury in her voice was any indication) that made her understand I wasn't coming back to New York, and even more, I wasn't interested in being friends with her any longer.

Her angry message is still easy for me to recall.

"_You are so fucking ridiculous, Bella Swan. You don't like something, so you just run off, leaving me here in a lurch to handle all this by myself? Some fucking friend you are, and after __**everything**__ I've done for you! Thank God I have Vera to help me, since you clearly only care about yourself. Don't worry about coming to the wedding; no one wants you there after this little stunt I hope you find what you're looking for, but I doubt you can. Not without me to hold your hand. Have a great life."_

That had been four weeks ago, and I couldn't say it didn't sting to listen to her hateful words, but once it was done, the message deleted and Rose gone from my life, I felt better.

It was sad that such a long and once special friendship ended so horribly, but when I looked back on things, really examined them, it didn't seem like such a loss. And if she really felt that way about me, then I was better off.

Rose had stopped calling after that for awhile (which I was thankful for) but she'd been calling me quite a bit over the last couple days. I didn't listen to her messages, deleting them immediately instead. I had no desire to listen to her bitch and moan about anything anymore, and her voicemail before had made it clear that she felt the same, so I didn't know why she was calling so frequently now.

_We sure as hell weren't going to repair our friendship._

If I didn't know Edward was okay, I would have almost believed it was about him. I knew he was fine however because Alice would have immediately told me otherwise.

Even though I hadn't heard from Edward in over a week, which was the longest he'd gone without reaching out to me in some way, I didn't let it get to me.

I thought Edward had finally gotten tired of me seeming to ignore him, as I couldn't bring myself to respond to him. I was scared I'd fall back into the mess we had made, ruining everything I was trying to do now to right it, so I refused to answer his calls or texts.

I cherished them, coveted each one, and tortured myself by replaying or rereading them each night, but he didn't know that.

_He couldn't know that._

It was hard to not have those little reminders that he was thinking of me, but it was probably better in the long run, allowing me to let go of the past and move on with my future. I needed to open myself up to new experiences and meeting new people, when possible.

I hadn't had the chance to meet a number of people outside of the hospital just yet, since things were only now beginning to settle down from my hectic and sudden move, but I had managed to find myself one new friend.

Well, I suppose 'new' wasn't the correct term. More like I'd become reacquainted with an old friend. And even more specifically, an ex-boyfriend.

Jacob Black.

I don't know who was more shocked to see whom that afternoon in the emergency room, Jake at seeing me in Chicago, or me at finding my college boyfriend as an EMT.

We didn't have time for more than a quick look of acknowledgement before we'd gotten down to work, stabilizing the young boy's limb before I rushed off to surgery. When I left the hospital after my shift later that evening, I was only mildly surprised to find Jake outside, his large frame causally draped on a bench as he read a book, waiting to talk to me.

Our friendship started up pretty quickly after that, needless to say.

Although it had been years since I'd seen Jake, things fell back into place easily for us. He had always been a nice guy with a fun and inviting personality, always warm and friendly to everyone he came into contact with, and not hard on the eyes at all.

Which is probably partially to blame for our break-up.

We split up during our senior year of college after dating for two years, Jake stressing his need for a little break before we became adults. Apparently he and I had different definitions of what a 'break' meant; I thought it meant taking a step back and thinking over what we wanted whereas Jake felt it meant he could dip his wick into the barista at the coffee house.

_It was our own Ross and Rachel dilemma come to life. _

And much like it had for them, it led to our eventual break-up. I had been very hurt at the time, truly having believed that Jake was the man for me. He was my first, of many things, and I felt betrayed by his actions.

Of course, that was years ago now and I considered it all water under the bridge. After all, I'd done something quite similar to my oldest friend, so I couldn't really hold a misunderstanding like that over him anymore.

Which is how I found myself spending time with Jake, letting him help me unpack, get settled and discover Chicago under his guidance. He was fast becoming a good friend, someone to have dinners with or a few drinks after a hard shift down at the local pub.

Jake had matured at lot since college, moving east to Chicago and becoming an EMT. I had expressed my surprise at his job, having always thought he wanted to do something with cars, but he said he found his calling in helping others after he witnessed a near fatal accident shortly after his move, and watching the EMT's work to save people's lives just clicked something inside for him.

It was great to see him so happy, enjoying his life and the friends he'd made in the four years since he'd been in Chicago. Jake's happiness seemed to be infectious, too and I couldn't help but have a good time when I was in his company.

It was one of the best distractions for the ache that plagued my heart when I was home alone, surrounded by memories of my previous life.

So whenever Jake asked me to hang out with his group of friends, or would swing by to pick me up unexpectedly for dinner, I didn't hesitate to go. However, I had a sneaking suspension Jake was looking for something more with me, some chance to rekindle what had been between us before, so I did my best to dissuade him from that notion.

I wasn't ready to get back out there like that, not even close.

Edward still consumed all of my heart.

He probably always would.

So as gently but clearly as I could, I let Jake know that we wouldn't be sharing anything more than friendship again.

He seemed to understand, especially when he would catch me checking my phone for texts or calls during our time together. Tonight I had been doing it much more frequently than usual, though I didn't realize it.

Jake however, did pick up on my distracted behavior it seemed, and decided to confront me about it as we sat in a small pizza parlor, enjoying some of Chicago's famous deep dish.

"Bells, it's just like water in a pot; it won't ring if you watch it," Jake says around a bite of pizza before swallowing it down with his soda.

I feel the flush on my cheeks, embarrassed at having been caught, and tuck my phone back into my bag and out of sight. "Sorry," I mutter.

Jake gives me a wry smile, his dark eyes bright and mischievous. "You waiting on someone else to call and ask you out? Already cheating on me, I see," he teases with a wink.

"No, nothing like that," I reply softly, my eyes turned down.

It stings a little, his teasing comment hitting very close to home, and the emotion must show on my face because he reaches over to my hand on the table and covers it with his larger one. With a light squeeze to my fingers, he softly apologizes. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know," I say, forcing a smile on my face as I push the unsettled feelings down. "I'm just being stupid," I explain, waving a hand dismissively.

Jake looks as though he wants to press me for more but lets it go, thankfully. He moves on with our previous conversation, giving me a rundown of what he and his friends are planning for the weekend.

"So the guys are hosting a little baseball watching game this Saturday, Cubs vs. Yankees. Think you might be interested in going with me?" Jake asks. I look at him with a raised brow and he quickly amends, "Just as friends of course."

I study Jake for a moment, his kind brown eyes and hopeful smile, the warmth he exudes comforting in a familiar way. I wish he had been this guy six years ago, that things had been different. Maybe if they had been, I wouldn't be devastated and broken over another man now.

Then again, it would mean I never would have had my time with Edward, and I can't imagine a world where that didn't exist.

Shaking my head, I pull myself from the cloudy haze of what ifs and maybes, giving Jake a smile as I answer, "Sure, I could do that. I have the graveyard shift Friday night, so as long as it's not too early on Saturday, I'd be up for a little baseball."

"Excellent," Jake beams, nodding once before he goes back to devouring his pizza. We spend another half hour eating, chatting and catching up with one another before I tell him I need to head back and get some sleep for my shift tomorrow.

Jake walks with me to the El stop where we have to go our separate ways to head home. As we wait, my phone buzzes in my bag and I'm quick to pull it out, hoping its Edward even though I shouldn't.

Rosalie's number flashes across the screen and with a heavy sigh I hit ignore before putting my phone away again.

"Must not have been who you were hoping," Jake says beside me with a smirk. "Not the hot boyfriend?"

I scoff. "You know I don't have a boyfriend."

Jake hums quietly, his expression shifting from jovial to more serious. "Yeah, but I figure there must be someone with the hopeful way you looked just now, thinking it might be him only to have your eyes look so sad when it wasn't."

My eyes are wide with surprise as I peer up into Jake's face, not realizing I'd been doing such a poor job of hiding my true feelings.

Jake bumps my shoulder lightly, his mouth lifted in an understanding smile. "I get it, Bells. I know what it's like to love and lose someone you can't imagine your life without." He gives me a pointed look, making it clear he means me but I can't find a way to respond.

_I thought about him that way once, but then I met Edward and discovered what true love really meant. _

"I…" I start, but fail to find any words to explain.

Jake shakes his head, shushing me without speaking. "I'm not asking for anything here, Bella. I just want you to know, I'm here if you need me. Be it friend or otherwise…"

"Thank you," I say, releasing a deep breath. "For understanding. I'm not… I can't be anything more than a friend right now, to anyone."

"Then we'll be friends," Jake says with a nod, his hand finding mine quickly, and he squeezes my fingers briefly before letting go.

The train rumbles up, hissing and pinging loudly with its arrival, and its bursts the tension that has come between us. Jake pulls me into a hug, warm and friendly before he pulls back and offers me a wide grin.

"We're still on for Saturday, right?"

"If I can manage it," I say with a matching grin.

"Ha! You'd better. Someone needs to support those damn Yankees. See you then, Bells!" he shouts.

I wave goodbye as the doors slide closed, smiling at the easy comfort between us.

Being with Jake was always easy, and a small part of me thinks maybe I want that back. But as I ride home on my own train, thinking over the few precious weeks I had with Edward and the fallout since everything came apart, I'm not so sure.

My mother's words ring in my head again, how nothing in life worth having is easy.

As I trudge up the steps to my apartment, I think maybe she's right.

If life was easy, and everything you wanted was handed to you on a platter, how could you appreciate it?

I don't get the chance to ponder that question or my feelings about Jake's obvious interest in me because my body freezes as I turn the corner onto the fifth floor, my eyes landing on a scene I've seen before of a figure sitting on the floor outside my door.

A figure I know, the lines and shape of his tall frame forever engrained in my mind, in my memories, in my heart.

I can't move forward, though my heart starts galloping in my chest, my pulse thrumming in my veins as my head spins.

_It can't be him… _

_Why would he be here?_

My breath catches loudly in my throat as I continue to stare, hoping and praying that what I see isn't a mirage.

He looks up at the sound, his hands falling from his hair and leaving a mess in their wake as he scrambles to stand up, never taking the vivid green gems of his eyes off of me.

"Bella," he whispers, so low if I hadn't been staring at him, hadn't seen his lips move, I wouldn't know he spoke.

I blink rapidly, my mouth opening and closing without sounds as I try to process him being here.

Edward is here, in my hallway.

It doesn't make sense, but as he takes a tentative step towards me, his dark jeans and rumbled white shirt hugging his body as he moves I realize I don't care about anything making sense.

I only care that he's here.

"Bella, I…" he starts but trails off quietly, moving closer instead.

I match his slow steps, keeping my gaze locked on his, trying to understand all the emotions I see in his eyes. There is so much there, swirling and mixing, crashing and blurring into one another that it makes it hard to decided what he is feeling most.

_I know the feeling completely._

Edward's before me in seconds, his eyes questioning and worried but quickly turning to resolved and determined as he reaches out, grabbing my waist and pulling me close, hugging me tightly like only he can.

"Eh-Edward," I whisper his name, my arms going around his neck and gripping him tight, burying my head into his chest and inhaling deeply.

He smells perfect; warm and midnight, like love and home.

"You're here," I mumble.

"I'm here," he murmurs.

The tears begin to prick my eyes as we hold each other firmly, neither speaking as we let our bodies do the talking for us. His hands are in my hair, running circuits up and down my back as he keeps me close to his chest and I let my fingers play with the soft strands of his hair, skimming the warm skin of his neck with my thumbs in gentle strokes.

"I've missed you," Edward says quietly into my ear.

"So much," I reply, my voice wavering with emotion.

Another few quiet moments pass were we simply hold one another before footsteps can be heard climbing the stairs, so I step back from Edward's embrace and offer him a timid smile.

"We should go inside," I say, moving to unlock my door.

"Yeah," Edward nods and follows me in, his eyes roaming over my new home as I put my purse and keys away.

"This is a nice place, Bella," Edward says with a small smile, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"Thanks, I like it," I tell him and lead him into the living room. There is an awkward tension between us as we move around each other, and I don't like it.

I try to defuse it by being a good hostess. "Do you want a drink?"

Edward shakes his head no as he sits down on the couch. The image is familiar and perfect, one I've seen many times before but I only relish it for a moment, then I remember why I shouldn't be seeing it anymore.

"Okay, well I'm just going to grab a water," I say, needing a moment to collect myself. As excited and thrilled as I was to find him waiting for me, this is still uncomfortable, given our last conversation.

Once I've poured myself a drink, I go back to the living room and sit in the overstuffed chair beside the couch, perching on the edge nervously. Edward drags a hand through his hair, an easily recognizable mannerism that indicates his nerves, and it helps to soothe me a little, knowing he feels the same tension I do.

We smile tentatively at one another, and I want to get lost in the moment of being here with Edward, but I know that won't get any of the questions I have answered.

And I've got plenty of questions.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a quiet but sure voice. "How did you even find me?"

Edward takes a deep breath, his eyes closing for a moment before he opens them and finds mine, holding my gaze. He shifts forward to the edge of the couch, his hands clasped together as his elbows rest on his knees.

"Alice told me where you lived," he says and I roll my eyes. _Of course she did, the traitor._

"And I came for you," he tells me seriously, his tone never wavering.

"What?" I ask, surprised as I stare at his serious face.

"I'm here for you Bella," Edward says. "I can't be without you."

I close my eyes at his words, so perfect but so wrong. He can't mean them.

When I open them again, I turn to face him, our knees almost touching. "Edward, you can't do this. I… I told you, I can't be that woman for you. Please tell me you didn't come here to ask me to."

Edward shakes his head vehemently. "No! Bella, no. I don't want that for you, I never wanted that for you," he says avidly.

"It sure seemed that way, Edward. You didn't tell me any differently before," I remark, the bitterness I feel about that situation seeping through. It hurt to know he would think I would be okay with that life, and he should know that now.

"Bella, sweetheart," Edward says, reaching for my hands but I pull back, not wanting to feel the tingles of his skin on mine, knowing they will cloud my thoughts and I need a clear head to get through this.

He retracts his hand, a hurt look on his face that he quickly wipes away. "I didn't get a chance to tell you differently, Bella. Your leaving took me by surprise; I didn't know what to say. And you didn't give me much of a chance to either."

I scoff, turning to stare down the hall instead of meeting his accusing eyes. He's right in a way, I didn't give him much choice, but that doesn't change that he could have said something.

But it's too late now.

"Maybe I did," I concede quietly. "It's too late to change it now though."

"No, it's not," Edward says earnestly, sitting forward and looking at me with desperate eyes. "It's not too late, Bella. At least for me, it isn't. I still want you, want us."

Sighing, I try to make him understand. "Wanting us isn't the problem, Edward. It never was. You having a family, a baby on the way, is the problem."

Licking his lips, Edward watches me for a moment and then speaks. "No, it's not," he states. "Not anymore."

I'm confused by his tone, by the unwavering resolve in his eyes as well as the decisive words. Suddenly, my thoughts go to the many missed phone calls and messages from Rosalie over the last few days, and a spike of fear flashes in my gut.

"Did something happen? The baby… Is everything okay?" I ask worriedly. I may not be happy with the situation this unexpected pregnancy caused, but I would never wish something to happen to the baby. I'm not that horrible of a person.

"The baby is fine," Edward says soothingly, his hand finding mine and holding it tightly. "That's not what I meant."

I sigh, relieved. I raise a brow in question and Edward nods once before going on.

With a restrained smile, just pulling up the corners of his lips, Edward tells me, "I meant the family part, that's not a problem anymore. I'm not marrying Rosalie."

My fingers grip his reflexively as I hear the words I've longed to hear for months now spoken aloud. I stare with wide eyes at Edward, trying to gauge if he is serious or playing a very cruel joke on me.

"Wha-what?"

Smiling more fully, his thumb stroking my knuckles, Edward explains. "I'm not marrying Rose. I couldn't, not after everything that happened between us. Not when I gave my heart to you. So I told her."

"You told her about us?" I ask, my mouth dropping open in shock, my hand gripping his tighter still as I try to process all of this.

"Yes," Edward nods, his other hand settling on top of our clasped ones, working to dig my fingernails out of his skin. "Well, no not exactly."

"What happened?" I ask, needing details to make it real.

"I need you closer for this," Edward says as he pulls on my hand, and I rise to sit beside him willingly. Once I'm settled, curling into the comfort of his arms, my head on his shoulder as his hand runs up and down my side, he tells me everything.

Edward explains that after our last phone call, he was mess. He says he was floundering, unable to figure which way was up. He understood why I did what I did, though he was devastated about losing me. He was hurt that I wouldn't let him fight for us, wouldn't let him have a little time to figure things out.

When I asked him what he could possible need to figure out, he simply told me he had his doubts about Rose's pregnancy, and if the baby was his since they hadn't been together in so long. But after her first OB-GYN appointment, which dated her concepation date to be around the last time he remembered them being together, he accepted that he was going to be a father.

Once he accepted it, Edward had to decide what kind of parent he wanted to be. Ultimately, he told me, he didn't want to be the kind of parent who showed his child that his own happiness wasn't important. He said he feared he would resent the baby for taking away his chance to be with me, to be happy. Edward knew that would be worst for his child in the long run, so he decided to end things with Rose now, before things got even messier than they already were.

"But how did she take it?" I ask as I trace patterns on his shirt, still nestled into his side.

Edward snorts. "She wasn't happy, to say the least."

I laugh sardonically, knowing that is putting it mildly. "What did you say? Did you… you said you told her about us?"

Edward trails his fingers into my hair, twisting the loose ends around his fingers. "Well, I didn't tell her about us exactly. I knew you two already had a falling out, she's been ranting and raving about it since it happened, though I just tuned her out."

I hum, rubbing Edward's stomach as I picture Rose stomping around their lavish apartment, throwing a tantrum only a toddler should be capable of.

"But once I finally had my plan worked out, I told her I was leaving. I sat her down last Sunday and explained that I didn't love her, that I hadn't loved her in a long time and wasn't even sure if I ever really did."

"I bet that went over well," I tease with a poke to his ribs.

"Yeah, well," Edward hurmphs, "She didn't believe me at first. Told me I was being absurd and that I was just scared about becoming a father, that I'd get over it. I told her that wasn't possible because I was in love with someone else."

I inhale quickly, hearing him say those words aloud and knowing he means me. I sit up, looking into his eyes; warm, green and so sincere. Edward cups my face, holding me gently but firmly as he finishes his story.

"I told her I that I wasn't going to pretend to be in a happy marriage to her when my heart wanted, _belonged_ to someone else, who I hoped loved and wanted me too."

"Edward…" I murmur, but hushes me, his thumbs stroking my cheeks delicately.

With whisper soft words, Edward says, "I told her I loved you."

Tears prick my eyes, and I grip his wrists tightly. "Really?" I whimper, my voice shaking.

"Yes," Edward says, his face moving closer to mine, our noses almost brushing. "I love you Bella. I love you, and I won't live without you."

"I love you, too," I whisper, my eyes falling closed and my lips meeting his.

It's soft and tentative at first, the smallest brush of lips on lips, a caress of old lovers meeting once again that soon grows, our passion and feelings pouring out onto each other as the kiss deepens. Edward's hands slide back into my hair, holding me close as I open my mouth, sucking his top lip between mine and nipping lightly at him.

He groans, his tongue come out to find my waiting lips, stroking against them before seeking entrance to my mouth, which I willingly grant. We trade kisses, tongues moving against each other for minutes on end that don't seem long enough, the burning in my lungs from lack of air the only reason I pull back.

"I love you," I say again, needing to speak it and make it real. Now that I've said it to him, out loud, I don't know why I waited but I don't worry over it.

The only thing that matters in this moment is expressing my love for this man, making sure he knows it.

"I love you, too," Edward replies, his eyes smiling as his lips meet mine. "So fucking much, Bella." He kisses me again, passion and fire igniting between us as I move to get closer, always needing to be closer.

We lose ourselves for a moment, but I know there is still more that needs to be discussed, so I find some willpower and move back, pecking his pouty lips a few times just because I can before we get back to the conversation.

"So you told her you loved me?" I ask, grinning at the words. Edward's smile matches my own, the twinkle in his eyes bright.

"Yes," he says, his fingers once again tangled in my hair. "I want everyone to know." I kiss him again, just because he's sweet. And I love him.

"But did you tell her about our affair?" I ask, curious how much Rose knows.

Edward shakes his head. "No, I didn't think that was necessary. I'm not ashamed of being with you, Bella, but I think it was enough of an ego blow for her to know that I was leaving her for you. That is, if you still want me."

"Of course I still want you!" I exclaim, looking into his eyes so he can see the truth behind my words. Once I'm satisfied, I move on to the next difficult topic. "But what about your family?"

"My family," Edward sighs, shaking his head. "They'll get over it or they won't. I don't care, I'm an adult. I don't need their approval over who I spend my life with," Edward says seriously. "I know it took me a long time to realize that, and I'm sorry it hurt you, but I know better now. I hope they'll be happy for me, but if not at least I'll have you."

I smile, kissing the corner of Edward's mouth lightly. "You've always had me."

He places a kiss on my temple and holds me close.

"What about the baby? I thought you didn't want him to grow up without a father like you did," I question after a few quiet minutes.

"I don't, and I'll do my best to keep that from happening. After the custody agreement is officially filed, I should be able to do that pretty easily."

I sit up and giving him a puzzled look. "Custody agreement?"

Edward nods, a devious smirk on his lips. "I don't know if you know this, but I have a cousin who is in family law. She helped me work out a custody agreement that would keep Rose from taking off with the baby, or denying me my rights."

My heart races as I stare incredulously at Edward, pieces of the cryptic puzzle falling into place. "Alice's big case?" I ask with bated breath.

"Yes. Alice has been working on this for me since you told me you were leaving," he says with a grin. "It took longer than she thought, but she got me what I needed and Rose has already signed."

"Oh my God!" I shout, throwing myself back into his arms as Edward laughs, hugging me close. "So it's really over? You and Rosalie?"

"Yes, baby. It's over," Edward tells me, his fingers dusting along my cheek gently. "I'll only have to see her for stuff with the baby, but that's it."

"Oh Edward," I gush, pressing my lips to his in happiness. When we separate again, his smile is big and happy.

Just like my own.

"So what does all this mean?" I ask, a hint of trepidation in my voice that I can't help as I think about the possible future.

A future with Edward.

"It means I'm moving to Chicago," Edward says. "Or where it is you want to live. I don't care, Bella, as long as I'm with you, I'll be happy. Everything else will work itself out."

I nod in agreement and Edward pulls my mouth back to his for another passionate kiss.

I know we still have a long road ahead of us; that despite Rose's acceptance of the custody agreement, she can still make Edward's life hell. There are still hurdles and obstacles in our path, things we haven't talked about yet, like his career and where we want our relationship to go, but that's okay; we'll cross those bridges when we get there.

In my heart, in my very soul, I know as long as Edward and I are together, we can face anything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I can't thank you all enough for all the love you have shown me and this story. I never expected this much support for this little fic, but I am so grateful for it. Thank you.**

**I know I have been majorly slacking on the review replies, and I'm sorry for that, but I figured you would prefer to have chapters rather than replies. I hope you're okay with that.**

**I think there are maybe 2-3 more chapters of this left and a handful of outtakes thereafter, but we are definitely in the home stretch now. I hope you'll enjoy it. **

**Until next time!**


	26. Chapter 25

**Love by Matthew White**

**Stolen by Dashboard Confessional**

****For Me, This is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World****

**No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 25 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

**~October 8****th****, 2 months later~**

"Do we need any toilet paper?" I ask as I push the shopping cart down the aisle.

"No, I think we're good," Edward says, his hand coming to rest on my lower back as he tosses a bag of chips into the cart.

"Okay," I mutter, my thoughts going over the mental checklist I made before we headed out of the apartment. "Then we just need to grab some laundry detergent and some of those little sandwiches baggies, and we can head out."

Edward and I make our way around the store, picking up the last remaining items on our weekly grocery list. It's such a normal, routine couple thing to do, Edward walking beside me and arguing over which type of grapes to get, but I don't take it for granted.

I know how lucky I am to be able to hold his hand in public, to lay claim to him, for all who wonder to see that he is with me. It's still a little novel, and a part of me hopes I never lose that feeling, because it will always mean this is real.

It's been two months since Edward showed up on my doorstep, telling me he'd left Rose and wanted to share a life with me, and I couldn't be happier.

Edward had already left his position at Morgan Stanley when he arrived in Chicago, although he hadn't found a place to work or an apartment. I won't lie and say I didn't swoon when he told me he wasn't worried about any of that, he just wanted to get to me as fast as he could.

It's what promoted me to let him stay with me temporarily_. _

_Oh hell, who am I kidding?_

I wanted him with me, close enough to touch and kiss whenever I wanted to. _Which was often._

Edward didn't seem to mind either, and although we had both discussed wanting to try and live separately for a while, it didn't seem to be sticking. Edward was still styaing with me, and as more and more of his things from New York turned up in my apartment, melding with my own to create our own little home, I found myself caring less and less about him moving out.

What was the point, really, when we both wanted to be together in the future anyway? I was tired of putting things off and waiting just because it would look bad, or hurt someone else if they found out.

That was the old Bella, who worried more about others happiness than her own, and I was done with that.

Edward finding a job was important to him, however, and a task that he didn't put off. We both talked about it, and despite his father basically disowning him, Edward was still fairly well off, so he wouldn't have to worry if finding a job took time, thanks to his mother.

Esme Cullen, it turned out, had become a champion for living life to its fullest and following your heart in wherever or whatever happiness it found. When she found out about Carlisle cutting Edward off, she put her own funds up to help him get settled here in Chicago. She also promised Edward she would try and get Carlisle to come around; not wanting to lose her son now that they had finally gotten close after her illness.

Edward remained wary on the subject, sure his father would never understand but I hoped Esme could convince him. It hurt to know Edward had been rejected and cast out by his father because of some perceived notion of shame for not marrying a woman he knocked up.

I had a strong feeling it also had to do with my zero interest in playing the high society games, or climbing the social ladder, to be honest.

Edward was grateful to have his mother was on his side, and her intervention with his finances, but he had never been the type of man to sit around and rest on his laurels instead of earning his keep. He was a qualified and gifted pediatrician, and even after his mother got part of his inheritance reinstated, Edward wanted to work.

He was able to find a job in a small private practice in Dearborn Park, not far from our apartment in Near South Side which was close to Mercy (which was part of the appeal for me originally). He seemed to be finding his home there, working alongside the practices father and son team, Benjamin and Marcus Cheney.

I was happy he was finding Chicago to be as warm and welcoming as I had, and even more so, that he didn't seem to be regretting his choice to be here with me.

Sure, he still had to deal with Rosalie, who had turned into a raving bitch since Edward left, always holding the baby over his head and demanding he come back to take care of them, but Edward didn't let it get to him.

I, on the other hand, was beginning to lose my patience.

I was ready to slap the bitch for continually trying to split Edward and me up, using her unborn child to get to him. I didn't understand why anyone would try to hold on so tight to someone who had so clearly let go, but Rosalie was.

Truth be told, I didn't even think she loved Edward all that much, at least not like a woman should love a man she wanted to spend her life with anyway. It always seemed like she was more interested in his family name and fortune than anything he offered specifically.

"Ready to go, sweetheart?" Edward asks, pulling my attention back to the present where we have managed to find our way to the registers for check out.

"Yeah, sure," I say, and begin to unload the shopping cart onto the conveyer belt.

"Is that all for you today?" the teenage girl checking us out asks.

"Oh and these," Edward exclaims, quickly dropping a small, plastic blue tube into the girls hand.

"What is that?" I question as I eye him, pursing my lips.

"Nothing," he hedges, quickly pocketing the item before I can get a good look at the label.

"Mhmm… You know I'll find out, you should just tell me," I tell him as we leave the store, loading our things into Edward's Range Rover which arrived from New York a few weeks back.

"Perhaps," Edward teases, winking at me as he closes the trunk, and walks me over to the passenger side, opening the door for me to slide in. "But I think half the fun will be in you trying to figure it out."

"Whatever," I grumble, though I'm not upset. "It better not be anything embarrassing for Alice and Jasper to find."

Edward laughs, the warm sound washing over me and making a responding smile pull at my lips. "I promise, baby, nothing embarrassing about it."

He leans in and kisses me quickly before shutting the door and going around to his side. We take off, making the journey back home in good time as we briefly talk about Alice and Jasper's trip out to see us for the weekend.

It's something we've been planning for a while now, especially since Edward has moved to Chicago as well. Alice has been the biggest supporter for our relationship, claiming she always knew we would end up together, but I have my doubts about her psychic abilities.

Regardless, I'm happy to have my friends coming to spend some time with us. Alice had originally wanted to come up on my birthday weekend, but Edward and I decided to spend that time together alone instead.

I thought the day might be a little difficult for him, since it was originally suppose to be his wedding day, but instead of thinking about what might have been, Edward spent the day showing me how much he appreciated me, for loving him and for allowing him a chance to really prove it now.

_He was very good at providing a body of proof for his claims. _

When we get home, we discard our jackets and shoes by the door, taking the grocery bags into the kitchen to unpack. We work around each other effortless, chatting about our day and what we'd like to do this weekend with our guests as we go along.

"I think we should spend some time down at Navy Pier, B, before the weather gets too cold to enjoy the rides," Edward says as he puts a few bags of noodles in the pantry.

"Yeah, that sounds fine. And we can check out some of the shops and stuff there."

"Maybe we can get a beer down at that brewery, too. You know the one Jake took us to a few weeks back."

I roll my eyes and suppress a snicker. Edward and Jake have developed quite the 'bromance' since I introduced them. I had initially been worried they might not get along, but it was all for not because after an awkward explanation of how I know Jake, and who Edward is (my boyfriend, which I love getting to say), they hit it off, bonding over a shared love of baseball, which I couldn't care much about.

What was really funny to me is that most of the time we get together with our little group of friends, it seems like Edward ditches me to hangout with Jake. I don't really mind though, since it gives me a chance to get to know Jake's new girlfriend Vanessa better. Vanessa is a nurse at Edward practice who was also relatively new to Chicago as well, which made bonding with her easy for me. She is great; very laid back and intelligent, though a couple years younger than us, but I can see us becoming good friends in time.

"Sure, babe. When can even invite your boyfriend if you want," I tease, shutting the fridge and turning to face Edward with a smirk.

Edward scoffs, dramatically rolling his eyes. "Whatever, Bella. Don't be jealous because Jake likes me better than you."

"Only because you introduced him to his girlfriend," I tease playfully, letting my hands find their way up his arms as he steps close to me.

"Yes I did," Edward agrees, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me further into his embrace. He lowers his head, his lips grazing my ear as he whispers, "Because he can't have mine. Ever."

I exhale audibly in content before Edward's lips find mine, pressing soft and slow, full of meaning and purpose. I still get a thrill every time we kiss; the feeling of his lips on mine just as right now as they have always been. My fingers thread through his hair, my lips parting to suck on his bottom one as Edward hums in appreciation, his grip around my waist tightening.

Things seem to be moving in a hot and heavy direction when I feel a buzz in between my legs, which are straddling one of Edward's thighs as he presses me against the counter.

Edward can usually induce tingles in my body, but this buzz is not typical unless he bought some sort of a sex toy when I wasn't looking. _That could be fun…_

He breaks our kiss, one hand cupping my face as he leans his forehead against mine. "It might be the office," Edward says in between panting breaths, using his free hand to retrieve his phone from his pocket.

_Damn on-call duties_. That's the one drawback of Edward working for a private practice; he is almost always on call for emergencies now.

"Fuck," Edward grumbles, and I know by the annoyed and frustrated expression that it isn't the office calling.

It's Rosalie.

She has been incredibly insistent with her calls lately, calling Edward to bitch (or beg) about the baby, and how much he is going to miss if he isn't in New York.

I hate that Edward is going through this, but he tells me it's worth it, that I'm worth it.

I wish things were different though, that when he and Rose split, she could have been out of our lives for good, but again, it wasn't in the cards.

Sighing heavily, Edward gives me a defeated look. "I should probably just answer now, or she'll keep calling."

I nod once, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead and pushing some hair from his face. "Okay, do what you need to. I'm just going to finish up with the groceries."

"Love you," Edward says, dusting a quick kiss to my cheek before he turns to leave the kitchen. I can hear him answer flatly as he makes his way down the hall to our room.

Taking a deep breath, I let it and some of my anger toward Rosalie out. I don't have any direct contact with her, but she knows she can still get to me through Edward, and half the time I think that is exactly what she is trying to do.

But whatever, I guess we'll just have to endure it.

If it's the price I have to pay to be with Edward, then I am more than willing.

I finish putting away the groceries, and then straighten up the living room. Edward and I already had an early dinner before we went shopping (he hates going on an empty stomach, since he impulse buys like crazy), so I don't have to worry about that, but I need to give Edward a little more time to talk and decompress.

As I'm putting our shoes into the hall closet, I remember Edward bought something last minute at the store. I pull his coat off the rack, digging into the pockets until I find it, my fingers closing around the plastic tube.

When I pull it out, I finally get a look at the little blue bottle and a huge smile splits my face.

Mini M&Ms, my favorite.

I know he bought them for me since he doesn't really like candy, and it makes my heart expand what feels like three times its normal size inside my chest.

Its little things like this, small displays of affection, that show me more than anything how much I mean to Edward. He's always doing things like this for me, picking up a movie I might like or fixing me a bath after a long shift at the hospital. It only makes me fall deeper; love him harder than I already do.

_God, I need to kiss him._

With that thought, I take off to our bedroom, intent to kiss him silly for his little gesture.

I step into the room with a smile but it slips off my face when I find him, sprawled out on the bed, his hands rubbing over his face in agitation.

_Damn. His conversation must have been rougher than usual. Well, I can fix that. _

He does sweet little things to show me his love, and I can definitely do something to show him mine right now.

I step over to the bed in between his parted legs, and slowly let my hands run up and down his thighs.

Edward drops his hands from his face, his eyes still closed as I rub his strong legs, sliding up his body and straddling his hips with my own after a few moments.

"Hey," I quietly say, leaning forward to place my lips at the center of his throat, kissing his Adam's apple hello.

Edward hums his response, his hands moving from the bed to my sides, his fingers squeezing lightly around my hips.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Edward exhales tiredly, his thumbs stroking my ribs as I hover just above him, watching the frustration and exhaustion play out across his face. "Same shit as usual," he gruffly replies.

"I'm sorry, baby," I tell him, leaning down to kiss his lips softly.

"Not your fault," he replies, his hands sliding under my shirt and finding the warm skin of my stomach. I sigh, nuzzling his neck and kissing a path up to his ear.

"Can I make it better for you?" I ask lowly, nearly purring in his ear. I lightly nibble on his ear, smiling as Edward inhales deeply and his hands tighten around me.

"You already do," he breathes out as I continue my seduction, lavishing kisses across his jaw until I'm at his chin, moving up to dust my lips across his.

I look into his eyes, the green deep and brilliant, showing me how true his words are, how much he loves me.

And oh, how I love him.

"Well then… let me show you how much I appreciate you," I tell him seriously. "I know how much you've given up to be with me—"

"You are worth everything, Bella," Edward says sincerely. "None of that other shit mattered compared to losing you."

I smile, ducking down to press my lips to his, sucking his bottom lip between mine and pouring my feelings into him as best as I can.

"Let me show you how much you mean to me then," I tell him, rolling my hips over his so he'll know what I mean.

"Yes," Edward hisses his answer with my movement, his hands slipping out and immediately pulling my shirt from my body. I smile and happily return the favor, scooting back so Edward can take off his shirt as well.

We undress slowly; taking our time to caresses and touch each expanse of skin as its reveled. The corner of my shoulder is showered in his soft kiss, his tongue tracing the shape of freckles there. With my eyes and eager hands, I trace the lines of his firm muscles down his chest, over the ridges of his stomach and tickle the hair that leads to my greatest temptation below.

Gentle kisses of wet lips, brushing strokes of fingers along sensitive skin, teeth testing and tongues tasting the salt our bodies produce as we move together, work to stoke the flame of our burning desire for each other. Hands clasped together, chests pressed close, eyes locked on to each other, we connect together, Edward pushing his body into mine, long and deep.

We both sigh, our lips separated by centimeters as we feel each other from the inside out, our breaths mingling and hearts beating as one.

"I love you," I whimper, the feelings crashing through me nearly overwhelming, knowing how fortunate I am to be here, in his arms once again. Loving and being loved like this once more.

I'll never take it for granted, the gift of his love. I've known my life without it, without him, and I won't ever let myself forget how lucky I am to have it again.

"I love you, too," Edward tells me earnestly, his eyes intense as they stare into mine.

We kiss; our lips and then tongues meeting and caressing as Edward begins to move within me, his hips lifting up as my shift down, slow and steady as we worship each other with wanting touches and needy pleas. The sounds of our love echo in the room, filling the space and my heart as we move together to reach that pinnacle of pleasure.

Before long, I need more and so does Edward as he twists us around, shifting back into me once I've settled onto my back, his hands finding purchase near my head as he thrusts deeply into me, picking up speed with each entrance and retreat.

"Bel-Bella," he huffs, his lips dancing down my throat and chest, sucking on the skin he finds.

"Mmm, Edward, _yes_…" I moan, digging my fingers into the muscles on his back, reveling in the way they flex beneath my touch.

"I… uhh.. oh God… unnh," Edward grunts as he continues to push into me with purpose.

"Love... love you," I pant, my legs lifting to wrap around his waist, allowing him to hit the spot that drives me wild better.

"Fuck," Edward exclaims, his body slamming into mine. "Love you…"

His body's steady pounding rhythm and sincere words give me what I need, and I find myself falling off the edge and into orgasm before I knew I was there, Edward's name a cry on my lips as I cling tightly to his arms and chest.

My name rings out loudly not long after, Edward pushing hard and fast into me as he experiences his own release. His body slumps onto mine, exhausted and satisfied, and I hold him close, ghosting my fingers down his spine as we both catch our breaths.

We exchange a few light kisses and tender touches, soft words of love and affection before we move apart to clean up. Before long, we have snuggled back under the covers of our bed, legs tangled together as we drift off, the night full of peaceful dreams.

The phone ringing loudly on the night stand breaks the silence of the early morning, pulling me from sleep. Edward grumbles next to me, but makes no move to stop the offending noise, even though it's coming from his phone.

"Answer the phone," I mutter, pushing on his side.

"Mmfmfff…"

"Edward, answer your phone," I grumble again when he still hasn't answered.

"No, sleepy time," he mumbles, curling his body back around mine, nestling his head onto my chest.

The phone finally stops and I am just about to drift off again when the room is once again filled with the loud shrill.

"Goddamn it!" I shout, crawling over Edward to answer his cell. "If this is your boyfriend, I am going to kill you both," I mutter under my breath hostilely.

"What?" I bark out.

"Well good morning to you too, sunshine," I hear a sharp voice greet me.

I close my eyes and sink back down onto Edward, letting his body absorb my full weight from head to toe. "Alice, why are you calling this early?" I ask drowsily, tucking my head into the crook of Edward's neck. His hands come up and stroke my back in languid circles, his eyes still closed.

"You aren't supposed to be here for another twelve hours; I don't think we needed this earlier of a reminder to pick you and Jasper up."

Edward grunts his agreement below me, his fingers slipping under the t-shirt I slept in and rubbing against my skin. It's waking me up in more ways than one, and I can't help but lay a small kiss to his throat in response.

"Well, Bella," Alice replies in a frustrated tone, "I have something to tell you and Red that couldn't wait."

"Mmm, what is it?" I say distractedly, Edward's mouth holding my attention as he brushes kisses along my throat. His hands fall down to my thighs, gliding up the skin until he slips his fingers under my panties and squeezes my ass firmly, my hips rolling into his automatically as a breathy sigh escapes me.

"Oh hell, Bella, can you stop humping my cousin for five damn minutes so I can talk to you?" Alice barks, pulling me from my lusty haze.

"I'm not humping Edward," I retort, sitting up quickly.

"Not yet," Edward laughs below me, and I push his face to the side to keep Alice from hearing it.

"Whatever, I don't care; I hope you two are fucking like rabbits but not right now, okay?" Alice says crassly. "Right now, I need you and Edward to focus on what I have to tell you. Can you put me on speaker?"

Alice tone tells me she is serious so I do as she asks, moving off Edward and putting the phone between us on the bed so we can both hear. "Okay, go ahead."

"Good. Now, I know JW and I were supposed to be coming to Chicago to visit you guys for the weekend, but I think you two need to come here instead."

"What? Why Alice?" Edward wonders aloud. "Is there a reason you can't come out now?"

"No, nothing like that. I just found something out, and it will be easier to deal with if you guys are in New York."

I'm confused and Edward seems to be as well, so he tells Alice to explain herself.

"Look, JW told me to wait to say this until we were in person and I agreed, but whatever, you need to know. When we went out to dinner last night, we ended up at the table behind Rosalie. Now, normally that would be enough of a reason for me to leave, but JW didn't want to wait for a table anywhere else so we stayed. And I'm so fucking glad we did, because we got an earful once her companion for the night showed up."

My heart is beginning to race, the anticipation from Alice's story building with each word she speaks.

"Who was she with? Vera?" I ask.

"No, the fake flake wasn't there. But it was someone JW does know, an Emmett McCarty. Apparently they work at William Morris together."

"Yeah, he was the guy Rose was talking to about modeling."

Alice snorts at Edward's explanation. "She was doing more than just talking about modeling with that jackass, Edward. From the sounds of things, she had been fucking him. For a long while, too."

I gasp; my eyes wide as they fly up to meet Edward's. He looks confused and shocked, grabbing my hand as he tells Alice to go on.

"I don't know anything for sure, JW wouldn't let me go over and rip that bitch a new one like I wanted," Alice spits, "but it sure as hell was clear that they were talking about her pregnancy; when she was due, what she was going to do now that she wasn't marrying Edward and how the baby would affect both of them."

"What are you saying Alice?"

Alice takes a deep breath, her voice full of anger and command when she speaks. "I'm saying you guys need to come to New York right away, because I don't think that Edward is that baby's father."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Boom. **

**What do we think of things now, friends? ;)**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. See you next week!**


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter Songs:**

****Secrets by OneRepublic****

**Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects**

**Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye**

**I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cuite**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Chapter 26 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

The flight from O'Hare to JFK was tense, with both Edward and me on edge as we made our way back across the country to the city we once called home; back to confront the woman we both trusted and cared for at one point in our lives.

_Although all those feelings had been smothered by this point._

Edward's leg bounced nervously nearly the entire flight, and I had to press my hand on top of his thigh to calm him for fear one of the other passengers or flight attendants would take his agitation with our reason for flying to be something more sinister than it was.

Once Alice had told us about her suspicions, it didn't take long for Edward to make the arrangements for a flight out. He was furious, livid beyond belief that Rosalie would try to pull a stunt like this and was adamant it got resolved as fast as possible.

I couldn't have agreed more; I wanted Rosalie Hale out of our lives for good, if at all possible.

If somehow her baby did indeed belong to Edward, then we would deal with it, but if by God's grace Edward wasn't the father, then I knew without a shadow of a doubt this would be the last time Rosalie ever interfered with my life, or Edward's.

Edward and I discussed Rose's supposed infidelity on the flight, if it was even a possibility based on what we knew. Edward said he and Rose had been drifting apart a few weeks before he and I first got together, and Rose did seem less interested in sex at that time, which was unlike her but didn't bother him. And she never seemed to find it odd that Edward had no interest in sex once he and I started our affair in earnest, which should have been a clue for him but was clearly overlooked. And while I didn't enjoy talking about their sex life, it did shed some light on why Rose had been so blasé about Edward towards the end of their relationship.

After putting the clues together of the many times Emmett McCarty's name had come up in conversation between myself and Rose (especially after that last lunch we had together where she announced her pregnancy) and I told Edward about the little slips Vera had made, it seemed obvious.

We both agreed Rose had been cheating on Edward.

The real question was for how long.

Edward wasn't hurt by Rose's cheating, not when he had been guilty of doing the same thing with me, but he was angry that she was trying to pass off the baby as his when it was possible that another man had fathered her child.

Edward was going to demand Rose take a paternity test to prove he was the father, and then we could make a decision of how to proceed afterwards. He refused to be a part of a child's life that he wasn't responsible for simply because Rosalie wanted to have a part of the Cullen family fortune and societal standing.

I supported his decision completely, more than ready to put this ugliness behind us.

"Do you know what you're going to say to the hell bitch?" Alice asks as she takes a sharp turn around a corner, her dark eyes barely watching the road as she drives us into Manhattan.

My fingers are digging into Edward's hand as I hold on for dear life, worried we won't make it to Rosalie's apartment alive to confront her in the first place if Alice continues to drive like a bat out of hell.

Edward loosens my grip, lifting my fingers to his mouth and kissing them before he answers. "I have a few choices words to share yes, but mainly I just want to get to the bottom of this, and then try and get past it."

Alice snorts from the driver's seat, rolling her eyes. "If you'd have just gone for Bella three years ago, you wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."

Edward's eyes pinch, his brow crinkling at Alice's sharp words. I rub my thumb against his knuckles, letting him know I'm not upset.

Yes, life would have been easier if he and I had sorted our feelings out for each other in the beginning, but we didn't. Other people and things got in the way, and we both tried to live a life we thought was making us happy.

Edward and I had talked about things before; how he really did care for Rosalie, or at least who he thought she was at one point, how I was happy with Michael in the beginning, and how we both pushed our feelings for each other to the side when we thought the other had found happiness, only to discover later that we couldn't.

But it was the past, and we both agreed to not dwell on those things since it had led us to now, where we were in love and happy together.

That was all that mattered, after all.

"What's done is done, Alice," I defend, giving her a pointed look in the review mirror. "We know the mistakes we made and have put them behind us, so please don't drag it up anymore. Can we just focus on what's about to happen?"

"Fine," she huffs, and Jasper laughs beside her.

"You just can't stand not giving your two cents, darlin'," he drawls, winking at her when she shoots a glare in his direction. "That mouth of yours is always going."

"Oh my mouth is going to be doing something alright," Alice quips, a suggestive smirk on her lips.

"And that is all I want to hear," Edward cuts them off, his body shuddering visibly. "Some things should not be shared between family, cousin."

Alice chuffs, shaking her head. "Whatever you say, Red. It's not like you and Bella aren't doing the same."

I feel a hint of blush rising to my cheeks, cutting my eyes over to find Edward with a smug smirk on his mouth. I bump my shoulder with his, and he gives me a wink to ease my embarrassment.

"Well regardless, we have other things we should talk about. Jasper, Bella says you know this Emmett guy?" Edward asks.

"Yeah, I work with him," Jasper replies with a nod.

"What can you tell me about him? Do you know him very well?"

Jasper sighs, running a hand through his hair before he speaks. "Honestly, Edward, I don't like the guy. He's pretty self-involved, always trying to do the least amount he can and still get the farthest. He isn't shy about boasting his accomplishments, and isn't one to help out or work late when the time calls, unless he is going to get something out of it. He's pretty popular with women from what I've seen too, the few times I've gone out with them. And he isn't shy over boasting about his conquests, usually."

"Sounds perfect for Rose," Alice grumbles.

Edward ignores her. "Do you think he would be willing to let Rose pass off his kid as someone else's?"

The question hangs in the air as we all realize that might be exactly what has happened. I can't help but wonder what kind of man would allow that, but from what Jasper is saying, Emmett McCarty isn't much of a man at all.

"I don't know, my friend. I guess that's what you need to find out," Jasper says solemnly, to which Edward nods in silent agreement.

Alice pulls up outside a familiar building, and throws the car in park. "Alright, its go time. Have you figured out a plan yet, Red? Because she isn't going to just roll over and admit her slut ways, you know."

"I have a plan, yes," Edward answers as he opens the door. "Thanks for the ride, Ali. I'll come to your place when things are settled here."

I slide out of my seat, and step out of the car as well. Edward looks at me questioningly and I raise an eyebrow in challenge at him. "You didn't think I was letting you confront her alone, did you? This affects both of us, _our_ lives, Edward. "

We hadn't talked about me being there, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him do this alone. I'm going to support him in any way I can because I love him, and we're in this together.

Edward smiles, the frown of worry on his brow lifting slightly as he looks at me. "Of course, Bella."

"Give her hell, Blue-Bell!" Alice shouts as I close the door and step around to Edward's side. We turn and move to enter the building, hands clasped between us. The ride up the elevator is short, but not awkward though one might think it should be, considering I've never gone into this apartment while holding Edward's hand.

Edward and Rose had only lived here together for about a year, but that seems like ages ago now. Edward lifts his free hand to knock once we reach the door, and I squeeze his hand in mine twice to reassure him that I'm here.

He leans over, brushing his lips quickly against my cheek, murmuring a soft "Love you," before he straightens back up, the sound of heels clicking on the hardwood floors behind the door loudly.

"You're early…." Rosalie greets as she opens the door, trailing off as she realizes who is standing in front of her.

The smile on her overly red lips falls, a scowl taking its place as her hazel eyes narrow. I take a moment to look over my one time best friend, noting how she's changed in the months since I've last seen her.

Rosalie is about six months along, and her light pink wrap dress displays her now prominent baby bump perfectly. Her blonde locks are twisted up away from her face, flawless make-up in place as she purses her lips at us in annoyance.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asks bitingly.

"Lovely to see you as well, Rosalie," Edward replies, stepping ever so slightly in front of me. "I need to speak with you about the baby."

Rose doesn't budge, her body blocking the doorway as she places one hand on her hip, the other going to cover her bump. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Edward but I have plans today. I don't have time to deal with you and your inane questions. You should have called before showing up," she retorts. "And you really shouldn't have brought her with you."

Her eyes find mine, sharp and hot. I almost flinch, but remind myself that I don't have to fear her, she has nothing I want anymore and I am not the same girl who she used to push around.

With that in mind, I step around Edward, squaring up to face her. "You don't really have a choice, Rosalie. I suggest you let us in, because we aren't going anywhere until this gets sorted and I doubt you want your neighbors to hear all this."

Rose's eyes widen in surprise, unused to hearing me stand up for myself I'm sure. _Well, bitch better get used to it. I'm not letting her intimidate me ever again._

Her eyes shift between the both of us, finally conceding after a few tense moments in which neither Edward nor I back down. She steps back, waving us in with a sweep of her arm. "Fine, but this can't take long. I've got people coming over for a baby shower," she says as she walks into the living room, which is decorated with balloons and flower sprays of soft yellow and purples.

"My _friends_ are trying to help me prepare for the baby, unlike some people…" she tosses over her shoulder.

I stumble a little, the intended effect, but regain my footing when Edward's hand finds the small of my back, his fingers flexing against me in reassurance. Raising my chin, I step into the living room and take a seat on the couch across from Rose, Edward moving to sit beside me.

Rose perches on the edge of the cream colored love seat, her hazel eyes carefully watching us together. I can tell she wants to comment but for some reason she holds her tongue, instead asking Edward to explain his sudden appearance on her doorstop.

"I have reason to believe the baby you're carrying isn't mine," Edward says calmly, diving right in. "And I want a paternity test to prove it."

Rose inhales sharply, her eyes wide as she looks at us in shock. "What? Where did you get an idea like that?"

"Alice overheard you talking last night at Tableu."

Rose's eyes narrow for a split second, her lip curling slightly before she flattens her features back into a mask of calm. "Well, she must have been mistaken. This baby is yours, Eddie."

"I'm not asking you, Rosalie. I'm telling you, you _will_ have a paternity test. And if it turns out this baby isn't mine, you will give back every cent I've given you to cover pregnancy costs, you will move out of this apartment that my family owns, and you will stay the hell out of mine and Bella's life forever."

"Like hell I'm going to let you disappear from your child's life!"

"It's not even my fucking baby!" Edward shouts, making me jump beside him. "Just admit it, Rosalie!"

"There is nothing to admit, Edward. Maybe this is just your guilty conscience projecting your actions onto me," she bites out before her hazel eyes turn to me, wet with tears.

"Did you think I didn't know? That I wouldn't figure it out? You were supposed to be my friend, Bella. My _best_ friend and you cheated with my fiancé? How could you?"

I'm momentarily taken aback by her words, the sting of guilt and despair I felt over the entire affair coming up the surface. But then I remember that Rose hasn't been a friend to me, not in a long time. Though it doesn't excuse my actions and hurting her, it does make it easier to live with, knowing she has done worse to me over the years.

"It wasn't about you, Rosalie," I explain calmly. "Edward and I were tired of fighting an attraction we'd felt for years. I'm sorry you got caught in between that, but you knew how I felt about him. You knew from the beginning and you went after him anyway."

"You were with someone else, Bella! I didn't think you cared, I even asked you about it afterwards," Rose says defensively, her tears already drying up.

"Like it would have mattered?" I exclaim. "You were already wrapping him around your finger, pushing me to be with Michael and let Edward go, telling me he wouldn't make me happy, and making me feel like I could never be enough for Edward because I wasn't like you!"

"Jesus, this again?" Rose huffs, all pretenses of being hurt gone, replaced by exasperation. "It's always comes back to this with you. I'm sorry if you felt inferior growing up with me, Bella, but it's not my fault boys liked me more than you."

"I had boys who liked me, Rosalie but you chased them all off!" I shout, standing to my feet and moving closer toward her. She rises, standing to meet me as we stare hotly at each other.

"Jasper told me about what happened in high school, Rose. He told me you told him I wasn't interested and then you tried to get him to take you out, but when he refused you started telling people he was dope addict. And then there was Jake in college!"

Rose laughs and shakes her head. "What about Jake?"

"He lives in Chicago now, did you know? And he told me about how you tried to seduce him, how he turned you down. Then you started telling me he was using me to get to you, that he was going to cheat because he couldn't commit, that I should take a break from him… it was your fault!"

"Oh please, I didn't force him to fuck the coffee shop girl anymore than I forced Edward into a relationship. It's not my fault you can't keep anyone satisfied."

"Well it looks like I'm keeping Edward plenty satisfied now, doesn't it?" I say victoriously, my anger getting the better of me. "He's been in my bed for months now, Rosalie. _Months_. He left you for me and hasn't looked back once."

That seems to knock her ego down, but the sparks of her fury flare up to an all time high as she glares at me. If looks could kill, I would be dead.

But then again, my stare isn't any kinder, a bit more pompous even as I face off with her. Rose's nostrils flare and her cheeks redden in anger, but I continue to stand my ground.

_I'm not giving in to this bitch anymore._

I feel Edward's hand wrap around my wrist, pulling me back slightly, and I let him before I do something I will regret, like hit a pregnant woman (even if she deserves it).

"Whatever," Rose says dismissively, moving to go back towards the door. "I'm not doing this when I have people coming in a few minutes. You two need to leave," she announces, attempting to get rid of us.

"No, I'm not going anywhere until you admit you cheated, Rosalie. This baby may not even be mine and if you think I'm going to pay for it, you've got another thing coming."

"I didn't cheat, Edward."

I laugh sardonically. "Like hell you didn't. Alice heard you talking to Emmett McCarty last night, Rose. And that, coupled with all the times you and Vera have mentioned him, only solidifies it. Just admit to it already. Save yourself some fucking embarrassment, because the truth will come out eventually."

"Fine, you know what?" she hastily replies, her eyes enraged as she glares at us from across the room. "Yes, I've been fucking him. He and I have been seeing each other since March!"

I inhale sharply because though I was goading her, I hadn't truly expected her to admit to cheating so quickly. I look at Edward, searching his eyes to see his reaction.

I know he won't be upset about her cheating on him, but the possibility that the baby really isn't his is still going to hurt him. He may not have wanted a child with Rose, but I know his heart. I know how he was already becoming attached to the idea of being a father, even just a little.

I can see the small crease in between his eyes, the wrinkle of disappointment as his mouth curls downward slightly for a moment. I clasp his hands in mine as the heavy silence falls around us, rubbing my thumbs across his knuckles in silent support as we absorb this information.

Edward's eyes meet mine and I ask without speaking if he is okay. He gives me a tentative nod, exhaling lowly between us as we continue to watch each other.

After another few tense moments, Rosalie huffs behind us, pulling us from our silent conversation.

Edward straightens his shoulders, facing Rose head on again. "You set up an appointment to have a paternity test done next week. You can have a SNP Microarray paternity test done. They're safe for the baby and still 99.9% accurate; I'm not waiting three months to find out if this baby is mine."

Rose snorts, her hands coming to rest on her stomach. "You don't have to wait that long, Edward, I can tell you right now. This isn't your baby."

"What? But you... how can you even be sure? We had been, and…the ultrasound date showed…" Edward trails off in confusion.

"God, Edward. You and I both know we basically had sex on a schedule to begin with. We hadn't actually fucked in weeks when I got knocked up anyway; you just didn't notice because you were worried about Esme. And it was easy enough to pay the technician to lie about the conception date," she waves off her guilt like it means nothing.

I'm shocked; horrified even at the lengths Rose has gone to conceal the true paternity of her child. Edward seems to be as well, his mouth opening and closing without words coming out. Finally he manages to speak.

"What? Jesus Christ, Rosalie! Why would you do all this? Why have you been lying—to everyone one?"

She rolls her eyes. "Oh come on, Edward. You've got money, family connections, and at the time, we were planning on getting married. Why wouldn't I say it was yours?"

"Maybe because it isn't mine!" Edward shouts, his hands flying out from his sides in agitation. "What about the baby's real father? Doesn't he care you wanted to pass his kid off as mine?"

I can't believe the words coming out of her mouth, the disdainful way she is looking at Edward, as though he is somehow ridiculous for not getting it.

"Maybe because it isn't mine!" Edward shouts, his hands flying out from his sides in agitation. "What about the baby's real father? Doesn't he care you wanted to pass his kid off as mine?"

Rosalie laughs hollowly, as though we are stupid for not getting it, and it shocks me yet again.

This is not the girl I grew up with, this shallow, money hungry and material obsessed person in front of me.

Deep inside my heart, the part that held out hope, that protected the little girl left by her father, worried for the orphaned teen who lost her mother to cancer, and the best friend who shared secrets and dreams with Rose clenches painfully, shattering and breaking at what has become of that once fragile girl.

This ugly woman before me has no light of the Rose I knew, only a shadow of what was once a beautiful friend. Any small part of me that had been hoping for a chance to reconcile with her has been crushed and blown away by her hateful words and attitude.

My mouth falls open as I stare incredulously at Rose, her explanation continuing. "Emmett doesn't want anything to do with the baby. He was fine with me saying it was yours, he doesn't care about it. I knew you would care, though. That's why I said it was yours, Eddie. Because I knew you'd be a good father."

Her voice and features soften, attempting once more to reel Edward in, but he isn't falling for it, the rigid set of his shoulders and tight planes of his face giving his emotions away easily.

"You're fucking crazy," Edward states firmly, biting with his thinly held anger. "I can't believe you would do all this, just for some goddamn money! Well fuck you Rosalie, you won't be getting one more cent from me. Let's go, Bella."

Edward strides forward, my hand clutched in his as he begins to make his way out the apartment, tugging me behind. I stop short, inches away from Rosalie. I still have something to say and I'm not leaving until I do.

Edward looks at me, a question in his angry eyes but I hold up a finger to ask for a minute. After studying me for a few seconds, Edward nods and leaves me to say my peace, having seen how much I need this.

"Rosalie," I say in a composed tone as I move back around to face her.

"What? Why don't you just ride off into the sunset with your prince charming, Bella? I don't want you here."

Shaking my head, I say the words I need to get my closure. "I don't know who this woman is you've become, Rosalie but I feel sorry for her. For you, that you've turned into such a deceitful and manipulative person. Using someone for their connections and money… that isn't who I use to make friendship bracelets with in fifth grade."

"Yeah, well you had it all back then, I guess, huh Bella? You and your perfect life, with two loving parents and total acceptance. You never had to earn your love from anyone, never had to wonder if you meant something to someone for more than just your looks," Rose responds, her hazel eyes piercing me when they connect with mine.

"I loved you, _I_ valued you Rosie. You were my best friend, and you still tried to hold me down. For years, you kept pushing me down."

Rose doesn't say anything, turning her head to the side and refusing to look at me like a child. I wait, hoping she'll face me again but when she doesn't, a heavy and defeated sigh escapes my lips.

"I don't know what could have pushed you to this point, but I don't hate you for all that you've done to me."

That gets her attention, her eyes snapping back to search for the meaning behind my words, seeing if I'm telling the truth. And honestly, I am. While I'm angry with her, for the way she's hurt me in the past and how she's used Edward and kept us from having the life we deserve together, more than hate, I just feel sorry for her.

So I tell her.

"I don't hate you, not really. I'm angry with the way you've abused me, my friendship and love for you over the years, and how you've used Edward and his family. But hate… no, if anything I feel sorry for you… I pity you. You've pushed everyone who truly cared for you away now, Rosalie. If you think I'll ever come back, that I'll ever be friends with you again, you're wrong. That bridge has been burned.

And I know I'm not the only one. The way you treat Vera, how you abuse her and demeanor her, calling her a flake and worthless behind her back, it will come out. And she'll leave you behind. All these rich girls with their pretty diamonds and fast cars will leave you behind when you can't afford the same lifestyle as them. And then you'll be all alone."

Rose scoffs, averting her eyes again. I take a breath and say the final words I need to before I leave all this behind, for good.

"No amount of money and social standing will give you love, Rosalie. I tried to love you, for years I tried to be your friend and loved you like a sister. But you've thrown it all away. I hope you'll know what real happiness is one day, but if you keep going down this path, it will never happen.

Even your own child will resent you, and leave if you aren't careful. And that is why I feel sorry for you."

With those words hanging in the air, I walk past Rose, my eyes finding those of Vera as she stands in the entry hall, her hands full of shower gifts. I touch her shoulder lightly as I go past, hoping she heard enough to know how Rose really feels about her, how despicable she has become. By the hurt look I see in Vera's eyes as she stares at Rosalie, I assume she has.

I make my way out into the hall, finding Edward who wraps his arms around me once the door closes behind me. His lips are in my hair instantly, my nose buried in his chest as he holds me tight. I inhale deeply; pulling his scent into my lungs and clutching his waist as we let the events of the last few days pass over us.

Edward mouth moves over my forehead, temple and cheeks, kissing me softly and sweetly until he reaches my lips. He places a lingering kiss there, sweet and steady before pulling back to look into my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks as his hands cup my face, knowing instinctively I'm likely to be upset.

I nod. "Yeah, I'm just..." I sigh, closing my eyes and trying to find the right words. "I'm just glad it's finished."

"It is sweetheart," Edward murmurs. "It's over. She's out of our lives, for good."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for ever bringing her into your life," I say, suddenly feeling the need to make amends.

Without me, Edward never would have had to deal with Rosalie Hale.

Edward tsks, clucking his tongue as he holds my face between his palms. "Bella, baby, it's not your fault. We both let her fool us, for too long. But once we leave this building, we never have to deal with her again, if we don't want to. We can walk away, go home and never look back."

I nod, clutching his shirt in my hands to steady myself.

As much as I know leaving Rosalie's toxic friendship behind is right, it still isn't easy to do. Having to end a relationship you've shared with someone for most of your life hurts, no matter how needed to survive.

But I know as long as I have Edward, can feel his arms wrapped around me like they are now, I can survive. With that thought, I sigh against his chest, tilting my head up slightly to press a kiss underneath his chin, the stubble tickling my lips. Edward presses a reverent kiss to my forehead and nuzzles my neck in reply.

We stand together for few more moments in the hall before Edward steps back, his hands sliding down from my neck to my shoulders and wrists. "Let's go home."

"Yeah, okay."

Edward leans in again, finding my lips once more for another kiss. Afterwards, he offers me a small smile, soft and warm, promises of love and devotion in his eyes. I smile back, letting the heaviness of the past slip from my shoulders, and showing him all those same emotions and feelings in my own loving gaze.

Hand in hand, we leave.

Closing this chapter in our lives and moving toward a shared future, where we have each other, to have and to hold forever.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there we have it, friends. This is the final chapter of To Have and To Hold, I hope you have enjoyed it.**

**Thank you, each and everyone one who has reviewed. Though I haven't been able to reply to everyone over the course of the story, I love you all for sharing your thoughts, frustrations, tears and joy for our couple. It's meant the world to me, and truly helped me to finish this story as I intended.**

**Thank you to all the wonderful people who have encouraged me when writing, offering support and love. Thank you for all the wonderful nominations over at TLS, for voting, for caring, thank you for even just taking a chance on reading this! It can't be said enough, but I'll say it once more—thank you.**

**Though the end may seem a bit abrupt, fear not for there will be an epilogue to follow, as well as a few outtakes/sidetakes. I'll do my best to have the epi out within a week.**

**Until then, happy reading loves. **


	28. Epilogue

**Sorry for the delay, I have been super sick this past week. But here we are now, I hope you'll enjoy. **

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Epilogue -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

_~Three years later~_

My phone beeps beside me as I pull into the driveway, and I dig it out of my bag once I'm parked. A huge smile takes over my face and my heart begins a double time rhythm as I read his sweet message.

**I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I've even loved you before I saw you. ~E**

I smile widely, still giddy whenever Edward sends me little messages like this, reminding me of when our love was brand new and we used to play this game. I decided to indulge the nostalgia, as it will play in well to what I have planned for our night.

**Never doubt that I love you more than the world. More than myself. ~B**

I slip my phone back into my purse and then go to open the back door of my car to unload my groceries. My eyes catch on the mailbox, and I sigh inwardly.

Edward is suppose to collect the mail each afternoon, but he often forgets. And since I've failed to see any mail in the past three days, I'm sure he has done it again. I love the man, but even he has imperfections.

_Shocking, I know._

I juggle the paper bag on my hip as I retrieve the mail, and just as I suspected, there is quite a bit shoved in there. The postman has even left a note asking us to clear it out on the outside (which isn't the first time this has happened).

I'm definitely going to need to talk to Edward about this.

But not tonight; tonight is a special occasion and I don't want anything to ruin it. Even the smallest domestic disagreement.

Edward and I don't have too many of those to begin with, thankfully. Our lives aren't picture perfect, we do have our issues like any couple. But we have more happy days than sad, more love than anger, and more hope than fear for our futures.

Knowing Edward's arms are the place I feel most at home, his love the warmest embrace I can still ever imagine, makes all the other things that can irate me about him fade away.

After I've made my way inside the house and put away the groceries, I turn back to the stack of mail and attempt to quickly sort through things. I'm not surprised when I find a few bills, a lot of junk flyers and coupons, but I do smile when I spy a postcard tucked into the pile.

A beautiful bridge and river sit in front of a rustic looking building with the caption "Sevilla" blazed in block letter across the front and when I flip it over, Esme's soft script greets me.

I smile, reading over her message of love and warm wishes from Spain for both Edward and I.

Edward and his parents took a long road to get where they are today, fences needing to be mended on both sides. After Edward's engagement was called off, and the truth about the baby revealed, Esme and Carlisle tried to fall back into the same relationship they'd always had with their son, but Edward wasn't willing.

He made it clear that he would rather not have any interactions with them than to continue the cold, distant and indifferent relationship they'd had. Esme was quick to agree, and though Carlisle seemed to be stuck in his societal ways, he did eventually realize a change was needed if he wanted to keep his family together.

Though Carlisle has never been particularly warm and loving towards me, I can say that by the time Edward and I married, the smiles he wore when we danced at the reception were genuine, for not only Edward's happiness but for me too.

Esme and Carlisle have been considering purchasing a home here in Chicago when they return from their extended second honeymoon abroad so they might be closer to us, but things are still up in the air. I have a fairly strong feeling that would all be resolved very soon, however, when the news I planned to share comes out.

Shaking those thoughts off, I put the postcard aside and thumb through the rest of the mail, coming to a stop when I spy an envelope with familiar handwriting across the front.

My breath catches, one hand rising to my mouth in surprise as I stare at my name written in a script I would know anywhere, no matter the years since I'd last seen it.

_You don't pass notes and share secrets with someone for over a decade and forget what their signature looks like._

I'm surprised to see this, however, because I haven't spoken to Rosalie Hale in three years; the last time being when Edward and I confirmed his non-paternity of her child.

I have no idea why she has sent me a letter, what she could possibly want. It was pretty clear to both of us we had nothing left to say after that day in the apartment back in New York, and nothing had changed since then.

Sure, I think of her on occasion, how could I not? She'd been a part of my life for so many years, it would be odd not to have a fleeting thought of her once and a while, but that's all they were, fleeting thoughts.

All the drama and heartache from that time in my life is well behind me, so why is she trying to bring it back now?

Sighing, I set the envelope aside and start to prepare dinner instead, needing the time to wrap my mind around things before I even try to figure out what Rosalie is up to.

Of course, my curiosity burned hot and bright as I boiled potatoes and then started on the chicken. By the time I was finished seasoning, and placed it in the oven to cook, I couldn't put off my interest any longer; I had to know what the letter said.

After quickly washing and drying my hands, I set the oven timer and scooped up Rosalie's letter, taking it with me into the living room and sitting on my favorite chair.

I finger the envelope's edges, memories of so many years flashing across my mind, both the good and the bad. I wonder if Rose is in trouble, if she is asking for help. I don't keep up with her after all this time but I did occasionally hear from Alice and Jasper, who still lived in Manhattan, about what she was up to, especially after everything first blew up.

To say Rose had been shut out of Upper East Side's good society graces was an understatement. Apparently, Vera may have been a flake but she had a lot of power within those circles and she had not taken kindly to Rose's insults.

Alice had been sure to notify Edward and me when Rose lost her job later that next year, something about her taking someone on business trips or some such thing. I had felt bad for her, knowing she was a new mother and still struggling to pay Edward back for all the money he'd spent for doctor's appointments and baby preparations, but in the end I knew that it was karma coming back around.

You couldn't treat people as horribly as Rosalie had and expect to always come out on top.

But I didn't wish her ill will, not after everything had happened and definitely not now. I wasn't that kind of person, and I never had been. Yet I wasn't the same Bella she had known years ago, easily pushed around and made to bend to her will.

If she was hoping I'd reverted back to that girl, and she could get something from me now, she was going to be in for a rude awakening.

I took a deep breath, knowing the only way to find out was by opening the damn letter and reading it already.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm not sure how to go about this exactly, or if you'll even bother to read this, but I thought it was time. I hope you'll hear me out, but I understand if you don't._

_First, I'm sure you're wondering how I knew to reach you. Well, I got your information from your mother, but please don't be upset with her because she wasn't easy to convince to share it, but once I explained why I wanted it, she came around. I think she could tell how important this meant to me and maybe she felt like you could use it too?_

_I should just get to the point, I suppose. I wanted to write you and tell you how sorry I am for that happened between us. I take the fault on so many things that caused our friendship to fail, and I know had my actions been different back then, had I not treated you so horribly and used you as I did, we might still be as close as we once were._

_I'm sorry, Bella, for all the ways I hurt you. I'm sorry I ever thought you deserved less than the best, and that I tried to hold you back so that I could outshine you. I wish I could say there was some big reason for it all besides pettiness and envy, but there honestly isn't. I envied all that you had, so effortlessly and carelessly where I always felt I had to earn what I got. I ended up taking much more than I ever could need or give, and just like you predicted, it all fell apart._

_I won't go into all of that, but I will say things are turning around for me now, and I know it's because of my daughter. Brooke is the light of my life, the purest joy I've ever know and I knew as soon as I held her in my arms, I had to make a change from the selfish woman I was to someone she could be proud of. I think I'm doing that now. Her father isn't in the picture, so I know I have to do twice as much loving and giving to keep things fair for her. I'm trying my best, but I know I could be better still. Sometimes, I think of what you would do and say, and know that is the right way since you never lead me wrong._

_I'm not going to ask for a response, since we both know my behaviors from the past don't warrant one, but if you did feel like sending me something back, I would welcome it. Renee told me you and Edward had gotten married and that you are still enjoying life in Chicago. I'm so happy for you and him, Bellsie. I know the love between you is real and genuine, much more than I've ever seen between two people before. Cherish it, always._

_Please know that I will always look back on our time as best friends with love and admiration, as one of the best parts of my life. And there will always be regret for the way it ended._

_Best,_

_Rosalie_

Her words are still running through my mind as I shower and change for the evening, turning them over and over to see what hidden meaning or ulterior motive she might have. But I don't see any; all I see is Rosalie's heartfelt apology and remorse, the beginnings of changes in her.

I hope she really has changed, that she really is trying to be a better person, if for no one else than her daughter.

Of course, writing an apology letter doesn't change the fact that she wronged me, deeply hurt and betrayed me, for many years. And though I appreciate the gesture, I won't be returning the favor.

That part of my life is long over, and I don't want to revisit it again. I've put away those childish things and dreams, looking towards a bright and happy future with the man I love, the family we are creating together instead.

Just as I'm thinking this, I hear his heavy feet down the hall, his warm voice reaching out to me as he comes in.

"Baby, I'm home!"

"Kitchen!"

Edward appears in the doorway a few moments later, his green tie loose around his neck, the sleeves of his shirt already rolled to the elbow and his dress slacks wrinkled from the long day at work. His hair is messy as usual, and the smile that crinkles his eyes wide as he comes towards me, a kiss on his lips waiting for mine.

We greet each other softly for a moment, arms wrapped and lips pressed before he pulls back and looks at me with a curious gaze.

"Well you seem awfully fancy for a Tuesday night dinner," Edward says in a low timber, his fingers gently pulling at the bird charm on my necklace where it rests on my collarbone. It's still one of my favorite pieces, having always brought me luck since the day he gave it to me.

"What? A wife can't dress up for her husband?" I tease, stroking his jaw lightly, the fine dusting of his five o'clock shadow catching my nails.

Edward grins. "She can, she just doesn't most days. Especially if she's been on-call."

I shrug. "I didn't get called in, so I'm not that run-down."

"Good," he says, pressing a kiss to my nose and stepping back. "You needed the rest. You've been exhausted lately."

I turn to the stove top to hide my smirk, stirring the chicken glaze for something to do. "I guess so. Anyway, do you want to change or anything? There still some time before dinner."

"Yeah, a little freshening up would be nice. I'll be back down in ten, okay?"

"Sure, babe. I'll have everything on the table by then."

Edward slides up behind me, squeezing my hips and kissing my neck. "Love you." He disappears before I can respond directly, so I shout the words up the stairs, "Love you!"

Just as he promised, Edward makes it down to the table quickly and we start our meal. I've made some of Edward's favorites; herb-baked chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and a small salad (though that's more for me than him), so he is quick to dig in. We eat together, catching up on our day and sharing stories of funny patients or things we've heard from co-workers.

It's all done with a sense of ease and comfort, something we've done almost every night since we've lived together and yet it never gets old. I think it's just another reason why we work so well, fit so perfectly; even the mundane is enjoyable for us, as long as we are doing it together.

"Have you talked to Alice lately?" Edward asks as we are doing the dishes later.

"Not today, why? Something come up?"

Edward shakes his head, passing a plate over for me to dry. "No, not that I know of. I was just curious if she and Jasper nailed down a location yet."

"They need to, the wedding is in four months," I say in slight exasperation.

"Well you know those two," Edward chuckles. "They can't agree on anything except that they love each other."

I laugh, but I agree completely. Alice and Jasper are still as cohesive as oil and water, but they do come together wonderfully on occasion. You would think their wedding would be one of those events, but apparently Jasper's desire to have the wedding back in Texas clashes with Alice's demands to have it in the City, where she won't have to deal with his 'redneck' family as much (her words, of course).

"Glad we didn't have that problem," Edward says beside me, bumping my hip gently as he smiles at me.

"Yeah, our venue was perfect," I say with a smile. We had a beautiful but simple wedding, just close friends and family the year after we moved to Chicago. We had considered marrying here at first, since it was were our lives as a couple truly began, but something about the boardwalk and ocean air, the special memories we shared in Atlantic City just seemed more fitting, so that's where we did it. On a sunny, warm May afternoon, we said I do on the boardwalk, and I'd never been happier in my life.

"Not as perfect as you coming down the aisle to me," Edward counters lovingly, and I can't resist leaning into him, my hands on his neck and my lips meeting his in a sweet and reverent kiss.

_What this man can do to me, with even the simplest of words. _

The warm smile and love I see in Edward's eyes fills me up, and I know I can't keep holding my secret in for much longer.

"Let's watch a movie tonight?" I ask, setting my plan in motion.

"Sure, go pick one out. I'll be right there," Edward says, finishing up with the final pieces of silverware.

I peck his cheek and turn to leave, his hand smacking my ass as I go. I yelp, scowling over my shoulder but he just laughs and smiles as though he is innocent. I do my best to keep my own grin from surfacing until I've reached the living room.

I quickly set everything up, already knowing what movie I want, and gather a blanket to snuggle under before grabbing the remote and sitting on the couch.

My nerves are high, the anticipation seeming to rise off of me like steam in a sauna. I have to tamp it back down, or else Edward will know something is up as soon as he walks in.

I get myself under control just in time, Edward sauntering in moments later and sliding onto the couch, his arms pulling me into his embrace immediately.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

I face the TV, hitting play quickly so that the credits begin. I have to restrain myself from biting my lip or tapping my foot, all my nervous tells easily readable to Edward.

"Oh, a classic huh?" Edward murmurs. "Been awhile since we've watched one of these."

"Mmm," I reply but not really saying anything. I am hoping he will put things together for himself, find the significance on his own.

The movie begins, a black and white screen illuminating onto the interior of a museum, a dashing man carefully arranging the large pieces of a dinosaur's skeleton in place, minus one bone.

We watch for a few minutes in silence, enjoying the story when Edward chuckles and squeezes my side.

"Does this have anything to do with Alice and Jasper? Is that why you chose this one?"

I chuckle too. "No, but I can see that, sorta."

We go back to the movie, watching Katherine Hepburn charging around the lavish house chasing after a leopard with Carey Grant wandering dazedly behind her.

"So is there an importance to this film choice then?" Edward asks skeptically about half way through. His question doesn't surprise me, as I've been anticipating it.

This is a game we have played often, similar to our quoting text game. We use a movie to tell each other something; maybe how we are feeling about a situation at work or where we'd like to go on vacation, or even as silly as what kind of food we should try out over the weekend.

I knew it would be the perfect way to revel my news.

"Yes, there is an importance," I tell him, turning in his arms so I can face him head on. I want to see his eyes, see the moment it hits him so I can commit it to memory forever.

"Well you're going to have to give me this one, baby," Edward says, a soft smile on his lips as his hands find my waist. "I have no idea."

I smile, my hands sliding along his chest up to his neck, resting loosely on his shoulders. With a deep breath, and a wildly pumping heart, I tell him.

"I thought it was fitting. Since we're going to be doing it soon, too."

He gives me a curious look, his thumbs stroking my ribs as his eyes flick to the screen behind me. When they dart back to me, wide and green, hope and excitement filling them, I know he's figured it out.

"Really?" Edward whispers, awe filling his voice.

With a wobbly smile and nod, I reply, "Really. We're going to be bringing up our own baby."

"Oh Bella," he breathes seconds before his lips crash onto mine.

Our lips and tongues tangle, seeking and finding their companion against each other. His hands are in my hair, holding me close as I push myself closer to him as well, our passionate embrace tingling in every fiber of my being.

"A baby," Edward murmurs, his forehead on mine after our kiss. One of his large hands slides down to my stomach, lightly pressing on the still invisible bundle within. "Our baby."

"Our baby," I softly say back. "A little you and me."

Edward smiles, happiness and joy pouring out of him in every place possible as he holds me close once more. "Thank you."

"I love you, Edward. Always."

"Forever, Bella. I'll love you forever."

**~The End~**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow… it so surreal to put those two words there, knowing this journey is over. (And to have done it within a year- as promised- even if it is cutting it close.)**

**It's been a wonderful experience for me, and I'm so happy to have had so many of you along for the ride. **

**Thank you, each and every one of you. I'm truly blessed to have you as a reader, a reviewer, a lurker, a friend, a sounding board and a fan.**

**As previously mentioned, there will be a handful of outtakes to be added, so for those of you who wanted to see Daddyward that just might happen. And also, a little sneak into Rosalie and Emmett's relationship. So stick around for those.**

**I know some are curious about future projects from me, and yes there will be more writing to come. First, I will be heading back to the early 1960s and The Champagne Club, then I have a little ficlet planned for the Fandom for No Kids Hungry compilation, but things will be getting very Presidential after that. ;)**

**Until then, I wish you the best and happy reading.**


	29. Outtake 1

**Hello friends! I hope this little update finds you well. We are jumping back into the story with this scene. This is roughly around chapters 11 and 12 (B&E have been together only 1 time thus far).**

**I wanted to add this in because I loved the Alice and Bella interactions, but the ending just didn't flow with where I needed the story to go, so I decided to scrap the whole scene. But now you can read it here as an outtake!**

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)- Outtake 1 -(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

Once I finished chatting with my mother, I quickly jumped in the shower and dressed in my favorite jeans and a purple blouse before heading up town to meet the girls for brunch with Rose, Vera and Alice. We were going to be discussing wedding details and I couldn't wait.

_Note sarcasm here_.

It didn't take long to arrive at Park Room, a bistro located just near Central Park, and after paying the taxi, I make my way inside to find the girls already waiting at the table.

"Sorry I'm late," I slide into my chair next to Alice. "I lost track of time talking to my mom."

"How is Renee doing?" Rose asks, setting her drink back on the table.

"She's good. Staying busy with a pottery class."

Rose nods and gives me a smile. I return the gesture and then look over the menu briefly since the waitress has arrived. We place our orders and once she leaves, Rose jumps right into wedding planning talk.

_God, give me the strength to endure this_.

It's not as though I don't want to help Rosalie, I really do. It's merely become increasingly difficult to help someone plan their upcoming marriage to a man I've finally realized is who I want for myself.

But I've missed my opportunity to be with Edward. I know this, and although we shared a wonderful night together, I can't keep clinging to it. I have to let my feelings for him go and try to move on.

Which is why I keep saying yes when Jasper asks me to go out with him or join him for coffee. I feel guilty, knowing my feelings for him aren't what they should be. But I'm sure if I keep trying to make myself feel more for him, it will happen…eventually.

I mean, I did have sincere feelings for him in high school. I once believed he was the perfect man, and he very well could be. _If only it weren't for Edward Cullen._

"What do you think Bellsie?" I hear Rose ask and it pulls me from my thoughts and back to the table, where the girls have questioning looks directed at me.

"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "I zoned out for a minute, what are we talking about?"

"Do you think a string quartet is good enough for the reception music or should Rosie go for the full ensemble? I think a full band would be better, personally. Maybe you could get the New York Philharmonic," Vera excitedly exclaims to Rose.

I glance at Alice and try to hold in my laugh as she rolls her eyes. "Yes, because the Philharmonic Orchestra can be bought for hire," she dryly responds.

"What? It's possible," Vera retorts indignantly. "My Auntie Margaret had them for her daughter Stacey's wedding."

"Isn't your Uncle Alan the conductor for them though?" Rosalie asks. Vera nods but doesn't seem to understand why the rest of us are looking at her expectantly.

"Never mind, Vee. I don't think Eddie would like a full band anyway," Rose says with a pat to Vera's hand.

"Fucking dense as a brick house," Alice mutters under her breath, yet still loud enough for me to catch. I chuckle quietly but stop myself when Rose asks another question.

"Bellsie, did you ever make it over to Nona's to try on your bridesmaid dress?"

Shaking my head, I reply in the negative. "I haven't had a chance to yet." Rose sighs as though my inability to go try on a dress is a personal affront. "I'm sorry; it's been busy at work. You know people get stupid during the summer months."

Alice snorts, knowing full well what I mean. One of her ex-boyfriends dived off a cliff into Lake Placid three summers ago when he was 'searching for the man-eating croc'. Needless to say, the idiot did _not_ find a giant crocodile, but ended up shattering his femur and displacing his left hip.

All while completely sober, of course.

Alice and I share a knowing look and grin, both having thought back to her summer romance with Tyler Crowley. Not her best choice in boyfriends, but she has always had a carefree attitude when it comes to men.

"If he's hung and fun, I'm done," she whispers to me and I laugh, her motto for how she chooses men is hilarious as well as being a bit disgusting. But it's her life, so I don't hold it against her.

"I really need you to get over there and get fitted for your dress, Bella," Rose's exasperated tone pulls me from my giggle fit with Alice and back to her.

"I know, I know. As soon as I get a chance I'll go," I promise.

"They are so cute Bella! Rose picked the best dresses for us," Vera chimes in and I placate her with a smile as she gushes, but go about eating my club sandwich in silence.

We continue to discuss a few wedding details, Alice attempting to do her level best to keep from rolling her eyes so hard they fall out of her head whenever Vera speaks, which is a lot.

Once we've finished discussing jewelry options, and if Rose should release doves or not after the 'I dos', our conversation moves away from the wedding arrangements and on to our personal lives.

Or at least mine, it seems.

"Bella, are you planning on bringing a date?"

I shift in my seat, uncomfortable with the question.

"Um, I... I don't know?"

"You don't think you and Jasper will still be together by then?" Rose asks, a raised eyebrow to punctuate her point.

I swallow thickly. "I don't… we aren't..." I glance around the room trying to find the words to say. Alice is giving me a questioning look, this being the first time she's really heard about me dating anyone.

"We aren't really together like that," I say because it's true. My feelings for Jasper, while nice, don't begin to erase the lager, overwhelming feelings I posses for Edward. Not that I can tell anyone at this table that.

"Who are you talking about?" Vera questions.

"Are you seeing someone? Why didn't you tell me?" Alice asks.

"I'm not, it's not... we aren't serious," I tell the table, hoping someone will listen to me. "We've only gone out a few times; I don't even know how I really feel about him."

Alice must be confused as to why I haven't mentioned a guy before now. We aren't the type of friends who share every little detail of our lives, but who were dating has always been something we've talked about. She is one of the few people who know my true feelings about my last boyfriend, as she helped me to move past it.

I give Alice an apologetic look, and she accepts it, but her narrowed eyes let me know we'll be talking about this later. _Awesome_.

"You mean you don't know Alice?" Rose wonders patronizingly.

"No, Bella hasn't told me yet," Alice says sharply, a small flare of anger in her eyes as she responds.

"Oh, well. I just assumed since you are such good friends, she would have mentioned Jasper to you," Rose says in a haughty tone.

"Rose," I try to stop her.

"What? I'm only saying I thought she'd know by now. I mean, you have been seeing him for a few weeks and after all, you had such a crush on him in high school. I figured you'd be telling everyone about finally getting a chance to date him."

Her statement is offensive, not only to my friendship with Alice but also to me. And it brings to the forefront the issue Jasper mentioned on our first date. My temper is a thin string, ready to snap at a moment's notice, which must be why my abhorrence to confrontation is lacking at the moment because I open my mouth and speak.

"You know, I've actually got a question for you about high school Rose," I began, keeping my eyes locked on hers. "Jasper mentioned that he actually had a crush on me back then."

I pause, gauging her reaction. She remains neutral except for a small flicker of shock in her eyes. If I hadn't been watching her so intently, I would have missed it. But I didn't so I go on, knowing she is hiding something.

"He actually told me he asked you about me once," I tell her. She takes a sip from her wine glass, breaking the eye contact we've held as I speak. "But for some reason, he said you told him I didn't like him."

"Seriously?" Alice interjects but I ignore her. This is between Rose and me.

Rose puts her glass down and gives me a sympathetic look. "Oh Bella," she sighs. "Do you really believe that?"

I shrug, giving a non answer since she hasn't answered mine.

"Honey, I think he is remembering things a little differently than how they actually played out," Rose tells me in a gentle tone, like she is trying to soften the blow.

"He did talk to me in school, but it was…" Rose releases another sigh as she looks at me with pity filled eyes. I don't understand it, but wish she would tell me whatever it is already.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" she asks. I nod, because I really do. I want to know what she's going to say. _And if I'll believe it._

"He asked me out," she finally admits, her hand reaching over to take mine. I pull mine back it into my lap quickly, not wanting her touch.

"What?"

"I didn't want to ever tell you this," she goes on. "But yeah, he talked to me in high school. And he asked me out junior year, right before spring break. But I turned him down because I knew you liked him," she says emphatically.

"Are you serious?"

She nods, her hazel eyes full of remorse and pity.

"Why would he lie to Bella now, then?" Alice asks, breaking the tense silence that fell over the table.

Rose shrugs but doesn't speak.

"Maybe he didn't want Bella to feel bad because he liked Rosie better?" Vera suggests.

Alice scoffs but Rose replies before Alice can say anything.

"Maybe. But he was huge stoner in high school, he probably doesn't remember anything like it actually happened," she says with disgust.

"I bet that's it. Sorry, Bella," Vera tells me with little actual sympathy. "But I've heard pot can do that. Ronald says…"

Vera continues to talk about her newest boyfriend, but I ignore her inane chatter. I'm spinning Rose's words and actions in my mind instead, going over what she's told me and comparing it to Jasper's story.

Alice's hand briefly touches mine under the table, seeking to comfort me. "You okay?"

I look up and give her a reassuring smile because I'm not upset. At least not about what Rose has said.

Because I don't believe her.

She's lying. The words and tone were all right, all said exactly how they should be to make me believe her account, but I don't. The look in her eyes, something was off. I could see it there, buried behind a wall of pity. I've seen the look several times in our history and it makes me question all of it.

But Jasper, his hazel eyes held nothing but honesty and truth. He was sincere in his words, his bashful smile hiding nothing.

I'm lost in my thoughts, wondering if I should tell Rose I'm not buying her bullshit, but when I look at her, she seems to have already forgotten the whole issue. It's a non-blip on her radar, something inconsequential and meaningless.

Except that it's something else she can hold over me.

_Well, I've got news for you, sister. I'm done with that shit_.

"So are you going to continue seeing him?" Alice asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"God, Bella. Please don't," Rose interjects before I can say anything. "He clearly isn't good for you, if he's already lying. I think you'd be better off on your own than with another liar."

Vera nods her head vigorously in agreement. All eyes at the table are on me, waiting for my response. I look from Alice's questioning but concerned face, to the bobble head that is Vera, to Rose, whose expression is twisted in distaste at my apparent lack of self-preservation.

"You know, Rose, you're giving me fucking whiplash with your back and forth on Jasper," I finally say defensively.

Rose seems shocked but recovers quickly from my verbal jab. "I'm sorry; I was only trying to look out for you. If you remember, I didn't think dating him was a good idea in the first place," she says. "But you wanted to and you seemed happy so I kept my mouth shut."

I roll my eyes at her, she so did not keep her true feelings hidden.

"But I'm not going to do that now. Not when he is lying to you from the get go," she tells me, acting as if she's doing me a great service.

We both know that isn't the case, but I don't feel like having this out in a crowded restaurant. I'm not going to let it go, not when it seems to be just the tip of the iceberg, but it can wait for now.

I've waited this long to find out the truth, what's a few more hours?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There we go! And while this would have been awesome to have happen, you can see that the Bella here had a little too much backbone for what needed to transpire in the story. But I did like the scene and thought you might as well… sort of a "if Bella was better" moment. ;)**

**Thanks for reading, I'll try and post another outtake/sidetake/futuretake soon!**


	30. Outtake 2

**This takes place roughly at the beginning of chapter 12. Keep in mind, this scene doesn't follow the previous 'sidetake'. It didn't make the cut for the chapter simply because it threw the pacing off, and didn't give the right feel for Rose- ie, made her more likeable. And we all loved to hate that witch. ;) **

**»-(¯`·.·´¯)-Outtake 2-(¯`·.·´¯)-«**

I've found myself thinking back over the many years of my friendship with Rosalie lately, and really taking a look at things. Has it always been so one-sided, were she was only taking and taking from me, never giving back?

I don't think so. She used to be the first one to stand up for me when others were pushing me around, or when I was upset she comforted me better than anyone.

As I straighten up around my apartment, I remember when Rose first started defending me. Being the daughter of the Chief of Police in small town had always forced me to be in the spotlight because everyone knew my father, and therefore my family. I never liked it, hiding behind my mother's legs when I was still small enough to do so. The older I got, the worse the shyness increased it seemed until I could only find comfort in my books.

Then Rose came and everything changed. She forced me out of my shell and made me do things I normally would have been scared to do. She pulled me off of the porch and onto a bike, which I'd had in the shed next to my house for over a year but was to afraid to ride because I was sure I'd fall off and break something. I did, in fact, break my wrist but Rose was right beside me, helping me up and getting me taken care of. She was also the first to sign the bright pink cast, and my biggest cheerleader when I finally mastered riding. She wouldn't let me quit.

When we got into high school and all the other girls started to develop but my body stalled out, Rose kept them from picking on me in gym.

_We were in the locker rooms changing for volleyball when Leah Clearwater walked in. She was a senior who'd waited to take P.E. until her final year, and was forced to be around us lower classman, a situation no one was fond of but we all sucked it up._

_Leah moved over to the row of lockers I stood in front of, and I turned my body to shield myself while I pulled my athletic shirt over my head. I was really pale and small breasted compared to everyone else, and I didn't want anyone to see my body._

_Unfortunately, Leah did. _

"_Holy shit, Swan, ever heard of self-tanner? You could blind someone with all that white skin," she snorted._

_I curled into my little corner, hoping if I ignored her she would leave me alone. I didn't know why she disliked me so much, but I suspect it had something to do with her little brother Seth who I'd caught staring at me a few times. Not that I liked him, he's nice but I didn't feel that way about him._

"_Jeezus, are those your tits or misquote bites?" Leah cackled. "Have you even had your period yet?"_

"_Back off, Leah," Rose said sharply, stepping over to stand in front of me. "She doesn't need any of your crap."_

_I was relieved to see her, though I wished she wouldn't get involved. I just wanted to change, and get into the gym so another form of humiliation could start (at least then it would've be under a teacher's watchful eye)._

"_If she's got a problem, she can say it, Hale." Leah and Rose were standing close, threatening looks passing between them both. "I'm just pointing out what every guy in Forks already knows. That little ugly duckling will never be a swan," she sneered._

_I cringed at her words, feeling them cut deeply into my fragile fourteen year old ego. Rose laughed humorlessly, and moved closer to Leah. I looked around and noticed all the girls were watching the altercation with wide eyes and bated breath._

"_Funny you mention fairytales," Rose said lowly. "Considering you look like a big bad wolf. Might want to wax that upper lip a little better next time," she shot back icily._

_The locker room busted into laughter at Rose's scathing remark, and Leah looked mad enough to spit nails. "Watch yourself, Rosalie. Just because everyone else tip-toes around you because your daddy's gone doesn't mean I will."_

_The look of anger and hurt on Rose's face was like nothing I'd ever seen. Her father was a highly sensitive subject for her. It had only been a few months since he'd run off with Fork's mayor, leaving her and her sick mother behind, and no one brought it up, understanding how painful it was for her._

_Rose's hazel eyes blazed with heat and she seemed moments away from hauling off and hitting Leah, but luckily Coach Hernandez came in to see what was keeping everyone. Rose and Leah broke apart quickly when the burly woman approached them to defuse the tension._

"_You didn't have to do that," I whispered to Rose as we walked out to the gym floor. "I would have been fine."_

_Rose shook her head and gave me a wry grin. "No one talks about my best friend that way," she said. "Besides, who wants to be a 'woman' anyway?" She teased me. "It's a pain in the ass, I promise. All those cramps and bloating, not to mention the tampons..." _

"_Alright! Alright, I get it. I don't want to hear anymore," I pushed her shoulder to get her to stop._

_Rose laughed and smiled at me. "And what the hell does Leah know anyway? I think her boyfriend Sam is only with her because he secretly likes boys and she is close enough," she winked at me._

The memory of Rose defending me still gives me a rush of warm feelings for my friend. She didn't just stand up to my bullies for me; she made me feel better about myself in the process.I don't know what I would have done without her when my father passed, either.

She was my rock during that difficult time, always supporting me and loving me when things got to be too much. I don't know if it was because she had lost her on father, albeit in a very different but still permanent way, ten years before but no one was able to help me overcome what seemed like crippling despair as well as she did. My mother was in her own world of pain and hurt at the sudden departure of her husband and while we struggled with his death, losing a father and losing a lover weren't the same.

Even though Charlie had been a second father to her for many years by the time he died, she still put my needs above her own. She let me cry, she let me rage, she got me to eat and laugh when no one else could. She nursed me back from the edge with kind words, tight hugs and sharing happy memories. When I was ready to give up the idea of going to med school so I might stay and take care of Renee, Rose gave me the needed kick in the ass to get myself together and make Charlie proud by following my dream.

Thinking of my father brings a wistful nostalgia and I decide to call my mother before I get on with the rest of my afternoon plans.

Three rings later and I hear her warm voice.

"Hi baby girl," she answers and I hear her smile. "How's it going?"

I don't want to upset her by bring up my father's death, which I know she still sensitive to at times so I go with another true, albeit different reason for calling altogether. "Hi Mom. Things are good, I was just missing you."

A laugh filters over the line. "Well, I miss you too sweetie. You know you can fix that with a visit right?"

Her teasing is meant to be harmless, but I do feel a little guilty I haven't seen her in so long. "I know, Mom, I've just been so busy lately. But I promise I'll try to come see you soon," I tell her, meaning it.

"I guess that's all I can ask for then," she playfully responds. "So tell me. How are things going with the guy you've been seeing?"

Of course, she jumps right in to my love life. _Shocking_.

I laugh under my breath though, I knew I was risking having this happen when I called.

"It's going well," I say and then pause, wondering if she could maybe give me some insight into my high school years. "Can I ask you a question?"

She quickly agrees and I go on. "Do you remember me talking about Jasper in high school?"

She thinks for a minute, silence between us but I let her gather her thoughts. "I think so… Was he the blond guy who liked to follow you around all the time?"

"What? No, what the hell are you talking about?" I ask incredulously, no idea what she is going on about.

"You know the kid I mean… your dad found him hiding in the tree outside your room once when you were at Rose's…" I'm wide eyed and shocked by her story. _There was a guy stalking me in high school? I never knew this!_ "His was kind scrawny, blue eyes and had an odd scar on his neck, like a moon shape... I think his name was Johnny or James..."

"James Andrews? Is that who you're talking about?" I ask, finally slipping the pieces into place with her descriptions. _That guy was a total creep_. I shiver at the idea of him being interested in me.

"Yes! That was his name. Weird kid, that one. That isn't who you're dating now right?"

"No, Mom. _No_. I'm dating Jasper, my chemistry partner? Brown hair, hazel eyes? He moved from Texas with his mom freshman year?"

"Oh yeah! I remember him," she agrees and I sigh with relief. "He was so handsome back then. Is he still a cutie?"

"Yes, he's still cute," I relax and smile at her gossipy tone. "I actually wondered if you remembered him every showing any..." I stubble over my words feeling anxious about this topic. "I don't know, feelings for me? Like, could you tell if he, ya know… liked me back then?"

"Oh gosh, baby, I really don't remember," she tells me. "But Rose might. I'm sure she would know if he liked you then, she always watched out for you when it came to boys."

My shoulders slump with her answer, it won't help me. If anything, it makes my confrontation with Rosalie even more imminent.

I sigh. "Alright, I'll ask her, I guess."

"Good. Now, I want you to tell me all about the dates he's been taking you on," she gushes.

Laughing, I tell her the things we've done and we talk about a few of her activities around Forks as well before I realize it's almost three and I am supposed to meet Alice for coffee shortly. I end the call with my mom with another promise to visit her soon, be it in Forks or New York as she hastily added to the arrangement, and then set about getting my things to leave.

As I set off for the subway, I have a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. Things have been off lately with Rose, but it only takes memories like the one I had earlier to remind me why we've been friends so long.

I can't turn my back on that much history, even if we aren't as close anymore. Maybe a little time to get through the rough patch is all we need.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! **


	31. Outtake 3

**This was the outtake I offered up for the Fandom for Texas Wildfire Relief compilation. For those of you who donated and already received this: first thank you for supporting a worthy cause, and second- nothing here has been changed from that submission, so read only if you want too. **

**For everyone else, this takes places after Bella and Edward have their first night together (chapter 9).**

**Edward POV:**

The room is dark, and I try to keep from making any noise as I shuffle around, removing my scrub top as I walk on soundless feet to the ensuite bathroom.

Once I've closed the door with a near silent click, I flip on the light switch, and wince as the harsh bulbs burn my retinas with their blinding light. Blinking, I walk to the shower and turn the dials, attempting to find a perfect temperature. Once I'm satisfied, steam billowing out in soft waves, I step back and pull the wrinkled scrub pants down my legs, red boxer briefs in tow.

I keep my eyes averted from the mirror above sink as I give my teeth a quick brush, not wanting to see the man staring back at me. I'm afraid he would be someone unrecognizable to me tonight.

Someone disgusting.

Pathetic.

Desperate.

Guilty.

Shameful.

Defeated.

A quick rinse and spit, I move back to the shower and step in, letting the hot water run over my shoulders, back, and chest. It feels good, the muscles loosening and relaxing from the heavy pounding of water as I roll my shoulders and twist my back before tipping my head down into the spray.

My hands find the tiles and I brace myself there, wishing the mangled thoughts in my brain could be washed down the drain as easily as the water, since I'm having a fuck-all time of figuring the mess out.

I can't believe this is how things have turned out; never thought I would be what I am now.

A cheater.

I cheated on my fiancée.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath, disgusted with the way the words taste on my tongue, and unable to bring myself to even same them out loud, though they still remain true.

I have never been one of those men who could use a woman for physical pleasure, and then toss her aside after I'd gotten mine. Sex was more to me than just an act, it meant something. It meant there was a connection between me and my partner, an expression of our feelings for one another. It wasn't something I'd ever taken lightly, and still don't.

I'd never been tempted to cheat before either, never felt the urge. I've always prided myself on being the type of man who would end a relationship before letting something let that happen.

I never wanted to hurt someone I cared about in that way, not when ending things, though possibly painful, could save them from feeling betrayed.

But after last night, I can't claim to be that good guy anymore.

Because I cheated. And the worst part is knowing I'd do it again.

With Bella, I'd do it all over again.

And that was the problem, isn't it? I never could get past my feelings for that infuriating, confusing, mistrusting, sweet, kind, caring, selfless woman.

Sure, I'd tried to stuff them down over the past few years, moved on when it was clear she wasn't interested. But even then, I'd kept her close. Did my best to stay within arm's length of her, on the edge of friendship.

Hell, it's why I started dating Rosalie in the first place. I wanted to be in Bella's life, in any way possible. And as stupid as I could see it was now, I figured dating her best friend would be the way to do it.

Of course I never figured things would get this far with Rose. Three years into a relationship, sharing an apartment with plans to spend our life together- ring on her finger and all, was never part of my bullshit idea.

Hell, dating Rose was never really my goal to begin with, but the night I'd planned to spill my feelings to Bella, everything got turned upside down and inside out, and before I'd even known what hit me, Rose was there, pushing her way into my life with Bella encouraging it, or so it seemed.

I'll never forget that night, and how it radically changed every plan I'd made. How I went from feeling like I was finally getting my chance to have the girl of my dreams, to watching her slip out of my hands as she pushed me into the arms of her friend instead.

I close my eyes and let the memory of that fateful night drift to the forefront of my mind as the water continues to pour around me.

_The hospital was hosting a Halloween party at a bar in Greenwich for all the med students and interns, and though I hated having to dress up for these stupid things, I was here. I only agreed to come to this damn thing because Bella begged me._

_She promised it would be a good time, that she had something she wanted to talk to me about._

_That was all I'd needed to hear. Finally, after crushing on this girl for the past two years, we were going to talk._

_Bella and I meet on the first official day of lectures for med school and I had been instantly taken with her. Not that I could do anything about it at the time since I was in a relationship with Savannah, my college sweetheart. But there was something about Bella, her messy pony tail, the over-flowing, tattered messenger bag she carried around like a shield and the thick, black frame glasses she hid her beautiful brown eyes behind that reeled me in, even then._

_She'd first had problems getting into the building with her access card and then her laptop died half-way through lecture that day. I'd already helped her into the building earlier, and when I'd seen her frustration with the laptop, I offered her mine, even though it meant I'd be behind. I wasn't too worried because it was only the first day, and since I'd been raised a gentleman, I made a joke about having a photographic memory and urged her to use mine._

_After that day, we'd become fast friends and study partners. She was so smart, albeit a little klutzy and forgetful when it came to the day to day things. But she could hold her own with the material; challenge me to be a better student even though it came easily to me. She'd wrinkle her little nose and scrunch her eyes behind those glasses, giving me a look of condescension when I was working half assed._

_I found myself thinking more often of her during the days and nights, even when we weren't together, than I was of my girlfriend. It didn't help that Savannah had gone back to Georgia for graduate school and I was in New York, the distance putting a heavy strain on our relationship._

_And when things were so carefree and easy with Bella, it all ended up being too much. Savannah and I mutually broke up about four months ago and I'd been taking it easy since then, trying to gauge Bella's feelings for me, if she had any at all._

_She was hard to pin, a little question mark on a blank page outside of class. Some days I'd catch her looking at me with longing eyes and a soft smile, quickly followed by her sweet blush when she realized I'd caught her. Then other days, it was if I was a brick wall, an obstacle she needed to get around to get down her path in life, a nuisance and an annoyance._

_I fucking hated those days._

_But lately, she'd had a spring in her step and a smile on her face whenever she'd see me. I think it had to do with a conversation we'd had recently after a study session in the library. She'd stopped wearing her glasses, opting for contacts instead. And though I'd miss the unique frames that were so Bella, I loved having nothing between her soulful eyes and mine. _

_She'd turned three shades of red and back after I'd complimented her, telling me I shouldn't say such things when I had a girl of my own. After I'd told her about the recent spilt, she seemed crestfallen for a few seconds before a blank mask slipped on. She worried I was upset, so like her, and after I reassured her that although I'd loved Savannah, it just wasn't meant to be, Bella perked up. _

_That's when she'd told me about this damn party and insisted I come. I couldn't refuse her, the hopeful spark in her eye or the bashful smile on her full lips. I'd do anything for this girl._

_So now I'm waiting for her to arrive, nervously pulling at the tie around my neck and adjusting the dark fedora on my head, the trench coats' collar flipped up in the back. Bella once mentioned a love of classic movies, and I couldn't resist dressing up as one of the most iconic characters in classic film tonight, hoping she'd understand I'd done it for her, and what it could mean for the future._

_Our future, hopefully._

_I'm sipping a cup of fruit punch (not spiked, sadly) when the current in the room shifts, the energy all seeming to divert and accumulate in the area behind me. I know what that means, the signal a now familiar tingling in my gut. _

_Bella's here._

_I turn towards the door of the bar, my body freezing and breath halting once I see her. _

_She's perfect, standing in the door frame with the city lights glowing softly behind her, highlighting the slim curves and dips of her frame. I gulp, my gaze never faltering from taking her in._

_Where so many women use this 'holiday' for an excuse to dress slutty, putting on display all the private bits of themselves for anyone to see in a misguided belief it makes them sexy, Bella has taken a different approach. She's wearing a long, black ball gown that hugs her body perfectly, though as she makes her way towards me I can see a long slit is cut up the side, showcasing her toned, creamy thigh as she glides across the floor in her heels. Long black gloves up to her elbows tuck the curled mess of dark brown locks behind her ears, though they fall free along her shoulders soon after. Her face is radiant, simple make-up except for the painted red lips, which are stretched into a wide smile as she comes to stand before me._

_Fucking gorgeous. _

"_Fancy seeing a gentleman like you here," she teases, the sparkle in her deep brown eyes pulling a smile from me._

"_And you, dear Gilda," I say, giving her a wink as I take her hand and place a kiss on her gloved knuckles. As if I wouldn't know that fictional beauty's look anywhere. Red wasn't the only one who liked "that shit she does with her hair." _

"_You know!" Bella beams, "No one else has had a clue!" _

"_That's a shame; you are as inspiring and stunning as Rita Hayworth ever was."_

_The blush I love so much flushes her cheeks, and she ducks her chin, a smile still visible though she's trying to hide it. "Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

"_So who are you posing as tonight?" she questions a few moments later, looking at me from head to toe. I can't help but puff up my chest and hope she likes what she's seeing._

"_You don't want to guess?" _

"_Hmm…" she murmurs, tapping her finger against her chin playfully. "Well, I know this isn't what Luke Skywalker wears, so I'm guessing Star Wars is out…"_

_It's my turn to feel embarrassed, having recently shared my passion for those films with Bella during that same study session break we talked about her favorite movies. We'd been swapping stories of some of our favorite childhood memories and I told her about how special I'd felt when my father took the time out of his busy schedule to watch them with me. It was one of the rare times we spent just he and I, no pressure and obligations other than to enjoy each other. And that was why I'd dressed up as the lead character for Halloween several years afterwards, which I'd told Bella about._

"_No, no Star Wars costume this year," I agree. _

"_Well then… maybe Superman?" she guesses, scrunching her nose up. _

_I laugh and shake my head. "I'm not wearing a cape, Bella."_

"_I know, I thought maybe you were posing as Clark Kent…" _

"_Without glasses?"_

_She shrugs dismissively, and studies me harder, her forehead crinkling in concentration. I decide to give her a break and offer a small clue. Leaning in close, I use my hand to lift her chin and give her an intense look before gruffly speaking. _

"_Here's looking at you, kid."_

_Bella's eyes flash up to mine, wide with surprise and delight as she gasps. "Rick Blaine!"_

_I laugh, releasing her face and nodding. _

"_Wow," I hear her softly say, and though I think it was intended to go unnoticed, it doesn't. And it makes my heart fucking swell in my chest knowing she likes what she's seeing. Which is perfect, since it is all for her anyway._

"_So Miss Gilda," I say, taking her arm. "Shall we find a seat and have a drink?" _

_Grinning, Bella nods. "Yes, Rick darling, that's a wonderful idea. Lead the way."_

_Laughing, arms linked, we maneuver our way around the small crowd and to a booth in the back. I offer to grab her a glass of punch, and then we spend some time catching up on each other's week. We've been in different rotations at the hospital for our clinicals, and haven't gotten to speak with each other as much as usual. It's wonderful to hear her talk about her experiences though, the passion and love she has for her work clear in her eyes and animated expressions. _

_It's so easy to let the rest of the world fade away when Bella and I are talking, getting lost in each other's stories and hospital adventures. I've never had a similar experience with another woman, and it proves to me even more how right things could be between us. How could it not, when she's the most important thing in my world? So much so that everything else ceases to exist in her presence?_

_I'm not sure I can hold back from telling her how I feel, about the overwhelming need I have to hold her each night, kiss her awake each morning, fix her lunch so I know she's eating, and offer to comfort her when she loses a patient. I want to know what it feels like to have every inch of her skin pressed against mine, to hear the sighs and moans she makes when in the depths of her pleasure, see the look of ecstasy on her face when I push her over the edge of desire._

"_So Edward," Bella says, pulling me back from my thoughts. "I wanted to talk with you about something," she begins, nervously chewing on her lip. _

_This is it. We're finally going to lay the cards out there. I only hope lady luck favors me tonight._

"_Of course, Bella. You can talk to me about anything, I hope you know that." I reach for her hand, cradling it in mine and though the satin is nice, I wish it was her warm skin I was touching._

"_Well... I'm not sure… it's just that…" she huffs, annoyed with herself for being unable to get out what she wants to say. I smile softly, brushing my fingers against her palm and wait for her to find her words. "Edward, I need to confess something."_

_I give her a crooked smile, hoping it will ease her fears. "Okay, I'm listening."_

_Taking a deep breath before exhaling, Bella opens her mouth to begin. "You know you are one of my best friends here in the City, right?" Pausing for my answer, Bella goes on when I nod. "And, well… I just hated seeing how unhappy you were with Savannah, and I'm so glad she's gone now," Bella rushes, her cheeks filling with color at the sharp tone in her voice when she speaks about my ex but she quickly goes on, not letting me cut in. "Because when you're happy, I'm happy. And you've done so much for me since we met, helping me with school and always saying and doing nice things for me."_

"_That's because you deserve them," I break up her rambling, not letting her downplay her worth as she is known to do. _

_Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head and goes on. "Yes, well… I just want you to know that I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. You … you mean so much to me. Probably more than you should. And I know I'm not the most beautiful girl or anything, but I just… Edward, you're so wonderful and I can't help…"_

_I don't need to hear more, I take that little bit of hope she's just given me and decide to run with it. I'm going to tell her everything, right now and pray I haven't read this wrong._

"_Bella, I—"_

"_Bella! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you," a grating male voice calls, cutting me off. Mike Newton._

_Resident prick and know-it-all. What the fuck is he doing here? And more importantly why the hell does he have his arm over my Bella?_

"_I've missed you, babe," Newton says before attempting to kiss Bella's mouth but she moves, leaving him with her cheek instead._

_I'm shocked by the display, my mouth falling open and my body going slack. Bella's hand falls from mine and she shrinks back into her seat, her eyes seeming to be shocked and desperate as she looks at me. But I don't know what she's getting at or what she's attempting to tell me because I'm to lost in the haze of jealous green and confused gray that's swirling around me._

"_Hey Cullen," Newton acknowledges me, though it's clear he is less than pleased to see me. "I appreciate you keeping my girl company but I can take it from here," he dismisses me._

_What the ever loving fuck?_

_How is this possible? Wasn't she trying to tell me she had feelings for me? I was so sure…_

"_Mike, don't be rude," Bella chastises him, attempting to put distance between their bodies, but failing since Mike has such a strong hold on her shoulders. "I think I need a new drink, would you...?"_

"_Damn, Bella. Already ordering me around, huh? Well, I guess this is the only time you can, since I'm in charge everywhere else," he gives her a lascivious wink and it makes my stomach revolt. Mike laughs and squeezes Bella close, whispering something in her ear that makes her cheeks flush, and my stomach rolls again before he leaves the booth._

"_Bella?" I question after the creature is gone._

"_Edward, I don't… this isn't what it looks like," she begins, her eyes frantically searching mine for understanding. I don't have any though, because I'm thoroughly confused._

"_Tell me what it is then," I demand. My pride is really taking a hit here, especially when I was seconds away from spilling my heart out to her._

"_Edward, I didn't know Mike was coming and I didn't know you'd be… I never thought," she rambles._

"_Are you dating him?" I ask her, unable to wait for her to make her point._

"_Yes, no.. I don't know."_

"_It's not hard to know," I close my eyes and lean my head back, blown away by her response. I can't believe I've missed my chance with her. "Your resident, Bella? Really? Shit." My anger is flaring, and I can't hold it back. _

_I'm angry she is being so reckless with her career and education. And because if she's with Mike, then she can't be with me._

"_Edward, no! It wasn't like that, isn't like that. It was just a few dinners, and I didn't know about you, but now I do and I—"_

"_Bellsie!"_

"_Fuck!" Bella groans, her frantic explanation crashing to a halt. My eyes snap up to her. She's slumped over in defeat, her shoulders folding in and her hands covering her head briefly. I want to reach out and touch her, offer her some comfort but I'm still so surprised and confused that she is dating her resident, I don't._

"_Bellsie, I've been calling you all night! Why haven't you been answering?" a blonde woman asks, her hands on her hips as she comes to a stop at our booth. I've never seen the woman before, and I'm sure I would remember._

_She attractive, I have to admit, but in a rather obvious and trying sort of way. Long legs encased in fishnet stockings, a slim waist, and huge tits (which are probably not real) barely covered by the black corset-style costume she's wearing. She's got a nice face, full pink lips, a straight nose and hazel brown eyes all painted in heavy make-up. Her long blonde hair curls over her shoulders, with bunny ears resting on top. She is the epitome of the Playboy Bunny and many a man's sexy fantasy, but I'm not interested._

_I prefer brunettes._

_One particular brunette who is currently avoiding my eyes, and no longer smiling the happy, carefree smile from a short while ago. Before Mike showed up and this night took a sharp turn into Fucked-upville._

"_Hey Rose," Bella greets the blonde, and I can hear the defeat in her voice. "I'm sorry I missed your calls, I've just been chatting with Edward."_

_Rose, who I know is Bella's best friend from back home and new to New York, turns to me. She eyes me carefully, smirking as she takes me in and I can't help but worry over the lustful gleam in her eyes._

"_So this is Eddie, huh?" Rose says to Bella, but never takes her eyes off of me. "He is sexy, Bellsie, you're right."_

_I look past Rose to Bella and find her blushing. I can't help but give her my crooked smile, the one only she brings out. "You think I'm sexy?" I tease, forgetting everything else for a moment._

"_Of course she does, Eddie," Rose jumps in, not letting Bella speak. "Why else would she spend so much time with you?" She laughs and plops down beside me, her thigh pressed close to mine. "Now the question is, do you think the same of our fair Bella?"_

_Seeing an opportunity to maybe have things turn around, I quickly agree. "She's gorgeous."_

_Bella's blush deepens and she tucks her head into her chest before looking back up to me, a small but happy smile on her face. "Thank you."_

"_See! I told you, Bella. Men think you're hot. You've just got to work it, girl."_

"_Whatever you say, Rose," Bella flippantly replies._

_It's that moment Mike shows back up, drinks in hand. He slides in beside Bella, dropping her cup in front of her without a word once he sees Rose beside me. "Well, who is this sexy thing?" _

"_Rosalie Hale. And you are?" Rose asks, eyebrow arched high._

"_Mike Newton, Chief Resident at Morgan Stanley, and Bella's boyfriend."_

"_Boyfriend? Really?" Rose asks, surprised as she looks between Bella and me. Yeah, I'm still shocked too, Rose. "Well, that's news to me."_

_Bella and Rose then have some sort of silent girls only conversation, sharp looks and raising eyebrows followed by pursed lips and ticks of jaws before it seems to be resolved. I'm still shocked at Mike's claims of being Bella's boyfriend to try to decipher them._

"_Well, I guess that leaves you and me to entertain each other, Eddie," Rose chirps, her hand clasping my forearm._

"_It's Edward."_

"_Psssh.. Edward is so uptight and boring. Eddie is more fun, and you look like you could use some fun in your life," Rose explains, her smile wide and playful. I glance at Bella who is watching our interaction with interest, at least until Mike pulls her face to him and attacks her mouth with his. It's more than I can bare and so I turn back to Rose, giving her my full attention._

"_I do, huh? What can of fun do you think I need?" I ask with a smile._

"_Oh, I'd say the kind only a woman like me can provide," she flirts, batting her eyelashes. A quick peak across the table shows me Bella is watching, a hurt look on her face that makes me feel guilty, so I ease back a little on the flirtation._

_The four of us spend the next hour chatting and joking around, though I'm doing my best to hold back from punching Mike each time he touches Bella. Rose is doing a decent job of distracting me, though I'm not really interested. The weight on my chest lightens considerable when Mike gets paged and has to leave for work, leaving me with the two beautiful women. _

"_This party is lame, let's go have an adventure!" Rose exclaims some time later, tugging on my arm. _

"_I don't think I'm up for staying out much longer," Bella says._

"_Oh come on, Bellsie! Don't be a stick in the mud. This is New York- the city that never sleeps! We've got to live it up while we can," Rose shouts, smile wide and infectious. She really is a fun girl from what I've seen so far tonight._

"_No, I don't think so." Bella declines politely._

"_Fine, then Eddie will go with me, won't you Eddie?" _

_I don't really feel like doing anything else tonight, but going home to an empty apartment doesn't sound much better. Still, I'd rather stay here and finish having that conversation with Bella from before, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen as she is gathering her things to leave._

"_I guess I could…"_

"_Great! It's settled."_

"_Alright, well… you two have fun," Bella mumbles, standing up and heading towards the exit. Her face is a blank mask with a forced smile that Rose doesn't seem to notice but I do. Once Bella has stepped outside, I decided I can't let her leave with things like they are between us._

"_Rose, I'm just going to make sure Bella catches a cab," I quickly tell her, not waiting for a response before rushing outside._

_Once I'm outside, I spot Bella climbing into a cab and rush over, grabbing the door and holding it open. _

"_Bella," I pant, slightly out of breath. "Are you sure you won't come with us? I'd really like to talk some more."_

_Bella looks at me, a thousand different emotions shimmering in her dark eyes, her lips firmly griped by her teeth. "What else is there to say, Edward?"_

_What else? How about the million silent things we've left unspoken between us? How about how I want you with me tonight, not Rose? I don't want to spend a night out in New York with your friend when I could be snuggled up beside you in my bed instead._

_I can't manage to say any of those things though, only stutter out a few words._

"_I…you... there's…"_

"_Don't worry about it, Edward. Go and have fun with Rose. She's a great girl," she says, her eyes giving nothing away. "I'm sure you'll love her."_

"_Yeah, she is great but you could go with us, Bella. You'd make it more fun." _

_Bella just smiles half-heartdly, already seeming resigned to something I don't know about. "No, I'm just going to go sleep, rest up for my rotations tomorrow. You and Rose enjoy your night, though."_

_I wait, hoping she'll see how much I don't want to go without her, but Bella continues to ignore my pleading eyes. Sighing, I ask one more time._

"_Bella, are you sure?" _

"_I'm sure. Go have fun with Rose, Edward and be happy." With that, she closes the door and the cab drives away._

The memory of that night is vivid, still stinging with the rejection I felt. Now, the pain is doubled when I think of the rejection from this morning at Bella's hand.

God, how I wanted her to tell me to stop that night, not go with Rose. That it was her I should have been with, that she didn't want Mike but me. Instead, she pushed me to go out with Rose, 'have fun and be happy.' And when I'd seen Bella next, she'd seemed overjoyed that Rose and I had a good time together, excited I might be dating her best friend.

Shortly after that was when my fucked up plan came about. If I couldn't have Bella, I'd settle for having her in my life somehow. Rose was the easiest avenue to that end, so I took it. I never expected things to get this far, though I have really grown to love Rose. Maybe not with my whole heart, but I do love her. Though I've noticed a few changes in her personality since we got engaged, she's still my fiancée and deserves to be treated as such. She shouldn't have to question my feelings for her, or my faithfulness.

She never would have a reason to, before last night.

But honestly, if last night proved anything, it's that I don't love Rose nearly half as much as I love Bella.

A shudder runs down my body with that realization, and I chalk it up to the cooling temperature. I hustle through the rest of my shower routine, and then I reach over and twist the shower dial, turning the water off before I step out, and grab a white towel of the rack. After I give myself a quick dry, I wrap the towel around my waist and walk back into the bedroom.

It's still dark and oddly, quiet. My mind was so preoccupied with thoughts of my night with Bella, worries of the future colliding with memories of the past that I hadn't noticed I didn't hear Rosalie's snoring.

Not that she'd ever admit to it (too indelicate for her), but the woman has a snoring problem. It's not like a chainsaw or freight train, but it's distinct enough that I had trouble sleeping those first few months of our relationship. It took some adjusting for me to ignore it, but it seems now I'm so use to it, I can just tune it out. But as I step closer to the bed, I see the covers are still tucked tightly, pillows unmoved from when I made the bed last.

Hmm, I wonder where she is. It's not unusual for me to stay a night at the hospital for my on call duties, but I've never noticed Rose being gone so much before like she has the last few weeks.

Shrugging, I figure it must be the new promotion she got at work keeping her away. She may have decided to stay with Vera after a late night at the office, or for an early weekend shopping trip. That has been known to happen.

I'm actually grateful for the reprieve, not wanting to have to face her after my mind has been caught up in memories of Bella's body all day. It didn't take any convincing on my part to have Rose believe I was at the hospital last night when I called her this morning, and I should feel worse for lying to her about my whereabouts than I do.

But if last night was the only night I'll ever get with Bella, a woman I've wanted for the past five years, then I'll take it.

I do feel guilty about cheating, but as I toss my towel, pull back the covers of the bed and slip in naked, I can't find it in myself to regret it.

Even though it breaks my heart to known she did, I never will.

**A/N: I hope to have at least 1 or 2 more outtakes: a futuretake of Daddyward and a possible Rose POV. If you're interested, don't take me/TH&TH off alert just yet. ;) And as always, thanks for reading!**


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